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bjbj Codependent Hi, my name is Connie D. m not an addict or an alcoholic, I am his
Mom. I had a moment of clarity recently. It seems I have some issues too. My thinking
is clouded by fear, resentment and self-pity. I react. I feel inadequate. I love my family
and I am embarrassed by them. I invite suggestions, but will do what I want. I tend to ignore
gorillas in small rooms. Crystal *** is a BIG gorilla, scared the hell out of me. Yeah--
I inhaled other things but I was always able to walk away. Makes you think Reevaluate the
big picture. Sometimes the only thing left is prayer. Yes prayer! Because there is one
thing I do know I was quite willing to get down there with you, watch you wander dark
alleys hunting for discarded scraps lost on some river in Egypt. I managed to learn a
few things along the way. I learned that I count too that my wants and needs are just
as important as yours I learned that it s not only okay to say no it is a requirement.
So don t ask me for help anymore. t ask me for money and food or beg our friends for
a place to stay and then expect me to sit by and watch because if you don t care enough
to help you at least have the guts to leave me alone. Because I m Mom and even though
my brain is saying no my heart is saying yes. Because my off-switch is stuck because even
if I could turn it off I won I will defy logic and the law if need be. Because that s how
I m wired but you already know that. You are betting that Mom will come and bail you out
again and again and tomorrow will magically be okay, hell the world s coming to an end
anyway in 2012. So W.T.F. You might as well take your mom hostage with. We could start
our own cause, design some s bringing money so I can do more drugs, T-shirts. make them
a *** brown or a *** yellow or how about a purple barf stain, purple s my favorite
color. So when mom has to drop her laundry to see your sorry *** in jail she can tell
herself it wasn't that bad! Because she couldn t possibly let you go through this alone.
Someone might *** you or stab you repeatedly leaving your bloody corpse unrecognizable.
Then Mom would have to bury you in a closed casket, dig up some old photo of you when
you still resembled something loveable and pure and pretend to all the distant relatives
and the friends that you still had that life had just dealt you a bad hand. that if you
had a little help--you might still be alive today only--that would be a lie. If the truth
were to finally come out long after the cockroaches crawled around your bowels had millions of
babies nesting inside your ruptured skeleton that the real reason you died the real reason
you wasted your life even though you had it all, was just because you made some bad choices.
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Cornelia DeDona Normal
Cornelia DeDona Microsoft Office Word j?pPl j?pPl Title Microsoft Word 97-2003 Document
MSWordDoc Word.Document.8