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TONIGHT ON...
(slurred voice) HEY, TRAVIS. HOW YA DOIN'?
IT'S A LOOK BACK AT THE CRAZIEST...
(man) THINGS GOT A LITTLE BIT OUT OF HAND.
(woman screaming)
(woman) OH, MY GOD!
THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS IN "BACHELOR" HISTORY.
(man) JACK IS PEEING ON HIS BED.
(voice breaking) WHY?
IT'S THE CRAZIEST "BACHELOR" HOMETOWN VISITS...
SO, ALI, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SEE MY BASEMENT?
(animal shrieks)
WHAT YOU GOT TO DO NOW IS TRY TO GET HIM IN BED.
THIS IS WHAT I WOULD GRAB
FOR THE INDIVIDUAL THAT TREATED MY DAUGHTER INAPPROPRIATELY.
THE FUNNIEST DATES FROM HELL...
(blows nose loudly)
I'M PICKING MY NOSE.
I HAVE A CRUSH ON JASON.
I HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER YOU.
THE WORST SINGING EVER...
(high-pitched, off-key) ♪ JUST YOU ♪
(singing opera in Italian, off-key)
AND MORE.
(crying) WHAT THE (bleep) HAPPENED?
(sobbing)
(woman) YOU DON'T FEEL A CONNECTION WITH ME?
LIKE, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--GOD?
PEOPLE HATE ME BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE! THIS IS WHY!
AND THEN, IT'S THE FUNNIEST BLOOPERS IN "BACHELOR" HISTORY.
JASON... (shudders) AAH! (laughing)
AAH! (laughs)
OH, MY GOD. THE GIRLS ARE STREAKING RIGHT NOW! (laughs)
OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
PLUS A SNEAK PEEK AT THE DRAMATIC NEW SEASON
OF "THE BACHELORETTE."
AAH!
(Desiree) LOVE IS SOMETHING EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL.
I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS DESERVING OF IT, BUT...
(voice breaking) I HAVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED.
(man) THERE WILL DEFINITELY BE SOME COMPETITION.
(man) I'M GONNA (bleep) YOU UP.
YOU'RE NOT HERE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH DES!
(man) SIT THE (bleep) DOWN!
(man) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
(man) THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
(slaps palm)
IT'S ALL COMING UP RIGHT NOW
ON THIS VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF...
HI. I'M CHRIS HARRISON, HOST OF "THE BACHELOR."
NOW, NORMALLY, WE'RE HERE AT THE MANSION
TALKING ABOUT LOVE.
BUT TONIGHT, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LAUGHS.
WHILE WE'VE HAD PLENTY OF ROMANCE ON OUR SHOW,
WE'VE ALSO HAD OUR SHARE OF COMEDY--
MOST OF IT UNINTENTIONAL.
TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA TAKE A LOOK BACK
AT SOME OF THE MOST HILARIOUS MOMENTS
IN "BACHELOR" AND "BACHELORETTE" HISTORY.
WELCOME TO "BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS."
EVERY SEASON BEGINS WITH THE LIMO ARRIVALS
RIGHT HERE IN THIS DRIVEWAY.
AND AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE, SO DOES SOME OF THE COMEDY.
♪♪♪
OH, NO!
I--
(laughs)
(laughs)
(horse blusters)
(motor revving)
SURPRISE!
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHOO! (laughing)
(laughing)
(giggles)
(skateboard thuds)
WELL, I NOTICED YOU THE VERY SECOND
YOU FIRST GOT OUT OF THAT LIMO,
ROCKIN' THE COWBOY BOOTS.
UM...
MY LIMO?
(laughs)
(laughing) I WASN'T WEARING COWBOY BOOTS.
YOU WEREN'T? I SWEAR YOU WERE WEARING COWBOY BOOTS.
NO! (laughing)
WELL, OKAY. WELL, I AM.
HEY!
GET IT.
WOW!
(grunts)
(laughing)
(laughs) NICE ENTRY.
SEAN, DID YOU INVITE THESE GIRLS?
'CAUSE I SURE DIDN'T.
I READ "50 SHADES OF GREY."
(blade zings)
MAYBE YOU CAN TEACH ME HOW TO USE THIS LATER.
♪♪♪
(laughs)
I WANTED TO TAKE MY FACE OUT OF THE GAME.
I LIKE THIS MYSTERIOUS DEMEANOR.
YEAH. WELL, I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO YOU MORE INSIDE.
TU TAMBIEN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT KISSING ME?
(kissing)
WHOA! (laughs)
WOW!
I DON'T KNOW. APPARENTLY YOU.
I GOT BALLS.
(laughs) WELL, I HOPE NOT.
I'M BRAD.
I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
IT'S FROM EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA.
OH, ARE YOU GONNA KNOCK-- OH--OK-- (laughs)
(laughs)
YOU KNOW, IN MANY WAYS, BEING ON "THE BACHELOR"
IS LIKE GOING TO A PARTY OR A WEDDING.
THERE'S ALWAYS THAT ONE PERSON
WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE OPEN BAR
JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
HERE'S TO THE NORTH AND HERE'S TO THE SOUTH
AND HERE'S TO FINDING OUT WHAT HE CAN DO WITH HIS MOUTH.
(women screaming)
CHEERS, DeANNA!
(man) CHEERS!
(laughs)
♪♪♪
(women laughing)
I THINK I NEED MORE.
(men laughing)
(laughing continues)
WE GOT... WE GOT...
(men cheering)
(laughing continues)
(shouts indistinctly)
WHO'S GOT A LIGHTER? I GOTTA FART!
WE ALL DRANK A LOT OF ***, AND, UH, YOU KNOW,
THINGS GOT A LITTLE BIT OUT OF HAND.
(men laughing)
JACK IS PEEING ON HIS BED.
IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
(sighs)
I HOPE JACK GETS OFFERED A ROSE AT THE NEXT, UM, CEREMONY,
(men laughing)
HIS CHANCES DON'T LOOK GOOD CONSIDERING HE'S-- (laughs)
HE'S OUT ON THE FRONT LAWN. (laughing)
(men laughing)
(snores)
(women laughing)
(woman) CAN I--
WAIT, LET ME--
I THINK SHE'S OUT.
(indistinct conversations and laughing)
(woman) HI, BABY.
HOW ARE YOU?
(Lorenzo) COME ON, LET'S GO. WE'RE--
(Lorenzo) WHAT?
(laughing) JUST BREATHE FIRST.
(Lorenzo) UM, WE'RE GONNA HAVE ONE MORE DRINK OVER AT THE BAR.
BUT WE--
SO WEIRD.
(women laughing)
I HAVE THE HICCUPS REAL BAD.
I'VE BEEN LAUGHING SO HARD.
OH, I'M HOT (bleep). THEY'RE LIKE, PANCAKES.
NO, NO. NO, WE DON'T WANNA SEE THOSE.
IF I DON'T GET A ROSE TONIGHT, THEN I WOULDN'T GET A ROSE
DOWN THE LONG...
LINE OF ALL OF THIS.
GREAT.
(thuds)
(ice cubes rattle)
DO WE NEED ME TO START DANCING?
(woman laughs)
SHE'S OBLITERATED. AM I WRONG?
SHE BROUGHT A TIE?
ASHLEY AND HER ***-DANCIN'--
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO THINK RIGHT NOW OF HER. (laughs)
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ALL THE ROSES? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME.
(laughs) WHAT IS SHE DOING?
"50 SHADES OF GREY" MAY HAVE BECOME
"50 SHADES OF DRUNK" TONIGHT.
(glass shatters)
(woman) YOU OKAY?
(all) CHEERS!
(laughter)
I'M GOING IN!
(woman) OH, WOW! THAT'S HAPPENING!
(man) YES!
YOU GOT IT!
NAKED MAN ALERT!
(cheering)
I THOUGHT YOU WERE, LIKE, WITH MICHAEL PHELPS OVER THERE.
YEAH!
ED IS LIT OUT OF HIS TREE.
(slurring) I NEED MORE HEAT IN HERE!
IT'S (bleep) COLD!
IT'S NOT A HOT TUB!
IT'S A COLD TUB!
WHOO!
UP NEXT...
(vocalizing off-key)
IT'S THE WORST PERFORMERS IN "BACHELOR" HISTORY.
(singing in opera in Italian, off-key)
AND THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS EVER.
WHY DIDN'T YOU CHOOSE ME? YOU DON'T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
I'M TOO SHORT? I HAVE SMALL ***? WHAT?
AND LATER, WE'VE GOT BLOOPERS.
OH! OH! OH! AAH!
BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE CLOTHES COME OFF?
(laughing) OH, MY GOD.
THE GIRLS ARE STREAKING RIGHT NOW.
IT'S ALL COMING UP ON...
(dull tapping)
WHO'S THE *** THAT GAVE ME A PLASTIC CUP?
(laughter)
THAT'S BETTER.
HERE AT "THE BACHELOR,"
WE'RE ALWAYS WONDERING IF PEOPLE
ARE HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AND LISTEN
TO SOME PEOPLE WHO DECIDED TO SING
FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.
(both, off-key) ♪ YOU BECAME ♪
♪ THE LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE OF ME ♪
♪ MY EYES ♪
♪ B--LARGE ♪
(man) Okay, hold it, hold it, hold it.
We can do better than that.
(Brad and Ashley S.) OKAY.
YEAH.
(off-key) ♪ BABY, I COMPARE YOU ♪
♪ TO A KISS FROM A ROSE ON THE GRAY ♪
♪ LOVE REMAINED ♪
(laughs)
(amplified voice) I APOLOGIZE, MR. SEAL.
(laughs)
(vocalizing, off-key)
(all vocalizing, off-key, laughter)
♪ OOH, AHH, AHH ♪
(vocalizing, off-key)
(singing in foreign language, off-key)
(singing in foreign language, off-key)
(falsetto voice) ♪ LA-LEE, LA-LOO, LA-LEE, LA-LOO ♪
(singing opera in Italian, off-key)
♪ JUST YOU ♪
♪ JUST YOU ♪
OOH!
(high-pitched voice, off-key) ♪ JUST YOU ♪
♪ WHEN I WAS FLYING IN, IN THE HELICOPTER ♪
♪ OVER THIS AMAZING CITY ♪
♪ I LOOKED TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND NEVER SAW SOMETHING SO PRETTY ♪
(chuckles)
YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY INTENSE STUFF.
(clapping)
(off-key) ♪ "THE BACHELORETTE" SEASON IS HERE AGAIN ♪
(off-key) ♪ I WAS LOOKING FOR AN ADVENTURE ♪
♪ LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
(off-key) ♪ I FEAR ♪
♪ THAT I'LL FALL ♪
♪ SO HARD ♪
♪ AND YOU'LL JUST BREAK MY HEART ♪
NO.
♪ AND TONIGHT YOU GOT A ROSE ♪
(laughs)
♪ AND IF YOU CHOOSE ME, ALI ♪
♪ I'LL FOREVER BE YOURS ♪
IT'S JUST MY HEART. JUMP IN. STAY A WHILE.
(sighs)
WHEN WE SHOOT "THE BACHELOR," THE CAMERAS ARE ROLLING 24/7.
WE NEVER STOP,
WHICH MEANS IF YOU DO SOMETHING EMBARRASSING,
IT'S GONNA BE CAUGHT ON CAMERA.
TAKE A LOOK.
♪♪♪
(filtered voice) ALL RIGHT.
(Alex) HERE I AM IN HAWAII. I'M WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
I'M THINKING I WANT TO HAVE A ROMANTIC DAY,
SO I SORT OF WANT TO IMPRESS HER.
(man, filtered voice) ALEX, YOU GOT A QUESTION?
I THINK I SHOULD, UH,
UH-HUH. OKAY.
OKAY, AIR--YOU WANT TO GET AS MUCH AIR
HEY--
YEAH.
(blades whirring)
OH, NO, HE'S DOING IT! OH, GEE--
AW... (laughs)
PUKING IN A BAG IS THE LEAST IMPRESSIVE THING I CAN THINK OF.
(vomiting, retching)
DID YOU ALWAYS LOVE FEET AS A KID?
NO?
BUT IF A GIRL HAS UGLY FEET,
INTERESTING.
I TOTALLY WANT TO MAKE A CONNECTION WITH HER FEET,
LIKE, MY--MY HEAD IS THINKING, HEY!
THANK YOU.
SOON AS SHE PUT 'EM IN MY LAP, IT WAS LIKE... (grunts)
I WAS LIKE, I WANT TO SUCK ON THESE TOES.
(makes kissing noises)
NO! (laughs)
YOU KNOW, WHEN I GO TO BED AT NIGHT,
I DEFINITELY-- I DEFINITELY, UH,
YOU KNOW, I THINK ABOUT YOU OFTEN,
AND I THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH YOU,
OH, REALLY?
DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?
YEAH? OKAY, SO YOU SIT THERE.
MY INTENTION WAS TO BE, LIKE,
"BEN, I HAVE A REALLY BIG SURPRISE FOR YOU,"
AND THEN I WAS GONNA BE LIKE...
(breathy voice) "IS THERE ROOM FOR ME ON YOUR LAP?"
(normal voice) THEN I WAS GONNA BE, LIKE, "OOH!"
(laughing) I WAS GONNA RUIN MY DRESS.
THEN I WAS GONNA MAKE OUT WITH YOU.
MM-HMM.
I'M SO SORRY.
(laughing)
I DON'T THINK THAT HE REALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS CUTE.
(laughs and exhales)
ARE YOU NERVOUS AROUND ME?
(laughs) I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS RIGHT NOW.
FIRST OF ALL, WHEN MY MOUTH WAS OPEN,
YOUR MOUTH WAS CLOSED AND VICE VERSA.
ONCE WE FEEL EACH OTHER OUT,
WE'RE GONNA OPEN OUR MOUTHS AND...
THAT'S NORMALLY HOW KISSING GOES.
YEAH!
YEAH. THIS ISN'T--
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST WOMAN I'VE KISSED.
OKAY. NOW WE'RE GONNA EXPLORE, OKAY?
OKAY.
OKAY. NORMAL MOUTH OPEN. BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO--
I CAN'T (bleep) TAKE THIS SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T--
IT'S LIKE AN INSTRUCTION GUIDE.
I DON'T--I CAN'T--I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW.
I SORT OF WANT TO KIND OF MOVE ON
TO THE NEXT PHASE-- THE REPRODUCTIVE PHASE.
(laughing) NO, SHE DID NOT JUST GO THERE.
(Allie G.) THE REASON WHY I'M HERE
TRAVIS.
QUITE FRANKLY, MY EGGS ARE ROTTING.
WHY DIDN'T YOU CHOOSE ME?
REALLY. BE, LIKE, STRAIGHT UP.
STRAIGHT UP-- YOU DON'T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE?
I'M TOO SHORT? I HAVE SMALL ***? WHAT?
I DON'T PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE.
AND FOR ME, THAT'S...
RIGHT NOW NOT WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE PLAYING AROUND.
YOU DON'T WANT REPRODUCTION.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
NO, YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU DON'T WANT...
ME TO BE AROUND
BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO REPRODUCE.
YET YOU ARE PARTICIPATING IN THIS
TO FIND A SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
OKAY. HAVE FUN. GOOD LUCK.
IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
HE'S SO (bleep).
HE'S LIKE EVERY OTHER... STUPID DOCTOR I KNOW!
I JUST THINK THAT MEN ARE... (bleep).
CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM? I JUST THINK HE'S A IDIOT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM?
I DON'T KNOW HIM.
HE'S INTIMIDATED BY ANOTHER PROFESSIONAL WOMAN.
MAYBE I JUST WON'T DATE ANYBODY ANYMORE. (laughing)
MAYBE I'LL JUST JOIN THE CONVENT.
I GUESS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TALKED ABOUT REPRODUCING.
(blows nose loudly)
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A DATE GOES TERRIBLY WRONG?
(slurred voice) HEY, TRAVIS, HOW YA DOIN'?
DID I JUST RUIN THE MOMENT?
DES, I LOVE YOU. OKAY?
WHOA.
IT'S THE CRAZIEST HOMETOWN VISITS EVER.
(laughing)
BUT WHEN PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE ON "THE BACHELOR,"
AAH!
AAH!
IT'S ALL COMING UP NEXT ON THIS SPECIAL EDITION OF...
YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING.
YOU KNOW, WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER.
UM... IT JUST-- IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE
SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW.
(cheers, applause, and laughter)
WELCOME BACK TO "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS."
SOMETIMES ON "THE BACHELOR," WE COME ACROSS SOME COUPLES
THAT SEEM LIKE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.
BUT NOT ALWAYS.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME DATES FROM HELL.
♪♪♪
(Kristen) A TOAST TO...
(Travis) OUR FIRST TIME ON THE RIVER SEINE.
THE ARM ONE. YOU EVER DONE THAT ONE? LIKE THIS.
I-I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY DONE THIS.
NEVER, EVER? CHEERS.
YES! I FEEL GREAT,
CRUISING DOWN THE SEINE RIVER TOGETHER.
SEE ALL THE STARS JUST TWINKLING, AND...
(sighs) ROMANCE IN THE AIR.
IF TRAVIS WAS THE ONE, I THINK IT'D BE
THE GREATEST LOVE STORY OF ALL TIME.
ALL RIGHT, THIS IS THE DOCTOR TRICK.
WHEN YOU GO BACK HOME, THIS WOULD WORK GREAT
WITH YOUR NEW PATIENTS.
(Travis) SHE STARTED CUTTING UP THE ORANGE,
AND WHEN SHE STARTED CARVING SLITS IN IT,
MY FIRST REACTION WAS, "OH, NO." (laughs)
MNH-MNH.
(muffled voice) AH, THAT'S GONNA WORK.
(slurred voice) HEY, TRAVIS. HOW YA DOIN'?
(normal voice) DOES IT LOOK REAL?
(laughs)
AND THEN WE CAN TOAST AND BE LIKE...
BE CAREFUL.
(laughs) I LOVE IT.
WOULD YOU GIVE ME A ROSE LIKE THIS? (laughs)
ON THE FIRST NIGHT?
(laughing)
DID I JUST RUIN THE MOMENT?
I HAVE A CRUSH ON JASON.
I HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER YOU...
JASON.
WE HAVE A CONNECTION,
AND I JUST WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO SEE THAT,
AND IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO PORTRAY THAT.
I WANT A ONE-ON-ONE WITH YOU.
I'M NOT LETTING YOU LET ME GO.
I'M NOT LETTING YOU LET ME GO.
YOU CAN'T.
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN ME RIGHT NOW.
I AM...
(blows nose loudly)
OKAY. SORRY.
(laughs)
(sniffles) I'M HUMAN.
I'M SO REAL.
JASON, I-I'M PICKING MY--
YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS ME. I'M PICKING MY NOSE.
(laughs)
I'M GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY COMING OUT.
(laughs) I'M TOTALLY COMING OUT, AREN'T I?
I HAVEN'T COME OUT AT ALL.
WELCOME.
I HAVEN'T COME OUT OF MY SHELL.
WELCOME. I'M JASON.
IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU.
OKAY.
(clears throat) SO I WROTE DOWN
12 THINGS THAT I THOUGHT
THAT ARE QUALITIES THAT I WOULD LIKE TO FIND IN MY WIFE.
HMM. HMM.
OKAY. ONE WAS LOYAL.
MM-HMM.
TWO IS LOGICAL. NOT SOMEBODY THAT'S OVERLY EMOTIONAL.
SOMEBODY THAT THINKS BEFORE, YOU KNOW, THEY REACT.
MM-HMM.
NUMBER FOUR IS AN ENCOURAGER.
NUMBER FIVE IS FAITHFUL. SOMEBODY THAT'S A NURTURER.
I LIKE THAT.
CONFIDENT, AND THEN MAGNETIC.
SOMEBODY THAT'S A SERVANT,
YOU KNOW, THAT PUTS HER FAMILY BEFORE HERSELF.
NINE--UNSELFISH. TEN--BEAUTIFUL.
SEXY PERSONALITY.
AND THEN, ALSO LOVES TO CATCH MY EYE.
I THINK THAT'S IMPORTANT.
SEE, THAT ONE CAME LAST, AND I-- AND I KINDA DID IT IN BOLD.
(Ryan) WHAT A NIGHT, MAN.
WE'RE--WE'RE REALLY CONNECTING WITH EACH OTHER.
I'VE GOT A GOOD SHOT AT THAT BEING MINE.
YEP.
I CAN'T GIVE YOU THE ROSE TONIGHT.
THAT IS VERY SHOCKING.
AND I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
(chuckles)
I THINK WE BOTH NEED TO JUST RELAX
AND DO WHATEVER WE FEEL LIKE DOING.
COMPLETELY.
(sips)
AND, LIKE, RELIEVE ANY TYPE OF TENSION THAT THERE MIGHT BE.
I NEED TO GET, LIKE... LIKE, IN THE MOOD
AND MAKING SURE THAT SEX IS ON HIS MIND.
I WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER TONIGHT.
I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO REALLY JUST BOND.
(chuckles nervously)
I THINK WE'VE DONE THAT.
MORE BONDING.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
I NEED TO TAKE THOSE
LITTLE PILLOW LIPS FOR A TEST RUN.
SO THAT'S SETTLED. CHEERS TO THAT.
I-I'M NOT--I DON'T THINK THAT'S SETTLED.
WHEN YOUR HEART'S BEEN BROKEN,
SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO MAKE A GRACEFUL EXIT.
ON "THE BACHELOR," SOME PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT
TO JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND SAY THEIR GOOD-BYES.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DID NOT RECEIVE A ROSE TONIGHT,
TAKE A MOMENT AND SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES.
(voice breaking) WHY?
(sobbing) I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THIS TO ME!
THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE! THIS IS WHY!
(sniffles) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
(crying) WHAT THE (bleep) HAPPENED?!
NO, REALLY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WHAT THE (bleep) HAPPENED?
TAKE A MOMENT AND SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES.
(sobbing)
(sobs loudly)
TAKE A MOMENT. SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES.
(crying)
(sobbing loudly)
IT WASN'T BEN, AND, LIKE, NOW I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
TAKE A MOMENT. SAY GOOD-BYE.
(sniffling)
(sniffles) WHEW. (laughs)
TAKE A MOMENT. SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES.
I'M GONNA GO BACK. I'M GONNA SEE MY CAT
AND I'M GONNA MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY, BECAUSE...
SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT.
(cat meows)
(voice breaking) IT'LL BE GREAT TO HAVE HER PURR AGAIN.
LADIES, I'M SORRY. TAKE A MOMENT.
SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES.
(voice breaking) EVERY GUY I'VE EVER MET
HAS JUDGED ME BECAUSE I'M PRETTY AND I'M SMART
AND I COME FROM A PRIVILEGED BACKGROUND,
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I MET SOMEONE THAT, LIKE,
HAD THOSE SAME QUALITIES, THEY WOULDN'T JUDGE ME,
BUT IT'S NOT TRUE!
I'M SUCH A SWEET GIRL. AGAIN, I'M SUCH A GOOD CATCH,
AND THE TRUTH IS THAT, LIKE, PEOPLE ARE MEAN TO ME,
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, WHEN-- BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOK.
YOU KNOW? AND, I MEAN, IT SOUNDS, LIKE, SO STUPID,
BUT, LIKE, LIKE, PEOPLE HATE ME BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL, YOU KNOW?
THAT IS, LIKE, A REAL THING, YOU KNOW?
AND THAT'S WHY, YOU KNOW, THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT,
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, IF I WOULD HAVE JUST BEEN
A LITTLE UGLIER AND A LITTLE LESS NOTICEABLE.
IT'S, LIKE, A CURSE TO BE PRETTY.
(Natalie) HE'S AN IDIOT. HE'S PROBABLY INTIMIDATED BY ME.
I MEAN, LIKE, JUST 'CAUSE HE'S JASON,
WHAT DID HE WANT ME TO DO, BE LIKE, "AHH...
OHH... JASON!"
YOU DON'T FEEL A CONNECTION WITH ME?
LIKE, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--GOD?
I'M SUPER ATTRACTIVE. I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND CONCEITED,
BUT (bleep), LIKE, I MEAN, I'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON.
(bleep)
GUYS, IT'S BEEN QUITE THE ROAD GETTING HERE SO FAR.
YOU KNOW, JUSTIN, I THINK IT'S BEEN
ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT FOR YOU, 'CAUSE...
YOU PROBABLY REALLY MISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IN CANADA.
ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY.
THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO BE PERCEIVED?
JUSTIN, TALK LIKE A MAN, FIRST OF ALL.
(whistling)
(groans)
IS HE REALLY RUNNING FROM HER?
(Ali) JUSTIN, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.
BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL WANT TO TALK IT OUT.
WOW.
(Ali) HE LEFT LIKE A COWARD.
HE HUNG HIS HEAD,
PUT HIS TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS,
AND WALKED OUT.
(horn honks)
UP NEXT...
SO, ALI, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SEE MY BASEMENT?
(all cheering)
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, I'M GREAT.
MMM. (kisses)
(screaming)
(laughs)
OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE...
WHOO!
BACHELORS AND BACHELORETTES REVEAL IT ALL.
DID YOU TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF, TOO?
WHOO!
WHEN "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS" CONTINUES.
(man) CAR'S ROLLING.
CAR'S ROLLING BACKWARDS.
MILLION-DOLLAR CAR ROLLING BACKWARDS.
(man sighs)
(laughs) TAKE... FOUR.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS."
FOR A PERSON IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP,
GOING HOME TO MEET THE POTENTIAL IN-LAWS
CAN BE TERRIFYING... AND FOR GOOD REASON.
SO, ALI, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO SEE MY BASEMENT?
♪♪♪
(Kirk) MY DAD HAS NOT SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY
WITH A GIRL I'VE DATED EVER.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FIRST?
UH, MAYBE... MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO FIRST.
(laughs)
I WAS, LIKE, WELL, HERE WE GO.
(gunshot)
(animal shrieks)
THIS IS WHAT I DO.
THIS IS MY TAXIDERMY WORK.
WHAT IS THIS THING?
A CARIBOU FOOT THAT I PUT EYES ON.
WHAT IS THIS STUFF?
YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT IS, DO YOU?
YEAH, I DO. (imitates retching)
KIRK'S DAD HAS A FREEZER WHERE HE KEEPS DEAD ANIMALS,
ALONG WITH THEIR FROZEN SACS.
I LOVE ANIMALS,
BUT I LOVE THEM WHEN THEY'RE ALIVE.
(bear roars)
THURSDAY I WAS ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I SEE SOMETHING WHITE
FLUTTERING TOWARDS ME, AND THE FIRST THOUGHT
I THINK OF IS DOVE.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DO-- DOVE!
YOU KILLED A DOVE?
OH--
(Jason) OH!
NAOMI'S MOM HIT A DOVE.
LIKE, THE SIGNAL OF PEACE AND FREEDOM.
IT'S A DOVE FEATHER.
NAOMI!
(Naomi) I CAN'T BELIEVE MY MOM DID THIS.
"HI, JASON. MEET MY MOTHER. (laughs)
AND THE DEAD DOVE IN THE BAG."
AND MAKE MANY... (laughs)
OKAY.
SHE.
YEAH, I'M--
EW! I FEEL ITS HEAD!
EW!
I WANT TO THANK ROSIE FOR SACRIFICING HERSELF
FOR THIS MOMENT OF CELEBRATION
YEAH.
THIS IS SO SAD.
THERE'S REALLY NO SUCH THING AS DEATH.
I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE IT FOR ROADKILL.
(Naomi) MY FAMILY IS CRAZY,
AND JASON'S GONNA GET TO BE ALONG FOR THE RIDE.
I'M SORRY, DEAD BIRD.
(man) OPA!
(Greek music playing)
OPA!
MR... LA-MEZ.
OKAY, WE NEED TO GET THIS RIGHT.
OKAY--
NO.
LAM...
LAMAZ.
LAMAS.
WHEN I SAW YOUR EYES,
THE FIRST THING I SAW WERE THE EYES TOGETHER.
AND I COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOUR EYES.
THIS IS WHAT I WOULD GRAB
FOR THE INDIVIDUAL THAT TREATED MY DAUGHTER INAPPROPRIATELY.
(cheering and laughter)
MY DAUGHTER AND I-- WE ARE READY.
(mouths words)
WHAT YOU GOT TO DO NOW IS TRY TO GET HIM IN BED.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD!
(organ playing Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor")
MM-HMM.
MM-HMM.
(giggles)
SO HERE IS... THE PREP ROOM.
♪♪♪
I PREFER COMING IN HERE BY MYSELF
AND EMBALMING.
OKAY. I'M STARTING TO FREAK OUT A LITTLE BIT.
I AM... LAYING ON AN EMBALMING TABLE
LOOKING UP AT SHAWNTEL WITH A FACE MASK ON,
I'M THINKING IN MY MIND,
"HOW MANY BODIES HAVE BEEN ON THIS TABLE?"
WHAT HAPPENS IS, I WOULD TAKE A SCALPEL...
MAYBE NOT.
MAKE AN INCISION,
AND THEN WHAT I WOULD DO IS I WOULD TAKE...
AN ANEURYSM HOOK,
AND THIS WOULD BE ME GOING THROUGH
YOUR INCISION AND FINDING YOUR CAROTID ARTERY
AND YOUR VEIN.
THEN I, LIKE, RELEASE THE VEIN
AND I GET GOOD, YOU KNOW, DRAINAGE WITH YOUR BLOOD.
(laughs) ARE YOU, LIKE, CREEPED OUT, OR WHAT?
THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.
STRANGE, STRANGE EXPERIENCE.
(Shawntel) WHEN YOU DIE, DO YOU WANT TO BE CREMATED?
YOU DO.
(door thuds)
JUST IN CASE MEETING ONE'S POTENTIAL IN-LAWS
WASN'T STRESSFUL ENOUGH,
IN SOME OF THE HOMETOWNS, OUR CAST MEMBERS
WERE IN FOR A VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME HOMETOWN PRANKS.
WELL, HEY, NOW THAT WE'RE ALL HERE,
THERE IS SOMETHING THAT...
OKAY.
I STILL LIVE HERE.
OH, COOL.
HE LIVES AT HOME.
MNH.
OKAY.
I'D LOVE THAT.
IN THAT MOMENT, IT WAS LIKE
EVERY AMAZING THING I HAD THOUGHT ABOUT SEAN
COMPLETELY SHATTERED.
I'M, LIKE, RETHINKING EVERYTHING.
I'M GOING BACK ON EVERY CONVERSATION WE'VE HAD.
NO.
THIS IS MY ROOM.
I WISH MY MOM WOULD HAVE PICKED UP A LITTLE BIT.
(giggles nervously) OKAY.
I'M SORRY THIS PLACE IS A MESS.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I-I CAN CLEAN.
I KNOW HOW TO CLEAN.
HE'S A MESS, AND HE'S REALLY INTO STUFFED ANIMALS.
THE LOOK ON EMILY'S FACE IS PURE HORROR AND DISGUST.
I THINK I HAVE TO TELL HER.
OBVIOUSLY I DON'T LIVE AT HOME.
OH.
REALLY, WHAT WAS-- (laughing)
I DIDN'T KNOW! WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT THAT.
WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD, THOUGH?
(laughing)
NO, IT WOULD HAVE...
(frog croaks)
(knock on door)
I THINK THEY'RE HERE.
LET'S SEE.
(Desiree) SO THERE'S A KNOCK ON MY DOOR,
(clears throat)
HEY. (laughs)
HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
NOT MY EX-BOYFRIEND.
CAN WE TALK? CAN WE TALK?
DES, I LOVE YOU. OKAY? I--
WHOA.
YOU'RE GONNA BE WITH THIS ACTOR?! THIS ISN'T REAL!
DUDE, THIS ISN'T REAL.
I'M--I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE.
OKAY. I'M SORRY.
YEAH.
I NEED A MINUTE WITH HER, OKAY?
OH, THIS ISN'T--
DON'T PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME.
MY HEART'S RACING LIKE
WHAT AM I ABOUT TO DO TO THIS GUY?
DES, DES, DES, DES, DES.
NO, STOP, STOP.
(Desiree) SEAN LOOKS SO MAD RIGHT NOW.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOING TO PUNCH THIS GUY.
NOW THAT HE'S HERE, I DO HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
(singsongy) GOTCHA! (laughs)
ON OUR FIRST DATE, SEAN PRANKS ME,
AND TONIGHT IT FELT SO GOOD TO FINALLY JUST SAY, "GOTCHA!"
YOU GOT ME BETTER THAN I GOT YOU.
I DID. (laughs)
I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP IT ALL COOL.
I'M TRYING TO DO MY BEST
YOU'RE A GOOD BOY, AREN'T YOU?
ARE YOU A GOOD BOY?
(inhales sharply)
SHE'S A GOOD GIRL. SHE'S A LOVELY GIRL.
WELL, SHE'S NOT A GIRL. SHE'S A WOMAN.
(inhaling and exhaling deeply)
AND, UH, YOU'RE TOUCHING MY ***.
THANKS.
(both laughing)
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, I'M GREAT.
MM. YOU'RE A GOOD BOY. MM.
SO IT'S LOVELY-- LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
OH, GOD. YOU SMELL SO GOOD.
PAUL, PLEASE COME AND JOIN US.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
THIS IS KIND OF GOING A LITTLE LONGER
THAN I EVER IMAGINED IT GOING.
I THINK, UM, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.
MM-HMM.
THOSE AREN'T MY REAL PARENTS. THIS WAS ALL A PRANK.
VERY WELL DONE, GUYS.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST GOT DONE LIKE THAT.
(Amanda) THIS IS MY REAL MOM AND DAD.
GOD, AM I RELIEVED TO SEE YOU.
(laughs) HI.
UP NEXT...
(buzzing, splat)
IT'S THE FUNNIEST BLOOPERS IN "BACHELOR" HISTORY.
SWEAR TO GOD, IF THAT THING ATTACKS ME,
(croaking)
(screaming)
AND YOUR FAVORITE BACHELORS AND BACHELORETTES
TAKE IT ALL OFF.
WHOO!
PLUS A SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK
AT DESIREE'S JOURNEY TO FIND LOVE
ON THE NEW SEASON OF "THE BACHELORETTE."
(Desiree) I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS DESERVING OF IT.
(voice breaking) BUT I HAVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED.
WHEN "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS" CONTINUES.
IT'S THE FINAL ROSE TONIGHT. WHEN YOU'RE READY.
(laughter)
WELCOME BACK TO "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS."
I KNOW THERE'S A QUESTION THAT'S ON EVERYONE'S MIND.
IT'S SOMETHING YOU'RE DYING TO KNOW.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
YES, WE'VE GOT BLOOPERS.
YEAH?
DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HAVING ANY PUPPETS
ON YOUR SHOW?
WELL, WE DID HAVE JAKE PAVELKA.
(laughs)
♪♪♪
(boing)
(laughter)
OH!
(laughter)
AND HE CALLS ME THE FAT ONE.
♪♪♪
OH, OH, OH!
(laughs) YOU REALLY-- YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?
(rumbling)
(all scream)
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT?
AAH!
(gasps)
YOU OKAY?
OH...
NO.
(laughs) MY DAD--HE'D DO IT ALL THE TIME. I LOVED IT.
(flatulence sound)
(laughs)
(burps)
GROSS!
(burps)
(inhales sharply) I GOTTA FART. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WE HAVE JUST AN AWESOME, PERFECT DATE.
(laughs)
(cheers and applause)
THAT MIGHT HAVE FOLLOWED ME.
(gasps)
OHH.
(burps)
I MAY HAVE PEED MYSELF.
THANK YOU FOR TODAY.
(water rippling)
AMAZING... (laughs)
(farts)
(both) OHH!
(both laughing)
SORRY. (laughs)
(burps)
OH... MY...
(whirring)
ANDREW... OH, GOSH!
(wind whistling)
NO.
I'M JUST EXCITING TO SPEND MORE TIME AROUND EMILY
AND GET TO KNOW HER AND NOT GET BLOWN AWAY.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO MEET A WOMAN THAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT.
AND THAT STICKS ARE GONNA BE FLYING IN THE BACKGROUND.
THANK YOU SO MUCH-- (gasps)
AND, UH--
(laughter)
OW.
OH, (bleep)!
(thud)
OH, MY GOD.
(man) WHOA. WATCH IT.
WHOA!
AAH! I GOT ONE! I GOT ONE!
(crash)
OKAY. Y'ALL THINK I'M KIDDING.
THAT WAS LIKE A RAT OR A MOUSE THAT JUST WALKED RIGHT BY.
(gasps) AAH! (laughs)
I SWEAR TO GOD, IF THAT THING ATTACKS ME,
I WILL LITERALLY HAVE A HEART ATTACK.
IT'S GOT ITS MOUTH OPEN LIKE IT WANTS TO BITE SOMETHING.
OH! GOSH. (laughs)
AAH!
PLEASE, PLEASE, OH, NO! PLEASE, PLEASE, GET AWAY!
GET AWAY, GET AWAY! GET AWAY! I'M NOT KIDDING!
(screaming) HELP ME!
OH, MY GOD!
(buzzing)
(laughs)
(whooshes)
(buzzing)
THAT WAS A BEE.
(bleeps)
(buzzing)
(whooshes)
(bleep)
THAT THING WENT STRAIGHT IN MY EYE.
(screaming)
OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
SORRY, THAT WAS A REALLY BIG BUG.
(Western theme playing)
(raccoons chittering)
(gasps)
OH, MY...
(all screaming)
(woman) IT JUST NEEDS SOME WATER.
(chittering)
AAH! (laughs)
(bell clanging in distance)
HEY, COW.
(Ben) HEY, COW. OH, NO, NO.
NO. MM.
I'M HIDING BEHIND BEN.
(trumpets)
OKAY, THEY'RE REALLY GETTING INTO IT.
(laughs)
THEY, UH... THEY'RE HAVING FUN.
(man) DeANNA LOOKED AMAZING ON THE HORSE.
OHH!
(horse whinnies)
AAH! (laughs)
WHOA! WHOA!
(crashes)
OH, WHOA, WHOA.
WHOA.
(horse whinnies)
(high-pitched voice) OH!
(normal voice) OOH.
(laughter)
MY GUY DOES NOT WANNA COOPERATE.
(laughter)
DON'T DO IT. DON'T DO IT.
THIS IS A MESS.
I WANT THIS GUY TO COME HOME AND MEET MOM AND DAD.
AND I THINK FIDO AGREES WITH ME.
(panting)
(yelps)
(dog barking in distance)
(imitates dog barking)
(Ashley) WE MAKE THIS ROMANTIC LANTERN,
AND WE WRITE ALL THE THINGS WE WANT
OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP AND LIFE.
UH-OH. OH!
A DOG PEES RIGHT ON OUR LANTERN.
(panting)
HERE ON "THE BACHELOR,"
PEOPLE OFTEN BARE THEIR HEARTS AND SOULS,
BUT SOMETIMES THEY BARE A LOT MORE THAN THAT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
YOU'RE NOT EVER GONNA GET NAKED IN FRONT OF A CAMERA.
(screaming and hooting)
(laughter)
WHOO!
(laughter)
(boing)
UHH.
(both laughing)
CAN YOU PUT THAT THING AWAY?
(laughs)
BAD DAY TO GO COMMANDO.
WHY BE MODEST?
GO BIKINI-LESS.
WHOO!
TA-DA.
OH, IT FEELS SO GOOD.
DID YOU TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF, TOO?
YEAH. WHEN IN PANAMA...
(man) TODAY'S LITERALLY BEEN ONE OF THE BEST DAYS
OF MY LIFE SO FAR.
I WENT FULL, FULL-ON.
I APPRECIATED THAT IN MORE THAN ONE WAY.
(people hoot)
WHOO!
(screaming)
(shouts indistinctly)
(sputters) WHAT?
TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!
THEY TOOK THEIR SHIRTS OFF.
OH, MY GOD. THE GIRLS ARE STREAKING RIGHT NOW. (laughs)
♪♪♪
(woman) BE CAREFUL.
AAH!
(yelling)
AAH!
AAH!
COMING UP...
ROMANCE...
(man) I DON'T THINK SHE KNOWS HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS.
TEARS, AND LOTS OF DRAMA.
(man) THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
IT'S A SNEAK PEEK AT THE EXCITING NEW SEASON
OF "THE BACHELORETTE."
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!
WHEN "BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS" CONTINUES.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE BACHELOR'S FUNNIEST MOMENTS."
AS YOU'VE SEEN HERE TONIGHT,
UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY IS VERY MUCH A PART
OF FINDING LOVE ON THIS SHOW.
I'M SURE WE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO A LOT MORE LAUGHTER
IN SEASONS TO COME.
BUT NOW LET'S TAKE A SPECIAL SNEAK PEEK
AT THE DRAMATIC NEW SEASON OF "THE BACHELORETTE,"
WHICH PREMIERES THIS MONDAY NIGHT, 8:00 P.M.,
RIGHT HERE ON ABC.
(Desiree) I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD EVER BE MY LIFE.
WELCOME TO MADEIRA, BOYS!
(men cheering)
(Desiree) PICTURE, LIKE, THE BEST DREAM YOU'VE EVER HAD.
LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW.
AND TIMES THAT BY 10 AND THEN LIVE IN IT.
THAT'S WHERE I AM.
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!
(man) DESIREE'S THE TYPE OF GIRL
I COULD EASILY FALL IN LOVE WITH.
(man) DESIREE IS ONE IN A MILLION.
I DON'T THINK SHE KNOWS HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE IS.
(Desiree) I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE.
YEAH, THIS IS AWESOME.
(man) DESIREE IS MY DREAM GIRL.
WOW.
(Desiree) WHO KNOWS WHERE THIS JOURNEY'S GONNA GO?
BUT THIS IS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET.
(man) THERE WILL DEFINITELY BE SOME COMPETITION.
I WILL (bleep) YOU UP.
YOU'RE NOT HERE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH DES.
SIT THE (bleep) DOWN.
(man) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
(man) THIS IS NOT RIGHT!
(slaps palm)
I DON'T CARE IF EVERY GUY HATES ME.
I'M DEFINITELY HERE TO WIN THIS COMPETITION.
(man) HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
(man) HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?
HE'S THE KIND OF GUY WHO IS THINKING ABOUT
HIS SECOND AND THIRD WIFE ON HIS FIRST HONEYMOON.
I HEARD THE OPPOSITE.
(man) THIS COULDN'T BE WORKING OUT BETTER IN MY FAVOR.
I LOVE WATCHING YOU SMILE.
THESE GUYS ARE DUMB. (laughs)
(man) HE CHOSE THE WRONG PERSON TO FIGHT.
(man) AT THIS POINT, IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.
(man) THAT'S HIS GIRLFRIEND.
IT'S GONNA GET REAL.
(crying) HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
YOU'RE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.
(Desiree) HE'S DISRESPECTING WOMEN.
YOU'RE A LYING, CHEATING, DECEITFUL PIG.
(man) DESIREE NEEDS TO KNOW THOSE THINGS
THAT WERE SAID IN SECRET BEHIND HER BACK.
JAMES SAID IF HE PLAYS HIS CARDS A CERTAIN WAY,
HE'S GONNA COME OUT AS THE NEXT BACHELOR.
I WILL.
(man) SHE'S GONNA KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED,
AND SHE'S GONNA BE CRUSHED.
WHAT AN (bleep).
(man) THIS WILL ERUPT. IT WILL ABSOLUTELY ERUPT.
I WOULD NEVER MAKE THE COMMENTS THAT YOU MADE ON THAT BUS.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!
(man) HE'S A CANCER.
WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
(man) HE HEARD THIS.
(man) EVERYONE SEES THROUGH HIS (bleep).
YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE OUTSMARTING EVERYONE.
I CAN'T (bleep) EVEN TAKE THIS (bleep).
I DON'T EVEN THINK I CAN HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW.
(man crying) IT'S WAY WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN SAY, YOU KNOW, TO MAKE IT BETTER.
(man) THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
SHE'S EVER GONNA BE ABLE TO GET OVER.
(Desiree crying) I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE ANYONE HAS LOVED ME
AS MUCH AS I HAVE LOVED THEM.
(man) IT MAKES ME FEEL SICK TO MY STOMACH.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER.
(Desiree) I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HEARTBROKEN.
(man) I PRAY THAT SHE COULD JUST CONTINUE TO BE HER SWEET SELF
AND I HOPE SHE DOESN'T LET HER FEAR GET THE BEST OF HER.
I ALMOST RESENT THE GUYS FOR PUTTING THIS ON ME.
(crying)
(man) THIS IS WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO.
(Desiree crying) I NEVER THOUGHT THIS COULD HAPPEN.
(man) I DON'T WANT HER TO LOSE FAITH
IN THE GOOD GUYS THAT ARE HERE.
(Desiree) WOW.
THE MOMENTS OF HAVING SOMETHING
THAT TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY FOR A SECOND...
MAKES YOU REFOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
I'VE NEVER HAD THIS FEELING WITH ANYONE.
LIKE, IT'S--IT'S LIKE YOU'VE-- YOU'VE KNOWN ME MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I TRUST YOU.
(man) I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A CHANCE
TO HAVE A NEW BEGINNING.
(Desiree) BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH,
I DID GAIN A LOT OF CLARITY.
YOU DO BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME.
I THINK AT THIS POINT, I CAN TRUST ALL OF THEM.
WHOO!
I'M NEVER GOING TO HURT YOU.
(man) THIS IS THE GIRL I CAN BE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
(Desiree screams and laughs)
(man) I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I'M ONE
AAH! (laughs)
(man) THIS IS THE BEST I'VE FELT IN MANY, MANY YEARS.
THIS IS SO AWESOME.
(Desiree) LOVE IS SOMETHING EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL.
LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW.
(crying) I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS DESERVING OF IT,
BUT I'VE NEVER FELT SO LOVED.
(man) I'VE BEEN WAITING MY ENTIRE LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT.
(man) I'M IN LOVE WITH DES.
IT'S ALL COMING UP THIS SEASON ON...
WHAT DO YOU THINK, MAN? HONESTLY.
SHE'S IN LOVE, MAN. (blows air)
OH. (laughs) ♪ OH, OH ♪
WHAT IS SHE ASKING?
LOOK, CHRIS HARRISON BEHIND YOU WITH THE FINAL ROSE.
(distorted boing)
(laughter)
HEY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU HOLD THE SUN?
(all laughing)
YOU KNOW, IN PICTURES? I... (laughs)
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. (laughs)
-- Captions by VITAC --