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Hey, will you take my picture?
Thanks.
- Yep.
- Okay.
[Camera shutter clicks]
Man: Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Let's see if it came out, okay?
Oh, wow.
Wow. Wait, that's you in there.
- [Laughing]
-
Don't I look ridiculous in that picture?
[Laughs] Thank you.
[Rock music plays]
- Excuse me. Miss?
- [Laughs]
[Laughs]
[Laughs]
- Would you like to see today's special?
- [Laughs]
Hi, everyone.
Welcome to an all-new season
of "Off Their Rockers"
The show where seniors prank the juniors.
You know, sometimes I feel kind of bad
about taking advantage of young people.
But he really didn't
seem to mind last night.
[Clears throat] Okay, let's watch the show.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Can you hold this for just a second?
I just want to sign my grandson's card.
Okay.
Yeah, he's gonna be 8 years old.
This is his 8th-birthday present.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, he's just dying
to learn how to juggle.
Oh. Oh. [Chuckles]
That's cool.
They're very sharp.
They're perfectly balanced, very heavy.
I think it's what all
the kids are using now.
Oh, [Laughs] really?
Oh, yeah. Juggling's the latest craze.
- You know how kids are.
- Isn't that too sharp?
Well, they're supposed to be very sharp,
and he has to learn
because the next phase is using power saws,
you know?
So he's got to get good with these first.
Oh, my God. [Laughs]
What a brave kid. [Laughs]
Oh, yes, he really is very brave.
- Thank you so much.
- Okay. No problem.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
Am I proud of myself.
I'm writing on here, doing everything.
Can I just ask you,
do you spell "their" t-h-e-i-r?
It depends on the context
in which you're using it.
Ah.
- You got a free hand?
- Mm-hmm.
Just hold that for a second.
I appreciate this help from all of y'all.
And I'm gonna straighten
this out right now.
[Gasps]
Why'd you put white-out on your
'Cause I didn't want to send out something
that's showing spelling errors.
I appreciate it.
Let's go crazy
let's go crazy
come on, let's go crazy, baby
let's go, let's go
Hi. Excuse me, but we've
had some complaints.
About what?
That there's an offensive
odor coming from your vicinity.
And we understand sometimes it's just
There's no time to bathe.
So I have a solution, if you don't mind.
If you could just wear
this around your neck.
You are just kidding.
Really? Would you mind?
- Lovely.
- Okay.
Oh, thank you so much.
On behalf of literally
everyone in this store,
I want to thank you so much.
Enjoy your shopping. All right.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
Woman: Excuse me.
Is there a good bar around here?
- A bar?
- Yeah.
- Right over there.
- Is that a singles bar?
- Pardon me?
- I'm newly single.
[Laughs] Okay.
Oh, my God!
No. Oh, no.
[Rock music plays]
[Music ends]
[Birds chirping]
Hi, there.
I'm teaching my little protégé
here about the business.
But we're having a slight
problem with tantrums.
I want a bigger trailer.
No.
Louder.
I want a bigger trailer!
I think she's getting the hang of it.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
Excuse me. Can you help me one second?
My girlfriend is just coming back,
and I want to ask her to marry me.
So will you take a picture?
-
- Uh, wait. Wait a minute. Yeah.
- So just waiting for her, okay?
-
Oh, hi, honey.
Oh. Oh, hi.
Reatha, I want to ask you a question.
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God.
Man: Why are you so quiet?
Um are you there?
- Reatha?
- [Dog barks]
- Do you see her?
-
I love you, Reatha.
-
-
What happened?
Miss, could you help me a minute, please?
Could you open this lid for me?
That would be wonderful. Thank you.
- Aah!
- Oh!
- I'll take that from you.
- Oh, that's wonderful.
- Aren't recycler people wonderful?
- You guys are so mean.
Oh, thank you very much
for opening the lid.
Thank you.
[Surf music plays]
It's often said that the
human body is a work of art,
and I'm a real patron of the arts.
Ooh.
[Sighs]
[Mid-tempo music plays]
Hi.
One quick question for you.
I'm doing
I have a little survey
for the census bureau.
Sure.
Do you like briefs or boxers?
Well, I wear boxers.
Boxers!
- You win a prize!
- Oh, really?
Here you go. You're gonna
look so great in that.
- I can just picture it.
- Oh, all right, then.
You know, they used to
belong to my husband,
but he outgrew them.
[Chuckles] Have a great day.
- I don't want used underwear.
- You sure?
You can keep them. Well, he wore them once.
Thank you, though. Thank
you. I really appreciate it.
- You have a great day.
- All right.
[Laughs]
[Surf music plays]
[Sighs]
So what are you doing here today?
- I knew that.
- How?
- I'm a psychic.
- Oh, you are?
Yeah. Wait.
I'm getting a message.
Oh, my goodness.
I see an Asian man in your future.
And I see the color red.
You need to be careful, young man.
Oh, God. The danger. The danger.
Oh.
Ah.
[Mid-tempo music plays]
[Music continues]
Ah. Hang on a sec. I got
to take a quick reading.
[Device beeping]
Can you raise your arms, please?
Uh-oh.
[Rapid beeping] It's off the charts.
Just stand right here, please.
Send in the team.
Man: Hazmat is ready. We'll be on our way.
- Stay right there.
-
[Surf music plays]
- Hi.
- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?
- I'm doing well.
My therapist sent me here.
She said if I get people
to read these cards to me,
that I'll be a stronger person.
Would you read them?
Yeah.
That's nice of you.
Okay. "You are strong woman."
I guess.
[Chuckles]
"Your *** prowess is unmatched."
Are they kidding?
"You are a demon in the sack."
[Chuckles] I'm a demon in the sack?
"You're a total babe."
Aww. [Laughs] I like that.
"You've got a killer rack."
- [Both laugh]
- You've got an interesting therapist.
Well, you know, it's working a little bit.
Coming from you, it makes me feel great.
That's good.
Thank you very much. Thanks.
Do you want my number?
[Laughs]
Oh! Hello, there.
It's amazing how much time
you can spend on YouTube.
I just can't get enough of
those adorable cat videos.
- [Cat meows]
- But enough is enough.
- [Cat yowls]
- It's time to put the screen away
and just enjoy my friends for a while.
[Chuckles]
[Humming]
Oh, this is much better.
[Rock music plays]
Andale! Andale!
Vamanos! Oh-ho-ho! Watch it!
Toro! Toro!
Andale!
Vamanos! Vamanos! Vamanos!
- [Both laughing]
- Toro!
This fresh kale salad is loaded
with greens, super
foods, and fresh veggies.
Disgusting, right? [Chuckles]
Thanks to my new line of
Betty's own salad dressings,
with 670 calories a serving,
you can finally make
salad bad for you again,
not to mention delicious.
Betty's own
Put some white in every bite.
Oh, boy.
I got this letter from my lawyer.
I don't have my glasses.
Could you just read what it says?
It says, uh,
"City of Los Angeles
versus Richard Johnson.
- "You are due to appear in court"
- Dang!
" to answer for the
charges of streaking in public,
urinating on city property,
liberating zoo animals,
and tattooing citizens."
- No!
- [Woman and man laugh]
I didn't take off my clothes!
Dang!
They should have seen what I really did.
All right.
Can't believe that.
[Both laugh] Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
Hi. Do guys have a light?
- No, no light.
- You don't smoke?
I don't smoke.
I have a baby that smokes.
He does.
No, that's not right.
Are you for reals?
Well, why not?
I mean, it's better than
giving him a little liquor.
You shouldn't be giving
liquor or smoke, though.
But he cries if I don't.
I suggest you stop doing it
'cause later in life, it'll affect him.
- Really?
- Yes, it will.
If I were you, I would cut it out.
- Okay.
- Please.
[Rock music plays]
Crazy
I used to be crazy
crazy
Excuse me.
Do you happen to have the time?
Oh, you know what?
I think it's really beer o'clock.
[Both laugh] You know what I mean?
- Crazy
- Never know when you're gonna need one.
I used to be crazy
Whoa!
Unh!
How you doing?
Good. How are you?
Okay, so I don't know if we should go
[Woman moaning]
Oh, that's so good.
Oh, my God.
- [Both laugh]
- Oh. Ah.
[Man and woman moaning]
- Do you think
- So good.
[Laughs]
They're so good.
Oh, my God. This is really embarrassing.
- [Woman moaning]
- [Laughing]
Oh. I can't do this at home
because my wife will kill me.
Oh, God. [Laughs]
- She really would.
- Oh.
[Man moaning]
Nature's wonderful, ain't it?
- Ew.
- Just think.
Two people connecting.
[Laughs]
I think it's absolutely wonderful.
-Woman: Oh, God. [Moaning]
- I can't even look.
- I know.
Ew! [Laughs] [Woman moaning]
I'm gonna go to the
bathroom. You know what?
Oh. I'm gonna leave this here.
If you want to watch it, you can watch it.
I'll be right back.
We're okay. We're good.
Do whatever you want to do with it, okay?
Oh. Boy, do I have to go.
[Man and woman moaning]
Should we, like, turn it off?
Just turn it so you can't see it.
[Both laugh]
Dude. [Chuckles]
Can you imagine if that
was your grandfather?
[Laughs] Oh, my God.
Doreen from Oklahoma writes,
"Betty, my two favorite celebrities
are you and Bradley Cooper.
Have you ever met him? What's he like?"
Thanks for your letter, Doreen.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I have met Bradley Cooper.
And what's he like?
Well, he likes to sleep on
the left side of the bed.
[Chuckles]
[Rock music plays]
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
You've been selected to
be our big-check winner.
All you have to do is answer one question.
Who is the Governor of California?
Brown?
Brown is correct!
You just won $25,000.
Wow. Thank you. Are you serious?
Yes, yes. Here.
- Will you take a picture with us?
- Are you serious?
Yes. Oh, my God. That's so awesome.
- Okay, smile.
- Wow.
Smile.
- [Camera shutter clicks]
- Perfect.
One thing. When is your birthday?
March 19, 1995.
January, February
Ann, we have a problem.
- Oh, no. What is it?
- She's born in March.
I'm sorry. I'm so so
- Let's find somebody else.
- Wait a second.
Sorry.
[Surf music plays]
How you guys doing?
Doing good. How about yourself?
You mind if I vent for a second?
Sure, man.
You know, it's like my mom,
like, she's like totally a space kit.
Like, she's totally OMG mad.
It's, like, come o [Cellphone ringing]
Aw, geez.
She grounded It's her.
Hello? Mom?
No. No, no, no, no.
I'm on my way home.
Thanks.
[Rock music plays]
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Oh!
I love to bring Brian out here.
He loves coming out here.
[Chuckles]
Melanie: Hi, Reatha.
- Hi, Melanie.
- Hi, Brian.
[Both laugh] Our boys.
Just like old times.
- Mm-hmm.
- The four of us.
Oh. [Chuckles]
Do you think the boys want to stay out here
and hang out by themselves for a while?
We can have a little girl time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
Ohh. We can go get something to eat.
We'll be back in an hour.
- I think there's some food right over here.
- Good. Oh.
[Surf music plays]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Good. How are you?
Good. I'm good.
Except I ordered a cab,
and I cannot believe how long it's taking.
[Horn honks] Man: Did somebody order a cab?
I did. Geez.
LAX, right?
Yeah, step on it, pal.
Bye.
Bye, hon. Thanks.
[Horn honks]
-
- [Surf music plays]
- How are you?
- Very good.
Better than ever.
Good. Uh, are you planning to smoke?
Why?
Well, this is a designated
smoking-only zone.
Okay.
Do you have any cigarettes,
cigars, pipe?
- Not at all.
- Anything to smoke?
- Not at all.
- Oh.
Well, then I'm gonna have to ask you
to move right along, sir.
Really?
Wow. I never heard that.
It's the first time.
Well, rules keep changing.
I'll tell you what. You
look like a nice guy.
You want to stay here and stretch?
I'm gonna have to ask you
to hang on to this cigar.
Just hold it. Make believe you're smoking.
Okay, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. I'm gonna keep my eye on you.
All right. All right.
[Rock music plays]
It's award season, and "Off Their Tockers"
is getting into the game this year
by giving out our very own awards.
Richard, you won Best Walker Prank.
[Chuckles]
And, Ann, you won Best Text Prank.
Oh! [Chuckles]
And Jared
You win Best Kiss.
Wait a minute. He's not part of the cast.
He is now.
Aah! Oh!
[Both laughing]
You guys are so mean.
Wow. Wait, that's you in there.