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Yeah, it's a nice gift.
But it's fake.
No it ain't, Jeremiah! Look closely!
I dunno, Ze. It looks pretty fake to me!
- Happy birthday, my man! Woo-hoo-hoo! - Thanks, Goose!
Oh man, what the ***... It's too hot in here!
I'll open this window here... Much better now, man!
Why didn't you go to school today, Goose?
Hangover, man... My head... I got so wasted last night!
By the way, why didn't you go to Camila's party?
- Oh, I wasn't invited. - So? Me neither, man!
Actually, I stayed home studying for tomorrow's test.
Studying, Jerry? You don't even have to study, dude!
Everybody needs to study.
Alright, so what was the worst grade you ever got?
- Ah... B+. - B+?!
This is what I'm talking about! You're a couple of *** dorks!
How was the party?
Not much, really... Whatcha got there?
It's a sword, my dad gave me!
***'s phoney, dude! Flea market crap!
No way, man! This is legit! My dad bought it from a japanese guy!
- "A japanese guy?!" - What went wrong with the party?
- Caesar's fault, man...
- He hit you? - No *** way, Jose! He made out with Camila!
So?
So she wanted to get into my pants, dude...
- I'm telling ya, Ze... - Shut the *** up, Goose.
That Caesar is a *** vulture, man! That ***!
I was there, party time... Making my move, man...
- Hey... - Hey.
Happy Birthday.
- Nice party! - Thanks...
Huh, I'll go get a beer, want one?
Yeah, sure!
***, that stupid... ***!
I have to agree with Ze... That story sounds a little odd.
- I'm telling you! - Goose, just shut up.
She doesn't even know your name! You were there uninvited!
That's nothing! What matters is that we had a thing going!
- ...I could feel it! - Uh-huh.
Go *** yourself, ok? So - time for a cold one?
Now? It's noon!
Sure! Besides, it's Ze's birthday and we have to celebrate!
- There's beer here, dude. - But there ain't no ***, man!
I want poonany! You guys will make me die a ***!
You nerd ***!
Look, Goose, I don't want to be rude... But you're a nerd too!
- No way, man... - Sure you are, Goose...
-...you're a nerd! - You are a nerd too!
No I'm not! I'm not a *** nerd! I'm not!
What I was trying to say, is that we don't have to take this kind
...of labels! Just because I'm not a retard, I'm a nerd?
Caesar and his crowd *** on us and you go along with it!
- Pay attention to the game, Goose! - This sucks, man!
I should've beat the *** outta that stupid jock's face!
- Yeah, go beat the *** outta him. - It's over now, can't do that...
- We'll have to get revenge! - Holy ***...
Let's avenge us... We'll break into that big house of his
in the night, jump the gate...
Get in there and *** *** up!
Take a dump in his sofa... Jack off in his mother's bed...
- ...smoke a joint, the works... - Listen to yourself, you idiot!
You think I'm gonna cross the city to break into someone's house...
just because you got shot down at a party? Wake up!
It's not for me, it's for us! We hate Caesar!
I don't know... He's actually kind of nice to me.
I don't give a *** about him, Goose, shut up about it for a second...
...and get us a beer!
It's always me! Up yours! Get ***, you nerd ***!
Attention... No cheating, or scribbling... Have a good test!
Jeremiah... Do you have the formulas for the test?
C'mon, Ze, you know I don't condone cheating!
It's not cheating! She hasn't passed the forms yet!
- No... - Please, Jerry!
Alright, it's your birthday gift.
- Yes, thanks! - It's your birthday?
- It was yesterday. - Congratulations!
Yeah, thanks... Thanks, Jer.
I thought I was going to fail the test...
But Jeremiah got me the formulas and I aced it!
Always good to have a Jeremiah around...
- What is this, you're smoking now? - Happy birthday!
Get off, Caesar! It was yesterday!
*** off, dude! My birthday was yesterday! *** off, man!
Ahhh CAESAR!!!!
You guys... Check out these skid marks!
Count me out, man... I'm not breaking in no *** house!
Oh, c'mon, JerĂȘ, do it for the team, man!
No... Besides, why do you need me anyway?
'Cause we do! This is not a two-man job!
- Why not? - 'Cause it's not, man!
***, J-man, don't do this! You gotta stick out for your homies!
Ze was humiliated today, they all saw his *** undies...
He's ***! All because of a wet fart that...
...got his little undies stained and Caesar's wedgie...
...now he's the laugh of the school! You think THAT's right, man?
- It's *** unfair! - Goose, enough already...
Settle down. If Jer doesn't want to, that's it.
We'll do it ourselves.
It's a bummer, that's for sure, but we can do this.
Jer, if you change your mind, tomorrow night, we'll get the gear...
...and we're gonna vandalize the *** outta his house!
Me and Ze are gonna *** *** up!
Boys... It's snack time!
Camila.
Victoria.
Jeremiah, Caesar... Can you boys come here a minute?
Your tests are absolutely flawless.
I would give them both an A+.
Thanks, ma'm!
I "would" give them... Would, Jeremiah...
It's quite clear what happened here, is it not?
I have no choice but to give you both F's!
- But teacher... - No "Teachers"!
I won't know for sure who cheated, so you both get Fs!
Teacher, it's obvious Caesar copied my test!
- He can't even do math! - Jeremiah...
I'm perfectly able to deduce who cheated
...but I can not be sure of that.
If I ask, one will say the other cheated.
Jeremiah, who cheated?
Caesar did, teacher!
Jeremiah did, teacher!
- It was him, it's obvious! - No more, Jeremiah!
- He sits behind me... - You both failed the test!
We're gonna kick some *** ***! Woo-hoo!
Run, bro, the *** just got real! Run, Jeremiah!
Oh, I forgot.
What is this?
I dunno, just thought I'd give you something...
-...you're all *** up... - Thanks.
You didn't like it, right?
No, man that's not it...
...but how am I supposed to use nunchucks..
...without my opposable *** thumb?
- I'm, sorry, Ze, forgive me, man! - What is this, Goose? It's cool, man.
I'm such an idiot...
...an inconsequent!
As if we could actually break in that house!
Goose, Relax, it's over...
Everything because of a whim! Of a repressed anger...
A great and true anger, yes...
but why do we unleash our anger? For nothing!
- Goose, quiet, buddy... - My best friend is thumbless...
- ...and it's all my fault! - Goose, it's just a thumb, man!
I'm an idiot, Ze... I've been thinking about this...
...I'm a complete ***! I can't do nothing right!
I'm bad at school, I only screw up my best friends' life...
...nobody likes me...
...I can't get no *** and no one invites me to their party!
You know those guys who never get laid, Ze?
I am one of those guys! I'm gonna die a ***, Ze!
Shut the *** up, Goose!
Shut up for a sec, ok?
You know what would make you less of an ***? TALK LESS!
Get a hold of yourself, dude!
Everybody's a little uptight about life sometimes...
...that doesn't mean they go around talking like a parrot! ***.
You won't die a ***, Goose. Neither will you, Jeremiah. Nor I.
We'll not die virgins, got it, guys?
There's plenty of *** in the world. There's a big demand!
Will I get some tonight? No.
Tomorrow? No.
Next week? Probably no!
In a month, a year?
The way things are going, Goose, I think it's very unlikely!
But there's a way...
...a path to tread...
...and we'll walk it, as everyone does, one day.
The Way of the ***.
A long road, leading to a place called Happiness.
And I will walk this road...
...with you, my best two friends.
Those that stray from this path, lose their thumbs and dignity.
This, after all, is life: you do it or die!
Gee, Ze, that was beautiful.
I agree, Jeremiah. I agree.