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My brothers and sisters We're gathered here today
to celebrate the life and dramatically mourn the death
of Brett Braudrick Blaze Now Brett was born in a little cabin in Newington, Connecticut
By his first year
he could name all the presidents in reverse chronological order
by his second year he was reading from the teleprompter
Now a reading from Leviticus in Brett's native tongue
♪ BARUCH ATAH ADONAI ♪
♪ ELOHEINU MELEKH HA'OLAME ♪
♪ ASHER KIDISHANU L'HAD'LIK NEIR SHEL CHANUKAH ♪
♪ BAZIIIIEEEEEEENG ♪
I will now pee on the tomb
*zip*
*zip*
Good evening Syracuse I'm Peggy Summers
Starting off tonight's report with some tragic news
Kumquat anchor and infamous beefcake Brett Blaze passed away this week
due to an apparent protein powder overdose
He is survived by his 28 *** sons
Condolence cards and cash can be sent to
The Kumquat Studio, Newhouse, New York
♪~Peggy Summers, Peggy Summers, Peggy Summers~♪ ♪~Peggy Summers, Peggy Summers, Peggy Summers~♪ ♪~I'm Peggy...I'm Peggy Summers~♪
♪ Peggy Su--
The toxicology report came back
Ricin...
not bad, Summers
We all know
What do you mean, "we?"
I'm not going to kill you
but I don't have to save you
My name
is Rodrigo Echevarria De La Rosa Marina
You have killed my anchor Prepare to die...
AH EHTA MEGUSTA MY GASOLINA
Wait... I'm pregnant
Heh Huh Hah Ha...
(I will now pee on the corpse)
*zip*
Salutations Syracuse I'm Leonardo Medici
and this is The Kumquat