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Out! You rat. Parasite!
Dad.
Is he OK?
Dad! Call an ambulance.
Dad, please.
Oh my God! Is he breathing?
Can't we just bury the bloke?
I'm thinking less of
the dearly departed
and more of
the dearly beloved.
Yeah, Viv's right. Sean didn't even
know about Lionel's gambling.
He was trying to protect you.
No, he was trying
to protect himself!
Tell him how angry you are,
how unfair this is,
whatever you need to say,
and then forgive him.
We all make mistakes.
That's what you used to say.
Should we go inside,
make sure he's OK?
No, no, just give him some time.
I just feel like
we should do something.
You are.
ALL: To Lionel. A truly shocking
batting average.
To have and to hold
from this day forth,
for better, for worse,
for richer -
I do.
(Chuckles)
Louisa, do you take Nick to be -
I do.
There is an option here for six,
where you would say, 'Nick, you are
my beloved, you are my friend,
do you take me to be your wife?'
Your wife?!
Do you -
Stop it!
What's option seven?
Tandoori chicken.
And there is an option for you
to write your own vows.
Which brings me to the final item
on the agenda -
counselling.
BOTH: Counselling?
Counselling.
Well, I'm sure we don't need
that one, Marg.
That's what they all say.
Here's a list of the local ones.
Is this a legal requirement?
Yes, I'm required by law
to recommend it
as one in three marriages end
in divorce.
Yeah, but hang on,
shouldn't there be a wedding
before there's a divorce?
Yes, but at some point
in every marriage
issues come up that cause problems.
Have a think about it.
There is group counselling
offered over in Sapphire,
that may suit you better.
Thanks, Marg.
But if it ain't broke,
there's nothing to fix.
(Theme music)
£ I lay down in a bed of roses
£ I woke up lying on a bed of nails
£ It's the oldest of tales
£ Lose the wind
£ From your sails
£ I lay down in a bed of roses
£ I woke up lying
on a bed of nails. £
£ Doo dee da doo dee dum. £
Now I call this one Bridge Over
the Mainstreet Public Conveniences.
(Laughs) Oh, do you mind.
I was going through
my abstract phase. It's a rainbow.
That's definitely the ladies' loos
in the main street.
Oh! Are these my baby teeth?
Yeah.
Oh, you kept them.
So much for the tooth fairy.
That's dreadful old myth,
blatantly encouraging children
to become extortionists.
Oh and I think
the box might be silver.
It might be good for the wedding,
keep rings in it or something.
Oh.
Oh - you and Nick having problems?
No.
Oh that's just Marg's
counselling brochure.
Counselling from Marg?
Marg the divorcee celebrant?
She has to recommend it
to all couples,
but we're not going to do it,
because we haven't got problems.
Then why were you up half the night
Googling love doctor websites?
Just keep it or throw it out
as you like.
Wait a minute, what's all the rush?
Well nothing,
I'm just clearing out my life,
getting rid of all the mess.
Oh I see, decluttering your only
precious child from your life.
Oh I don't mind.
Don't be so silly.
Mum, you forgot your quiz.
How compatible are you
and your lover?
Very, very funny.
Ah! Oh my god.
Oh, it's a possum.
Oh no, it's dead.
It might not be.
Oh!
No, poor little thing's alive.
Here, pick it up.
We'll take it to Deb.
Here bub, get around the other side.
Will you call Deb, Mum?
Tell her we'll be there soon.
OK.
Put it down here.
Oh.
Right?
Yep, puncture wounds.
Definitely the work of a cat.
We don't have a cat.
No, it'll be a feral
from the national park.
There's hundreds in there,
killing all the wildlife.
It's out of control.
That's terrible.
Well, the cat that did this
didn't get to eat it last night.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to have to put it down.
(Gasps) Oh no.
You hate possums, remember?
Yeah, but only when
they're in my roof, I mean
This is why I've been lobbying
the council for the past six months.
We need stricter regulations
on cats.
What kind of regulations?
The kind that'll have every
cat lover in Rainbow's End
sticking pins into a Deb doll
once they hear me speak
at tonight's public meeting.
The Echo shouldn't
be making a big deal
out of these proposed new laws.
It's all the excuse some
of those extremist greenies need
to start shooting cats
and making hats out of them.
Bring it on. The ferals in the
national park are out of control.
It's not the only thing
that's out of control.
I nearly got totalled
by a feral last year.
I was riding my bike
through the national park
and this big black ***
comes straight over the top
and I go straight over the top
of my bike
and I hit the ground
and I look up and there he is
and he's just looking me
straight in the eyes.
And then he just took off.
I was OK.
Oh, speaking of big -
that's a monster, that cat.
That's a pampered possum killer
for sure. (Laughs)
Stop it, Louisa.
Sorry, Viv.
She won best desexed in show.
Sorry - best desexed?
Strange thing to win a prize for,
isn't it?
Well, it's more strange
to expect people
to keep their cats locked inside
the house all the time.
But you keep Iris locked
in the house, don't you, Vivien?
Iris is a prize-winning
pure bred, Gavin.
Well, I agree with Vivien.
We have to be very careful
how we cover this story.
As editor,
you can't afford to show any bias.
Well, I'm not the one
with the personal bias.
I'm just going to go to the meeting
and cover it, alright?
You're not going to the meeting
like that?
Settle down, Vivien.
Don't get yourself too excited.
Marty, talk to him.
And say what?
That he looks like an old
cauliflower wrapped in cling wrap?
Come on, Viv. Last chance
to have Iris on the front cover.
Not on your nelly.
You may as well put a bullseye
on her for the greenies.
Louie.
Hello.
Ah, don't tell me you found a socket
set while you were spring cleaning
that you decided to give to Nick?
No, I found
my old motorised tyre pumper.
Nick's putting a new valve in it.
Mmm, good.
I came to say
that I have to work tonight,
because the Echo's
covering the meeting.
Oh, I'll be there.
Wouldn't miss that for quids.
I bet I know whose side
you'll be on - Deb's.
Oh, do you?
Well, when I was a little girl
you wouldn't let me have a cat.
Now that is not true,
because I gave you a fluffy white
kitten for your eighth birthday.
Yes. (Laughs)
You gave me a stuffed
toy Persian cat.
Actually I found that the other day.
Did you?
Clearing out a box.
I was going to put it
in a charity bag.
Oh, Mum -
You don't want it, do you?
OK.
Well, back to work.
See you, Minna.
So what's going on?
Well, apparently I'm taking up
too much space in my mother's life.
Ah.
Did she tell you
we found an injured possum?
Yeah. She was fishing.
About what?
Counselling.
Louie -
we don't need counselling, do we?
Well, one of us might.
(Laughs)
I now pronounce us counselled.
Sean wouldn't have told you
the big urn
if he thought Mrs Thompson
would fit the small one.
Yeah.
Can I just call you back?
Thanks.
Sean, what are you doing?
(Whirring noise)
Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry,
what was that about the engraving?
OK, that's another one for Sean.
I'll get him to call you, OK?
Yeah, as soon as possible.
Thank you. Yeah. Bye.
Holly, get out of my way.
No.
What did the bank manager say?
She painted a pretty black future.
Said I should declare bankruptcy
and sell up for what I can.
Never got to tell Dad
what I really wanted.
What do you want??
Go to art school.
Then do it. Walk away.
Go to art school.
What about all the people
that rely on me?
All the pre-paid funerals?
We'll work something out.
People have always been able
to rely on Smithwick's.
Could you move, please?
(Phone rings)
Hello, Smithwick Funerals.
Hello, Mr Thompson.
Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
You're not helping Sean today?
What do I know about
casket linings and bronze urns?
I just don't think I can help him,
not in the way he needs.
He's so angry.
I don't think there's
anything rational about grief.
Remember when your dad died?
Everybody reacts differently.
Yeah, I know.
He's not even
eating properly though.
He's surrounded by death.
He's trying to deal with death.
It's unbearable.
(Crashing sound)
(Cat screeches)
A cat.
(Piano)
Well, it's too small for a feral.
It'll have to be a stray.
You know, I'm worried about the
reaction I'm going to get tonight.
People love their cats. I wish they
could stop them killing everything.
Well, don't worry,
you've got Margo on your side.
Oh guys, here we are.
Marty.
Marty.
Hello.
Ladies.
Louisa's definitely got a cat
hanging around her shack.
I'll have to borrow a trap.
Yep. Well, I've got one in the car.
Remind me after the meeting, OK?
OK.
Charity trivia night
at the pub tomorrow night.
You are killing me.
Still wary about counselling?
(Chuckles) Leave it out, Marg.
We may never get rid of feral cats
from the national park,
but we can start to
make a difference.
So to summarise -
One - compulsory desexing
of domestic cats.
(Audience talks over each other)
Two - compulsory confinement
to owner's properties.
And three - the gradual phasing out
of cat ownership
within the shire of Indigo.
(Audience speaks all at once)
Thank you, Gavin.
Thanks very much, Deb.
OK, has anybody else
got anything they'd like to say?
Anybody not want to say anything?
Marg, could you put your hand up
if you want to speak please?
Alright, Vivien.
Thank you, Gavin.
I'm all about protecting
the environment, Deb.
But we're on about educating people
to be responsible cat owners
Yeah!
Yeah.
..not passing laws
that infringe on basic rights.
What about the rights
of all the wildlife
that gets slaughtered every year?
Yes. Yes.
And what about the kittens that get
dumped outside our restaurant?
Not good joke.
Order. Settle down, please.
Just settle down.
No-one will be heard,
just one at a time, please.
OK, one at time.
Gav.
Marty.
Oh, here we go.
Look, I think the problem
is the ferals in the national park.
I think there should be a policy
like a shooting policy or -
That's not right.
Order. Order, please.
Just hang on a minute.
Deb! Deb!
I've been listening to everything
you had to say.
You've never had a cat, have you?
I've had farm cats.
Yeah, but not a pet cat.
You know - ones that are capable
of friendship and companionship
and are tactile and fall asleep
in their owners' laps.
You've never had a cat like that.
Have you?
No.
I know what a fantastic job you do
looking after the wildlife,
but we've got to look after
people too
and oftentimes cats
are a better choice for therapy
than a daily does of pill popping.
(Applause)
Marg.
The cats are causing
too much destruction.
They are killers,
each and every one.
George Clooney never killed anything.
He did kill that baby rat
and bring it inside.
That wasn't a little rat,
it was an antechinus.
An anti-what?
An antechinus. A marsupial mouse.
And I bet you had lots of them
around the house
before you got George Clooney.
You never mentioned
any of this before.
Well, I figured it was either
George Clooney or our friendship.
If the council passes
these ridiculous laws,
it is my suggestion
that the cat lovers of Rainbow's End
refuse to pay their rate payments
for the next five years.
(Applause and shouting)
Alright.
Settle down everyone, please.
And what about our rights?
Excuse me. Hello.
I, ah, I know you've all
got really strong opinions,
but if you could have seen
what a stray cat did to a possum
on our doorstep this morning,
you'd change your mind.
I'm not trying to take sides.
I just want to make that clear.
Oh, you've made that
perfectly clear, Louisa.
So much for a fair go at the Echo.
Settle down please,
just settle down.
OK, well, that brings
the meeting to a close.
Minna will distribute the minutes
of the meeting next week,
so goodnight and good luck.
You were uncharacteristically
quiet, Mum.
I was quite happy to sit back
and watch democracy in action.
Yep.
That's all there is to it.
Mind you, the cat's
going to be a bit stressed,
so you want to throw an old towel
over it - that should calm it down.
Maybe that's what we should have had
at the meeting.
Come on. You're not going to let
a little cat fight get you down.
They just seem so opposed.
Yeah, that could affect
the friendship.
Hey.
Maybe they need counselling.
(Laughs)
OK, I'll set this up.
Oh no, no.
What?
Not the trap.
Why?
It's just too stressful, I -
What? For who?
For you or for the cat?
Here, ***, ***, ***.
(Laughs)
(Dogs barking)
(Cat yowls)
(Cat meows)
Gotcha.
(Cat meows)
(Crashing and caterwauling)
Ow!
(Cat screeches)
(Breaking glass)
Woo-hoo, no whip and chair?
No, he's quietened right down.
Oh, quiet enough
to put in here?
Nick! I just - we should
give him a couple of days
to see if he gets used to us.
Oh, well, Louie, I don't want you
to get too attached.
Well, I'm not, but I don't even
think he's a feral
because he just sniffed my hand.
Ah - well, you're making good
progress if you got close enough
to figure out
that it was a he and not a she
Oh, I knew, because he, um,
left the toilet seat up.
I don't leave the toilet seat up.
Yeah, I know. It's weird.
Is that weird good or bad?
No, it's weird good.
Oh, OK. I gotta go.
OK. 6am?
Yeah. Some people have to work.
(Chuckles) See ya.
(Cat yowls)
Hey, Nick.
Ah-ha, back to nature!
See what you've been missing?
What, stinging nettles on my bum?
I would like to have a shower soon
and wash my hair,
or do I have to wait until it rains?
Your mother's in no hurry
to get rid of that cat
and I'm sure Sean's clients won't
mind that you didn't wash your hair.
Nick! Anyway, I'm not going
to the funeral parlour today.
Well, how's Sean going to get on?
(Sighs) I don't know.
He needs someone who can move bodies
and lift caskets.
I can't - I'm not
the right person for the job.
Yeah, but you're gonna be there
for him, right?
You're gonna support him.
I'm trying.
Good! As I said,
a man can't get any better
than a homecooked meal
and freshly ironed shirts!
(Laughs) You better rethink that if
you're serious about marrying Mum!
Bye.
Bye!
'Do you ever think,
"If only he didn't -"
insert a favourite annoyance -
life would be perfect'?
Cup of tea?
Thank you, Gavin!
(Clears throat)
'..wear lycra?' Yes.
Morning!
Morning!
I probably won't be here too long
'cause I got
a bit of a bathroom problem,
so I just, um, I'm going to do
most of my work from home today.
Good idea, Louisa.
Leave the lynching mob to us.
Well, actually, Viv, last night
made it even more important
that we need to rise above our
personal feelings here at The Echo
and cover the story in a balanced
way that serves the community.
Very well. You're the editor,
Louisa.
Yeah, and I do -
I take full responsibility.
Oh, Marty, what happened
to the feral cat photos?
Yeah, I got one. Had to stay up at
the tip all night, but.
I thought I heard you tell Nick
last night
that you were off to some
football fundraiser.
No. Anyway, he's not the biggest
one I've ever seen
but he was pretty vicious,
he chased me back to the car.
Really? Probably not happy about the
fact that you took his collar off.
'Garfield Cootes'!
Nor will be Mrs Cootes
when she finds
her rubbish bin has been up-ended.
Give me one night in the park
and I'll get the shot.
Marty, we don't have time.
You need to look in all the animal
shelters and the pound, OK?
Ah, what about the cat that's been
hanging round your place?
I don't think it's there anymore,
haven't seen it.
What about
these? Who are they for - Nick?
That was Holly's idea in case we do
trap it - silly Hol.
Going a bit overboard, isn't it?
Could be.
(Sizzling)
Oh wow, that smells good!
Can't say the same for that.
Know what I think?
I think Sean Smithwick
is a very, very lucky young man.
I do! Or you could have this.
Good luck!
Thank you!
(Shrieks)
Mum?
(Cat meows)
Oh, hello! Wow!
Can I touch it?
Yeah. Wow, come this side.
Hello! He likes us.
Hello, ***.
Did I overcook it?
No, no, it's great.
Do you need any shirts ironed?
You can iron too?
Let's just say I know
more about ironing
than I do about organising funerals.
Dad always said that by the time you
learnt everything there was to know
about the funeral business
you'd be ready for a ride
on the back of the hearse yourself.
(Laughs)
Sean, you know
I'll always be here for you.
Yeah.
But I can't work here.
I'm not the right person
for the job.
Marg signed me up for bar work,
and I'm going to start working
at the Rainbow Inn again.
I need to start saving
some serious money
so I'm not still paying
a student loan in 2050.
I thought your Mum was putting you
through uni.
It's just something
I want to do by myself.
(Phone rings)
I gotta go. Marg's teaching me
how to pull a beer. Bye.
Chicken Parma's sensational.
Really?
Mmm.
No, it's great!
Don't do that.
Hol, I don't wanna lose you.
You're not going to.
***, ***, ***, ***. Hello?
***, ***, ***.
***.
(Knock at door)
Hello?
Hi, it's me, Deb - it's locked.
Ah, hang on!
Hi.
Hi.
Look, I know you can't
be seen to be biased
so I've written it
as a letter to the editor.
Can you have a look?
You want me to look at it now?
Yeah, if you could.
Look I start off a bit full on at
the beginning, but it gets better.
(Keys hit the floor)
I'll get them!
What's that smell?
Did you get that cat?
Do you think there's more than one?
Oh, I don't know.
There could probably be hundreds,
I mean, you know
Imagine that, you know.
I mean the pound would be chockers.
Yeah, except they keep them
for a couple of weeks
and then they have to
put them down.
I thought you said
they got them homes?
Nah, you don't want to know
what they do.
Really? What do they do?
They kill them!
How about I leave that with you
and you call me when you've read it?
Thanks for your support.
It's not easy.
That's OK. Have you spoken to Marg?
How are you guys?
I don't know. I feel really hurt.
It'll work out.
Thanks. See you. Bye.
Bye.
Are you an idiot?
That's the way to get killed.
What were you thinking?
Hello, hello!
What am I doing, I hate cats!
Oh - wow.
Viv!
Gavin, if you were stranded
on a desert island
with only one animal as a companion
what would you choose?
A sheep, a dog, a snake or a camel?
Well, you know,
it'd have to be a cat.
If a cat wasn't an option.
Then a dog.
I thought as much.
Why, what animal would you choose?
A camel, of course!
I thought you'd know that.
Allow me.
Oh, thanks.
Good old-fashioned service.
Can you do me a favour
and tell Nick?
I'm trying to get him
to take me on full time.
He isn't here again?
Third time this week.
Oh, well, hope business
is good enough.
I'll put that
on the Louisa account.
I'll just give your windscreen
a quick -
Nick!
Hello, Nick?
I've got a confession about the cat.
You alright?
Deb.
I'm just worried about Trev.
You know, he said he'd ring
last night and he didn't.
Oh, I'm sure he will.
Yeah, just,
just got a weird feeling.
You don't have weird feelings
about Nick, do you?
No.
Ah, except of course
if you count a boat called Vicky.
Vicky? Who's Vicky?
I don't know.
Ow!
Oh, you bite! Does he bite?
He does!
Trevor had a truck called Bessie.
Yeah, people name their boats
after all sorts of things.
It's not like there's anyone
called Vicky in this town, is there?
Except Tricky Vicky.
Who's Tricky Vicky?
You know, Tricky Vicky,
on Boundary Lane.
Louie, what are you doing?
Oh,
I'm, um, building acat run.
See?
This'll go all the way over here
until we get to the fence,
and then it turns into an airwalk.
Airwalk?
Yeah. Look -
I looked it up on the Internet.
And then all the way to the tree
where it's trapped - so -
cat can't get out
while life can't get in.
Do you need a hand?
Nah. I'm good.
Are you sure you want
the responsibility
of looking after a cat?
Well, cats are pretty
straightforward.
At least you know where you stand
with a cat.
Is there something else
on your mind?
Nup.
So, what do you think
about the name 'Vicky' for a cat?
I thought it was a boy.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know what it is.
(Groans)
Ow.
Look, give it here -
I've got it. I'm good.
No, give it here.
Nick, I've done the whole thing.
Just give it here.
I'm fine -
Ah! See? Give it here.
Oh, Nick.
Honey, give it here.
Please. I did it.
I've done it by myself! Nick.
Louie.
I did the whole thing by myself.
(Grunts)
OK. Be careful.
Yeah.
I'm good.
Oh! Crap. Yep.
I'm good. You're good.
Yep, I've got it.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
(Saw buzzes)
Come on.
Oh crap.
Louie.
Hi.
Ta dum!
It was supposed to be a surprise.
I was getting her seaworthy for us.
I knew you wanted
to take a boat trip.
I thought we could do it
on our honeymoon.
Oh.
Come here.
Um, she's 20 foot, six cylinder,
It's got a stove, toilet,
fold-out bed.
We could be out for ages.
Wow.
When you said boat, I er -
I don't know -
I pictured Queen Elizabeth,
first class cabin, pool, deck games,
quoits, wining dining,
but you know -
you said boat, you meant
Boat.
She's fantastic.
It'll be fun.
It's a wonderful surprise, thank you.
So how long have you had her for?
For a while.
Alright, well, um, trivia night -
your car or mine?
Uh, we'll take yours.
Oh, another door prize?
No. These are for you.
Thank you.
Louisa,
no doubt I will get over this.
I am trying, but right now
I find it extremely difficult
to muster up any
warm and fuzzy feelings
for anybody who is hell bent
on wiping out the entire
cat population of Indigo.
Right.
Nick, could you
disperse these please?
Well, hope you're good at trivia,
because I'm not.
Are we on the same team?
I'm not sure whose team
you're on anymore.
What was that all about?
Well, I guess she didn't like
the cat photo.
Where'd you get this?
It was on the camera
when I was looking for
some footy photos.
You can keep that one.
I've got copies.
And the answer to the last question
in round six -
how many toes does an ostrich
have on each foot?
Two!
Yes!
So write your scores down,
then bring them up
to the podium please.
An emu has two.
Sorry.
How we doing?
Ah, blue team are in the lead.
Not by much, I hope.
Last round - we can do this.
Alright, round seven.
Is everyone ready?
In what year was the thylacine,
otherwise known as the
Tasmanian tiger, declared extinct?
Another one for our wildlife expert.
I don't know all the answers.
But you do know about
getting rid of pets.
Oh sorry, Freudian slip -
I do mean pests.
The Tasmanian tiger wasn't a pest.
You tell that to sheep farmers.
Food's food
when you're a wild animal.
Cats don't pick and choose,
they eat everything.
Now come on you two,
you'll spoil it for everyone.
Alright, we ready?
Now question number two.
Cats are born hunters and killers.
So was the Tasmanian tiger.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
You are my best friends.
I understand you both
have very strong opinions,
but come on - you need to compromise,
fond some balance.
Hear, hear.
In the nursery rhyme
Sing a Song of Sixpence,
what was that queen doing?
Eating bread and honey!
Mum!
Nice one, Minna.
Hey, Nan.
Hi.
Congratulations on your win
last night.
Thanks - who would have thought
Aiden would have a mind like
a steel trap for trivia.
Septic tank more likely.
How did he know how many squares
of paper in a toilet roll?
(Phone beeps)
Oh, I've got to go -
the hearse is blowing smoke rings.
Sean is having a meltdown.
Oh, dear.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Cat runs behind schedule.
See you. Love you.
Bye.
Aren't you gorgeous, aren't you?
Are you alright?
Oh, yes. I hope you're worth it.
Oh my heavens. Ooh.
Now, as promised -
you probably don't want it
now you've got the real thing.
Oh, yes I do.
He's quite a nice animal.
Oh, Mum, how come I never had a cat
when I was little?
Too busy for pets.
Oh, come on.
We had dogs and geese and chooks.
They're all useful animals.
I see.
Doesn't have any use in Mum's life.
You know,
I had a cat when I was small,
but he had the killer instinct
and used to hunt the native birds.
And one day my father
was just back from the war
and he went down
to the river to fish
and I was playing nearby
with my sister
and we heard this noise
and my father was drowning the cat.
My sister and my sister -
oh, my little sister
was inconsolable.
You know, Louisa.
When your house gets burgled,
it's not the useful things
that you care about
it's all those
little personal things.
I've had some precious memories
of you as a girl
and that's why
I've handed them onto you.
Oh.
Oh. There.
Oh, darling.
(Exhaust bangs)
Alright, kill it.
Could be the rings.
Mm-hm.
It may be the head gasket.
Mm-hm.
Aiden. I've got this, OK? Cool.
I've got a funeral at one.
How long's it going to be
off the road?
Well, if it was the rings
or the head gasket -
crank it over -
fortunately, it's not.
(Engine starts)
Hallelujah.
Yeah. Anything major that could have
gone wrong with this car already has.
Look, Aiden, as I said before -
I don't have enough work here
to give you a full-time job.
Oh, come on.
You haven't seen me spread my wings.
I can make you coffee,
starch your overalls.
You've got to love him, don't you?
He's a man of many talents.
A photo of a cat and a dead possum?
What's this going to do
for the credibility of the Echo?
Actually, Gavin, I think it'll give
much more credibility to the Echo.
Pet or pest,
day or night, black or white -
it's our failure as humans
to consider issues in shades of grey
that cause conflict.
If the people of Rainbow's End
can find solutions,
so that our cats and our wildlife
can exist in harmony,
we'll be showing the world
we can all live in peace.
Well said, Louisa.
Morning everyone.
We weren't going to take sides
and now you swap sides.
What?
I mocked up the front page
like you told me
and then showed them.
Well, don't expect me to back you up
when the proverbial hits the fan.
The whole thing's ridiculous
as far as I'm concerned.
The word ridiculous does not sit well
in the mouth of a man wearing lycra.
Is everything OK
between you and Gav?
As a matter of fact, Louisa,
our relationship
is about to be terminated.
What, because of the lycra?
No.
I hope you don't mind.
I printed off a copy.
The results confirmed
what I suspected.
No relationship's perfect.
I'm not looking for
Mr Perfect, Louisa.
I'm looking for a Mr Right.
It's going to be awkward
with you and Gav working here.
Not necessarily.
Just leave it with me.
I can't believe you're taking
a silly quiz to heart.
A score of two out of a possible 48 -
of course I'm taking it to heart.
I think we should
consider counselling.
Counselling? What on earth for?
According to the quiz
we only have two things in common
and one of them
is a love of cats.
Well, that's something.
You could call that a passion.
That was a passion for you and Marg
and look how that ended.
That was different.
Marg and I were married.
You and I are not married,
nor do we intend to get married.
But I thought -
You thought what?
I thought that was the other thing
we had in common.
The only other thing.
Question 42.
Do you and your partner agree
that matrimony is the best policy?
Well, it's a shame you
have to take it down again.
I thought you'd be pleased
because you don't even like cats.
Well, actually,
I do like cats, Louie,
especially ones named Vicky.
OK.
Who is Vicky?
Nobody. At least not to me.
Oh, the girls said you don't
name an entire boat after nobody.
I didn't name the boat.
That's what it was called
when I bought it.
And apparently
it's a complicated business,
changing the name of a boat.
And it's bad luck.
Sorry.
(Laughs)
Oh, how cute.
He's a possum killer.
And he's yours.
But he's yours.
No, he's not.
We live way too close
to the national park.
I don't want to keep him locked
in my house all day
and, you've got to admit, there are
serious design faults to my cat run.
Louisa's trying to say the cat
will be much happier with you, Marg.
What's going on?
Nothing.
You go to no end of trouble
to get Deb and I
in the same spot at the same time,
with Minna here for back-up
and you say nothing's going on.
Alright. This is not
about wildlife versus cats.
This is about us.
I mean, what's going on that
we would let something like this
come between our friendship, alright?
You do get the cat,
but there's a few conditions -
three, to be exact.
The first one is -
we do get him desexed.
The second is that
we don't let him out at night.
No more unwanted kittens
to go feral.
And possums can come out at night.
Plus you get something warm
and snuggly to cuddle at night.
He is cute.
It's not everything you lobbied for,
but something.
Look, Deb.
I told you the council
would never agree
to making the whole shire
a cat-free zone.
People like us
have to learn to compromise.
And what's the third condition?
Well, that's the fun part.
You guys get to make up.
But I have to speak up about cats,
otherwise there'll be
no wildlife left.
I was -
I was pretty dark myself that night.
It had been going through my head
a lot lately
that perhaps my only hope
for a committed, loving,
long-term relationship
was going to be with a new cat.
Oh.
I'm sorry, Marg.
(Cat purrs)
Good boy.
We are clearly not
on the same wavelength.
I value our friendship,
I just don't want to get married,
that's all.
You can understand that, can't you?
Yes, Gavin.
We can still see each other,
I mean, I enjoy your company.
I don't think I can enjoy
your company after this.
No?
No.
So if you think you could
manage the Echo without me,
just you, Louisa and Marty -
No.
If you could bear to stay with us,
I promise to do everything
in my power
to make it as easy for you
as possible.
All we can do is see how it goes.
I can't promise anything, Gavin.
Latte?
Tea.
Slower.
Right.
Oi, take it easy.
Alright, not deaf.
First rule of undertaking,
handle with care.
Now I know what they mean
by dead weight.
How'd she cark it anyway -
the old concrete shoes treatment?
Somehow I don't think Mrs
Postlethwaite had mafia connections.
Second rule -
treat the deceased with respect.
Not like she's going to
sue for damages.
This was your idea.
Hey, life in the midst of death
and they don't come
much livelier than Aiden.
Or cheaper.
Any more rules I should know about?
Don't collapse this till we're in.
Yeah. It's done with the pedal.
Aiden!
Surprise!
Oh, sorry.
Oh, Louie.
Oh, Nick. That's so -
you didn't have to change it.
I wanted to. Just got to fix this.
No, no. Don't fix it.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Um, I brought champagne.
Probably should've brought a compass,
would have been more useful.
You travel light.
Actually, I think I travel
with a lot of baggage.
I'm sure we all do.
Between you and I
we probably have enough emotional
baggage to sink the Titanic.
The Titanic already sunk, Louie.
(Laughs)
Marg gave me a passage
that I could read
to christen the boat
and to ward off bad luck
(clears throat).
Oh, all-powerful ruler
of wind and wave,
sea urchin and spray,
we beseech you
in your gracious benevolence
to expunge and purge the name Vicky,
who shall from this day forth be
known to you and to all others
as Louisa.
Well done.
Thank you.
Alright.
Cheers.
Cheers.
For the boat.
Whoa.
For the boat.
Wow. Is this everything?
I travel light.
Morning.
Morning.
Oh.
Well, you said you wanted
my old stuff in the way.
Oh, sweetheart.
Where are we going to put this?
I'm a funeral director,
not a water carrier.
Please?
Of course.
Thank you.
Why are you just giving up on them?
I love these old trees,
just like you do,
but, Holly, they can't survive.
Can't you see
this is not important to me?
It is to me,
doesn't that count?
Hey, speaking of Frida,
when is she turning up?
A couple of days.
Should make it interesting
for your Nan.
This may be our last chance, Minna.
Neither of us
is getting any younger.
We're going in exactly the wrong
direction according to the plan.
Well, the plan must be wrong.
This thing's got a life of its own.