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So I'm getting ready to be 30 in a couple of years , and I gotta get my thing together.
My fiance' broke up with me. In public.
Took my Purple Rain DVD
the collectors edition
with all the extra stuff at the end.
I work at this reality production company as a logger, where I basically watch footage from your
favorite shows and describe what's happening
so along with the struggle job, I get paid a struggle paycheck
and I also drive a struggle whip.
so, I really need to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life but in the meantime
I just wanna get up in here, get to work
don't want nobody bothering me. Just get away from it all.
Congratulations!
Yea! Whoo. Oh yeah, chest bump, chest bump right there, oh that's nice that felt good.
Ah this is beautiful, what is this red velvet? Oh my God this is great. What the hell are we celebrating?
I was doing the party honey? Remember?
Uh uh
What party?
Oh damn. uh... I forgot something. Ummm. Um um.
Uh um, it didn't no. It didn't work
She um
she said no
Come on don't touch me like that. Come on this Red Velv..
Hey you want one?
Come on this some bull *expletive*
Why I always gotta mess up *expletive*
Just trying to do a nice party for my boy.
and now I'm the bad guy. This is some good *** cake tho.
Yo the devil is coming. Cuckoo!
Justin. Oh hey.
What you got there? Oh nothing much, just recovering from a bout of dysentary.
And you? Oh I've had
dysentery before.
Oooh.
In the, the game
I've played that game before and I had dysentary...anyway
besides making sure all of you are working this is why I'm here
which one of you posted this on the board in the break room?
Why you looking at me?
that is not the flier that i did not put up earlier today
Ok you guys know you're not supposed to post your personal business here
and there were typos. I took the liberty.
Wow see, actually...
dude. roommate is spelled with two "o's" not one
that's Romney wanted
that's the wrong message. We only needed one roommate so I only put one "O" on it
and she gave us a C-
I'm the personal assistant to the head of the production company here the production company here
I handle all of the logger reports, help human resources with the new hires and
keep track of my bosses prescriptions. *On Phone* All Over Your Body Works How May I Help You?
Hi, do you guys have something
called um Molly or
someone that works there named Molly? *Dial tone* Hello? Hello?
So how we looking?
Looking pretty good actually man um,
we got a lot of responses see.
Yeah so I always told myself that my next roommate
would be my wife. What I do?
*expletive* my life man.
So how you think we're gonna go through all these people.
Don't even worry about it.
I got an idea.
Ok.
who's next?
I'm uh...
pilot. I make a lot of money and I'm never around.
and you can use my buddy passes.
For real?
What airline you work for? Greyhound. Get out.
Greyhound put that down, Greyhound...
He stole our remote.
*singing* Cause you make me feel, cause you make me feel, cause you make me feel
*manly* like an un-natural
woman.
I'm a singer and a dancer.
*rolling away* Music Cue: Bauer "Harlem Shake"
You can do the harlem shake.
*out of breath* Man you're a talented guy man, definitely.
I just don't think you're a good fit for what we're trying to do so
thanks for your time. Sorry. Appreciate it.
*Singing* Nights like this, I wish the raindrops
would fall!
That is amazing
tell me some more about yourself
your grandmother was a ***.
Congratulations.
We've narrowed it down to the two of you guys. You should be very proud of yourselves.
Question.
It's 4:52am
I call you from jail. In Vegas.
You have to be at work at six.
What do you do?
What do you do? I uh, Ah! Huh.
I drive to Vegas with the bail money in hand
then we go to Denny's cause I know you would love Moon's Over My Hammy. I know you would. *laughing*
So then we drive back home and then I find a new job.
Never leave a man behind.
Wow, loyalty. I like it.
that's what we're looking for.
How about you?
I get dressed for work. *Rick Cuts him off* Uh uh no, wrong answer my brother.
Wait a second I'm not done.
I get dressed for work then I call my uncle Neville.
Vegas PD.
The charges are dropped.
Then I call my cousin Sasha, she's a manager Caesar's Palace.
You're comped a room for the night.
To sleep it off.
Breakfast included.
All you can eat bacon. *Rick claps*
Way to step your game up man. Way to step your game up. Good, good.
Swine, my brother.
Listen there's one last question though.
This is the lightening round this is.
for all the milk and cookies. Alright,
how many gigwatts does it take
to power the flux capacitor
which makes time travel possible
in a 1983 custom Delorean.
With or without mister fusion?
You did your homework. Nice.
Either way. That's easy.
1.21 Gigawatts.
My man.
*laughing*
My man. What just happened. I knew you had it. This dude is ready.
Justin come back here. Don't worry about that. That, that... Don't... Give us a second we're gonna figure out
who the winner of the upstairs room is.
What about her? She's cute. What about all you can eat bacon?
Swine my brother.
Okay, first of all there's no losers involved in this. You are
all winners, ok.
Uh...
The winner
of the upstairs
corner bedroom
is...
Wait a second.
I want to apply. Dream what... Hey. How'd you even get in?
Um some guy named Fast Eddie let me in
said he knew your grandmother. He don't know my grandmother.
He doesn't know her, he never knew her. Oh my God.
Dream, what are you doing
What's going on? I'm trying to be your roommate.
Right but, like
don't you have a man. Like...
why not stay with him.
Um, it's complicated
but does that really matter, I mean I have
racks on stacks on snacks
Or is it, snacks on stacks? Either way, I gotta get out of my parents house and I have money
so. Ooooo.
three months rent up front. It just got real. The flier said $500 a month right?
Yeah, um, that's a lot of 1's and 5's to have.
Um yeah, it's no big deal I have another job that works nights so... She's a stripper! I think I love her.
So if it isn't obvious by now.
Dream wins. Get out.
Sorry guys.
You can call me tho. See you.
Moons over my hammy sometime.
Ah! Thank you.
you won't regret this.
I hope not.
Just promise to leave work at work iight.
we don't need you judging us. And in turn we won't judge you and how you make your money
on the side.
Uh
fine by me.
I'm in love with a stripper!
You ready? I gotta see what club see works at.
You still got that rent money on you?
Yeah I got it.
It's about to be on. Let's do it.
Dream is that you? Shhhhh. Keep it in the closet.