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Last week the Woot.com travel cam was in New York, New York, to "be a part of it" (where
"it" was Toy Fair 2011). This is a huge event. If you're a toy designer, toy wholesaler,
high school glee club, or scary giant pixie… It's the big time. To cover it -- and to stress-test
the toys -- we sent our own hyperactive man-child Scott Lydon. Let's see what he found!
Creepy-crawly type toys have always been popular. There's a direct line of descent leading from
the very first practical joke bug in an acrylic ice cube, through the wacky wall walkers of
our youth, down to this mechanized slug-thing. This might represent the ne plus ultra of
the genre, though; look at it. It is almost elegant in its revoltingness.
Another innovative toy bug is this spider that crawls around on the ceiling. Perfect
for installing directly above your newborn's crib!
If you happen to be an old lady who, for unknown reasons, swallows her toy spider, there's
this old-fashioned automated spider-catching bird. As a chaser for that, try swallowing
this bird-eating owl. It is also apparently a ghost, so it can keep you company in the
spirit world after you fatally choke on it.
New York's total ban on indoor smoking is old news, but had you heard all novelty bikes
and scooters are restricted now to designated lap zones? It's so nice not to have to put
up with these guys in bars and restaurants anymore.
Here's Scott trying his hand at an exciting catapulty game, the object of which is definitely
not to hit any of these brightly-colored circles right in front of him, or else he would have
done so, for he is an expert marksman with any weapon, like Bullseye from Daredevil.
So probably the point of this game was to miss them. Victory!
Of course, some games, no one ever wins. Like with the arcade classic Prize Claw machine.
Either you come up empty, as shown here, or you get a super-crappy plush piece of junk.
Both potential outcomes teach kids a valuable lesson, though, about coping with disappointment.
The Toy Fair tests of skill continue! Here's Scott at the chicken-toss booth. Strike one!
Strike two! And... strike three! That's -- Scott, you only get three -- OK, fine, good
job.
So, this has never been my favorite kind of toy, personally, but probably ever since toy
stores have existed there's been a market for noisy, clattering toy machines that do
stuff on their own, presumably so you don't have to play with them yourself. Here's an
example in the classic style: A mechanical... what? WPA-era factory for busy work, I guess.
It doesn't seem like these workers are actually getting anything done, but at least they aren't
idle. Now here's a modern version: Motion-sensitive stuffed animals that have psychotic episodes
when you get too close to them. Listen.
Yeah, those guys kind of freak me out. But there's more: Here's an alien or something
who is prone to seizures.
Isn't there any room out there for low-tech toys? Toys that don't have lights and motors,
that don't make noise, that don't need batteries? Well, you're darn tootin'. Check out the ultimate
in quiet playthings: The plush dead koala.
Oh, don't cry Shiela. No, he's just sleeping. He's tired. And now your daddy's going to
take him to a farm near Brisbane where he can rest forever and ever, OK?
There's a place for high-tech playthings, obviously. Like this -- this here is the coolest.
It's the JOYSTICK-IT iPad Arcade Stick from thinkgeek, a removable and reposition-able
game controller that you stick on your iPad or maybe other touchscreen tablet to play
games the way god intended -- with a joystick. The god I'm referring to, of course, is Spyrus
the Deathless, Timelord of Chaos.
Ah, video games! Man vs. Computer! Toy Fair reminds us we're always testing ourselves,
as a species, against the machines we create. Whether it's John Henry vs. the steam drill,
Ken Jennings against Watson, or the iPong ping-pong server against some of the greatest
table-tennis champions of all time -- we like to know the score, we like to know that we
humans are still on top.
Well, we didn't send one of the greatest table-tennis champions of all time to Toy Fair; we sent
Scott. So our match did not go especially -- uh... Oh boy. See, this is how it starts.
First, humans are humiliated at at the ping-pong table. Next, it's Skynet and the rise of the
machines.
Anyway, that was Toy Fair! Hope you had a good time. Stay tuned to our weekly podcast
for more video travelogues when we get around to it!