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In the 70 years history of Caritas Ticino,
a certainly important chapter,
is the adoption.
Adoption since the 60s
till 2010 with hundreds of children
that have been adopted.
It's a complex matter,
an issue which we will talk about
also in technical terms,
but in another episode.
Now we want to talk about adoption
with the story of Katia
who from Siberia has arrived
and has been adopted in Ticino,
and lives today in Ponte Tresa
with her family.
For the school SAMS,
School of Arts and Crafts of Tailoring of Lugano,
which she's attending,
she wrote a thesis about her adoption,
and on this, Ester Balbo,
high school student,
interviewed her in her home.
-In the corridor there are
few pictures of our family.
I show them to you.
If you haven't seen enough pictures,
for example here is the baptism,
here is my father,
his brother, my mum, me.
You have chosen a quite particular topic
for your diploma assignment.
You have chosen to tell your adoption.
Why this decision?
First of all because it's the only topic
that I know very well.
I mean, I didn't want to go to the Internet,
download too many pages,
to study because you have to study and memorize it.
So, why not to discuss my adoption
which ... first it is a particular topic
which you don't hear every day
not everybody has the courage
to discuss it, and then
mainly because I wanted to sensitize
people regarding adoption.
and I'm doing it,
I also tell my classmates about it
what adoption is, to the teachers,
and maybe in the future
I can also tell it to other people.
I’ve bought this painting
because I liked it,
because it was dark..
It expresses a little bit of my..
The darkness I had inside.. A red..
It has not been easy
to write it, was it?
No, well, let's say that..
throughout this path, well,
my mum was beside me.
First of all she gave me
some strength, maybe
maybe to remember things that..
I mean, I was very young
when I first came here..
Well, I do remember things
but they are not very clear, you know..
Thanks to her, well,
I could, let's say,
see things in a better way
And then yes,
it has been hard because,
I had never talked about it to anybody,
it is something that I always kept inside
and let's say that it was also like
letting it go, I mean
mean let it go and write it on
a piece of paper, which anyway
..I mean, it is not
inside of me any more
as if it is now a little bit
of everybody, now, so
a lesser weight, smaller
This is a dress, well,
we also design them.
We make the stylistic drawings,
then we draw the fashion-plate,
model paper,
modeling and then we sew them.
They teach us how to sell a product
customer's relationships,
to always be nice and kind.
The Duocati, I have designed.
also this one was at the limit of length.
You've been adopted when you were
not that young any more.
Yes, I was nine years old,
while , my brother was 10,..
So we were grown up already
... I mean we had a personality
and I especially had a shaped personality
so it went... a bit this way.
Right, and then you discovered your passion...
After I finished the secondary school
my life has been.. well,
I decided to enroll in artistic high school
and I've been doing it for a year
which wasn't really...it was when
I started going against everybody
it was only me. Well, not only me
but I was against everybody.
Before you were adopted you
you had been in an orphanage, wasn't?
And you were doing well anyway, I mean..
Yes, there were many...
we had good opportunities
we did theatre, we could play the piano,
we could swim, dance, we had many..
I mean, beside the school,
which I already disliked back then.
We had.. I mean, we could do many things
I mean.. We were always busy.
Who was older could (me, for example) work in the kitchen
I remember having peeled kilos and kilos
of potatoes and carrots as I've written here
As I said, the older children used to help.
It was all run by the nuns,
and so everybody helped each other.
For example, the older ones looked after
the younger ones, as there were
also very young kids.
In the artistic subjects 10, 9..
but where I had to study... three, two...one?
I wasn't really good at studying.
So I said: "Well, let's find a job".
And I went to work for Gucci in Bioggio
So I had my freedom,
So it was there that I was..
my independence, my own wage
I do what I want, and
and it was then that I was running
away from home.
there I became 18 years old.
And then I was fired.
Have you always been the only children
being adopted from the orphanage?
Yes. Yes because anyway we had arrived
we were more or less the third
in the orphanage,
so we had also seen how
the number of people increased.
So you were among the first to arrive.
Yes. However, nobody
before us has never been adopted.
We were in the average age,
because there were also older people
and also younger.
But we were the first.
And if I'm not wrong, you did not
even know the word 'adoption'.
No. No. Because the.. I mean
we’ve got to know about our adoption,
because we were doing parties,
many parties, in the evening,
and it was Easter,
so more or less in this time
of the year, coincidentally.
And our uncle came,
my mum's brother
who told us:
"Well, you are going to be adopted".
And I looked at them:
"Well, what does it mean?"
I did not ask them,
well, in the beginning we did not
know the word,
and then they later explained it to us:
"Look, you will have a new family"
My brother's face beamed with excitement.
Uh he saw the Angel.
I, well, anyway I had..
In that moment I created
kind of a wall in front of me
not because I did not want
to be adopted, but because, well,
I had too many ties,
because I have always thought that
that I needed a family
when I was younger.
So this woman was there when
I needed her. I thought, well
I'm 10 years old, I am almost
10 years old, I don't need it anymore
don't you think?
But it's not true
Every child, even when he's older,
in 40 years will always need his family
That's what I think, I still have to
I still have to get there, but.. Yes.
When your parents arrived, did they see that you...
were a little, well, in a state of...
Yes, yes, well, my brother
ran out to them, he hugged them,
"When do you bring me home?"
I was a little bit on my own..
Hi! Well, hi in Russian, I spoke Russian,
so, anyway, I was thinking about
many things, which.. I remember also
also that my brother would say:
"Come on". I mean, I was hurt to
to hear him.. I mean, with the heart,
to say mom and dad, well, they
were words that I didn't want to
to hear any more, isn't it?
Because anyway they reminded me
of our biological parents, so..
I was not even used to hear mom and dad
any more. I would say, no, Sal, stop it,
I remember that I was crying, because
I was disturbed also from his, well,
his way of running to them, to tell them
mum and dad, with much enthusiasm,
as if he would know them since a lifetime.
Because I have always been a little bit.. on my own,
always a little bit behind, in some place behind,
they would ask me a question and I would reply..
but.. no, I'm a little bit.., Also my character is
is not very.. I mean, when I know,
I need to know people very well, otherwise
I don't open up. I mean I'm always, I laugh, I joke
but I have to know them, know a lot about their life,
and then I open up.
But since I was a child, so.. I am always behind,
then, as soon as I trust the people,
but I got thrashed here as well, so..
in life I rather prefer to stay a few steps
behind and then make four steps forward.
And you, when have you been, I mean,
you were separated from your biological
parents, you were young, or..
Yes, I think I was three years old,
my brother was four, so we were young...
So yes, any way you had..
Right, we already had memories..
Yes, so, anyway, it stays here,
even if you remember it at least
Because anyway I was told that
young children, if they have a trauma,
when they are young, because anyway
even when we were at home with our parents,
life was not very nice.
Now I'm not going to go into the details, but..
I mean, when a young child has a trauma,
he won't forget it.
You can not believe that a child who is three years old
remembers his past. But if he has a trauma,
he will describe it as if it happened the day
before yesterday.
Well, maybe if he hasn't a particular memory
he has not.. Maybe he does not remember it.
I certainly don't remember when
I was drinking the milk of my mother, but..
But I can tell you that I have good memory
of what happened when I was three years old.
And they are not.. I mean, they are not nice.
Yes, and they leave a sign.
This was our orphanage, so it was very big,
we had a lot of free space, it was very big,
we had a park where we could play
This was the outside of the orphanage,
where we kept our bicycles, a little bit..
They look like train wagons, but we had
a lot of fun inside of them.
Here while we were doing theatre.
We went to bed when we were tired
and we slept the whole night through.
Here it was.. mainly when they
tell you about the theatre that we did then..
at the orphanage we did also in our home.
Basically, we would take the clothes of my mum,
and we started to make up, to wear the dresses,
there is also my brother somewhere.
I started to work in a bar, and in the meantime
I started school.
So, I have also gone a long way.
But now I have quit the school,
the important thing is that I get a diploma,
because I'm not interested in sewing.
I like to draw instead.
Your brother has experienced it in a different way,
compared to you, the adoption, or..?
Yes, he has lived it, I mean he wanted it,
he was very happy. The first day that
that he saw them, he already said mum and dad,
so I could see that he wanted it,
he needed it, well, I needed it as well,
but in that moment maybe I didn't really understand it.
I mean, anyway I had put up a barrier
in front of me in the beginning..
So it was harder for me, but it was
enough to see the face of my brother to say
.. relax a little bit.
I am looking for a job in some workshop,
but if they would have separated us,
I would not have come,
I don't know what he would have done, then..
I would not have ever parted from him.
Because anyway he was my family when
I was in the orphanage
he was the only person I could count on,
behind whom I could hide, so.
When I arrived at the artistic high school,
well, I don't like to be commanded..
Yes.
And being told, you do that, you do that,
I mean I don't.. because before I was painting
to let go, isn't it?
So I painted and I let go what was inside of me.
When I arrived at the artistic high school they told me,
you have to do this, rather than do that,
do this, do that, and I said no thanks.
But even for example in the designing of clothes,
they tell me to do it like this, do it like this,
but it will never be as nice as when
I say, I want to do this.
For example, one of my clothes, I want to do this,
I do it, so it is nice because I do it by myself.
If they tell me to do it, take it,
just to do something, I give it to you
and you give me an insufficient grade and that's it.
And when you got here?
Let's say that anyway we were
warmly welcomed, by our relatives,
they welcomed us, they never made any difference
between us and our cousins, and so
we could integrate immediately and very nicely.
We have immediately learned the language.
And the.. I mean I was set a little bit outside..
It was my way to forget.
I mean, we forget the language and
we also forget a little bit about the past.
But it was not like this.
But we could integrate immediately,
in fact starting from September we went to school,
so.. They sent us two years back
because of the language, anyway.
I did this because I said, look how nice
this drawing that I have drawn.
Also because I don't like the colour.
It was the only cloth that I could find.
Nothing. Here I can't show you anything else.
Maybe later you would like to go and look for...
No, I, no, no. I really.. I mean,
when I got here I always said, no,
I mean, I will never want to go back.
And still now I say, neither for a holiday,
nor for any other reason, I will never go back.
My brother instead wants to go back to see
the places where he was.
The people he had known, if maybe
he could find them again.
But I have no interest. I like Italy.
gave birth to me, so, as I said,
she is my biological mother,
but I have one family and this is enough.
These are an exam of the first year,
a very long skirt. It is not very nice because ..
These are all our cousins.
Because you have a numerous family, isn't it?
Well yes, huge. We got a shock when
we arrived here.
The first day, at the airport, we arrived,
we saw all these people, Ah!
The only word we had learned so far
albero (tree), so..
So, to see all these people, you say,
well, and now?
Luckily our uncle was there,
he is the missionary in Russia,
and so he translated for us, he
calmed us down a little bit.
"He is your uncle, he is your cousin,...
...he is the cousin of your cousin".
When I had this time during which I didn't feel well,
I mean, I looked at myself in the
mirror and said: "These eyes, this hair, my body"
asked myself, where did I take them?
But it is only that curiosity. Because in the end,
you can be the child of two parents,
but you don't look like any of them,
you look like your great grandfather.
That was it. Maybe I went to the
the homes of my classmates,
I would see the pictures of when
they were young, those were the things
things that I was missing,
that made me suffer, not to know where
my mother was, or seeing her, no.
Maybe it is rather to have my own pictures,
but I have no interest towards her.
Here it was one of the first times
that we went to the swimming pool.
So, then your family has become this one, I mean..
No, it is my family. Yes, yes.
Did you always have a good
relationship with your parents, or ..?
No, no. In the beginning yes. I mean,
unblocked myself alone, and then anyway,
which child wouldn't want to be caressed.
But growing up, every child during adolescence
lives the way he wants. Mine has been a little
bit particular because...
the burden of which we were talking about before
the backpack of sufferance exploded,
but not straight away.
have done every kind of thing,
I made them suffer.
Because I had this desire of freedom,
.. I mean I don't know what I desired.
I was running away, didn't show up for a week,
so I had really arrived.. to the ground.
When I grew up later I understood..
Also thanks to this thesis I have understood that..
It was my blame what was happening, isn't it?
They had nothing to do with it, even if
I thought that all blame was on them.
Then I said "No, wait, calm down, because...
I think that the only one being wrong here is you"
Because they didn't do anything,
they only did the most beautiful thing that people
can do to you, and they gave you a family.
But I could understand this only thanks
an external person, that has nothing to do with
the family, and I needed an external person
who told me:
"Look, it is you that is being wrong".
They are like all the parents, they bother you
like all parents, and I, from that moment,
understood that it was.. I mean let's say..
The sufferance of my being abandoned did not..
I mean it was my sufferance and that was it,
they didn't have anything to do with it,
and then I understood that I was not the only one
who had experienced sufferance,
my brother as well in his own way,
he experienced it, but mine had been very very heavy.
Very nasty.
Here the subject was the various types
of décolleté because you have to learn how to
make the boat décolleté, the different kinds
of décolleté, and so here they told us
us "Make a décolleté and make the shirt underneath it".
But anyway you are convinced that
the idea of adoption is a good thing?
Yes yes.
I mean, if they would ask you now,
do you want to.. If you could go back,
would you like to be adopted again?
No, my answer would be yes, because
any way when I was adopted with my brother,
he was 10 years old and I was nine.
He could decide.. they had to go to
the Tribunal and he had to say:
"Yes, I want to be adopted",
I did not have this possibility.
Maybe if back then I, I mean, had
the chance to say "Yes I want to be adopted"
or no, I would have said no.
But it would have been the biggest
biggest mistake of my life, because now
I would say 1000 times yes.
Yes, to myself who has been adopted,
yes for all the people who want to adopt,
I mean, it has happened that many people
people have read my thesis, they say:
"Well, now I give it to my granddaughter
since four years she is trying to
have a child", and I reply
"Yes, go and let her read it".
This is a painting that I did at high school.
For my mum, for my mom's birthday
I had chosen this one, but, I mean,
they don't let you do everything, for example,
if they are too short, if the décolleté
is too large, they don't let you do it.
For example, this was already at the limit.
Here are the picture of when we were
living in Caslano the first two or three years,
I don't remember, that we got here,
we where in Caslano, and this was
our first day of school.
The backpacks, well, I was not really happy
happy because I did not like school.
But I still say it today.
It has certainly left a sign, but the fact
that my brother was beside me has helped me a lot
anyway he was one year older than me,
but he was like a shoulder, I don't know how,
what, I mean, I don't know how I would be if
I would not have had my brother.
I mean, I don't know what character I would have,
and I honestly don't even want to imagine it
But to have had him beside me
I mean has been, it is as if I had a
second family as I said before, in that moment
me he was my family. He protected me,
I remember that they were joking about me
me because I had those round glasses, huge,
and for this he would protect me,
because I had broken them, I remember that
I had thrown them away under a tile,
I don't remember. But, I'm sure that a little bit,
I mean, he saved me. Because I'm very..
I mean a little bit bad sometimes.
But I'm sure that I would have exploded a lot more if
I would not have had him beside me like..
Also here at home. It hurts me to hurt my parents
and see him crying, because he cried because
I hurt my parents. And not to see him
on my side, even there I could understand that
that I was the one being wrong because
he was not on my side. He was..
I mean I remember a scene where my father..
Maybe I had just come back from a week away,
he slapped me in the face,
and something that I don't miss is courage,
so I gave it back to him, because I am very nasty.
But I am not scared, I mean, maybe,
thanks to my past I don't fear anybody,
so that certainly not. But I remember that
that when I gave it back, my brother
jumping on me, but to defend them, not me.
And even there he helped me understand
that I was the one being wrong.
But anyway now I can say yes to adoption
because for me now that I am more adult,
anyway now I see it in another way compared to
when I was young, I say that it is a
wonderful thing, first because I say yes
to adoption because you give a family to a child
and anyway all children deserve to have a family, first of all. .
Amd also for the parents who don't have
the possibility to have children.
All because they can not. I mean, there is
this opportunity and I think that everybody
should know about it.
So, yes. I say yes to adoption,
it means that I always think like that.