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Hello.
Ben. It's Bennette.
Yes.
I was wondering if we could get together and talk, say, Tuesday at 4:00 at the park.
That's 4:00 PM.
Okay.
What does she want?
We've already learned that there are many ways to think about events, and those thoughts
affect our feelings and our actions. So, it's important that we find ways to challenge unhelpful
thoughts and unhelpful self-talk. If we get into the habit of challenging unhelpful ways
of thinking, we can actually feel better and help protect our well-being.
If you find yourself thinking negatively, ask yourself what evidence
do you actually have that this is going to happen? For instance, even though she broke
up with me, I don't think Bennette's got any reason to be angry. She's never done anything
like that before, plus, she doesn't even own a cricket bat, so there must be an alternative.
So I ask myself, "Is there an alternative reason for Bennette wanting to see me?"
Here, I found your library card.
Time to hang out the whites. "Oh. Ah. You idiot!" It's easy when you make a mistake
to say negative things to yourself but it doesn't help. In fact, it can be harmful.
So, in those times when you speak to yourself harshly imagine what you might say to a friend
in the same situation.
Ah, you idiot.
Hey man, chill out. It was a mistake. You didn't do it on purpose. So the shirt's pink.
It might be your colour.
Oh my goodness! Is that an ambulance or a fire engine? My house! It's on fire!
I've left my socks in the microwave! Or maybe a cockroach turned on the gas for a marshmallow
roast and things got out of control! Ah...
Wait a second! This is a good time to ask myself, "What is the likelihood?"
One, there are thousands of houses in the neighbourhood. Two, I've never burned my socks.
Three, I'm out of marshmallows.
Oh no! I'm going to have to stop eating! I'm going to have to leave the country!
I'm going to have to invent a time machine!
When you find your thinking is a bit extreme, stop and ask yourself, "Is there a more helpful
way I can think about this?" Let's face it. Starving or fleeing the country or breaking
the time-space continuum are not realistic options.
I guess I'll just have to prepare a budget and cut back on the guilty pleasures.
What's important is to get into the habit of stopping when you catch yourself thinking
or talking to yourself negatively. Sure, there are lots of ways that things can go bad but
there are just as many for them to go well. So, why make yourself feel lousy by being
down on yourself or imagining the worst?
I just wanted to say I hope we can still be friends. Happy birthday.
Hey, thanks!