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Santa: Each bell would peal with a silvery zeal
As the holiday feeling was filling us. But now instead, all we're feeling is dread
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves: Each Christmas list gets us more and more
pissed Till the thought of existence is chilling
us.
Santa: I'll tell you what. Shove your list up your
butt, because...
Santa and Elves: Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see that what you do
Is a dream come true? Can't you see that every smile
Makes it all worthwhile?
Santa: No, screw you! It's all but through,
There's too much to do. All those dreams are nightmares
And blank icy stares.
Each little elf used to fill up a shelf Making playthings and selflessly thrilling
us. Now they're on crack and it feels like Iraq
Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves: Each model train only heightens the pain
Of the workload that's straining and drilling us.
Santa: Fingers all bleed. And look! That guy just
peed Because Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see our point of view?
We rely on you. Can't you see that Christmas cheer
Gets us through the year?
Santa: My whole crew is black and blue.
Can't you take a clue? You may think I look great,
But I'm twenty-eight!
Santa and Elves: Each jingle-bell is a requiem knell,
And while you think it's swell, we are toiling in Hell!
Santa: Take a look, you can tell, as a man, I'm a
Santa and Elves: Because Christmastime is killing us!
Killing us! Christmastime is killing us!