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How you doin' girl, you can call me Tribianni. And this ain't Without A Trace
cuz I can always find your body. So why don't you grab this bone,
and you can try to make me whole again. You can be my Deschanel, let me inside your Jeffersonian.
Let's hold Night Court, I'm Bull Shannon when we're boning.
When we wake I'm on your chest like Troy and Abed in the Morning.
These are cheap and vulgar references, it's clear that I have no taste,
But i'm moving to your area, show me your 9021-O-Face.
You say you love me like Everybody Loves Raymond.
Like I'm on Pawnstars, and that my body's payment
This must be shark week, I think I'm getting stalked.
Try and use that Magnum PI and you'll visit ER
Look at these Mad Men, they think they A Team.
Want to know How It Was Made
But they all Freaks and Geeks to me.
Got a make a Prison Break, cause his Malcom's in the Middle. He want me 16 and Pregnant,
but I know that he's the Littles.
If you'll be the Summer to my Seth, I'll be the Spike to your Buffy
Then we can phone a friend and I'll show you the Power of Three. Now some of those shows were kind of girly,
But that don't make me weak. I wanna grab your Gilmore Girls and dive inside your Dawson's Creek.
We can go all day and night until that 24th hour.
You can be my Chloe and i'll be your Jack Bauer.
You better call the President, I think I'm bout to blow. I call your *** CTU,
because it clearly has a mole.
I need a man that fights like Rachel Berry for a solo.
best friends like Tim and Eric but gets Man vs. Wild.
Give me 30 Rocks and you'll be King of my Hill.
Yeah, I'll raise your crane, like you the Bob the Builds.
Cause I like it XFiles you know, just mad freaky, Upstairs, Downstairs. I serve it call me Downton Abbey.
But you just Young and Restless, I can't have All your Children.
You think you Power Rangers, but you just the villain.
Ooo you got me going, I'm fired up like The Apprentice,
My voice may be Soprano, but don't cut me off mid-sentance.
What was that show set in Korea with that Jewish, really tall guy? Oh yeah, you're on my Radar, let me MASH you with this Hawkeye.
I'm about to take over your West Wing. Yeah, Bartlet should be weary.
Write your info on this napkin, I'll call you Leo McGarry. Larry Sanders changed the sitcom. But girl you changed my life.
I used to be like Barney Stinson, call it How I Met My Wife.
You gave your sword a swing like Hercules to my Xena.
But Yo Gabba Gabba gabbin' turn me to a witch like Sabrina.
I'm calling Reno 911 cause baby, you a Scrub. Hide out with an Alias
Before you seeing True Blood. Cause I'm going Battlestar
No shoulder you can cry on.
You say your needs are human, bet you frack like you're a Cylon.
Baby
I ain't Raising Hope, I *** Pretty Little Liars. Soon you will be Pushing Daisies,
Cause I trap like I'm MacGyver. / My love for you is crazy and there ain't no rhyme or reason.
Like why the show One Tree Hill needs two car crashes every season.
Need you like Cheers needs a bar,
Like Seinfeld needs a deli. Like Happy Days needs skis and sharks and Arthur Fonzerelli. / LIke Alex Mac your world's secret.
Why do you put up such a wall? Why don't you just open up your window like Clarissa Explains it All?
You're more Miranda than Samantha, and some may call you prude.
I call you Tobias Funke, cause I never see you nude.
Excuse me Dr. Phil
I didn't know I was on Oprah.
You pow like Batman, but we all know that you's a joker.
This is a Game of Thrones, and you see where I'm sitting? If this was Wheel of Fortune
You'd be bankrupt, still spinnin'.
You soft like Spongebob, but rolling like you Knight Rider. Too bad I'm Mythbusters, cause all your lies is tired.
Oh he just Breaking Bad, but I need a Family Guy. Wanna see these Golden Girls?
Shut down your Miami Vice!
"I love you Kramer" "Love you too buddy."
"and George"
"You look so great! I love you."
"Because I love you"
I love you more than Joanie Loves Chachi/ More than Rachel loves Ross? / More than Kramer loves and entrance.
/More than those Angels love their boss?
More than Kate loved Jack and Sawyer, More than Corey loved Topanga. / More than Juliet loved Jack and Sawyer? / More than I love to say Topanga. So can't we cut with all this ***, I can't stand your games and tricks.
But you keep lying about your past like you the Oceanic 6.
YO
We can walk into the sunset, I know that's how you feel. We can have a dancing baby,
name it Ally McBeal
Then we'll get jobs at Dunder Mifflin and exchange flirtatious glances. / Michael's mug says greatest boss
We know it should be Tony Danza's.
And I promise to treat you right because you're all that I've been needing. So, don't let this end too soon, like we were written by Joss Whedon.
This is my TELEVISION LOVE SONG, now i'm sitting here just waiting.
I know I hit your demographic because I checked the Neilsen ratings.
So like the showers in Oz or the chair of AC Slater; turn around Veronica Mars,
be my privates' investigator.
And if you're feeling like i'm feeling, go ahead and text me, boo. On my couch, in my sweats, watching reruns of...
SVU.
I gotta stop watching so much TV.