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You know, I’m a man that likes green,
but of all the green in the world,
we just had to be surrounded by industrial amounts of toxic waste.
Damn, I wouldn’t be surprised if my cancer started to grow it’s own tumor.
I mean, these people are taking the concept of waste to a whole new level.
What are they eating, Uranium omlet?
Quiet down! We’re almost there!
What can I get you, sir?
Well, I’ll have the mashed Plutonium and a glass of your finest Rubidium.
But first, I’ll just go and take a dump that will annihilate the Resistance.
Remember, the green decay keeps the Resistance away!
Hey man, these are the conditions we all fight in.
That’s the price we have to pay if we want to defeat the Combine!
Easy for you to talk! You don’t have to fight knee deep in toxic feces.
Ok, we’re here. You’ll be working with a Vortigaunt.
Wo, wo, wo! I’m not working with cripples!
What? No, I’m talking about an alien race...
Ahh, you mean those three handed but plugs? Aaa, spark plugs?
Let’s just call them Vortigaunts!
I used to have one of those,
it powered a fridge, a washing machine and a TV set for two weeks before it died.
God! And what did you do?
I recycled it, of course!
Ok, nevermind! This will be your new colleague.
His name is impossible, so we just call him Sphyncter...
What? Are you... My God...
Shut up! He doesn’t know what it means!
And let’s keep it that way!
Hey, Sphyncter! Here’s your new team members!
Greetings, fellow less handed friends!
The honor is so great that I could electrocute a corpse and make it dance the salsa.
But these are troubled times and we cannot afford to celebrate.
What’s up your sphyncter?
Aaa, I mean, what’s up, Sphyncter?
Do I shake one of your hands, or do I just stick mine into a wall socket?
I’m just gonna leave now. Please get along!
Fare well, my two faced friend!
Alas, allow me to present you with the inner workings!
His name is Sphyncter and he wants to present us with the inner workings...
This is just wrong!
This represents my small laboratory.
I am studying the connection between electricity and agriculture
to provide the humans with nourishment as I once did for my slaughtered fellow Vortigaunts.
You know, this is so sad I could write a poem.
Here goes:
“I bear the horror of my entire kin,
They are no more but through my voice they speak,
Their troubled souls are crying from within,
Make my heart heavy, and my sphyncter weak.”
It is most kind of you comfort my never ending pain.
This chant shall be whispered by my remaining kin for generations.
Is there no end?
My God!
Let us return to our duty!
Oh my God, did he say doody?
Shut up!
We are apart of an escape route set up by the Resistance
and our supreme goal is to aid the fugitive citizens in their quest for safety.
The ones that reach our base are given these escape boats to navigate to the next check point.
I just have one question.
If the toxic waste won’t kill you, will it make you stronger?
I must now travel to the next base and retrieve the rest of the boats.
I will leave you to your duties.
So what do we do now?
I can’t believe it! This is so boring! It’s hopeless!
Let’s just take this boat and get out of here!
And go where?
We only have three options here:
get killed by the Combine,
stay in the Resistance or get crabs!
At least we’re safe for now!
Damn it! We don’t even have guns. We need cover.
Let’s head back in the tunnel.
Help me! I’m wounded!
Shut up! You’ll lead them straight to us!
But I need a doctor, I’m dying!
Here, have a ***’ medkit.
Seems we’re clear.
Man, Sphyncter is gonna be pissed.
Well, it’s not like ne needs to know or anything.
Hmm, I think this toxic waste might be good for something after all...