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Sarah: Hi everyone! My name is Sarah and welcome back to Everyday Consent. Today I have another
Consent Chat with my good friend Robin.
Robin: Hi! I'm Robin Wilson-Beattie, the founder of SexAbled, and I'm a disability and sexuality
educator.
[intro music]
Sarah: Can you tell me a little about how you got into this field? What lead you to
that?
Robin: Well what got me into this was I've always been doing some kind of--form of sex
education but when I got a spinal cord injury in 2004 I realized that, you know, when I
started exploring sexuality with my new body, in the new normal that I was experiencing,
I wasn't finding a lot of information about adaptive sex. And as a matter of fact in my
rehab we covered everything that had to do with your body and how to take care of yourself
and like how to go to the bathroom, how to regulate your temperature, all these different
things. Sexuality, they separated the men and the women into two different rooms like
we were in fifth grade learning about our periods and they showed us a forty-five minute
film that was one of the most depressing things that I had ever seen in my life. But it did
not give me hope, it just raised more questions than it answered and I knew that that wasn't--that
there had to be more and I was right. I realized that sexuality, which is an extremely important
part of what it means to be a human being, that was being left out of the conversation
and that was alarming to me. So I started grassroots just talking anywhere and everywhere
that would have me talking about disability and sexuality and it just grew from there.
My first AASECT I did a workshop on BDSM and disability.
Sarah: Oh, really?
Robin: Yes and called it, "How to work with the kinks within your kink". So it actually
went really well and that was the first time I actually had ever presented at a professional
conference. But it went--I, you know, it went really well and umm--But it also showed me--it
gave me the confidence to go, "Oh what? Yes. I have something unique to share with the
world about sexuality, something to teach."
Sarah: When you did start talking about sex and disability and started to do some activism
with that, what sort of reception did you receive when you brought that up?
Robin: You have to also realize, you know, I was living in the South. I was living in
the South. And being in the South, and being a person of color, you know, talking about
sexuality, especially to communities where they weren't used to hearing that they had
they right to express their sexuality because of the ableist notions that they were getting.
I remember when I was doing--I was working, you know, doing--being a youth advocacy coordinator.
I was talking to my boss and she was just like, "Oh no! No we can't talk about sex."
I was like--I--I didn't--I did not understand the pushback. There is a lot of people without
disabilities who are running things and so they are very--a lot--they are very uncomfortable.
But things are changing. Thank god for the internet. And Tumblr and Twitter and social
media.
Sarah: Has a big community come through that?
Robin: Yes. It has. And so we're able to connect and we're able to share ideas. Because, you
know, there are like tons--it's hard for people with disabilities, you know like I was talking
about, like transportation and accessibility and--
Sarah: Oh, yeah! So like even going to a meeting.
Robin: Yeah, that's all related, and that's all related to sexuality as well. Like how
are you, you know, if you're wanting to go out on a date, then go, "Okay, well we have
to find somewhere that's accessible, we've got to get the transportation that's accessible,
to get us there, and to come back," and, you know, and finding privacy, especially like
if you're living--like say you're living in like a group home, or you are living at home
with your parents. Having people with disabilities, you know, being able to talk to their caretakers
like, "Okay, I need you to help me arrange in bed and get these things ready for me because
I'm going to--I'd like to have sex." I used to be--in college I was a personal attendant
for a woman with muscular dystrophy. You know I remember when she was like, "Okay, my boyfriend
is coming over and can you, you know, get me ready in bed and stuff," and I was just
like, "Woohoo! That's awesome!" But, you know, but there have been--I have talked to other
friends where the conversations that they've had with--depending--you know, they can go
two ways. The care--the personal attendant, you know, can be supportive and like, "Okay,
alright," and realize that this is part of, you know, their job. You know, it might be
different but this is part of their job because it's all about doing that care. And then occasionally
you'll run into an attendant like, "Oh no. That--you shouldn't be doing that anyway."
Sarah: "Disabled people don't have sex!"
Robin: "Sex?" It's like, "No," which is ridiculous. Yeah I find that, you know, like especially
from a medical standpoint, people are much more comfortable talking about addressing
the needs of, you know, toileting, and you know bathing, and you know, helping somebody
out with their menstrual cycle, you know and things like that. But, sexuality? I mean 'cause
I mean just think about how our culture think--you know, addresses sexuality, talks about sexuality
anyway, in America.
Sarah: So when it comes to a disabled person and their relationship to consent in ***
relationships, it sounds like there are a bunch of different layers.
Robin: Sometimes, you know, people with disabilities will be like, "Oh well I should be lucky that
anybody wants me because I'm not able-bodied." I mean, some of this is disability but like
I said it's just culture. It's become a really big issue about talking about what consent
is. You know that's the conversation that we're having now in America with everybody.
So when you have someone who has been taught that, you know, from society's messages that
they are not sexually desirable, or that you, you know, or that you don't have a right to
have a sex life, and a family--you know, or have children, or reproduce, or anything like
that, then when you do start trying to explore your sexuality, you know I've talked to people
where they, you know, like I said, they're like, "Oh well, you know, this person wants
me," so whether it's what they want to do or what they're into, they're just like, "Okay,
you know what--"
Sarah: "I have to go along with it."
Robin: "I have to go along with it." And I like to teach people that, no that's ***.
Sarah: Thank you so much for joining me today, we will have more with Robin next week, but
in the meantime you can reach her--
Robin: At www.sexabledwithrobinwb.com, or you can find me on Twitter on @sexabled.
Sarah: And those links will also be in the description, so we will see you next week.
Happy consenting folks, we'll see you next week.
Robin: I felt really empowered.
Sarah: Yeah?
Robin: I felt--and that was also the first time I was able to do--like I said since acquiring
my disability. That was the first time that I felt like, "Here, I can organize this ***
event, and--"
Sarah: "I can ask for something, and get it."
Robin: "I can ask for something, and get it."