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♪ [ Rock ]
[ Deejay ] Go, go and gone!
Hang on, kids, for another disk by The Cleansers.
They wipe you out, don't they? [ Cackles ]
Now, how would you like to win a valuable prize?
No gimmicks. Just answer this question.
Name the 50th state and its most famous dance.
Got it? All right. Go, go to the phone right now.
Call Hollywood-- that's HO-- 3-4699.
HO 3-4699.
[ Man ] Hello.
Hello, contest?
The answer is Hawaii and hula.
That's absolutely correct.
I win?
You certainly do. May I have your name, address and phone number?
Well, you certainly can. It's Gid-- Frances Lawrence.
And the address is 803 North Dutton Drive.
The number is 477-5099. What'd I win?
Well, I'm Mark Hillman from the Glamorous You Dance Studios,
and I'm happy to tell you you've got one absolutely free dance lesson coming.
[ Tires Skid ]
You can have the lesson in our own air-conditioned studio...
or in the privacy of your own home anytime within two weeks.
Joy unconfined! A free dance lesson.
That's right, absolutely free.
How can you say that to a girl with a wooden leg?
♪ [ Jazzy Pop ]
♪ If you're in doubt about angels ♪
♪ Being real ♪
♪ I can arrange to change ♪
♪ Any doubts you feel ♪
♪ Wait till you see my Gidget ♪
♪ You'll want her for your valentine ♪
♪ You're gonna say she's all that you adore ♪
♪ But stay away Gidget is spoken for ♪
♪ You're gonna find that Gidget is ♪
♪ Mine ♪
You left John?
It happens, you know.
Marriages don't always work out, and ours didn't. We're finished.
Gidget, would you please go upstairs?
Why? I don't wanna learn about life by eavesdropping.
Daddy, this is serious.
What did John do?
He-- Well, he stood me up.
- Oh, Annie. - Well, that sounds silly, I know,
but it hurts when you're stood up for a date.
I have been stood up, ignored, treated like the wallpaper for six months.
- Yeah, but John's work, you-- - I know he has to study hard and often,
but all day, all night?
Do you realize we've been out of the apartment together in the past half year...
exactly once together, to the library.
I was giddy with excitement.
Annie, you must be stir crazy.
And he won't even watch TV. He says it rots the mind.
And he promised to take me dancing. He promised.
And then he forgot, and he yelled at me for reminding him.
- That's terrible! - If I want conversation, he lectures me.
If I wanna go out, he says, "Okay, go." So, okay, I went.
And here I am.
Annie, this is your home,
and you stay here as long as it takes until John shapes up.
Right?
You're welcome to stay, of course, Annie.
Thanks, family.
[ Clicks Tongue ] Oh, excuse me.
Oh, that "blick" John.
He should be horsewhipped, and with a mean horse.
Francie, this is Anne's problem.
And it may shrink to manageable size by tomorrow.
Oh, you sure are taking all this pretty ho-hum cool.
I am the battle-scarred veteran of two-- count 'em two-- daughters.
I've been there before. And often it's a very quick round trip.
Well, I think blood is thicker than water, and this looks like blood.
No matter how long it takes, this is Annie's home.
That's very loyal of you, considering she's going to be sharing your room.
My room?
Yeah, until the ceiling's fixed in the spare bedroom...
and the water damage cleaned up.
Sharing my room?
Dad, maybe we should have a serious, calm, mature talk with Annie.
Frances.
But--
♪ [ Rock ]
[ Singsongy ] French and Indian War.
[ Singsongy ] England versus France, 1754 to 1763.
Check.
Battle of Quebec.
General Wolfe mopped up on General Montcalm,
1759.
Check.
[ Clicks Off ]
Kids, I don't think this is any way to be studying.
It's pragmatic.
That is to say, it works.
Larue, it's almost dinnertime.
A touch of the whip. I go.
Don't leave blood stains on the linoleum.
[ Door Opens ]
Gidget, believe me, I know I'm right.
[ Gidget Narrating ] And out she went,
leaving only a faint trail of vapor from her broomstick.
Not that I have anything against my elder sibling, I just pity her.
I wanna see her back with her husband-- and both of them in Greenland.
[ Phone Rings ]
Lawrence Liquor Lobby.
[ Man ] Excuse me. Is this Miss Lawrence?
None other.
Well, this is Mark Hillman again...
from the Glamorous You Dance Studios.
Look, I don't need lessons.
Ah, can you be sure?
Now, why not enjoy our free trial estimate in your own home?
Impossible. I'd love to, but... security, you know.
Dancing.
[ Rings ]
The funeral is Wednesday. Now good-bye.
This is Mark Hillman, Miss Lawrence. I wish you'd reconsider.
It's sort of important to me. We're rated on how many prospects we get to see and--
Yes, of course. I'm very anxious to have you come.
I'm sorry I hung up on you. It's only because I'm, uh, shy.
Shy?
Timid. How tall are you?
6'1 and 3/4".
Weight?
185.
You said you're shy?
Terribly.
Listen, can you come to my house for that lesson,
say, uh, tomorrow night, 9:00?
Why certainly, yes. What makes you think you're shy?
Take my word for it. Just be here tomorrow night, 9:00 sharp.
Why should I come to Anne?
And why, for heaven sakes, at 9:15 exactly?
John, she needs you.
She can get me-- on the phone.
John, I-- Well, it's none of my business.
Exactly.
Except she is my sister, and I do care about her.
I wouldn't want Annie to do anything foolish.
Such as what?
Well,
a girl can get lonely just sitting and waiting.
And Annie's very attractive.
I'm aware of that. She is my wife.
And if she's lonely, she can come home.
I see no reason to make the first move.
Well, it's not much of a move, just four blocks to our house.
Well--
At 9:15?
I'll think it over. No promises.
John, as a sister-in-law, I'm counting on you.
I've got an insane idea.
You need rehabilitation.
What?
Well, it's all right to just drizzle around the house,
but you've gotta stay in practice.
What are you talking about?
You know that sharp dress you showed me the other day?
Why don't you put it on tonight, and I'll do your hair and your nails?
It'd be fun.
Yeah, it might be fun.
And besides, it'd steam up your morale.
Okay. I'll dig out my hair spray.
[ Clears Throat ]
Frances?
Oh, hello, Daddy.
Francie, you're plotting.
I am what?
That proves it. Whenever you get theatrical, my radar reacts.
Come into my office.
Sit down.
You're whomping up some maneuver to muscle Annie back to John.
Well, they belong together.
Translation: Get outta my closet.
I am getting a little weary. Annie's always on my back.
Francie, I know it hasn't been easy for you,
but, remember, Anne is having real problems.
I just wanna help her solve them.
Honey, let me put this very plainly. Don't interfere.
This isn't a game. Anne is married.
She's not just your sister. She's John's wife.
Because if you mix in, Francie, and you make a mistake,
it'll be a very serious one.
I won't meddle, and I advise you to do the same.
End of lecture.
Yeah, and end of a very cunning plot, I guess.
Oh, you're a tricky one. You don't land on me very often,
but when you do, I feel-- [ Raspberry ] ironed out flat.
- [ Line Ringing ] - [ Ringing ]
Hello.
Hello, John? Gidget.
I just wanted to tell you to forget it about tonight. It was all a joke.
A joke?
Yeah.
And don't worry. Annie will call you when she's ready.
We may not even be in tonight.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Something's up.
- Nothing. Honestly. - That's a pretty mysterious nothing.
You tell Anne I'll be there at 9:15 sharp, hmm?
[ Line Clicks ]
No, John! Uh--
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Hello, Glamorous You Dance Studios?
Is, uh-- uh, Mr. Hillman-- Mark Hillman, is he there?
It's very important.
He's gone out on a demonstration.
Oh, no, I know where he's going to be--
right at point zero when the bomb drops.
You know, it would be nice if John stopped by.
I mean, I feel dressed up for him.
He's terribly proud, you know.
I thought you said he was stubborn.
When I'm mad at him, he's stubborn.
When I'm not, I call it pride.
But I'm stubborn too. That's the problem.
I think maybe I'll call him.
It all sort of seems silly now.
Annie--
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Oh, no.
♪ [ Whistling ]
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Aren't you going to answer it?
I'll get it.
Miss Lawrence?
No.
Gidget.
What I mean is, we don't want any.
But you said to come tonight.
- For what? - For the free trial dance lesson...
from the Glamorous You Dance Studios.
- I'm, uh, Mark Hillman. - Anne Cooper,
Gidget's sister.
Hi.
I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind. Good-bye.
But look, I've come all the way out here.
And, uh, believe me, it's very important to me,
And it could be very valuable to you. Please?
Of course. Excuse my sister.
Come on in.
Thank you.
Gidget, whatever is the matter with you? You just can't be rude.
Well, Annie, what will the neighbors think? It's late.
Don't be silly. It's only 9:00.
Uh, use that outlet.
Oh, thanks.
[ Chuckles ] There.
- Now, shall we dance? - No, thank you.
Uh, well, I think your sister's a little bit shy.
Now, about you?
She's married.
Yes, but it's not my golden anniversary yet.
Well, of course not.
I could see instantly that you're in tune...
with the youth and vitality that we at Glamorous You believe in.
And I'm sure you're already a marvelous dancer.
I think you'd enjoy just a few steps.
♪ [ Up Tempo ]
There we are. Now, at Glamorous You Dance Studios,
we believe that dancing is really a health factor.
It builds character, a sound mind and a sound body, you know.
Please, not so fast.
Oh, never say "not."
Negative thinking is destructive. Say "I can." Say "I will."
Come on.
Oh, come on, John.
John?
[ Doorbell Rings ]
John!
♪ [ Romantic ]
I'll get the door.
- Aha! - John!
Oh, John, um-- Mark, this is my husband, John.
John, Mark Hillman.
My pleasure, John.
Uh, I may call you John?
Listen, incidentally, congratulations.
Anne is just a marvelous dancer.
Just like this? In less than a week?
John, there's something I'd like to explain to you.
Gidget, you'd better go upstairs.
You're right.
- Why, for heaven sakes? - You mean, she already knows?
Oh, John, would you let me explain exactly what--
Explain?
It's clear enough. I find my wife in the arms of another man.
No, no, I'm not another man.
I mean, your wife doesn't mean anything to me personally.
Not that she isn't a lovely little person. [ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ] It's just a cheap adventure, eh?
John, we were dancing. Period.
Well, of course. This is a professional affair for me. That's all.
- Professional affair? - Yeah.
- You're a ***! - [ Gidget Screams ]
Oh, John, that's very good though. I like that step. It's cute.
Listen, John, now we at the Glamorous You Dance Studios...
believe that dancing is the best form of exercise.
Dance studios?
Yes. As in dance lesson.
As in free home demonstration.
Oh, no.
Ah. Well, John, what a pleasant surprise.
Good evening.
Hello there.
Well, congratulate me. You are looking at the new world's champion...
of the English department.
Oh, fine.
While she's dancing his shoes off, you're out shooting a little snooker.
What's all this?
Well, actually, I think I'd better be going.
I mean, another time might be better.
Although, our motto is: The family that'll dance together...
has a better chance... together.
It's-- Oh, it's late. Oh, it's very late.
And I think I'd better be on my way.
It's been a pleasure, though, and I look forward to another valuable meeting...
at, uh, another time.
Uh, good night.
Will somebody please explain to an aging pool shark?
It's really very simple.
I was enjoying a dancing lesson.
And then my beloved ex-husband...
came stumbling in here on both his suspicious left feet...
and gave us the benefit of his nasty little mind.
What was I supposed to think?
Gidget, was this what you called me about?
Gidget, did you set up this little ambush?
Well, actually, to be perfectly honest--
I mean, speaking frankly--
I only meant to--
To embarrass me,
to make a fool out of me.
John.
No! The title is "Dear John,"
as in good-bye forever.
- Oh, John, I moved-- - [ Loud Clatter ]
your bicycle onto the porch.
Anne, I just wanted to--
I know.
Don't you see?
He came over after me,
and then he walked into that bear trap you set up.
Oh, Gidget, I'm sorry, but I can't forgive you.
[ Doorbell Buzzes ]
Good afternoon, John. I may call you John?
Uh--
I'm here for your very first lesson.
In what?
Oh, it's a surprise.
Well, you've just been given a special introductory course for beginners.
You see, I'm from the Glamorous You Dance Studios and--
Oh, uh, introductory course?
Well, yes, our special.
I understand you suffer from poor muscular coordination.
What? Who would have--
Anne!
Anne? No, my name's Sylvia.
No, no. The person-- and I use the term lightly-- who wants you here.
Mrs. Anne Cooper, hmm?
No, it was a, uh--
A Gidget?
Gidget.
Oh, that little... monster!
Oh, but your lesson.
Oh, I've had mine.
And now she's gonna get hers.
[ Tires Squealing ]
This is 007. Leadfinger just blasted off.
Annie, there's something I'd like to get straight.
Aside from necessary communication, don't talk to me.
You're hogging my closet.
What?
I'm a very reasonable person,
but you're pushy, messy sloppy and taking up too much room.
So I've packed half your stuff away.
You didn't dare!
In your suitcases. Look.
Why, Gidget.
But I'm willing to accept an apology.
An apology from me?
After you've ruined my life and wrecked my marriage?
Hmm. I guess I'll just have to make my point clear.
Look.
Gidget, open up this--
[ Pounding ]
Gidget, open this door!
[ Laughing ]
Wait'll I get out of here!
[ Tires Skid ]
[ Pounding ]
Open this door!
Let me out of here!
Open this door!
Aha! So there you are. Hiding, huh?
[ Pounding Continues ]
Gidget!
Where is that little monster?
I thought she was in here.
She must be hiding.
She'd better. If I get my hands on that--
Saboteur!
Exactly.
I find it hard to believe that you're sisters.
Gidget is basically a morbid, hostile personality.
- Yeah, a troublemaker. - She's an emotional arsonist.
- Sending that girl over. - What girl?
A dance instructress.
She wiggled right in and announced that Gidget had sent her.
Oh, she wiggled in, did she?
I suppose she was pretty too.
Well, in an obvious, flamboyant sort of way.
Not really pretty.
What's it called when you use a hammer on your own sister?
Justifiable homicide.
I could strangle her.
No, that's unprofessional.
- No, I mean it. - Good.
I'll hold her while you choke.
Come on. We'll look downstairs. And when I find her--
No.
What?
You hold her, and I'll choke.
Anything you say, darling.
"Darling." That sounds nice.
Now let me understand. Francie bought you a course of dancing lessons, John?
Exactly.
Well, you could use a refresher course, darling.
But I don't need lessons.
Hey, you know, maybe I've been overdoing the studying.
If we just went out dancing more, huh?
That's a wonderful idea.
And you, Anne--
Francie demonstrated her morbid, hostile personality by packing your clothes?
That's right. She just threw them into my suitcases.
They're upstairs now.
It's an obvious symbol for burial.
Or her way of saying good-bye.
What?
I think we'd better let Francie face this situation herself.
Frances.
We'd like to talk with you.
Do you're realize what you've done?
Mm-hmm. I think so.
So if you wanna strangle me, go right ahead.
Just so you do it together.
What?
"Together" is, I believe, the key word.
Oh, no.
You mean you, with deliberate malice aforethought--
Malice aforethought.
Oh, did you take a chance.
But I'm forgiven?
Oh, well--
Hey, what is this?
Togetherness, darling.
[ Yelps ]
So my new motto is: Stay out of other people's problems.
Only one of my problems is that half my life...
is being interested and curious about my family's affairs.
Because, frankly, I don't have any really dramatic problems of my own yet.
I think maybe the hardest thing in the world for a teenager to learn is patience.
But I'm working on it. And I may make it.
If my family survives long enough.