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Where the hell were you
last week, you fools!
This is Colonel Curt McNally.
I was hoping you could tell me
a little bit about West Point.
Go watch the kids,
please! Okay, guys,
I'm going up to my office.
Debs and Ethel are in charge.
Do you know what this is?
Liberation.
Today, a grocery truck.
Tomorrow, the world.
I want to marry Karen.
We can't have sex anymore.
Is that my ring?
***!
- Are we on for later?
- I haven't decided
if I still like you, Adam.
You went to high school
with this Craig Heisner?
- He's hot.
Sent him your number.
- What's the opposite of thank you?
- Bet he thinks you're gonna hook up.
- He's married.
Well, it's a good thing that
I met up with Craig Heisner.
He's married.
I was surprised to hear
from you on Facebook.
You were always with that
*** cheerleader.
What was her name, Lucy Joe?
You mean my wife.
Oh, ***.
- So that was fun.
- Yeah, it was.
If I weren't married, maybe
things would be different.
- Why'd you want to meet here?
- You said I should
have made a move on you
in high school.
What about your wife?
I didn't have a wife in high school.
Seriously?
think of all the luck
you got
know that it's not
for naught
you were beaming once before
but it's not like that
anymore
what is this downside
that you speak of
what is this feeling
you're so sure of
round up the friends you got
know that they're not
for naught
you were willing once before
but it's not like that
anymore
what is this downside
that you speak of
what is this feeling
you're so
sure of
Oh, no, we have a spill.
Stop throwing food, Ankush!
Stop!
It's not funny, kids!
I can do this feeding
if you need a break.
Debbie?
Let's not throw food.
Who's playing in there?
Come in! Come in!
I'm looking for
Fiona Gallagher.
How old is he?
He is a she.
Where's Fiona?
Uh, hang on.
I'll get her.
Shh!
No, house better be
on fire, Debs.
Possible new client downstairs.
Asked for you specifically.
And it's always better to have
an adult do the intake.
Can you handle another kid?
I never ask if you
can handle your job.
- How old?
- A crawler.
Easy.
Come on.
- Hey, I'm Fiona.
- ***!
That's for *** my husband!
Oh, ***!
Remember me?
Lucy Joe Heisner?
Craig's wife?!
Oh, Christ!
You run like a coward,
you filthy ***!
you are not getting away from
me that easily, you little ***!
***.
Ah, ***!
I'm gonna beat you like a piƱata
till candy flies outta your ***!
***!
Yeah, ***, run!
***!
Come here! ***!
Sheils?
Sheila?
How come I don't smell
any breakfast?
Oh! Jesus!
Why are you nude?
Gotta air it out.
Where's Sheila?
Hair salon.
Excuse me.
Hello!
Can you tell Valerie that
I'll be a little late?
Why the hell does she gotta go
to a beauty salon?
I'm the only one
that looks at her.
I don't give a rat's ***.
Not for long.
Mom's hoping
to get her old job back.
***, I'm losing her, aren't I?
- I'm making eggs.
I'll make you some.
- ***!
Can't hide forever!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Do not let that woman in!
What the hell did you do?
You know how I know
you *** him?
He told me,
you filthy *** mitten!
Why would he do that?
Why would he tell her?
'Cause you chose a ***.
You always pick ***.
It'll die down
in a couple of days.
She'll turn all that
anger back on him.
If you're lucky, you'll
get one more
desperation *** out of the guy.
You better be on the pill,
***! Huh?
Craig's babies are
all ten-pounders.
You push one out,
it'll tear you in two!
I was chased from my own house,
and now I'm hiding in yours.
Holy ***, I'm you.
I have waited for this day.
Frank?
Under here.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
Want some eggs?
You really do have a gift.
I meant what I said,
we're not screwing anymore.
Yeah, right.
What, you were serious
about that?
Oh, a grain of sand?
That's all it takes?
More than you ever gave me.
How much you even know
about this guy?
I know enough
to know he's enough.
We can still be friends, right?
Right.
What's with the
Megan Fox shrine?
Carl's been sleeping
in the van.
Is he even ten yet?
You know what, I'm not even
sure he's around.
He's been hanging out
with this kid Hank.
Another knee-high
delinquent.
Ten bucks says they're in
juvie by now.
Guy must travel a lot.
Nope.
He's a midget.
Likes how these make him
feel normal.
House sitters, incorporated.
Mom, I told you, I need to keep
this line open for clients.
Yes, I'm fine.
Tomorrow.
Yeah, me, too.
Bummer the guy
comes back tomorrow.
Relax, I got more
gigs lined up.
What was that?
What the hell is going on?!
***!
You said Thursday.
It is Thursday! You were just
supposed to bring in
the mail and water,
you little ***!
You're drinking my ***?!
I thought you were kidding
about the midget thing!
Whoo!
Ethel, come on.
Why don't you go upstairs
and borrow a swimming suit
from Debbie? Come in the pool?
No, thank you, sir.
I wouldn't feel comfortable
unless I was in
my own swimming costume.
All right, suit yourself,
party pooper.
Coast clear?
Yeah.
Who we dodging today?
Bill collectors?
Process servers?
- Mrs.
Craig Heisner.
- What are you doing?
You've been acting
like a dude all summer.
Oh, it's okay for guys to play
the field, but not me?
It's okay if you want guys
to start running their dicks
through the dishwasher
after they bone you.
Shut up.
That's some
serious UV protection.
I know.
She won't
loosen up.
I'm really starting
to worry that
she doesn't interact
with anybody her own age.
Should I force her or what?
I don't know.
I'm making this
*** up as I go along.
How'd she find out?
Lucy Joe?
Jesus, what is that, a rash?
What? Yeah, I think
it's from that laundry soap
I got at the family
dollar store.
Made in China.
Probably tainted with melamine.
No way.
You're not
going in the pool with that.
- Come on.
We gotta show that to V.
- What about my kids?
I don't have basketball
practice until later.
- Me and Ethel can watch 'em.
- Ethel and I.
You and I are gonna go
show this to Veronica.
Let's go.
Go on.
- Be careful!
- Yeah!
Whoo!
You got Jody.
Hello?
It's possible for a
guy to be named Jody
and not be a *** bag?
Ever thought about
calling him "Choady"?
Tool hijacked my sex buddy.
Revisionist's history.
- What?
- More than a sex buddy.
Nah, that was just
my little brain doing all
the thinking while my ***
was doing all the talking.
You guys wanna come on
the ice cream truck later?
Can't.
Volunteering at the VA.
- That's a waste of time.
- It's gonna look good on
my West Point application.
You know, you should
be figuring out
how to work the system
instead of playing into it.
- America is a meritocracy.
- They don't even make boot straps anymore,
then how the hell you supposed
to pull yourself up by 'em?
- ***.
- ***.
Hey, I'm totally stealing
"Choady," by the way.
Veronica's not a real nurse.
How's she supposed
to diagnose this rash?
She can at least tell us if it's
worth ponying up for the clinic.
- Uh-oh, you came to hide under the bed?
- I know.
I thought Craig was just gonna
be about coffee and catching up.
Just sorta happened.
Would you check out this rash?
Damn, that's nasty.
Almost looks like shingles.
Scabies, maybe?
Let's see here.
Been hiking in the
woods lately?
What woods?
I called Steve.
- What?
- What? Why?
Change in your diet?
I don't know.
I just wanted
to hear his voice, I think.
Does your throat hurt?
No.
Where is he?
I didn't ask.
- Best guess, stress rash.
- I knew it.
Daycare is too much
for you to handle.
This is my fault.
Why does everything always
have to become about you?
So, no need for a doctor?
Steroid cream first.
Should do
away with the breakout, but
if it's stress, you're gonna
have to start relaxing.
We done here? I got a house full
of kids I need to get back to.
Gonna call Steve again?
I don't know.
Might wanna figure out why
you wanna talk to him first.
This one here is
Mrs.
Johnson's favorite.
It likes to drink every day,
but this one over here is
a bit finicky,
and only wants a little
sip on the weekend.
Weekends.
Got it.
Let me show you
the upstairs plants.
Ew.
What the hell
you want with them
nasty old boulder holders?
I practice opening 'em.
Never know what kinda clasps
you're gonna
encounter in the dark.
My motto, "be prepared.
"
weekend came early.
Maybe I should
give up some shifts
and help you more
with the daycare.
Your waitress tips are
the only thing
that's gonna get us
through the winter.
You should not be carrying
this much responsibility.
- It's only for two more weeks.
- Two weeks?
- Till school starts.
- Deb, you're 11.
You need to start
acting like it.
You want me to start collecting
puffy stickers and lip gloss?
Yeah! Maybe hang out
at the park sometime.
Loitering.
How about you invite
some friends over
and relax in the pool?
No lifeguard.
Liability.
They can come over, hang out in
the pool and then sleep over.
It'll be like a like a
birthday party sleepover party.
My birthday's
not until October.
Hey, it's somebody's
birthday somewhere,
so we'll celebrate that.
Make a guest list.
Make your list, or I will.
it's not a game
the word is out,
it's boxing time
chicks still so clocking
my dime
***!
Did you know he was married?
At least it's chocolate.
Come on.
the way we bounce keep
making it bump
like bump, bump, bump,
girl, you like that
let's go
this is not a game
let's go
this is not a game!
Karen just left.
Bummer.
- You think Sheila's going
to throw me out? - Yep.
- Choady still on the couch? - I never
should have *** Dottie to death.
I could have made that work.
- What's his last name?
- There's no money in there.
If Sheila starts working
again, I am finished.
Know where's he from?
Probably at the
beauty salon right now.
523, 524,
I made it!
This is better than sex.
Maybe I'll get lucky, and she'll have
a relapse by the end of the week.
Looks like she'll be
joining you for a drink
- at the Alibi by the end of the week.
- ***!
My room still open at home?
Uh you wanna stay here?
- It's where the heart is.
- Left side.
My advice, no one trades an MVP.
Make myself valuable,
un-tradable.
Exactly.
You know what, the world
out there is a scary place.
Maybe it needs to
get even scarier.
Lip.
How's
it going, man?
Good, good.
You know, I'm good, Choady.
Hey, is that
short for anything?
- Uh, Jody?
- Nope.
You, uh, working
anywhere these days?
Nope.
From around here, or?
Wilmette.
Family still there?
No.
Hey, you want to
grab a beer with me
tonight at the Alibi?
Kind of hoping my next time at
the Alibi would be with mom.
Oh, your mom?
Sheila.
Right, well, hey, you know
what you should do,
you should scope
the place out for her first.
Kind of like the
secret service does
before the president
goes anywhere.
Copy that.
See you tonight.
Great.
Yo, can you hustle, please?
I know you can run
faster than that.
Ronelle, come on, man.
Pretend like
you just stole something.
Got to move.
Got to push your body.
Rebound.
Push it.
Outlet.
Push it.
Hey, Ethel,
you think you might
want to play a little bit?
I could throw you
in there for a few drills.
What are you looking at?
Malik?
Are you looking at Malik?
Yo, Malik!
What's up, coach?
This is Ethel.
Hey.
Hello.
This your little brother?
No, this is Jonah, he's my son.
Oh, no ***?
We should get our kids together for
a play date, or some *** like that.
Oh! How old is
your?
- Girl.
13 months tomorrow.
- Such a sweet age.
You better stay away
from my man.
Tanisha, why you trippin'? You
know we're not together no more.
I meant no harm, Tanisha.
Where I come from, it's an
honor to share your man.
Really? How about I honor you
with a brick upside your head?
All right, all right, Tanisha.
This isn't Jerry Springer.
Calm down.
Put all that ***
out on the court.
You, too.
Go.
You're a little *** starter.
Frank?
Frank, can you come take
a look at the stove?
It's not lighting.
You got it, babe.
I just smelled gas, honey.
It was fine this morning.
Let's see what we got here.
Aha.
Just a little loose.
Oh.
Voila.
Thank you, Frankie.
- That's what I'm here for.
- Oh!
Boy, glad you noticed that.
Could have blown
up the whole house.
Took out an entire block
in California.
16 dead.
I know.
Terrible.
Did you see that article
- in the paper yesterday?
- What article?
A guy walked into a market
and cut off a woman's
head with a machete.
Which market?
What?
Which market was it?
Who cares?
What matters is that he
would do that for no reason.
- Well, he must have had a reason.
- Says he just went nuts.
Well, that's a reason.
I'm trying to tell you it's
dangerous out there, Sheils.
So promise me you
won't go to a market.
Well, Frank, you never
told me which market.
Any of 'em.
Ever!
I don't want anything
to happen to you,
because I love you.
So stop asking stupid
*** questions.
Frank, sweetie, I love you too,
but I have learned in therapy
that you can't control what
goes on in the world.
No, you can just choose to be
a part of it every single day.
Ha-ha! I almost didn't make it.
I had to take
the long way around
to avoid Lucy Joe
and her banner.
Don't you wish the sex
was worth the punishment?
Hi, Craig, you need to call off your
mouth-foaming-***-of-a-wife!
And this is Fiona Gallagher.
Thank you.
Bye.
Smooth.
I still don't understand
why he told her.
'Cause he's a ***.
You always pick ***.
Well, they are what they eat.
Oh, Richard's back from
France this week.
The Jasmine set-up?
Yeah, me, Jasmine, David
and him are gonna hang out.
- Maybe you and Kev?
- Pass.
Have fun in the
*** triangle.
Deb's having a sleepover
party night after next
'cause I told her that she had to.
And you have to come.
Oh, I can't.
I'm working
overnight at the home.
Do you want to
hear her guest list?
- Fiona, Veronica and Aunt Ginger.
- Poor kid.
Three people on her list, and two of 'em
are stuck in an old age home all night.
She's got no friends, V.
How did I not see that
she had no friends?
Hey, you.
Can I see some ID, please?
Are you kidding me?
- Show me something.
I gotta cover my ***.
- All right.
Thank you, Dwayne Foster.
Can I just get a coke?
Now, why would you do that?
What?
Not drink.
Gotta ***.
How the hell am I supposed
to loosen him up and get
any *** on this guy
if he's stone sober?
Man, I'm telling ya,
I don't think the guy has any
- dirt on him at all.
- He's gotta have an angle.
I think he's just some
Joe-bag-a-donuts dude.
Or a John Wayne Gacy.
I'm gonna pinch his wallet.
Hey, got your coke.
Weird, Karen's number's
written in the stall.
Oh.
There you go.
Oh, ***!
I'm sorry, man.
I uh, I got some on my leg.
I'll be right back.
Ah, I'm sorry about that.
*** ***.
Give me his *** wallet
and phone, you retard.
You know, that *** chick on Glee
says it's not cool to use that word.
Why are you such a ***?
On the subject of dicks,
does Choady have
a choad, or what?
You're better
than this guy, Karen.
Thing is, Lip, I'm not.
Malik may come by
today with Tamika,
if that's okay.
Fine.
But they eat,
we charge 'em.
Thought you'd still be asleep.
We have a party to plan.
Most important part of any birthday
celebration-- the cake.
What are you feelin'?
Strawberry and cheese
coffee cake from Weber's bakery.
Definitely.
Even your taste in food is
like a 40-year-old.
Okay, it's your party.
Triple espresso lattes!
Hey, Jasmine.
Does she have a key now?
It was open.
You really shouldn't sleep
in your makeup, by the way.
Just look at Courtney Love.
Ooh, you are so welcome,
miss Debbie.
- So, has he called you?
- Who?
Richard.
I gave him your number.
Of course you did.
You haven't been home yet,
have you, dirty girl?
Spent the night
on David's boat.
Richard's somewhere on
business.
Rome? Singapore?
Someplace exotic.
I got a little
left over from last night.
You want some?
Jesus, it's 8:00
in the morning.
David, I think, might be
taking me to Paris.
He's got some kind
of conference.
What are you going to tell Hal?
Uh, I don't know,
I'll think of something.
What'd you tell him last night?
My mom's sick.
I've been
nursing her back to health.
You're using your mom's breast
cancer to cheat on your husband?
It's the only good thing
about her double mastectomy.
Daughter of the year.
You're one to talk.
Mrs.
Heisner been back around
with the baby and the bat?
You hear about that?
It's priceless.
Oh.
My ball and chain.
I got to get back home.
Do you mind if I shower
and change upstairs?
Sure.
Oh, and when Richard does call,
just say yes.
He's a good one.
He's got the cash to
treat you right,
and he can probably
still get it up on his own.
Did you know that the
trigonometric moment problem
has infinitely many solutions
if the Toeplitz
matrix a is invertible?
Yeah.
Nothing but
parking tickets.
This Choady guy makes
vanilla taste like
*** thai spice.
You ran a background check?
Tony.
You know, the only
remotely interesting thing
is a restraining order
against his ex-girlfriend
because she threw
a camera at him.
He's ***
ridiculous, this guy.
You're like Liam when someone
touches one of his toys.
I don't find any dirt,
I'll just have to make some.
You guys think
you could hang out
at some point Saturday night?
Deb's sleepover-- help
fill out the guest list?
- Sure.
- Yeah, I'll bring some
strippers and a hookah pipe.
I'm kidding.
I thought it was funny.
the people on the bus
all smell like pee
smell like pee,
smell like pee
the people on the bus
all smell like pee
most likely because
they peed.
you know what works?
Unfiltered apple juice.
I'm gonna try that.
This little girl here
hasn't made a dookie
in like, three days.
Poor baby.
So you live with your
great-grandparents?
I do, which is pretty cool.
I mean, they're good people
and all, but it sucks
because they're getting so old it's
kind of hard for them to do stuff
like go to the park, lift
things, work the remote.
Hmm, it's the same with
my husband, Clyde.
We had to get one of those
phones with the giant numbers.
Oh.
Need a hand with
this diaper change.
All the way up the back.
- Oh.
- I'll be back in a minute.
Okay.
- Whoa!
- Oh! I know!
- Oh, God.
- Got to tell his mom
to knock it off with
the fruit strips.
Get the wipes, quick.
So, are you and Malik like,
boyfriend and girlfriend now?
What? Shh
No, of course not.
We're just friends.
He totally likes you.
We have a lot in common because
of our children, but that's it.
Uh-uh-uh-uh!
Besides the fact that
I'm already married.
So, Clyde gets to have ten wives,
but you can only have one husband?
Lamp's on the fritz.
I'll look at it later today.
Where are you going?
- Karen and I are going to look
at wedding dresses.
- What?
What did I tell you about what can
happen to a woman shopping?!
Sheils, I need
you here with me.
Safe.
With your head on.
Sweetie, nothing's
going to happen.
I'll be with Karen.
We'll use the buddy system.
Don't worry.
Karen!
You're not going to take
Cole Street, are you?
That woman was just
attacked on Cole street.
What woman?
Uh, 77 years old.
Animal tried to *** her.
Luckily, her dog
scared him away.
We should get a dog.
We have Frank.
The hell is that
supposed to mean?
You have *** on the carpet.
You know,
why do you have to?
You guys, listen,
this is a big day
for me, all right?
No bickering.
Sorry, mom.
Let's go.
Go get 'em, mom.
Thanks, Jody.
Proud of her.
Yeah, no, me, too.
I just hope she doesn't
push herself too hard.
Her doctor tells me she's
very fragile right now,
ripe for a relapse.
I hear you, man, Karen's
pretty fragile, too.
Not the first word
that comes to mind, but okay.
Like a baby deer in the forest
and life's like the hunter.
I think you should try
to expand your
social circle a little.
Why? You have us and V
and your pushy friend Jasmine,
and that seems to be enough.
I'm actually trying to
expand my circle, too,
meet new people.
What about Ethel?
Why not invite her?
She's more of a colleague.
- Come on.
- Okay, fine, so it'll be you,
me, and Ethel.
And and Carl.
- What?
- Saturday night,
you're coming
to Deb's sleepover.
Sounds gay.
- You can bring a friend.
- Okay.
I want you to invite
two more kids
from your class that you like.
I don't like any
kids in my class.
Well, then, two more
that you sort of like
or can stand to be around
or think are cool
or think maybe might like you.
Hey, you're a good kid, Deb.
You deserve friends.
No money, no drink.
I'm not here to drink.
I'm here to borrow something.
A brain or a heart?
- That.
- Stan's Luger? No way.
He pulled that off a dead
***'s fingers on the rhine,
then shot the guy in the nuts
just for *** and giggles.
Can I just see it?
You can see it from there.
ah
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
oh, I'll go walkin'
from here
ah
Debbie, hi,
I was just about
to cross check.
You want to watch?
***.
Where?
There.
You know Holly Herkimer, right?
Holly hickey-maker?
Yeah, why?
Son of a ***.
You introduce me to Holly,
you can come to my sleepover.
Cool, w-when is it?
Tomorrow.
Okay, yeah, let me just
check my schedule.
Yeah.
Yeah, that should,
that should work.
Great.
Gearing up for
bank robbery season?
I don't have any
whippets, Frank.
Saw a couple spray paint cans
behind the liquor store
you could huff.
Why do you think
I want something?
You're breathing.
Hoping to gank
a couple of rounds
of ammo from you.
Who you hunting?
Trying to scare off
a neighborhood dog.
Yeah, anybody I know?
A *** Luger?
That's sweet, man.
It was my father's.
Hey, I don't think they make
ammo for that anymore.
- Ah, come on, just one cap.
- What do you mean one cap?
Slugs are specific
to each gun, Frank.
It's not a ***
mix and match.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guns ain't garanimals.
Look at that.
Perfect fit.
Aah, Jesus.
What the hell was that?
I'm sure it was just
a car backfiring, sweetie.
Scratched cornea.
Brass bits and gas
ripped into my eye.
You're lucky that's all
that happened to you.
Cartoons-- whole
head explodes.
She's not giving up, Kev.
Sheila's going to be down here
tomorrow unless I can stop her.
Maybe it won't even
be that big a deal.
She'll come down, she'll
sit down, have a drink,
laugh a little, dance maybe.
Could be totally harmless.
I know we all love
to bust balls around here,
but seriously, guys, if
Sheils makes it down tomorrow,
you promise to keep your
mouths shut about me?
- No.
- Yeah, right.
- *** you.
You banged her kid--
I'm telling.
Dan, my man.
- Ha.
- Very funny, ***.
Oh, come on,
I'm just messing with you.
Look at us, we look like
a couple of pirates.
Let me buy you a
drink, ol' Danny boy.
What do you want, Martin?
Uh, uh,
s-Simon my, my name is Simon.
This is my friend
Debbie Gallagher.
Hi, we're actually in
the same history class.
We are?
I let you cheat off
me all the time.
Oh, good for you.
Um
Gallagher-- any relation to Lip?
Yeah, he's my brother.
It's short for Philip.
Lip is.
So I was just wondering
if maybe you'd want to
come to my sleepover
tomorrow night?
Is there going to be food?
Hell, yeah.
- Can we watch an R-rated movie?
- Sure.
Is your brother going
to be there?
Probably, yeah.
Okay.
Oh, cool.
I'll see you there.
Linda doesn't know it yet,
but she's letting me borrow
her kids' Kinect
for Deb's party.
- Sweet.
- Yeah.
What are you watching?
Some *** on the Learning
Channel about pole dancers.
Speaking of hookers,
how's Karen?
*** off.
Still working
on Operation Choady.
Got a couple ideas
on how to lose the guy.
Why don't we just kill him?
So not worth the time
in jail, dude.
I was thinking something
more along the lines
of planting naked photos
of Liam on his laptop.
Oh, good one.
Yeah, I thought so.
All right.
Now, seriously, this does
nothing for you?
Eh still gay.
Still gay.
Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down
is ***.
I said you could watch
something R-rated.
It's got to be edgy
an-and cool.
The object is to be
scared, not scarred.
Maybe Lip and Ian
have something.
You are not gonna be happy.
We got to work tomorrow night.
I can't, Deb's party
is tomorrow night.
Well, Ivan rented out the place
for a private party.
You're the one who made me
have the stupid party.
You flake, it's gonna suck.
- No, it won't.
- Yes, it will!
Can somebody else
take my shift?
Some Richard dent
hall of fame party.
Said anybody who
doesn't work is fired.
Maybe we can make
the party another night.
Work your shift.
- We got the party.
- You can be here all night?
Of course-- it's going to be
the hottest party ever.
Mandy's coming, too.
Oh, my God, this is going
to be so cool.
It's Steve.
Leave some words.
Total long shot--
do you want to come to Debbie's
sleepover tomorrow night?
Might be tough coming
from halfway around the world.
I mean, it looks
like I may not even be able to
make it, and I live right here.
I'm making no sense.
Okay.
Call me.
maybe too quiet
you've been holding back now
good morning, baby.
Morning.
Where's Ethel?
She's over at Malik's crib
having a playdate.
You let her go?
They're just friends.
Boys like Malik don't have
friends with vaginas.
Well, I just think it's awesome
that she's hanging out
with people her own age, doing
something other than chores.
He's probably got her
doing his chores.
What's your beef with Malik?
I don't want Ethel
dating that black kid.
Racist.
You're a racist.
I am not a racist.
I don't hate all
black people, Kev,
just the ones who make babies
at 14 and probably can't read.
What the hell you smiling at?
- You're a mama bear.
- What?
You're turning into a mama bear
with your little baby Ethel cub.
Shut up.
- My mama bear.
- Shut it down.
My little mama bear.
So, you're kind of
like a 12-year-old girl.
Which flick do you think
we should watch tonight
at Deb's party?
Nightmare On Elm Street.
Remake-- still
scary as ***.
Karen got ready for work
with the drapes open,
which was awesome.
Then she stopped
for some cigarettes
and then she went straight
to work at the movies.
Be there till late.
Last show gets out at,
like, 1:00, plus clean-up.
Thanks, man.
You got Carl following
her around now?
I can't believe you're
still ***-blocking Karen.
She has no ***.
- How am I blocking it?
- Let it go, man.
What do you want,
huh, you want to marry
her, be with her forever?
Look, I'm just
looking out for her.
- She's my best friend.
- No, I'm your best friend.
- She's your *** buddy.
- No, you're my brother
who should shut the *** up.
Friends usually want
what's best for each other.
This could be
the best thing for Karen.
Oh, so now you know
what's best for everyone?
The kid who wants
to die for a country
that thinks he's one
of God's mistakes?
The shrink at school says
I'm one of God's mistakes.
The girl has "***"
tattooed on her arm.
She put my *** in her mouth
'cause you asked her to.
- What?!
- You need to shut the *** up.
So, what, you get
her to dump the guy,
stick around for when
Carl gets his first ***
so she can work him, too?
I already had my first ***
in history class, talking about
how Marie Antoinette's
head got chopped off.
What, are you freebasing
lycopene now,
you worthless piece of ***?
Why you got to be
such an ***?
Apple fell where you dropped it.
You think, uh, Karen and
that guy are a done deal?
Who knows?
She's a flighty thing.
Actually, kind of reminds
me of your mother--
a beautiful mess.
That was smart, coming
in your pajamas already.
These aren't my pajamas.
One strawberry and cheese
coffee cake from Weber's.
Thanks.
Yum!
I got to get ready for work.
You look gorgeous, party girl.
Oh, my, you look lovely.
Thank you.
Dinner was great, mom.
Well, schnitzel is the
same thing as chicken parmesan,
only without the tomato
sauce and cheese.
Did you know that?
No.
Did you know that, Frank?
Yeah, it's breaded chicken.
Chicken nuggets are
just mini schnitzels.
This is the same ***.
It really is.
I've got to go.
Wait, w-w-wait,
go where, where?
I'm going to Gayle's house
to watch a movie,
and it's only a half a
block from the Alibi,
which means tomorrow
I'll make it there.
Let me get this.
Oh, thank you, Frankie.
You know what?
I feel so frisky tonight.
- Oh
- Stay home, stay home.
- Thank you.
- Will ya? Stay home and play with me.
- Oh, Frank.
- Come on.
- You know what, sweetie?
- Huh?
I am very flattered,
but Gayle--
she's the one that tried to
hang herself that one time,
so I really try not
to let her down.
- But I'm flattered.
- Wait.
Do I feel hot to you?
I think I'm getting sick.
Will you stay and make
some soup for me?
You feel fine.
I'll be back
before you know it,
and if you're still
feeling oogie,
I'll make you some ginger tea.
Good luck, mom.
Thank you, Jody.
***.
You want to play Husker Du?
Don't, d
- Oh, thank God.
- Oh, my God!
Thank God someone is home.
Please help me!
What happened?
Hey, Frank, call 911!
I was walking down the street
when this bus mirror
caught my arm and
just kept going!
Dragged me, like, 50 feet!
Where's my arm?!
Frank, put
some pressure on this.
I'm gonna go look for the arm!
How was I?
It was a good performance,
just wrong audience.
You eating this?
Knock yourself out.
Thanks, guys.
Hey, it's your party.
No working.
Come on.
Got a light?
Yeah.
Thanks for
sticking around tonight.
It's for Deb, it's not for you.
Still, thanks.
Okay.
- Hey, party girl.
- Hi.
Brought you a couple
of black lights.
Thought it'd set the mood.
It makes most people
better looking.
Aren't they also good for
finding traces of blood?
Well, my dad used 'em
to snuff out fake bills.
Jesus, that shirt
gets any lower,
it'll be underwear.
More skin, more skins.
Ding dongs!
Awesome!
Carl, those are for guests.
Good, I brought one.
Hey, birthday girl.
I'm Little Hank.
Hi.
I'm Debbie.
It's not really my birthday.
Good, 'cause I didn't really
bring you a present.
I'm here for the
Gallagher thing.
Really?
You invited Holly Herkimer?
She's, like, 15.
You said it could be
anyone from my class.
It's not her fault she's
still in the fourth grade.
Yes.
It is.
Yo, still got sparklers
from the fourth.
Make sparkler bombs.
Where's the duct tape?
In my kidnap kit in the van.
- I'll get it.
- Let's go.
You sure you got this?
Yeah, no problem.
Okay, have fun.
But not too much fun.
I'm sorry, I got to go.
I hope you have a really
great time tonight.
Me, too.
Okay.
Chris! All right!
Hey! Hey! Chris!
Stop! Chris! Stop!
Can I get you another
slice of pizza, Hank?
Little Hank.
Hank's my old man;
He's an ***.
My dad, too.
What are you doing?
Just wanted to see what
your hair smelled like.
Thought it would smell
like flowers and ***,
but it's cigarettes
and coconuts.
Still totally hot.
I've already seen this movie,
and this pizza sucks.
Sorry.
Can I make you
a grilled cheese?
You can make me one.
Where's Lip?
God, you're so *** hot.
This is amazing.
Flattery will get
you everywhere.
Shh.
I don't want
Ian to hear us.
He won't.
I bet you could get
any guy into bed, huh?
Yeah.
Why?
Karen home?
At work, pulling a double.
Mind if I wait?
I almost lost you
now you're back
your beautiful smile
It's Steve.
Leave some words.
Caw-caw!
Hey, I bet you're
wondering where I've been.
Not really.
- China.
Putting together a deal.
- Oh!
Anybody pee in your coke?
Ooh.
Is that an offer?
Oh, I'd love to, but
I got to get home.
Oh, come on, I'll drive you.
Such a gentleman.
Uh-uh.
Ulterior motive.
I figure this way,
maybe I get an offer
to come inside for a nightcap.
I think you've had enough.
How about I drive you?
- Right.
- Yeah, all right, okay.
Now, this is a big
first step, all right?
I don't let anybody drive her.
Not even Valets.
Oh, that's smart.
I hear they steal cars.
Yeah, okay.
Easy, easy, easy.
Relax.
I know how
to work a stick.
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh, yeah.
All right.
Psst.
I got duct tape if you want.
We could put her in the van.
Want to see how fast
I can unhook your bra?
I don't wear a bra, runt.
Move, I have to pee.
Ow!
Ow.
My God, woman, you work fast.
True.
I've done
some of my best work
- on a hall pass.
- What the
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Holly!
I won't tell.
***! Get out now!
Holly, out! No!
- Ow!
- Ow!
- What the
- What's going on?
Lip's an ***.
I'm out of here.
What'd he do?
Want me to kick his ***?
- I'm making waffles for breakfast.
- Yeah?
Well, you can shove
mine up Lip's ***.
- Aha!
- Easy, easy, easy.
That was good.
The Fast And The Furious, huh?
- Thanks for the ride.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Sorry for throwing up.
Holly?
Carl, what happened?
I don't know.
Jesus.
What is going on?!
Holly left my party
in the middle of the night
because of something Lip did.
- You didn't.
- No, I didn't.
All right, I blew her off,
and she split.
You could've just done her so
my party wouldn't have sucked!
Deb, she's 14!
Which one's Holly?
She left!
And then Little Hank left, too.
Deb, I'm sure the rest
of the party was awesome.
How would you know?
You weren't here.
You Craig?
- Who?
- No.
Hey, you want to open
my present now?
No, Simon.
I don't really
give a *** about your present.
Great job chaperoning.
What the hell would
you have had me done,
sleep with the kid?
This is my worst birthday ever.
Deb, let me make it up to you.
Okay? How about I take you
to an R-rated movie sometime?
Little Hank, too?
He's not gonna go with just me.
Can Holly come, too?
Fine.
A double date.
No.
Just me buying
Escorting.
Deal.
I should, um,
I should probably
brush my teeth
before we make out or anything.
Sleep it off on the couch.
No.
Hey, I-I can drive.
No, you can't.
I'll see you in the morning.
Hey, do you think my car
will still be there?
Parts of it.
Jesus Chr-- that's--
don't do that.
Top of the morning.
Let's go to the Alibi!
Come on.
I want to meet
- all your co-workers.
- I don't--
my shift doesn't start
until noon.
Oh.
Okay.
You know what they say.
"The early bird
catches the worm.
"
I caught it.
Oh, Jesus! Is that your fist?
No, it's my foot.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
You said no toys.
Ooh, I can wiggle my toes.
This little piggy
went to market.
Ah!
And this little
piggy stayed home.
Okay, that's
two piggies, right?
This little piggy
Had roast beef.
And this little piggy had none.
Oh, God.
But this little piggy
No, no, no, no.
Not all the way home.
Not all the way home.
He went all
the way home.
Oh!
Whoo!
Carl!
Knock it off!
Yeah, throw it.
Throw it, let me play baseball.
I'm sorry I had to miss
your party.
So, tell me about Hank.
He's cute, isn't he?
Hey, uh, you got any coffee?
Hi.
Uh, I'm Adam.
You married?
Oh, just hit me with
the bat already.
I don't have time for this.
Wasn't my idea to come
to an adulterer's house.
It was mine.
Well, actually, our priest.
He thinks we can put
this whole thing behind us,
but we just need your help.
My help?
Who the hell is this?
Hi.
I-I'm Adam.
Just go and do
what you came here to do.
I am asking both of you
for your forgiveness.
I forgive you.
We done now?
Do you forgive me?
I want to.
I really do.
But every time
I start to picture it,
I just want
to rip your head off
and I want to ***
down your neck.
Okay.
What I hear you saying
Is that you want to forgive me,
you just need
a little bit more time.
- So *** father Nichols.
- Lucy-jo, come on now
Come on!
Kev's, like, a giant.
- That's not fair.
- Life's not fair, Debs.
- Haven't you learned that by now?
- All right, bring her down!
Come on, little girl,
you're going down!
I don't play! I don't play!
- Looks like your rash is clearing up.
- Yeah.
You guys done
with your therapy?
They're still in the house.
He's singing
"Your Body Is A Wonderland.
"
Hmm.
Who's this?
Oh.
Kevin, Adam.
- Adam, Kevin.
- How you doing, man?
Nice to meet you.
Oh, sorry, bro.
Welcome.
Hey, you okay?
Why the ***
was Mandy Milkovich at my
house trying to screw Jody?!
He turned her down
and told me what happened!
Yeah, 'cause he's
a *** ***.
- *** you!
- Okay! Hey!
Stay the *** away from me!
Stay the *** away from Jody!
And stay the *** away
from this baby!
feel my head.
Feel my head one more time.
I'm sure I'm running
hot this time.
Frank, Frank, you are always
like that after sex.
Seriously, you're like
a little steam engine.
Now, come on, you're already
late for work.
Let's go!
Come on.
Frank, come along.
black cloud
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah!
Okay.
? black cloud
gathered in the corner ?