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Hello Friends Welcome!
Part-3 Sheps Recovery The First Few Months of My Recovery
Well! Just go back a little tiny bit!
In about the spring time of 2008,
I become interested because I had a website "Spirit Speaks"
and I decided I wanted to update that.
and I had in 2007 made about thirty videos that I put on YouTube.
But anyway I decided I wanted to revamp my website
and get it modern and proper coding and everything.
So I started to learn to do that
and it become quite an obsession to me in the end!
But anyway we were in the autumn of 2008.
Now I had started applying, in 2007 I think it was,
in the autumn of 2007, I started applying for council housing.
I am in a council house now.
But at that time I was in a homeless hostel and I had been the eleven or twelve years.
So!
Time went on
and the next thing that happened, that made me think,
my destiny had reinitiated, had started again!
Was that!
They gave me nightmares since I was awoken,
every single night!
Now I stopped dreaming when I was eleven years old, before that probably, nine ten years old.
Because my mother was in hospital and she has cancer
and I was having nightmares every night
and I have never dreamt since then!
And still have not!
But they can wake you up with this equipment.
Your brain up inside your sleeping body and that is weird!
Because they can get you conscious basically!
And the put amnesia to stop you knowing you in a nightmare they are doing, creating
and they give you a nightmare
and it is like the real thing, its reality! In your sleep!
But um, its not nice!
So they were still doing these things to me.
Now they were every morning. I have short term memory loss.
I woke up and I was traumatised by it!
You know they woke me up at night as well, during the night I was traumatised as well.
But when I woke up, I had to set my mind to erasing, forgetting what they had just done to me!
and been doing that for many years!
and I was quite good at it, because I have short term memory loss.
I found I was. It took me half an hour, to get back to normal.
Over the trauma of what they done to me.
Because they were horrendous touchiers they did to me in those dream states!
So!
Anyway it was about October of 2008!
And the dreams the reality dreams, the livid dreams, they stopped!!!
and just went like a normal dream.
They were still doing it, but it was just like a normal dream!
It hardly troubled me at all, because it was not like reality!
It was like, almost viewing a dream, by looking onto it, rather than being a part of it!
So I did not know why that had stopped
But it went on for about three weeks
and then I knew Father God had stopped them from doing that to me!
and I could not think why!
Why would he stop them doing.
That's about the easiest thing I can deal with, compared to the rest of the stuff they are doing to me!
But that's really, greatly one of the reasons why he did it.
But now I have realised, he did it because!
It was the thing, I had no control over, because I am asleep!
Whereas when I am awake and they attack me.
Of course I am conscious of that!
and have abilities, to try to cope with that, by my own mechanism.
Whereas when I am asleep,
they were just, able to do, whatever they liked to my mind!
Put me through any scenario they wanted!
and I had no control whatsoever over that!
So that is why Father God did it!
So that I would not have such horrific times!
Because obviously that would of apprehend me. Getting better if they were still doing those things to me right now!
Sop they have not been doing that livid since then.
Now time went on in 2008
But I was learning to build these websites
and I was doing it every hour of the day practically!
I was obsessed buy doing it
and these spirit were impulsing me
and waking me up at night and keeping me awake, with the stay awake beam!
and they were impulsing my brain to want to do something!
and they were putting seeds of through of things I needs to do, into my head!
So I had to get up and do something!
or I tried to go back to bed and had to get back up again!
and you know it was becoming an obsession!
and even spirit through a medium to me one day, said! You need to learn to unplug!
Which I was finding it, very hard to do!
But by this time, November 2008!
I thought well maybe I could do that from home,
if I become good enough at building websites.
I could do it as a job from home!
Because know with these spirit no way could ever I work!
Because they stop me anyway!
So I carried on doing that, learning.
So then in late November of 2008,
these spirit start putting horrendous, frustration in my mind.
Now I did not know it was them to start off with
and then they started a project a phenomena,
of just this equipment, constantly! None stop never stopped!
This frustration and it was starting to get to me, a little bit.
But then they started giving me really bad, anger as well, temper with it.
More temper than anger!
They were making me very temperamental as well!
and they were impulsing, frustration and temper onto me!
and that was making it hard for me to control myself!
Especially when I was getting difficulties building websites and stuff, learning to do it!
I was getting very frustrated and mildly lost my temper!
and then on top of that, they started making me feel extremely hostile!
So I had all three of these things being projected into my mind!
Into those parts of my mind and it was getting out of control!
I was finding it very hard to control that!
Now, in late 2007 Mind the Mental Health Charity!
Started taking our cause up,
those of us that were suffer what they said was mental illness
and you know I was mentally ill, of course I was through the attack!
So they has taken our cause up!
and I had been trying to get out of the hostel into some secure housing
and so Mind were helping out.
So that went on as it did!
And then at Christmas of 2008,
they gave me three weeks of absolute nightmarish depression impulsed onto my mind!
They stopped doing the other things, but impulsed this onto my mind!
and it was horrendous!!!
And I had to got to my sons for Christmas
and I was nothing but depressed and suicidal half the time!
But then in the new year that stopped.
and they just done the other ones again!
The frustration, hostility and temper, again to me!
and it was very hard!
and I lost my temper sometimes!
You know what I mean, I got very angry!
and you know not control myself when I got frustrated!
and they were impulsing all this into me.
Then in 2009, I felt I had improved quite a lot,
even though they were doing all these things to me to try to apprehend me getting better!
I was making, gradual step by step, occasionally quite a big step forward.
And then in 2009, I had been waiting a year since my banding had been increased.
Because Mind started in 2007!
and in February in 2008, they Mind the Charity got my banding increased,
from the lowest band to the highest priority banding, for housing, for a single person
and I never would of got it without their help!
So they are a mental health charity.
And then, I was applying ever two weeks online for bidding on council housing, if you wanted one.
So I kept doing that
and I held on, I wanted somewhere close to the town centre,
rather than anywhere out in the sticks more.
And then I say, in the late January early February.
I felt well enough and secure enough, because I was very insecure too.
To probably move out of the hostel.
And I turned to my spirit and said!
I think I have found enough integrity and that, to probably move out of here now!
and blow me down, two hours later the phone went ring ring!
I picked it up it was the council!
We have got a flat for you!!!
If you want it, come look at it, if you want to and you can have it!
So I did and you know, I got this flat!
So it is a beautiful flat, just what I was looking for!
Its one of the best flats in Bognor Regis.
And I know Father God had helped me in my destiny for Mind to help me.
And you know for the house I was living in the hostel,
to start going to the council meeting where they met Mind.
and also in 2008, I had applied for Disability Living Allowance,
which never applied for before.
But you know they said I was entitled to it and that it would not be taken away for me.
So I did and I got that and helped me to save up in the meantime.
Which helped me to furnish this place.
Because I did not really have a lot of saving and I was on benefits.
So it was greatly helpful to me.
You know Mind and the benefits!
And then, what they did just before I moved in for three weeks!
Before I moved in here on the 14th of February of 2009!
These spirit! kept me awake!
They have a stay awake beam,
you cannot go to sleep when they turn it on!
And they have to sleep too!
But they were just sleeping, most nights, one hour!
They were letting me sleep for one hour
and then they woke me up and kept me awake!
And I could not go to sleep!
And they.
Occasionally on the odd night they let me have two hours!
And then they would impulse me to go and do websites or something as well!
But I could not believe it!
You know three weeks of this went by and that is nowhere near enough sleep!
And my brain all the time they had it on constantly!
I felt like I was totally awake mentally!
And you know I was looking in the mirror
and my eyes were blood shot!
I looked tired!
I looked drained!
I physically felt tired!
But my brain was as awake as ever!
It was alert as ever!
And I thought Father God must be helping me to stay like that!
But was not it was just them on that stay awake beam!
And about a week, well about three days before I moved in here!
I was so fatigued, I was down stairs doing some ironing!
and I thought I cannot do this no more!
and they turned it off!
You know I said, I know its them doing it, keeping me awake!
And which I pretty much knew, but I knew for sure then.
And they turned it off and I just felt so mentally fatigued all of a sudden!
I just had to go upstairs. Go to bed, lay in bed and I slept for ages!
So that's what they were doing!
But, just before that!
A week before I moved in here!
That some big change happened in me!
That I had been shutting my subconscious mind out, all those years!
You know because I had to defend myself against it!
Because it was like big demon ganging up on me!
But I had got over some of them, so it was not quite as bad!
And then I realise, there was a part of my mind, that was like a hub!
In the subconscious!
It was like a hub for the subconscious mind!
And it was a very creative and the philosopher almost and the artist!
This part of the mind, I realised it was there
and it was deeply traumatised by what was happening to it!
Because I was looking for all the things that were wrong with my subconscious!
and I come across this bit and realisation of it!
And it then turned round to me in thought!
Because it had become like a spilt personality you see!
And it turned round to me
and you know, I was shutting it all out, everything out!
And it turned round to me and basically said!!!
"PLEASE HELP ME!"
and you know not in a voice of course!
In thought it thought that to me!
And I said!
I will! "BUT YOU BETTER NOT ATTACK ME!"
So!
I had a breakdown then that night!
An emotional breakdown!
Because this thing wanted help and I felt sorry for it!
And I decided to open up
and start to go out again into my subconscious
and start to help it to get better.
And you know over that next week it did not get a lot better,
but things were better than they had been.
And then I moved in here!
And I will go onto that in the next video!
So I thanks you for you time! Have a Good Day!
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Love and Light Shep!