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There is definitely something squirrelly going on in there.
I hear a lot of shuffling.
Hello?
Sorry, wrong door.
You guys like what you see?
I didn't see anybody.
There's like a half dozen sex slaves in there.
They're illegal immigrants.
I brought them across the border last week.
So what happens now that we've seen this?
Again..I didn't see anything.
Well, I guess you'll just have to come with me when I pick up the next group.
You're taking us to Mexico?
Who said anything about Mexico?
So we're taking Mexicans across the Canadian border?
No, we're smuggling Canadians across the American border.
-Wait, what? -Why?
Canadians?
Yeah, they pay a lot of money for a ride.
And, for me to make them a fake birth certificate in Microsoft Paint.
Ooo, can I have a butterscotch?!
No, you cannot have a butterscotch.
Don't even think about touching these butterscotches!
If you touch these butterscotches, I will have you killed!
You got that?
That reminds me, I forgot about my basement Canadians.
Hey, do you guys know anyone who's interested in making a quick buck?
Hello?
Hey, I'm with your friends right now. You don't need to know my name; that's not important.
I have some people unattended in my basement.
I need you to swing by and give them some food, some water, maybe let them outside for a little bit this afternoon.
Uh, this kid here in my back seat, he's gonna text you the address and that'll be that.
Great. Thanks.
She doesn't talk very much. Does she?
I can tell by looking at you...
most of you will not make the cut.
Now, I am risking my reputation to get you into America.
And, I'm not looking to get into bed with any half ***.
Where are you from?
Saskatchewan.
Wrong.
I'm from America.
One of the 50 states even.
Well you spoke out of turn, but it's something we love to do.
You stay.
We already went through the Avril Lavigne phase. Ok?
With the others.
-What's going on? -You're good.
You wanna go to America?
Oh gosh, yes please. That would be very wonderful.
With the others.
Wait a sec, Gerald...
Surely we can reconsider, you know...
her.
Now you're out of the van!
Let's go. We're moving out!
Don't you guys worry.
We'll walk right into America!
But, I should have some kind of disguise.
Anyone have any thoughts about that?
Ah, don't worry about it.
Let's go.
Wow. You guys are hungry.
Morning.
Uh, license, registration, and passports, please.
Um, is Tim working? He's an old friend of mine.
Only 1 mountie per checkpoint.
Cutbacks.
Think you can hop on your walkie talkie or something?
Give him a shout? Let him know I'm here?
Hmm, they took our talkies.
We use these horns to communicate.
Great.
Let's get him on the horn.
Actually, Tim was, uh, let go. He was misusing his horn.
Please, don't ask me to be any more specific.
I got 3 passports.
Yeah, Tim took the other ones the other night.
Uh, you know, I saw him...
out and, he took the passports.
He took your passports?
Yeah, I mean you know Tim. He's a little out there, so...
You wanna hand me the keys and step out of the vehicle, sir?
Yeah, sure.
This will take two seconds.
How many illegals are you transporting?
*Clears throat* Uh?
You know uh...You know I need a little...maybe a butterscotch.
Can I have a...I'm gonna get a butterscotch.
Hm, ok?
Hey, um, Travis, could you hand me a butterscotch?
I love butterscotch. My uh, my wife makes a really good butterscotch.
*explosion*
Butterscotch bomb!
*horn*
Mounties!
*horn*
*horn*
*horn*
*horn*
*door closes*
*door closes*
Well, I guess we just walk across.
Butterscotch bomb?
Yeah, good thing you didn't eat one.
I did though.
What?
Wait. I might not have.
Ah, I can never remember what I did or didn't eat.
I think I'm good.
You guys, where are all the moose?
I thought they were like your version of dogs. You know?
Hey!
Are you trying to sneak into America?
What?
Come on man, check out the uni. I'm one of you.
What's your name?
Mary.
Mary?
*horn*
The mountie horn.
Don't move, eh!
I'll keep them right here.
Uh, why did you say a woman's name?
My head is full of women's names.
Let's hustle.
Where's the van?
At the border...
Uh, Gerald blew up a butterscotch bomb and took off.
Those were butterscotch bombs?
Turns out.
How are you getting home?
-Selby. -Selby. -Selby.
Got it.
So, uh, what are your plans?
Where are you trying to get to?
I'm actually going to meet up with my boyfriend.
Boyfriend?
Yeah, he's this really sweet guy, and it's going to be a super cute surprise when I just show up.
Awesome!
Uh, guys, what do we do now?
Nothing. You're in America.