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I just read Thomas McBee's article on
BuzzFeed entitled, "Why Tumblr Is Perfect For The Trans Community." It really struck
a chord with me and reminded me why I fell in love with not only Tumblr, but Youtube
three or four years ago when I was super duper active on these sites.
Tumblr and Youtube were absolutely amazing
to me when I was transitioning. They were everything. I think that if you followed me
back then you would see how much because I made videos every week and posted a blog at
least twice a day. It was a place I could finally express myself openly so to speak.
The community that I found in both spaces were phenomenal. When I first began exploring
options and exploring the possibility of transitioning, it was Tumblr and Youtube that provided those
resources and provided those perspectives of people who were more educated than I and
could tell me 'what does this mean,' 'what does that mean,' what's it like,' blah blah
blah blah blah. When I could not afford my first vial of testosterone, it was Tumblr
that came together to raise the money for me to get it. When I did finally get it, it
was Tumblr and Youtube who sat with me on the phone and live webcam as I did my first
injection of testosterone. That was a time when no one around me was there for me, and
not necessarily in a negative way. It was just a place where I was at that no one was
around to share that experience with me and so Tumblr and Youtube were there and that
was amazing. Tumblr and Youtube have been the best at helping me improve my body image.
It has been Tumblr and Youtube that comforted me when my life has been in these shambles
of chaos. I met two really good friends--actually one of my best friends on Tumblr and a really
good friend of mine through Youtube. So it is not just what I can do for Tumblr. It is
what Tumblr and Youtube have done for me. It has always been a space that has been there,
which is why lately I have been feeling really bad that I am not active on these sites anymore.
They have done so much for me and I am a person who believes in giving back to my community.
But I also realize that two primary reasons
that I distanced myself from Tumblr and Youtube were for self-preservation reasons. The first
was that I got really tired of how Whitewashed everything is. And yes, I do mean that in
a racial way. I mean that White voices, no matter what space you occupy, are always the
dominant voice. They are always at the forefront. When I first left Youtube and Tumblr I was
not in a place where I really understood that to fight back against that I need to say something.
It was more like, "I am tired of these White people so I am going to go do my Black thing
over there.
The second thing--the more critical thing--was that everything was always about being trans
for people. People were always posting "Oh, I bought a new STP! I bought a new binder!
I cut my hair. Look at how trans I am! Blah blah blah blah blah!" Part of this has to
do with the fact that I transitioned very quickly. I am not saying that in a negative
way. My transition was at a pace that was comfortable and ideal for me. I transitioned
in a matter of about two and a half years, starting socially and ending with the medical
part. Because of that I was able to get over the whole idea of being invested in my so-called
"transness" very quickly and very early. Now I am at place where I am young and I consider
myself "post-transition" and I have noticed a huge, huge void. That void being that there
are not many people who are "post-transition" and talk about what life is like afterwards.
People do not really discuss what happens after you take the hormones or have the surgery.
There is more to life in general, but there is also more to the trans experience than
just being on hormones or having surgery. I do not say that to take away from people
who feel that that is important, but I do want to make that note that there is life
after that. That is where I would like to make my
return to Youtube and Tumblr to hopefully be of use to some of these communities again.
I think that my perspective is a unique one given my personal history, my transition,
my race, my age, etcetera. I just feel like there needs to be more discussion about what
it is like to navigate the world as a Black *** boi of trans experience who is doing
this--who is in college or who blah blah blah blah blah. Just that general "real world"
perspective.
I do not know what that looks like quite yet. I do not know what I am going to be talking
about. I do not know anything about it. But I do know that that is where I would like
to come back in. Hopefully I will be welcomed, but if I am not then of course I will disappear
again.