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I'm Lesley Close
and this is my brother John Close about a year after he was born in London
in 1947.
John died, age 54,
on the 26th of May 2003 in Zurich, Switzerland where he'd
gone for an assisted suicide with Dignitas.
In this film
I hope to show some of the difficulties my brother faced because he had
MND.
John had a fairly happy childhood in Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire
and developed an interest in music in his early teens.
In his twenties he took up cycling
often covering long distances in one day
John also got hooked on running and regularly ran half and full marathons
Once he ran almost seventy miles of the Ridgeway Footpath in a day and a night
but throughout his twenties, thirties and forties music was his main passion
and he played at family gatherings and assorted venues in Milton Keynes, both on his own
and with other musicians.
He composed hundreds of songs
and recorded most of them.
John and I were always close.
He was an important part of my life
and his diagnosis with MND in March 2001 came as a
terrible shock.
His symptoms at that time included a slight limp in his right leg following a
couple of years on quinine for night cramps,
and difficulty speaking and swallowing, the right side of his tongue was withered, and
emotional lability.
Inappropriate laughing and crying, mostly crying in John's case.
About a year after diagnosis John was evicted from his flat
and placed temporarily in a nursing home in Leighton Buzzard.
What was supposed to be a very short stay became a nightmarishly long
stay.
He simply didn't need the level of care offered by the home
conventions are which was over
he has no don't renew to say because it's got to know canteens
saddened class has been designed by someone you wouldn't have had never
imagined it looks like my wheelchair usa
john could we set out to the people on the front door he couldn't reach the
light switch in the bathroom
the shower head is just too high
just about touches century sink them started having kids upon the pigs is a
problem
doesn't notice in the kitchen cupboards are using the sink taps was very
difficult
meeting the fact was impossible he couldn't operate the front door latch to
get out even got to know that helped women had to do in ninety degree turn
the tide lobby
wrestler i went to a fire door
the struggle over the next door threshold
eventually some but not all of the folds affixed
remotely controlled door at u_s_ fitted to the flats rantoul but sadly by this
time job was to be t_v_ factions and
john research diamond ether only who was always well-prepared for the changes he
would need to make is the disease progressed
hit quite a wheelchair what he could still wall and head up a critic liked
still take food already
you can see the peg in houston
despite daily attention from carries into st louis is the standard they came
christy at times
making and solar team
but it was done too much pain
but it was first installed he was given that you know explanation about how i
should be used
he was living in the nursing home at the time
and on his return with the kanka sky feet in the pump
the nesting stopped making sure so dependent illustrate the whole thing out
on the spot
i have seldom seen session sensitivity precarious
and joe was terribly upset by the whole thing
it wasn't until one of the most senior staff pointed out that being hooked up
to the pump
and feeding the whole time david twelve rounds
wasn't the only way to get the feed
the syringe failed he could be square to the lowest instantly
rebellious method
the german lax to began to see it as a positive step
because to step it definitely was preventing and treating on food
if i wanted them to be explained rebounds
how much more positive the whole experience critic being
extension to use i could actually became rather than what it appeared at fest
for the restriction on his freedom
wire everybody
demand came
there
known as smart
kingdom pay exchanges
me smith
making love
morgan platforms
republicans need but you can't do anything
beginning may hold key worker
at court today
and uh...
golden
that they have executive privilege
that'd be good to go
anything from there
genital mutilation city
impair
well and get out there
depending
gupta my head pain
but i don't get married
without getting into the key
minute may take a look at
heritage against
jury duty
and again i think
you know
eight p
needed
veto blackstone
seven
period
marrow for having me
by august two thousand two decrease to teach
john's diet with limited to soft foods like baked potatoes and baked beans and
shocked his dietitians
already approved jacket ice-t_ jump
lots of calories without too much effect
that absolutely no checking risk
but if if he was named ella need to take that you knew you were to be one day and
he wants to be ready for it
professed the pig was used to supplement your diet
but he switched to sell exceedingly move to the facts
because the danger of checking on fairly good he was taking a leading was a risk
he wasn't prepared to take
he supplemented the prescribed fee
each bizarre orange juice
tea and coffee
prescribed water milkshakes slim fast drinks
and something called nourishment
which is possibly the most he's taking tasting took in the world but fun of
calories and luckily johnnie i tasted it reflux
he ate as much as he could but he still loves gossip waiting by the time he died
but he just about lifting
that meant economy lost about forty percent of his original weight coming
hesitation has its and the shadowy slow myself
jeremiah taking some fresh air here on may the fans
at the cutting a real chance train to protect his right leg but she couldn't
leave
from contact with the cold metal as much as three bruising
john's first care suggested these which he was in danger
there's also the amount of placing his way
he always felt cold even sunny days
explode dead
recent road and located
yet
okay
jungle tuesday to go to zero exorcist it's suicide on monday may the twelfth
and five days later michael's family called to say goodbye
jones had tripped over time by now and he raised it with a twist to the left
you know sissies inability to use his right hand quite use speech
grants aspirations or we could do that now
i think
itself
cad
but
the
together
this is an interesting little well ive
kato
it issue
that it is
a friend of jones called on the twenty second of may two massages hands
piggy often worked on john's
alphabetic had left hand
keep it as simple as possible
loss of strengthening d brings about cannot be reversed
ensuing stiffly seems to be reduced by this message
lets you would see that he has to move his right hand with his left
and you want to see the opposition call to the thing is going to hear from the
com very flat
candy udeshika situation the muscles in his own
he's heads to campaign of course
he's accustomed to that saliva
which she wipes away with a tissue at all times
this more close to behind his right ear at least every few days
was intended to japanese saliva batista fled out
sixteen different every t-shirt jumper in jacket
he said i was speaking felt a stinky inside and the like
and your *** mccartney chintzy tries to deal with it
smoking it was hard for him to be managed under control
if saliva starts to slow down the street and he wasn't expecting its if you lift
that he's had to look at something which made this a lot of wasn't ripping out it
which i can
his week timeframe and that he couldn't cost-effectively hewitt constant static
for several minutes which felt like allies to me watching palace to help him
you can see how much pleasure to simple massages giving him still enjoyed many
things like this one to one contact with someone like a rematch
on the twenty third of may jun suggested a visit to the local cheeky smell
chiefs how how grateful i am with the weather was really nothing in these last
few days of his life
she could no longer transfer to account c several normal trips had to be out in
force
the shuttle shot me right into their preaching he did have a drink
jones-trumpet choice was red bull
the caffeine in touring help to keep you know that
do you think you drink by syringe is not easy
it's a messy business
i'm at my hand on john st at one point
that lays out what the wheelchair
but it was worth it from john's point of view
because he'd tasty sphillips
an extra time on the wheelchair fine now
both his legs deepika protection competitive forties
and then you cannot see them
assets of more than his feet to support his toes which would otherwise sank in
the campaign for a very quickly
this was suggested values angelic best care
he was like this become frightened warms all the time
which wasn't a problem because his feet hardly ever touch the floor
when they did he wasn't a very long
saturday the twenty fourth of may
the shelling chang
this shares the routine john went through every day for the last few
months of his life
just to get dispels leaving
john had prescribed liquid feed
which came to behind fight back
feasting suffered terribly constipation
he had various medicines to help solve this problem anyone whacked disco done
sooner
taken and max mandates every night
he was a trick we need any because the cramps were continuing problem
he didn't take any pain killers because they simply read the constipation words
so even though you taking his usual texaco down through the night before
this film shocked
he still needed to help is bounce get moving
because he didn't stand or will he suggests is not subject to the same
physical stimulation yours and mine gets
but this is eric is sure does make sense to do every morning will get into bed
any contribution she made that i'm aware of
he could use exercises himself of course
while he was nine he's back would lift his legs one at a time supporting them
by the end to end comp
and pushing i would like to watch is heading down toward to stomach
biol taking sides repeating a statement about twenty times per side
you could use to retreat mass arching actions dot
optimistic now about how furniture coffee strong and black
and about the salmon orange juice in hot water next tonight to spare the customs
before we close to him out of bed
blow to the committee chair
this chair was completely and padded john found is very helpful with
exercises you seemed form here
simple lifts and rickles
this is not as much movement is a hat
he's not being restrained and things
does in fact trying his hardest to move the content of his death time leaving
his body
just as it happens do you mean naturally
everyday lives
you may have spotted the jar was wearing anyone sulk
this is not an accident
it is true to his wife was always cold
he needed to reach us twelve pack where there's a way to my correctable back
things when we got back the trip outdoors
he would have wrapped around his foot when it was hot before going out
in this shot that he has no some prints left foot to provide some grip on the
wheelchair footprints twenty exercised
the tendency it is but he's heading to the right to this week aside is
obviously viewed from behind
john's tell between his knees that's what the beard anything is
we would put us in place when he got into bed disturbs me getting together
when we left it there until we got to stresses on often share
very particular patents position in bed
after being hoisted in fashions back
with a girl you want his right side to start with
facing a free agent debate
he could then flown to his back because it gets back on two sides by himself
please allow me so it was to reach fifteen tissues in the people for
he hadn't known trigger around his neck at all times including loans to banks
the festive contracts and he could use this to some of the community helpers
they agreed to come unless when you're any response they has knocking on the
wall to get the merits of being in a row
he was very reassuring to know that john have helped even though some kind of
parent is essential because he couldn't speak
don't want to full-time care he realized that he needed a way to call her
cerebral almost all bills which have a remote spell you can plug into the
mainstream and house and we have the person who caused only found outside the
door around his neck
resnick yosef or the device by which you could help in the front door
so we couldn't you seem to come to ask mister no see the normal high spinal
colds
could you know it was a risky business together the individual user
for the first few days until not this change that remotely operable one he was
forced to leave the door not at all times the simply couldn't manage the
king
to compute to other leading the desk on the left has raised on breaks that you
can reach the buttons on it
and the cd drive
him for it on the desk of every day and you know we'll chat not making it full
on the floor she's graded saiful
if you just heard essential tool for job the source of great pleasure as well as
a viking quote means of communicating that one
cokie speechless vanished
just got to have to choose to hand at all times as a box decided on the desk
these are not authorized to seize notes because he had a big mayors
because they suggested i just got
accomplice always fifty she's team wins on one side desert lands on the other
alert
because tragedy arrived home just visible through the open bathroom during
the whole into which he had to these people for
standing to p was quite impossible
to start with you could get things into the people for because they're afraid
northerners limited element
trains originally started to use the committee chair you see here
as he continued to use a makeshift just as a point because it was positioned
just right
he was making proper sanitary fittings unredacted white casket wastebasket
pre-positioned just inside the bathroom doors that he had some courtesy
anyone possibly by giving their opposites chrissy in but not around the
corner
i dot t dot his trousers he warned us to take you waste jumpers overtime zip
sportswear you know
but he couldn't know it will hold the waste and i was totally wrong for her
and pick different scenes in him the results you arrange to give the states
corresponding to the one in the boxer shorts
he had your number to check and adjust his checks regularly
if you think this secrecy tell the story of the corrected
think how does it was to be to judge us dot everyday this way
because of the intuit sensitivities developed being able to feel it's not
just moving he's got to proceed with the possible down
constipation is a featured an m_d_ per se
it was the result of jon's father like don t ability to move
the speeches nobody remain under the conscious control of the pics ritual
times by the way
when these exercises were complete
chum would knock two tennis he was ready to move his pals
at that point you simply need to be moved to the bathroom we have these
books short *** for him
u_s_a_ simply
john self-propelled wheelchairs he was able to move by himself until shortly
before he died
but no very easily and with a tendency to go around in circles
after you have to teens red wine
jim wants to take control of his wheelchair using his good handle is down
hill st
notice that the large meals if made for more comfortable riding out the type of
wheelchair with small meals or and
in the back in the back of his wheelchair as hereinbefore
john use this in public use of quiet corners away from home
for the next ten days to who told us down
the last few shots this day would take a long walk to places that significance in
john's life
he was he still is a respected singer some right-wing guitarist and keep a
look
looks routines
and he showed us one of the helps when you know from phone
he was once asked to become the resident tennis team
it was not to bring success
decision just little hole right here
either alone or with friends
here is a mystery for me
they continue to enjoy listening to other people singing
keeping the king runner inside kids too
and i want to know teens often took a stand on an old favorite rhetorics
cancer surgery these cases
as he was always the one to redirect our lives
business industrial stocks shot was completely spontaneous
he looks relationship
he's actually just having whatever plan you could have
since he didn't have a voice to those checks
if they don't blame two days before we get derrick for john's assisted suicide
going going ranting out here
to meet up with a bunch of dumb nights
prevent well project which is not to them
interested period
not becoming
adieu to you
pitifully
love do you see
has been provisioning don't act right seven years
and uh...
he's written terrain
if ya sweets he reads
one-day i was put on cleaning tonight crowds
vendor makes
one-day like david cycling
problems with my right leg
one day
i realized i was talking strangely
one day i was walking by the canal
my right leg with striking very quietly
despite weak and elicit the exercise
one-day i realized i couldn't walk the hull mile to the local shops
one day my right hand was sidetracked i gave up his tickets off
one-day i couldn't shower standing up anymore
one day
i spent half an hour taking on the kind of soft drink
i realized i couldn't swallow it properly anymore
one day
i realized it's only a few people
now and the senate respect invoice
one-day my right hand
beside bats i gave up trying to play single heads of the south
one day i was no there
type of civil so
one day
i could no longer beads ordering anything with it so
one-day my right hand was where they'll be usable
one day i could no longer gets i think that without help
one-day i could no longer comprise not even using the computer
one day i realized that most of the time i was seen some sold today
say and tonight
one day
like the taken away from me site looks of what's high-fives cold being alive
aside bouts i was not trailing a alive anymore
reminds that worked
within forty eight
but did not
but that's ecori here
side the left me with much less inhofe ally
one-day death
seems no longer likely distant country
less than what they really have to the help artist living in the
it was trying to make those last few yards
it was getting on time today right
one day
joan baez twenty two five oh three
one day at the time
ocpd u_s_ minute manner at the very latest
highlands area
failed as a full sets it
as friends the
data some of them
and yet he still got a bit receives a big hit trucking jackson
making everybody down
smiled
nitish sensor shows
officially johnny's friends gathered
to say in send reply
where they will send one of john's best-selling janelle must've and
starring
it
the
the
picking brought in on the scene usual he leaned filled believes
for john to release
after that in the last one go
we walked away from those wonderful people who would come to say goodbye to
john
or somewhere without exception
very supportive and understanding
the joe's decision to go to zero exp assisted suicide
two days later
the next day the twenty-fifth we went to test his campaign
pinky sometimes and sunglasses she gave to john
eric mall commit can
tv shows how much cash he he was still gets into life
but he wasn't fighting
constipation
home afterwards
you can see the extra padding jones writes for
positions to protect his leg from the celts and dumps of traffic normal
pavements
he's right and he's wearing a mix and with the family
which i make a mosquito baby names to join the food and shops and a
it was effective in catches hand what was being very easy to get on and off
much easier and everything is
homelands
contracts and
but
they had to start
his projects
used tissues to protect the crime
easy access
this truce allegro dot
you can see how things
businesses
well at running in something had to be a very strong muscles
they were gone by now
looser stuff again
you'll see that the wheelchairs and on tango
upon it's not really
this is to absorb some of the shop
from the last sentence of the park
it's now making out on the twenty-fifth of may and they're watching monty
python's the life of crime
returns favorite films
you can see this is week diaphragm pretentious enough to talk to the
near the end of the secrecy almost counts is the question
what is the sound of the one hand tracking
he's expecially looks like paying criticism years he could get to a broad
green in the last email
i was taking my love to kyu sam johnson chestnut film
how do you know if meaning for me when you're with someone you love very much
who will be dead in less than twenty-four hours
he want to just enough also made it possible
he had said that he gets a bed added that night
he normally starts to get ready to round eleven
pieces just as at ten o'clock money better
as you have to be ready by five forty five a_m_
breaking ticket
you wanted to stay up and have fun and i'm a little every day
ka
minor but
what
it's not five twenty in the chinese last day
prime minister
so you're okay
monday
his friend katie and system here and to continue to do any
josephus did nothing to eat or drink you people's twenty four hours because he
didn't want to find himself needing to use the new york mankind
uh... his people from kefir eng skateboarding final uh... he cannot
afford to take pictures regardless of the coast based in fact
urges the rich and sexy and i just want jones can expensive voice that you can
length of an
and drive away
taking pictures now physio
mister tends to sunday afternoon
jun is in great pain concern
management experts very hearings
consider six fifteen
relating to them
beams
behind
grown
branson's
gone
ninety-nine each year issue
brooms disagreement
this is a cruel and unnecessary things
protecting
going on and on the stand for a week
dot
history and i had
taking a lot of
complex which is very helpful
from federal and state
karen thank you
calcite soma golden state
elena
dyson hahahahahahaha
here
k
allied
there was any just waiting to report it to claim
which we did before filling out some very efficiently finally happened
as she explained that when this footage was any playmate possible because the
b_b_c_ have a web based not quote
media nation which allows anyone to fire a camera
and shoots the footage for possible editing tation
john help my hand and comforted psi chi don't take off
part of our incentives closed from fear of flying
one family county
company announced consistent
man in his death
but i don't have his email
transparent order tickets by mail
he wasn't used ones
an exhibit next aquino eureka children
even with all the mothers help the ground crews gave john
who came to see
magic to the pain in john's late bless them down to this initial transferred to
the seat
possibly with something was moved to sit down and show me state
has responded
hack
you could really do
suspects are racist
saliva
and i'm down his throat
breaths convention
not to discuss it
prime-time news is good
flying from miami
continental harris and savannah
too many subcommittees flying
johnston certain
misuse this realm
tries to get a little strange consistency inside
stuff that came to the contingents
but the only complete specifically legislation
off the plane
some very young
came to attend
made jones smile
whether it is a pain or unhappiness
i don't know
i suspect
because the oscar pain here shortly after i got to the ten
this was a quiet
incompetent
but said he would leave the city
tonight was worried about
as it was a consent to come back
defense industries
we've had today
substances
with fake john
you'll see that in pushing the wheelchair with one hand
at five p_m_ so moved by this time of two pushing done so far for so long to
send a business trip
as an estimated returns
then out there if you haven't suggested to get over
the fast that was needed
affiliates and facilities adjacent to the normal
bloom in the family
desperately needed to sleep in
john has had to go to costco just for this jim
but he checked we saw the photos which i to be spent have you tried to get a
wheelchair interface to do
the authorities in zaire eclipse a sorry mister testing in your life even
suspected
he had a great sense of humor for a little bit the
identify what it means every conceivable piece of paper six approaches might need
ticket s twenty best marriage into books
this was built in texas much smaller
ripped out of mexico
dr suitable adjustments
we were ready to go
documenting the repair
by maddie
ted textor as they have to take
penny and i don't have a nice day
belonging to again
then the teacher witness to a standstill
beautiful hilltop village outside soon
went inside to complete the necessary papers
mister mcnally has installed a new students
and i think he enjoys using for many years to come
it's about jobs one
branson's
thing
c
billing
carrot jones
right now
wanting
there's no
jeans
estimates businessmen
doesn't it
alag zero businessmen
participated there is a season
iss-consulting
it's system in the first time
doctor ko about twitter
and michael
harry joined a his duty
spectacle said he talked to join us
needs to see if he was very
in fact they must have talked to ten or fifteen minutes and that felt like a
lifetime
cancer
bill
the season
it's
these
we arrived at the tv test that
intimates by erica moving
and nancy wexler hospice
she was a man who turned out to be his fiance
they had met when he came to the flight with his ten million black
doctor called last month's history for our opinion on what's john wanted to do
we told him before he supported jones decision the happy little suffering
would soon be over
and then the doctor state the words that finally set junk
my fast you choose a doctor
is to present my
but i also have the sex did you see i could form here in sixty
i'm ready to do that to you
but i will write a prescription for you to take
to enjoy life
and that was it
we couldn't face in the process leading up to or the moment of jonesday so that
he had said to be shipped
that evening we ate out to celebrate joe's life
life is not the same without your own that he is everywhere you look you know
house and i have talked to a catchy so much since he died that he is with me
always