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There's a particular kind of suffering
That happens in relationships
And this is related to the one thing
In the manifesting
When we want to manifest
The people in our life
To do what we think they should do
It creates oh so much suffering
Oh my gosh
Been there and done that
And it boils down to this judgement thing
So if I'm judging that people
Should be doing something differently
Than they are doing in their life
Then I'm thinking that I know what's best
And really what's happened is
I've lost touch with my divinity
Because if I'm in tune with the infinite
If I'm listening to my heart
Truly listening to my heart
Then I can love people right where they are
And know that what they're doing
And the choices that they are making
Are their path of learning
And their path of experience
That is bringing them to the perfect place
Of awakening to their divinity
The sight of my choices
Are bringing me to the awakening of my divinity
So whenever we choose something that creates
A sense of suffering in our heart and in our mind
It's that clinging
It's that craving
It's that aversion
It's the form of attachment
That creates the suffering
So one of the things that's really helpful in terms of a relationship healing
Is to make a commitment to stop judging the people that you say you love
Think of it this way
Would you really like to grow closer to and have more intimate relationships
With people who are judging you?
Is that really what you're looking for?
Since like attracts like
If you would like to be in relationships where there's truly
An unconditional love and support
Then you have to offer that
You have to offer that
And most of us can't offer that to ourselves
So how can we offer that to another human being?
It's tricky
It's challenging
And it is the path of a deep, deep, deep inhaling practice
So for me the major commitment
That I made many years ago
Was to stop judging myself
To stop judging other people in my life
Now, at first it was excruciating
Because I realized I really wanted to hang on
To my opinions and judgement
I thought I needed them
I thought I was right
But fortunately, there were people in my life that I dearly, dearly love
And I wanted to have a happy, healthy relationship with them
So that pull
The pull of that happy, healthy relationship really became that impetus
For me to stop judging my love ones and to stop judging myself
And to really open to the highest possibility of love in my life
It was not easy
It was really, really challenging
That's one of the powerful teachings about the special relationship in
A Course Of Miracles
Is that most people, they go into the special relationships
Where the idea is that you plus me equals shelter against the storm
That you and I together are gonna create some kind of bond
That we can create a separateness from the rest of the world
And we have a specialness together
And that this is now going to become the thing that nourishes us and sustains us
But that just creates more suffering
Because then we're trying to mold and manipulate
And manage and control the relationship
To be what what we think it needs to be in order to make us happy
And a lot of times it's not even really what we need and what we want
But what we think will look good to other people
So that they would give our relationship their seal of approval
You see, and then that just never ends
If we're looking to get other people's approval
On our relationship, on our career, on our finances
On the size of our stomach, or our legs, or butt, or breast, our ***
Whatever it is
If you're looking to get some kind of approval from somebody
In order to feel safe
In order to feel worthy
In order to feel good
You're never going to get there
It is the quick sand
It is life inside a quick sand
And the more you'll go along that path
The more you'll feel you're drowning
And drowning, and drowning in other people's opinions
And it doesn't help them to affirm that you need their approval
So calling it quits on all of that
And being willing to tune in and tap in
To the power and the presence of love as your life
And every choice that you make
It is a moment by moment practice
It is a moment by moment healing
It can only be done moment by moment
And that's the good news
Is that if you fall down in one moment
You can get up in the next moment
And when you get up in the next moment
And you dust yourself off and you say
Wow, that opinion really drilled me
That judgement or seeking approval or giving to get in that relationship
Boy, it really distracted me
It really took me off onto a whole path of nothingness
In pursuit of more nothingness
Wow, I learned from that
I fell down, I got back up, I learned from that
And then when we have compassion for ourselves for making choices
That we've made again and again and again
And we're still doing the same thing
And still learning the same lesson
We have compassion for ourselves for making these kinds of choices
Then we can learn to have compassion for other people
You see, that's love
Love is compassion
We have compassion for ourselves
Then we are being in our heart
So moving out of judgement for ourselves
And moving out of trying to please other people
Same thing
It's about really being able to move into that space of non-judgement
It's a great, clear way to anchor your spiritual practice in non-judgement
Non-judgement is love because when there is no judgment
All you have left is love
So you can just let the love shine and reveal itself
And lead you
And guide you
So you'll notice that you are in distress if you're judging
And the cause of your distress is the judgement
So release the judgement and see if you can have compassion for yourself
For being judgemental
Remember, the judger always feels judged
The attacker always feels attacked
But the lover always feels beloved
So you can choose
How do you wanna feel?
If you wanna cling to your judgements, they are attacked thoughts
You will feel attacked and judged every minute of every day
When you choose love, you will learn to feel beloved
And your walk, your talk will be one of love
And you'll be demonstrating to everyone what love looks like
Including yourself
So go for it
Give up your judgments
Try it
Try it for just one day
See if you can let all the attacked thoughts go
All the limiting thoughts go
How do you let them go?
Here's what I do
When I recognize I've got a judgement, I literally tune it in
And I say
To my higher self, my holy self, the holy spirit
Whatever this start is of judgement that's creating
The suffering that I'm experiencing
I'm making an offering of it now
I'm letting it go right now
I'm giving it to my higher self right now
So that all that's left is love and compassion
It's our willingness to let it go that allows it to go
Remember the Course Of Miracles
In the Fearing Conflict section in Chapter 2
It says, Jesus says to us
I cannot take the fear from you because
It is created by your choosing attacked thoughts
You have to willingly give up cherishing the attacked thoughts
In order to realize the peace as your natural state
There's no other way
There's no other way you know
I live in Los Angeles and I love it
I get those groupon emails
Do you get those?
So fad
So I get groupon emails
Do I wanna have liposuction?
Do I wanna have a cosmetic surgery of some kind?
Do I wanna have the tattoo on eyebrows and lipliner and eyeliner?
Do I wanna have eyelash extensions?
Do I wanna have all these different things?
Well there's no groupon for having a loving heart
There's no groupon
But there's amazing, infinite, invisible support
All of life will support you
All of nature
All spirit will support you when you choose to say yes to love
Which is your true identity
So make a holy offering of every attacked thought as it comes along
You'll learn to laugh at them
You'll have the most vicious attacked thought
And you'll go
Oh my goodness, look at that, I can make an offering of that
Now here's the real turbo thing
When you add to that offering
Let anyone else who has this attacked thought
Let them have a healing too
Let anyone and everyone who has ever thought
This thought have a healing too
Let us all be inspired to choose love
Then you're remembering that you are one with the one
And let me tell you
You work that practice for even just a few days
You're gonna start to feel that transformation
It's gonna be deep
And it's gonna be abiding
This is how you walk the talk and live your love
Every minute, every day there's a new opportunity to be free
Choose freedom
It's yours for the asking