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For over three years, the Aperture Science Portal Project...
...has been the cornerstone of our aggressive recruitment program.
Thanks to "Portal"...
...we can weed out test subjects, who...
... when confronted with science, may exhibit any or all of the following personality flaws:
Cowardice.
Impaired motor skills.
Poor judgment.
Fear of heights.
Weights.
Dephts.
Bullets.
And fire.
Now, our marketing engineers have discovered a way to offer consumers a home version of the Potal project.
For free.
Use your -free- Portal kit to measure the value of those around you.
And find a companion for the upcoming Cooperative Portal Testing Initative.
Good luck.