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I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too.
And while I'm at it, I'll take the centerpiece 'cause it'll look super cute in my dungeon.
Hello guys and ghouls!
'Tis the season to fill our stomachs and homes with pumpkin spice everything
and listen to the Haunted Mansion soundtrack on repeat.
(music) Grim, greeting ghosts come out to socialize!
So, fun fact, every time I would go on the Haunted Mansion as a child
and, at the very end, you know, when you had that little mirror trick.
And the ghost is rudely sitting on your lap and the narrator at the end would be like,
"And now the ghosts will follow you home..."
Yeah, I believed that. So I would go home after my Orlando trip.
I would be doing pee pee on the toilet, and I'd be like
So now not only is Santa Claus watching me, but this guy too?
I can't get any privacy around here. So when I would go pee pee, I would grab a towel
And place it over my lap and be like, "Not today. Not today, creepers".
So in today's special Halloween or, as I like to say, "Tric-O-Tri" episode
it's all about that bruja life
Buahahahaha!
Mmm. Smells like cinnamon. Thank You, Trader Joe's.
Alright! So here are my top five favorite b*tches.
I mean witches.
So the first thing that comes to mind when I say that is
*hums the theme song to the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz*
You know when you think of a shark, you think of the "Jaws" theme song?
Ba-dum.
This song became so iconic when it came to the Wicked Witch of the West, that I can't think of any witch
without hearing that song in the back of my head.
It's also the same song that probably a lot of women sing when the mother-in-law is coming over.
*woman screaming sound effect*
I don't know how many times I watched the Wizard of Oz growing up as a kid.
And then the obsession got even worse once, uh,
I think it was in high school that we all discovered that if you listened to the Dark Side of the Moon
while watching Wizard of Oz on mute it was a spectacular adventure. And I'd say of all the witches,
this one looks... the witchiest.
And I know there's no right or wrong when it comes to witches. As you'll see later on in my list
they all look very different from each other. But I would say this is like the classic
witch look, you know, she's got the green skin, the big warty nose, the evil cackle
the black ensemble.
With the big, witchy hat.
Boing-oing-oing-oing.
I'm not used to having bangs. I feel like one of those dogs that have hair in their eyes all the time.
The cool thing about this witch...uh, she can make monkeys fly.
Yeah, she can make monkeys fly. But, like, she gets destroyed by water which makes it really easy.
I'm melting!!! I'm melting!!!
She wouldn't last a day in Miami, let me tell you that. Though, sometimes,
I think the reason why people in Miami drive so poorly in the rain is because
all of a sudden they all act like they're the Wicked Witch of the West
Like a little drop of water hits their car. I'm melting!!!
Please!! I get it in LA. It never rains here.
I get it. Right? The traffic gets really bad during rainy weather. But, damn. In Miami it rains EVERY DAY!
How do you not know how to drive?
Ah, Sabrina Spellman.
What a perfectly odd name for a witch. Kind of like my best friend, Jesy. She was born as Jessica Jayne Storm.
She should have either been a mutant at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, or a meteorologist.
Now don't get me wrong. I absolutely loved watching Melissa Joan Hart play the quirky sixteen-yearold witch newb.
But she will kind of always be Clarissa explaining all the things to me.
Also props to the 90s being a big decade for animatronics
and I loved Salem the animatronic cat!
Let's face it, these chicks were badass witches.
Ooh! My hat's falling off!
How do you fly with this thing?
So the craft came out in the 90s like a lot of other witchy titles. I'm not
gonna lie, all right?
That was a time that I basically binge watched the hell out of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen VHS tapes.
That doesn't mean I didn't have an edgy side.
Uh, and I think that's what attracted us youngsters to, uh, this film. Because you see these-
this group of teenage girls and I wanted to be like them minus the witchcraft.
Look, we all root for the nice guy in the end, but I love watching a good antagonist story.
But I think she's awesome and probably one of the most memorable characters from "The Craft".
Should I try to say that in a British accent or am I going to upset my British friends?
*clears throat*
Hermione Granger.
Eh? Eh?! Okay.
Often described as the brightest witch of her age,
Hermione is a muggle born witch with a lot of *** and brains.
BRAINS!!
I'm not sure if you guys have noticed by now that I'm a pretty big Potterhead.
Which, mom, that means Harry Potter fan.
Okay.
And I will always have a special place in my muggle heart for Hermione Granger.
I mean, let's face it. Hermione kept Harry's *** in check.
Not hairy ***. Harry's ***.
Like, she kept it in check throughout the entire Harry Potter series.
I don't know what Harry and Ron would have done without her.
She was the brains of the operation making her a true Ravenclaw at heart.
Even though this Sorting Hat put her in Gryffindor.
I'm not bigger, YOU'RE bitter!
Number one! So who could've possibly topped Hermione?
Well, three crazy b*tches. And, no, that was not a typo. I mean crazy b*tches who happen to be witches.
I think I've watched Hocus Pocus
at least two thousand times that might be an exaggerative estimate, but for real, though.
There's something magnetic about that movie. It- it really
gives you the Halloween feels. It takes place in Salem, Massachusetts.
From the costumes to their distinct personalities, and how they clash with one another in the most
hilarious ways. They're just evil and they're crazy
and they want children's souls so they can stay young 'cause they're so freaking' vain.
I don't know a single person that doesn't watch Hocus Pocus to get themselves in the Halloween spirit.
I know I start as early as July because that's when I start getting into the spirit.
Actually, no. Halloween is a year-round thing for me. l
Like, when am I not in costume? Seriously.
Now, if I was to pick one of the witches it would be Winifred. I mean, duh.
She was the mastermind. She was the type-a. She was the- the one who had the master plan.
And it's very much like me.
But I'm not evil, I promise. You know, I've always wanted a child. And now I think I'll have one.
ON TOAST!!
Do you have any favorite witches? And if so, who are they?
I...put a spell on you.