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SHANE SMITH: Where
are going now?
MR. KIM: We are going to
military demarcation line.
SHANE SMITH: Your political
indoctrination continues when
the North Koreans take you
to their side of the DMZ.
And going to the DMZ from the
north is a completely
different animal than going
to the DMZ from the south.
From the south, you have to
go through checkpoint,
checkpoint, checkpoint,
checkpoint.
On the North Korean side,
you go from Pyongyang.
It's about a 2 and
1/2 hour drive.
But when you go there,
actually, it's a
lot more laid back.
Although you do notice, on the
drive in, there's a hell of a
lot more troops on the
North Korean side.
And everywhere there's these
massive monuments.
And you're like, what
are those monuments?
And they say, oh, they're
filled with dynamite.
And if there's ever an invasion,
they blow up, and
they fall down.
And they are tank barriers.
And unlike the South Korean
side, you can
shoot what you want.
You can point at people.
you can give them the finger.
You can do whatever you want.
You can drink beer.
[LAUGHTER]
SHANE SMITH: So basically,
it's a big
"*** you" to the South.
It's a big "*** you"
to the Americans.
We're in Panmunjeom, in the
demilitarized zone, where the
armistice was signed between
the DPRK and the UN.
SHANE SMITH: All they want to
do is tell you about how bad
the Americans are, this is where
we defeated the American
imperialist aggressors, this is
where North Korea shut down
the biggest military
power in the world.
And that's what everything
is designed to do.
We're on night vision because
there's no electricity in
Panmunjeom.
We got in trouble
for shooting.
They said we might get charged
for a criminal offense.
So I'm trying to do this
as quietly as possible.
All you hear at the DMZ is
talk of reunification.
SHANE SMITH: Is this is
a political thing?
Like are you trying
to reunify?
They won't mention--
just reunify, reunify.
You think one day they
will be unified?
SHANE SMITH: At that
point you go--
these guys are serious,
serious dudes.
And then, on the way back, you
stop off and you have a meal.
And they're like, oh,
you're hungry?
Hey, let's just stop at this--
any old restaurant.
And they're pretending, like,
this is like any restaurant.
We just showed up.
Hey, McDonald's on the
side of the road.
But let's say there's
seven of you.
You get to the restaurant.
There's seven places laid out,
and the whole of the
restaurant is empty.
It's been choreographed.
They've been waiting for you for
two days, all set up-- the
whole restaurant
waiting to go.
We're in Kaesong, in
a nice restaurant.
We just had a lovely meal.
You have lunch, which is like
50 plates of little ***.
Again, you can't
eat any of it.
But it's like-- just look
how much food we have.
We're so great.
Kinda quiet.
Kinda quiet.
[SIGH]
[INAUDIBLE].
So your first two days
there you're
like, crazy food, politics.
Crazy food, politics.
So you start to get a bit
freaked out at this point.
Thank you.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Yes.
SHANE SMITH: [LAUGH]
Bye-bye.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Bye.
And then on the way back, you
know, thinking, this is the
fourth largest army in the
world, all along this border.
And they've threatened
America with nukes--
and Japan with nukes.
I'm like, how can
they have nukes?
They don't have electricity.
It's like turn-of-the-century
industrial Britain.
How do they have nukes?
SHANE SMITH: So, after driving
back from the DMZ and our
choreographed lunch, you realize
that everything is
going to be choreographed.
Like, hey, what do you
want to do tonight?
Want to go for a few beers?
And you're like, hey,
this isn't so bad.
Sure, let's go out
for a few beers.
And you go out to the sort of
state-sanctioned karaoke
place, which is only, really,
for foreigners and really
high-ranking party officials.
[SINGING IN KOREAN]
[APPLAUSE]
SHANE SMITH: Now the guards
have been waiting.
They've studied their whole
life, you know, English, and
they've studied political
dialectics.
So that they're the best
and the brightest.
And this is like the
top position.
But they have to wait all year
for about 10 days for any
tourists to come.
So there's kind of this weird--
like they're holding
back their excitement because
they get to eat, and they get
to drink, and smoke cigarettes,
and all these
great things.
And you can see them
vibrating--
they're so excited.
You know, yeah, have
some cigarettes.
And they're like, "oh god,"
and drinking, but they are
trying not to show it.
Check one, two.
MR LEE: [LAUGH]
Check two, one two, one two.
SHANE SMITH: This is for you.
[SINGING IN ENGLISH]
She doesn't like my song.
[APPLAUSE]
[INAUDIBLE]
SHANE SMITH: To the museum?
MALE SPEAKER 1: Museum.
SHANE SMITH: Museum, yeah.
SHANE SMITH: The International
Friendship Exhibition Hall.
And we're going to
buy some ties.
SHANE SMITH: Bad for you?
It's bad for everybody.
MR LEE: [LAUGH]
SHANE SMITH: [SINGING IN KOREAN]
What does it mean?
Hello?
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I'm
glad to meet you.
SHANE SMITH: I'm glad
to meet you.
That's why you shake hands.
SHANE SMITH: But that's why,
when you sing it, you always
shake hands.
MR LEE: Yeah.
Tomorrow we have a big day.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1:
[SPEAKING KOREAN]
SHANE SMITH: Goodnight.
SHANE SMITH: Oh, OK.
MR LEE: This morning.
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: This morning.
[LAUGH]
SHANE SMITH: I see
you this morning.
So we went out on a night on the
town in Pyongyang with our
guards, which is good, because
the guards weren't enjoying us
as human beings.
Today they threatened Jamie,
who's filming this, with--
what was it?
Gross, insensitive crimes to
the republic, or something?
JAMIE: Criminal offenses.
SHANE SMITH: Criminal
offenses.
JAMIE: --which would have
severe repercussions.
SHANE SMITH: All we had to do
was buy like six bottles of
blueberry wine, and everybody
was fine, except for Mr. Lee.
He wanted to fight with us
after we disrespected
[KOREAN], the song that says,
"pleased to meet you."
So we're drinking soju.
And we're going to bed now.
He got mad at me.
Mr. Lee got mad at me.
He goes, it was the first
song I taught you!
OK--
[LAUGH]
I don't remember the first song
you taught me, Mr. Lee.
OK, honeybun.
Goodnight.
[APPLAUSE]
SHANE SMITH: So once they
get through with the
indoctrination--
like, the Pueblo and DMZ-- of
how bad the Americans are,
then begins--
how great we are.
And that starts with Kim
Il-Sung, the Eternal President.
And everybody has to go and
pay their respects to the
great statue of Kim Il-Sung,
who, although he's been dead
since 1994, is still the
president of North Korea.
I'm going to lay a
wreath at the the
statute of Kim Il-Sung.
We have to do this as
a token of respect.
And then they took us two hours
south of Pyongyang to
the International Friendship
Exhibition, which is this
2000-room sort of fortress
cut into a mountain--
deep into a mountain, like
20 stories down.
And what it is, is it's all
these presents that were given
or sent to Kim Il-Sung by heads
of state or foreign
dignitaries or notaries.
They are so paranoid about
anyone finding out about these
treasures that they won't let
you know where this is.
They won't tell you anything.
And of course, you can't
shoot there.
And in fact, they got really
mad even when we
were shooting outside.
He took my camera, and he said,
how much memory does
your camera have?
And I'm like, oh, I don't know,
48 megs or something.
And he opened it up.
And he took it out.
And I had a 5 gig card because
I was shooting actual movies
with it on the sly.
And he goes, you're a liar.
You lied to me.
You know very well
that's not true.
This is five gigs.
And even if I had taken pictures
down there, which I
didn't, they just take out
your memory card and say,
thank you very much.
So we're hiding from our guards
right now, who don't
want us to film anything.
We have to keep quiet.
We're allowed to be
quiet up here.
They're relaxing and having tea
right now, so we've got a
few seconds.
We're at the International
Friendship Museum, or
otherwise known as the
international insanity museum,
where all the presents from
all around the world came.
And it's like alligators holding
trays and all kinds of
dead animals.
And ivory, like huge ivory,
and all this gold stuff.
They have all this
crazy business.
And there's so many attractions
there, so many
treasures, that, if you were to
stop and look at each one,
it would take a year and
a half to get through.
Everybody goes on this
pilgrimage at one time in
their lives.
And they wear their
best clothes.
The women get dressed up
in native costume.
The men wear their uniforms.
And what a benevolent god
because he's sharing all these
amazing treasures, like
he would share
them with his children.
So they think that every leader
in the world thinks
that Kim Il-Sung is the best.
Not that we're mad at them, or
North Korea's on it's own.
They think Kim Il-Sung
is the best.
They don't understand that the
world is mad at North Korea.
SHANE SMITH: Going to the
subway, for us, was a really
big deal because
we never got to
interact with North Koreans.
And we were like, wow,
we get to see
real, live North Koreans.
We're going down
into the metro.
We're going down deep.
This is amazing because it's a
working subway, bomb shelter,
and beautiful thing.
They either try to ignore you,
or they're incredibly
fascinated by you.
And a lot of them look at you,
and they do not like you
because they've been told you're
the devil since they
were two years old.
Subways are a big thing in
communist countries.
I mean, Moscow is famous for its
lavish stops on its public
transportation system,
as is Pyongyang--
you know, look at how
great our public
transport system is.
So you get to go from one stop
to another stop, both of which
are incredibly lavish
and over the top.
SHANE SMITH: Fireworks,
fireworks.
Ah.
The rest aren't as lavish.
And apparently, the rest are
just tiny little, five feet
tall things that you come out of
that are really functional.
But they have two, sort of,
monumental ones that you're
allowed to see.
You're not allowed to
see the other ones.
And as you come out, you realize
this is 1950s Russia.
This is Soviet Russia.
This is Maoist China.
I've come back in a time warp.