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We all need to be able to develop resilience because the world is in a tremendous time
of change. And even that aside, our personal lives are always changing. It's just the nature
of life. One thing dies away, something else comes up. And you got to be able to be comfortable
with that kind of flow. So resilience has been studied in a number of contexts. People
who are sick, who's resilient and who crumbles? People who unfortunately have been prisoners
of war or in concentration camps. Kids who have come from really disadvantaged, abusive
backgrounds. So even corporations, resilience in corporations is a big area of study. And
do you know what? Whether you're an individual or a corporation, the basics of resilience
are the same. So let's talk about five things that you can do to become a more resilient
person. And you know, I wasn't a resilient person myself. So, I know these things up
close and personal. Because I've been working on them for years personally. And I can tell
you, you will change your brain circuits and you can become resilient no matter what your
family history was, no matter what your brain wiring is now. These are skills that can absolutely
change your brain, change your attitude and change your life. The first thing that we
know about resilience is that resilient people are realists and I'll give you a corporate
example of that. Remember there was a first bombing of the World Trade Center years before
the planes actually crashed into the towers. At that time one company, which was Morgan
Stanley, said we better recognize we are in a very high value target and this is not likely
the last attempt. Sooner or later the terrorists will come again to destroy these towers and
we have to be ready. That's what a realist does. No ducking of the head in the sand,
no wishful thinking. Just like, hey we've to pay attention here. And what they did was
to get a wonderful resilient Vietnam vet as their head of security. And do drills constantly
so that their people, over 7000 of them, knew how to evacuate from that tower. And then
they also got three offices off-site. So that were the towers to go down, they'd be able
to continue their business. Well, what happened? It was so sad. During the planes crashing
into the towers on 9/11, is it paid off for them. Even though their floor took a direct
hit, fortunately they were in the second tower so they had some time. But the security got
everybody out but seven people. The head of security actually parished because he was
getting everybody else out. But it's extraordinary that they were able to evacuate virtually
everybody from those offices. So we all have to be realists. If you're living in a lousy
marriage, if you're living with an abusive person, you have to be realistic. It's unlikely
that person is gonna change. You're gonna have to make a radical step toward your own
freedom. Or if you've lost your job, it's not a good idea to sit around and do affirmations
and expect a job to come to you. You need to get out there and be a realist and take
charge. So that's the first part of being resilient. Do something. Actually face things
head on, eyes wide open, heart wide open. Ask your friends for help and that's, that
really is important. The second aspect of resiliency is that we're meaning-making animals,
human beings are. I often think of the soul as the organ of the creation of meaning. And
if you're going through a hard time, you have to be able to create meaning for that so that
you don't become depressed. So for example, many people have had difficult marriages.
If you say to yourself, "the meaning of this is I'm a no-good person. I don't deserve love."
You're not very resilient. But if you say to yourself "I have faith and trust that this
aspect of my life, like so many others, is a place where I'm learning and I'm growing.
Yes, it's a difficult time. But I'm facing it head on and I will be different now. I've
learned so much from this difficult relationship." That's faith and trust. So for some people
it's religious faith. But for many of us, it's simply faith that life is meaningful
and good. The third aspect of resilience, we've looked at realism, we've looked at faith
and meaning.. the third aspect is that resilient people tend to be radically creative. And
this is really really really important. Radical creativity means that you think outside of
the box. And so for example, instead of saying "well, I've lost my job. This is terrible.
The economy's bad. I'm not gonna get another one." And then declining into your box, into
your rut and feeling depressed, you start to say to yourself, "OK, I can't do perhaps
what I've always done before. But what is it that I find most interesting now? What
am I most curious about?" And then you say to yourself, "well, I've always been curious
about geology." Or "I've always been curious about photography." And as much as that may
not make sense to you at the moment, you go and you participate in something you've always
been curious about. Maybe you get an internship somewhere or you volunteer somewhere. And
that leads you to a new job. It means you approach things from a different point of
view. And as I know we're coming into a discussion of mindfullness together. But instead of mourning
what you don't have mindfullness means appreciating what you do. And often it's through that deep
appreciation that resilience comes up, new ideas and creativity comes up. The last two
little hints for resilience, and now we've looked at three, we've looked at being an
optimizing realist, optimizing your situation by looking at it head on, we've looked at
trust and faith, we've looked at creativity.. the last two are social support and a great
sense of humor and the absurd. You have to have your friends and your family around you
to help you, to cheer you on, to give you ideas. A study of POWs found that one camp,
the POWs have found a way to tap, almost like Morse code, and that allowed them to communicate
and talk with each other. That gave them resilience. They shared where they were at. And the last
thing is humor. A sense of absurdity is great. So for example in the 2008 Presidential Elections
John McCain was running for office. It doesn't matter what your politics are, 'cuz that's
not what we're discussing here. We're discussing the fact that he was in a POW camp for five
years. And he's clearly a resilient person. After all, he's a senator, quite functional,
ran for President, and if you watched Saturday Night Live during that time, not only was
Tina Fay great as Sarah Palin, but Senator McCain was great as himself. He has a wonderful
sense of humor. And the sense of absurdity lifts you out of your box. It lifts you out
of the limits of your own thinking. And it expands your perspective. And that leads to
resilience. So remember, even if the genes were not stacked in your direction, even if
you came from a pessimistic family, you can change your brain wiring through these simple
five tips.