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So Phil
has failed his mission for all this time
where in the name of *** did I go
wrong with this *** seed?
I was a good father to him I think all I freaking wanted was for him
corrupt the world and interbreed with the human gene pool
so I could have an army of demons at my disposal.
ninety thousand years ago seems as if it was only yesterday to me
before civilization had emerged I was planning an uprising against Luet with my demons
unfortunately for me, my legion of demons were only beings of energy
they need a body in order to do my bidding
these minions were not strong enough to counter Luet and his forces
so out of desperation I realized that I could create a demon
in the shape of a human
who would not need to possess any creature to do my bidding
out of sticks and stones and mud
I created my first demon in the shape of man
I intended to give this monster free will and the strength of a god
but instead
the result
of my creation turned out to be a failure
he referred to himself as The Unstoppable Denominator
and he was as weak as a kitten
I quickly abandoned this problem child
and left him to die
without food
but the only problem was I gave this reject immortality so he is still alive
to this very day
After my first failure was set out onto the world
I quickly created another
this time I did not give this demon a conscience or any other emotions
I decided this *** creature
to be a putrid, foul, killing machine
When he arose from the ashes the creature demanded me to fill his *** with all sorts of
***
and he became to be known as Phil.
Phil would listen to my orders, raping the primitive
humans and animals that would come into his way
He was very quick and agile although he would die quite often but that was no problem. Phil had the ability to die and be reborn an infinite amount of times.
Thousands of years later I decided it was time to create an uprising against Luet, my power had soared to unimaginable heights and with my loyal minion Phil at my side we recruited many putrid beings from across the galaxy to help us win the war.
However things took a turn for the worst when Phil found a wizard from the far edge of the milky way,
a stuttering buffoon who called himself Commodore 64.
Commodore claimed to be an all powerful wizard
who had an entire solar system under his control,
but he turned out to be a lousy charlatan with little magical power.
His one true talent was to mentally abuse and control people
with lesser intelligence than him. Phil became
instantly friends with this imbecile.
Commodore
went back to his end of the galaxy after my defeat and I was too fatigued to kill him or Phil
so I gave Phil a second chance so we bid our time throughout history to wait for another chance to cause another uprising
it never occured
I waited thousands of years
witnessed the black plague
wars fought between mortals
and the slow progression of technological advancement amongst the humans, Luet had also been watching and realized that society was eventually going to crumble under the might of technology
Luet had passed his knowledge
and the Luet Rock to a teenager named Timmith, now Timmith was a simpleton
who fooled around with the ladies because he was a high school jock
given that it was the Bush Era
wars
and ceaseless turmoil
Timmith had no care
for the world's problems and had been bestowed the rock of Luet
I arranged for Phil to become a high school student
and become friend's with Timmith and gain his trust and steal the Luet rock
the plan seemed to go accordingly
as Phil joined the track team along with Timmith the two dominated the field
However Phil was *** by a young girl named Hand Banana
who completely overpowered Phil
diminishing him further from his prime
soon after high school Timmith and Phil wwent their separate ways and were no longer friends
I had to make sure the two were constantly together so I sent my lesser demons to distract Tim
while Phil stole the Luet rock
the plan failed
but at the same time
it reunited the two and they soon lived together
at first this seemed like a good idea I would occasionally visit the two
making sure that Phil would prevent Timmith from saving the world
but what I did not realize at the time was that Phil
was being
prevented by Timmith from corrupting the world
the two thrived off one another
and fed off of each other's hatred
so I sent the demon Molly out to marry Timmith and cause drama but that failed as well
everything seems to fail on me and my worst nightmare came true right before the Molly Games
Phil had got caught
sexually harassing
a woman
and Commodore 64 was the girls lawyer, he had returned from obscurity to reunite with Phil
after the Molly Games, Phil would meet with Commodore in secret and Timmith went to prison for petty crime
so the two spent more time together
However that was short lived as they had messed up the timeline, creating an alternate timeline and erasing their reunion
a bullet was dodged there as Phil was once again with Timmith distracting him from his goal
However Phil
and Timmith were tired of one another. Phil had got caught having an affair with Timmith's wife
and the two
had no choice
but to move from their apartment when the landlord died
when Phil and Timmith got trapped in a bathroom, Timmith left Phil in there
Timmith went on a quest to find the Fountain of Youth
he had luckily failed and Commodore 64 had returned once again in this timeline
unaffected by his previous encounter with Phil
Commodore collected the soul of Casey The Pirate and dashed Timmith's hopes of
becoming immortal
Timmith went out to find the other pieces of the Luet Rock
and I had at last lost sight of him
he demanded Commodore
to use his spaceship
to travel the universe
Commodore must have overpowered him, as Timmith disappeared and Commodore remained now Commodore is living with Phil, and the incompetence of Phil is unchanged
He has forgotten his mission only occasionally making short work of my other failure The Unstoppable Denominator
nevertheless Phil's days of jacking off are over
I have had enough of Phil and his foolishness and it's time for him to meet his maker
the same goes for Commodore 64
that imbecile has cost me so much trouble.
That was his worst mistake by killing that mortal
I will make sure he feels a world of living hell before I rip his *** scumbag limbs from his lint