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hola me llamo oscar orozco orejel,
I'm 19 years old and this is my it gets better video.
when i first heard about the it gets better video i couldn't believe it.
i thought that no one would give a crap about some kids killing themselves.
especially if they were gay.
i was glad i was wrong.
first i want to talk about my story
and then my message to everyone that lost hope.
to tell them that it dose get better
i grew up in lodi California.
i was an odd kid growing up in school and that's nothing to be ashamed of.
i liked it.
i like to think, i liked to learn.
hell i learn what an atom was and an life-cycle of a star
when i was in kinder garden.
i did not have any bad relationships with any of my teachers.
i loved school.
i loved class.
i had alot of friends but i wasn't particularity close with any of them
and that stayed true through out my whole entire life.
i liked to say i was never bullied.
there was only one time were i was picked on
and that was in middle school.
i wasn't scared.
they were just a bunch of kids i knew that were trying to pull my pants down
and i didn't like so i just told teacher on them
and guess what it worked.
they never bothered me.
no one did.
i was never bullied because i wouldn't stand for it.
though i was never bullied or picked on
i did have an overwhelming sense of loneliness when i was growing up.
i guess i had to say it was because
i had trouble accepting the fact that i liked guys.
i would remember this feeling when i was a little kid
watching dragon ball z.
but i would always just pushed it away.
and i worked until middle school
were i was going through puberty.
my god there was so much ***.
that was when i started to realize my attraction to my guy friends
and i would just realize it
but i would just leave it as that
and pushed it to the back of my head.
what stopped this was when i found my first gay *** magazine on the floor.
i finally said ok
i like guys
and for a while i thought i was gay
until i started drooling over this one chick
thought what the hell i thought i was gay
then realize i was bi
and i was freaking happy for myself.
i can screw with whatever i want.
now i just have to tell everyone else about it
and that took a while
maybe two years but i did it.
at my first year of high school at tokay
i first came out to a group of guys that i ate lunch with
and it was great.
they were awesome about it.
hell they had fun with it.
they would ask me so many questions.
my favorite one was "which one of us do you think is the hottest guy"
and they even tried to make their moves on me so they can freaking win
i was really grateful for that experience
and for those guys they really helped me accept my sexuality.
next was the school
it was my sophomore year and i was in the school libeiry
and one of my classmates came into my table
and she had a list of our class
and she asked me which one did i think was the hottest.
i said a tie between a guy and a girl.
the guy next to me said why the hell you picked that
and the chick with the list said
"because he's bi"
then another girl came over and overheard us and
she said really, your bi!
(nod, nod, nod,)
the girl she just got out of our table
and she literally went to every single table
in the library
and she told everyone
i couldn't believe it
she didn't even asked for my freaking permission
god damn, this went better than i planed
now that the whole entire school knows that i was bi
it was time to focus on my close fiends
how i planed to tell them was by doing this
were into playing card game, I'm a YU-GI-OH! duelist,
and i decided to put my poker deck of naked guys
into my card case
the deck sucked,
there was only 10 of them that were actually hot
and when my friends will eventually look into my case
*** will go down and will take it from there
what happened was better
my little brother went into my case
and he went to my little sister
and they both went to tell my close friends
then my friends asked me why the hell i got a deck of naked guys
and i couldn't say anything
what they did was ingenious
unbenounced to me was the fact that
a guy was hitting on them on the internet
and what they decide to do was hook me up with him
so they got him on the phone
called him
told him what was happening
and they handed the phone to me
he said "so i heard you were gay'
i said "na, I'm bi"
and that's how my friends got there answer
though i was happy with what happened
i felt ashamed saying that to my friends
at that time i don't know why
know i think i was afraid of what they were going to say
what they were going to think
when they heard that
they told me it's nothing to be ashamed of
and that i shouldn't be
that was the first time i actually
totally accepted my sexuality
that i liked guys and i wasn't ashamed of it
and soon after that i told my parents
even though i told everyone i liked guys
i still felt alone
yes i was happy because i wasn't ashamed of what i was anymore
but as far as i can tell i was still alone
literally
up to that moment i haven't meet another guy that liked guys my own age
i would remember being jealous of girls
because they can go up to a guy and ask
him out and the guy will probably say yeah
if not hell, he'll consider it
they can't consider me
they wouldn't consider me
those guys don't like guys but i like guys
i would remember having these crushes on these
really cute and nice guys at school but there all straight
at least a girl can have a chance with them
i can't
i remember thinking that i was the only one that felt this way
that i was the only one that knew what i was going through
and that no one could relate to me
i actually thought that i was the only guy that liked guys in my town,
at least in my school
i got really depressed because of it
junior year was the best
not because of the perfect class schedule
because i wasn't alone anymore
i meet a guy and he's gay
i had a crush on him since i was a freshman
and i actually had a chance with him
though nothing happened between me and him i didn't care
i was happy, i wasn't alone anymore
after high school i joined the marine corps
that was the first time i had ever faced such sever harassment
because of the fact that i liked guys
i only told a few of my fellow marines that i was bi
because don't ask don't tell was still in effect
the beginning of my training was the worst of it
most particularly boot camp
i was called names
i was threaten, including death threats so now there are a bunch of guys out there
to kill me
and also i was treated differently because of the fact that i liked guys
i remember one time in the showers
a guy dropped his soap and no one would get it
and it wasn't until i realized that they were doing all of this crap
because of me that i went down and got the soap for him
at first all of this crap didn't bothered me
the way i saw it was that they were scared
they had no idea how to handle this
this is something completely new and foreign to them
and that just scared the crap out of them
they were completely insecure
and there way to act towards it was to harass me
and i just felt pity for them
i never felt any ill will towards them
even though they acted on there own ill will
the only time that the harassment actually got to me
was back in the barracks
i was on firewacth and i came on passing these group of guys
that wouldn't stop calling me *** and *** you and what not
i was bothered with the name calling
but i would just pushed it off and not even think about it
it wasn't until i talked with one of my fellow marines
that it actually started to bothered me
she was a lesbian and
she was proud that i can say that i was bi in the marine corps
she was amazed by that
what she said to me was
"i wished you would have done something about this"
it was the way she said it
i could fell the disappointment in her voice
after our talk i went to my room and i cried
i cried because i let her down
i felt like i let the whole entire gay community down
that as if i was saying it was ok for those guys to treat me that way
and in doing so it was ok to treat every gay person that way too
the worst part about it was i couldn't do anything
because if i said anything to the higher-ups
i would get kicked out because i liked guys
so i just had to take it
that got to me that all the *** I've been through
would never do
that actually got to me
this is not to say this is how the whole entire marine corps is
it was only a group of people
like 10 out of 100 but your going to see those ten were ever you go
and now with don't ask don't tell repelled
this kind of behavior would never be accepted
an event happened were i was kicked out of the
marine corps with and HONORABLE discharge
and right know i'm staying with my parents and getting ready for college