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(music)
(voice over)
(So I'm soaking in the tub)
(After a really long day)
(It was one of those days ya know?)
(You wish you could just shut your eyes real tight and)
(When you open them you'd be safe and sound)
(Snuggled up under your covers and you'd realize it was all)
(A dream)
(A really bad like David Fincher, Quentin Tarantino)
(Wes Craven kinda mash up kinda...)
(Craziness)
(Anyway I'm lying there immersed in this like, stew)
(Self-hatred, remorse, with like a touch of self-loathing)
(Thrown in for added flavor)
(And it comes to me)
I want to be a chef
(laughs)
Not at all what I expected
I love food
I love to eat it smell it buy it chop it roast it braise it
I don't give a ***
I'm ready to work hard
That is great
Working hard is very good!
And that's the key to success
It's how you shed your past
It's all about the choices you make from here on out
That is your true test and your salvation Mr. Crosby
I don't know if you've had any time to give thought to
Where you might like to get your education
Yeah no I haven't um really gotten that far yet
That's alright one step at a time
But so you know you can expect to pay anywhere from
Five thousand a year to upwards of forty
To learn how to make a ***' brown sauce?
Oh don't you give up Rod
You've found something that excites you
Something that you're passionate about!
What did you just call me a second ago?
Um I'm not sure what you mean
I think you just called me Rod
Oh I don't think so
Why would I call you Rod?
(laughs) Your name is Ryan
Ryan Crosby see?
Yup there it is right here
Ryan Crosby
That's your name
A foodie who would have guessed?
(train sounds)
(music)
Hey what's up mothahfuckah?
I bet he knew who you were from the first meeting you had
That's probably why he kept wanting to talk about your past
What a ***
Want me to take care of him for ya?
Who the *** are you right now?
Vito Corleone?
What are you gonna do? Stick his feet in cement and
Toss him in the East River because he didn't admit to watching ***?
***
The only thing more embarrassing than admitting that you watch ***
To a total stranger
Is admitting that you make *** to a total stranger
Is that like buying a Madonna album?
What?
Ok you're saying that buying a Madonna album is as embarrassing
And shameful as performing *** is on camera for money?
Yeah
Depends on which album
Justify My Love was pretty good
Was Justify My Love an album or the single?
Ah I guess maybe that was a single
Any of them
Madonna has not achieved the level of success she has today
By producing crap that people don't listen to
Oh people listen to it they just don't admit to listening to it
Or buying it
Ok if Madonna was on your car radio and you pulled up to a light
And the window was down…
Would you lower the volume or turn it up?
Oh interesting um
I see your point
(phone vibrates)
Ah *** Bridget again
Hey Bridget!
Yeah it's me, Jay
Jay
Um strawberry blonde hair, porcelain skin
Dashing good looks
Yeah
Yeah so anyway when are you going to ditch this loser
And start dating a man who really knows how to
Pleasure a woman?
Yeah one minute
***
You're gonna have to deal with this sooner or later
Well thank you for making this as awkward as possible
I really appreciate that thank you
You're welcome
Hey Bridget how are you?
I'm good I'm good
I've just been really busy you know with work and stuff
Ah you know the usual
Seattle, Uh Washington, Um Denver, Uh...Utah
Uh yeah I know *** Pacific only flies international
But sometimes they charter these corporate…
Hello?
(laughs)
Yeah so uh that's over
(music)
Dude you would make the worst double agent ever!
That was hilarious
Thanks
Ah you know what?
That was a sign
A sign?
That's it's time to stop lying about who you are
It's time to make it happen
It's now or never
This is some really good weed
(laughs)
(music fades)
Yeah this is Rod
Yeah I'm available
Uh my overnight rate?
It's a thousand
Uh twelve hundred it's twelve hundred
A party?
Sure
What kind of party?
(music)