Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
So, incorruptible tribunes
of the free press,
please enjoy
this Finnish breakfast.
As you know, the vice
president recently signed
an historic software
agreement with Finland.
Wasn't her trip to Europe
overshadowed by the song?
You know, the one where
she mocked Europeans?
She wasn't
mocking Europeans.
- I would say the song was jesty.
- Jesty?
But more importantly,
right now the vice president
is meeting with the House
Majority Leader Mary King.
And they are brokering
a debt reduction deal
that's going to avert
a government shutdown.
Selina Meyer's
becoming one of the most
effective American vice
presidents in history.
She was crucial in the freeing
of the Uzbekistan hostages.
- Correct?
- Yes.
The software--
Did she know that one
of the hostages was a spy
endangering the other
three students?
Um
possibly not quite at the time.
So all this stuff
she's been saying about
being a crucial part of
the military rescue is a lie.
Okay, slow down, Leon.
Is your blood sugar off?
Have a pastry
or some herring, okay?
- Answer the question.
- I don't know what she knew
- or when she knew it, Leon.
- Mike, Mike.
Either she knew
that the student was a spy
and lied when she denied it,
or she didn't know
that he was a spy,
but lied about knowing the
details of the military rescue.
This isn't
"Meyer the Liar" again.
Well, it is now.
This isn't going to be
a cakewalk, Selina.
- Oh.
- This one's the hard bargaining.
Don't you worry.
I know how to haggle.
You betcha.
- How are your boys?
- They're great.
- How's Catherine?
- She's 21.
- That's great.
- Yeah, we're having her party tonight.
- So I'm excited about that.
- Tonight?
Yeah.
You know, all you
ever want for these kids
- is to be happy and healthy.
- Right.
You bet.
And stay out of
Middle East politics.
So two out of three ain't bad.
I'm amazed you can
laugh about that.
Yes, that's what I do.
I'm laughing about it.
She has that boyfriend.
- You think that's going to actually
lead to a marriage? - Should we get going
- with this business at hand?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wonder how
it's going in there.
It's like waiting
for a biopsy result.
Mary's a player.
She did own Brian Earl in
negotiations by pretending to faint.
So after Catherine's birthday party
tonight, you want to grab a bite?
Talk about Helsinki,
strategize a little bit?
- I have a date for tonight.
- Yeah.
Yeah?
- Who is it?
- Ed.
Ooh, and what does Ed do?
Ed Webster is a fund-raiser
for the party
and he's worked for Selina
for the past five years.
- Sue.
- Cracked under the questioning.
He's one of Selina's guys?
You swore you were only
gonna date outside DC.
He's not in DC.
He works in Boston.
Well, my mom doesn't live in Rome,
but she's still a *** Catholic.
- Are you getting worked up, Danny?
- Shut the *** up, Gary.
I'm so happy you're
happy for me, Dan.
Oh, what do you want,
a *** cake?
Look, I can be happy.
See?
There you go.
The only real cut here
is unemployment insurance.
Mary, POTUS is not
gonna make any cuts
to unemployment insurance
and you know that.
Do I need to explain to you
how haggling works?
How about a 10% cut
to NIH, okay?
- I need 20.
- I can't do those numbers.
That's not gonna work.
- God bless you.
- Thank you.
Then the only obvious solution
is unemployment insurance.
No, I told you.
I can't do that.
What are you doing?
What?
You stalling for time?
Let me get you a Kleenex, yeah?
I think it's over.
Sneezes
always come in threes.
- Have you ever noticed that?
- Really? Is that so?
Oh, well, that was a fourth.
So maybe I need to tell you about
how counting works, right?
- All right.
- Okay.
- We can raise fees
- The what?
- on Indian Health Services.
- Hmm? You gonna faint?
I'm not--
oh, very funny.
- Do you want water?
- Yes.
I'll get you some water.
- I'm gonna get you water.
- Okay.
- How's it going, ma'am?
- Wow, you're really hardballing her, huh?
No, she's pretending
to cough herself inside out.
Could you get her
some water, please?
I don't know what--
Ooh! Oh, my God!
Mary, are you all right?
I think I'm having
an allergic reaction.
- What are you allergic to?
- Is there cat hair?
- I have cats.
- Oh, Gary has cats.
Wait, Gary, Gary, Gary.
We need the water.
Yeah, there you go.
Is it this mohair?
- It might be the mohair.
- Do you think?
- No, she's been here--
- The nuts? Is it the nuts?
- Did you eat nuts? No?
- Mm-mmm.
- Is it the flowers?
- What?
The ones I got
for Catherine's birthday.
Oh, Christ!
Those ***!
- That's it.
- ***, okay.
All right, sorry.
- Oh, God.
- Gary, deflower the room.
There's a sentence I bet you
thought you'd never hear.
I'm not good
for another four hours.
Selina, we've got to take
this up tonight.
Mary, I've got my
daughter's 21st birthday.
- Don't go.
- I can't not go to her--
Would you miss your son's
Civil Union ceremony?
- I did.
- Oh.
Well, then, you have to come to Catherine's.
- We've got to finish this tonight.
- Yes, we do, tonight.
Come.
You can bring a plus one.
Stick a coat and tie
on a *** oxygen tank.
Mike, Leon West
called my line twice.
Did you lose your phone again?
No, Leon's a little skeptical
about the whole spy thing
and some *** is
resurrecting Meyer the Liar.
Ugh, just because my last
name rhymes with liar.
How lucky am I that
I'm not Selina Mapist
or Selina Medophile?
I just saw Mary King.
Looked like
she's been thrown up by a whale.
Yeah, she had
an allergy attack.
So did you do the deal?
Tell me you did the deal.
I'm gonna finish it tonight.
She's
coming to Catherine's birthday party.
Jesus.
You know, if we don't
get this done by midnight,
we're all gonna turn into ugly
sisters and get eaten by wolves
or whatever the *** happens
at the end of that story.
Sonic boom in the room.
Ma'am.
- No.
- Oh, okay.
Well, POTUS wanted me
to come down here
and peep the skinny
on the debt negotiations.
Okay, that's a fire hazard,
so let's just
Gary, I have been sent here
from the president.
Okay, so the president's already
going through a lot of pressure
about this hostage
lying ***.
- He's under pressure?
- Yes.
- I'm under pressure.
- Well, you do have a choice.
You could say you were out of the
loop for the hostage rescue,
which would make you look clueless, or
you could say you were in the loop,
which would make
you look devious.
Either way, just blur
the *** out of it.
Uh-huh.
- Oh, ***.
- Ma'am.
Anything that I should--
Amy, Ed Webster
is here to see you.
I think he's nervous.
His voice sounded clammy.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
That's good.
Look at you all flustered.
It's good that
you'll have sex soon.
Okay, guys, we need
to prep two press releases
for the end of the Mary King
talks at the party tonight.
Okay, version one--
Selina Meyer
ends fiscal deadlock,
saves America.
Version two-- Mary King
steals peace pipe,
breaks it in half,
*** all over it.
Ma'am, your ex-husband
just called.
He says that he wants
to pick up Catherine.
No, I have a car picking her up already.
I arranged that.
He is such a conniving,
grabby prick.
- Is it typical or what?
- Unbelievable.
- Just wrong.
- I hate him so much.
Sorry, can I ask why?
This'll
explain it perfectly.
Valentine's Day
a couple years ago,
- he gave me a black Porsche
- Oh.
that he bought with
Catherine's trust fund money.
- Oh.
- I mean, he just fluffs ya,
and then he *** ya.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of
Oh, yeah,
that's a perfect example.
Here you go.
So, he took me
to Cap d'Antibes for the night.
Yeah, they had
crazy intercourse.
Only after which he told me
that he sold our second home.
Yeah, yeah.
He's like a
belly dancer with a hammer.
That would hurt.
You know what?
I'm not worried about Andy
because I'm gonna
completely obliterate him
with my *** poise
and sophistication.
You know what I mean?
- God, did you hear that?
- Yeah, yeah.
She's calling him Andy
instead of Andrew.
- It's starting.
- What?
Every time Andy's on the scene,
- she gets all
- Giddy.
She's--
this terrible laugh.
- She's like
- Yeah, exactly.
- With a
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- She just said that she hates him.
- She does.
But every time
she gets around him
It's so weird.
It's like
a cat on a hot tin dog.
- Gary.
- Yeah?
- You know my red thing?
- Yeah.
Do you think that
it shows enough skin?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I'm gonna be the sexiest woman
to ever exude fiscal prudence.
And you know what? That's a very
*** tough look to pull off.
- Don't you think?
- Okay, you can't wear a bra with that one.
Yeah, I know.
- Amy.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, Ed.
How are--
So you all ready
for the party?
Um, fair warning,
I party pretty hard.
You should see me dance.
- I can't be controlled.
- Oh.
- I do a lot of pelvic thrusts.
- Oh.
Just very localized dancing.
Very small orbits.
I've been wrecking parties
since I was 13.
I was like the Hunter S.
Thompson of bar mitzvahs.
Hey, is the vice
president here?
I didn't want it to seem
like I was lurking.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you're not.
She'll be thrilled
to see you again.
Madam Vice President.
Uh hello?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Uh
- Ed.
- You know Ed.
- Yeah.
Oh, yes! Oh, yes, of course.
Oh, no.
We-- we-- we--
we-- we met in
in Bumfuck, Idaho,
I think it was.
- DC.
- Yes, yes.
That's what I like
to call DC as a joke.
Oh.
- Well
- Great.
Great.
- I'll see you again soon, ma'am.
- Okay.
- We're meeting there, yeah? Okay.
- Right.
Bye.
Hey, buddy, don't worry that
she didn't remember you, okay?
It's only 'cause
you're a nonentity.
- Who is he?
- That was-- that's Ed Webster.
He's my date for tonight.
He
runs your PAC's Boston office.
- Oh.
- He's really connected.
Lobbyist turned fundraiser.
Not the guy at a bus station
with a bucket, right?
Okay, I am ready
to take on Andrew.
I need my happy pills,
a little bit of joy.
So what do you think?
Do you like it?
- Yeah, it's-- it's unreal, Mom.
- Right?
I mean, don't you think
that you and your friends
would call this whole
thing an epic succeed?
Something like that, yeah.
Ah, there's your dad
doing that thing that he does.
Pleasantly talking
to other people?
You know what he does.
He remembers one little thing
about each person.
Lawrence, nice to see you.
You still running marathons?
- Yes, sir.
- Right, surprised
you still got any nipples left.
And Jenny.
Nice to see you.
Remember that one time
when you said
you were way into "Twilight" and I
thought you meant the time of day?
It really is the most
dangerous time for traffic, though.
Please, enjoy yourselves.
- Andrew?
- Mary.
- How are you?
- Wonderful to see you, Congresswoman.
Mom, you've invited the House
Majority Leader to my birthday party?
Yeah, sweetheart,
it's the 100 billion cutoff.
- You've heard about that?
- Of course I've heard about that.
Okay, so we are fixing the
biggest problem facing the world
right here, right now
at your party.
So that's kind of cool,
don't you think?
- Hello.
- Oh, hi.
I got you a glass of champagne.
Thank you, Rahim.
You drink alcohol?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Oh, you Iranians are full of surprises.
- Cheers.
- Salâmati.
- What did he just say?
- I don't know.
Some gibberish.
I can't understand him.
Hey, baby, once you've
said hello to everyone,
do you want to go clubbing?
Yeah.
Anywhere but here.
Ben, what are you doing here?
- I spoke to POTUS.
- Yeah?
And he said okay on the cut
to unemployment benefits.
All the other deals are done.
So come on, let's get this tied up
so we can get this party started.
Yeah, I--
what did you do?
You plus 10'd yourself here?
Number crunchers to help
you finish the deal.
- Yeah.
- And one of them is a designated driver
because I am going
to get *** up.
You look so good,
you're like a work of art.
You make this stuff
look like ***.
Compared to you, that
Monet is a piece of ***.
- Selina, are you ready?
- Give me five minutes.
I just got to go
talk to Andrew, okay?
The ex?
Three minutes.
What, are you negotiating already?
I'll give you four.
- I'll cut her off at three, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Hi, Selina.
- Hi, Andrew.
It's nice to see you greeting
everybody here at the party
as if it was your own
fabulous party.
- Are you *** with me?
- I might be.
All right.
- You look wonderful.
- Thank you very much.
You're very tanned.
What is that?
Grand Cayman.
I've been
starting to scuba dive.
- Oh.
- Magical to be down there.
- Uh-huh.
- With the coral and the fish.
Feeling up all the mermaids.
They should cover up if they don't want it.
If they don't want action,
they shouldn't advertise.
- Oh, gosh.
- Our little Catherine.
- She's still cute.
Mm-hmm.
Remember that first apartment?
Yeah, I do remember
that apartment.
That was a nice
apartment, actually.
- It was.
- Yeah.
What are you doing?
Are you gonna propose?
What would your answer be?
My answer would
be Jesus *** Christ.
Uh, ma'am.
Mary King is very
anxious to speak with you.
- Oh, right.
Right.
- At Catherine's birthday?
Well, I'm trying to keep the
government from shutting down.
- Well, get on it.
- I'm getting on it.
Yeah, okay.
Did you see that? I had him
in the palm of my hand.
Well, technically, ma'am, he had
the palm of your hand in his hand.
- Oh.
- You need to be really careful, sweetie.
Gary, you just
called me sweetie.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry.
- That's what I call Dana.
- Did you ever call Dana ma'am?
I did once and it was awful.
If I were drunk right now,
would you kiss me?
- Yeah.
- No, Gary, I'm kidding.
- Right.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna get a drink.
- Mary.
- Okay!
It's time to drop
a party bomb up in here.
Happy 21st birthday, Catherine!
I want to talk to you
about targeted base closings.
Not if it upsets my district.
Something sex my *** trick?
- Did you say ***?
- Sex your *** trick.
I don't understand
what you just said.
It was funny.
We got to get out of here.
- All right.
Where?
- I don't know.
We'll find someplace.
You know, you look great
in an art gallery
'cause you kind of are
a work of art.
I mean, I know I'd like to
nail you up against a wall.
No, that was knowing.
I was being knowing.
It looks like we're gonna
be able to move
on unemployment.
- Unemployment benefits?
- Yes.
- On the table?
- Yeah.
Okay, I'm authorized to come
down on OSHA from 25 to 17.
No, I need a single digit.
I can't give you a single digit.
We'd have to make it up elsewhere
and you know you can't do that.
And we are gonna make it up elsewhere.
Hang on just a second.
Hey, gals.
Gals, you need
to keep it down, okay?
There are other people in here
trying to have a conversation.
But she took
my boyfriend's number!
- Oh, my God.
- He gave it to me!
You haven't given me a number
on unemployment benefits.
- My number's gonna be .
4%.
- .
4?
- Yeah.
- I can't--
- I can't do this.
Let's go.
- No.
I can't do math
with this kind of noise.
- I cannot stand teenage girls.
- Were you ever one?
- Never.
- Me neither.
Amy and Ed work for the VP,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
- *** off, Mike.
- Sure.
Hey, the veep looks
smoking tonight.
I wonder how much ***
we'd need to have
to have a little
Mrs.
Robinson moment.
That is extremely
disrespectful.
What are you talking about?
That's like the highest
compliment you can give somebody.
Oh, by the way,
I love how much you guys being
together is *** with Dan.
Amy and Dan used to date, FYI.
Yeah, thanks for
the backgrounding, Jonah.
Does that mean you're
back on the market?
I'm sorry, are you hitting
on my date during my date?
Are you on meds?
Yeah, antibiotics.
Just keeping fresh.
I'm not mentally ill
if that's what you're implying.
Uh, hello? Hi.
Hi, everyone.
I just wanted to say
a couple of words
to my awesome daughter.
You know, I wanted
to pause and just say
that I think
at times like these
it is great to see
family and friends
and to hear family and friends.
To be able to talk
and to listen
and to speak and to be heard.
And I think sometimes
we need to just take time.
Not long at all.
I mean, maybe 10 minutes or--
okay, or maybe 15 is also good.
I'm gonna suggest that we have a
little constructive talking time.
So do you have any sort
of chillaxing kind of music?
And then you keep that playing until--
only until-- look at me--
I give you a signal.
- Not before.
- Sure.
Ooh, and happy birthday,
Catherine!
- All right.
- If you can give me 1%
on unemployment benefits
- Yeah.
- I can go 10 on NIH,
eight off
agricultural subsidies.
The baseline is your budget
proposal from last year.
- Right.
Okay.
- Okay, those numbers add up?
- I make it 10.
- 12.
- You're forgetting energy.
- Of course.
Check this out, then.
Do we have a deal?
Okay, yeah, great.
- Yeah, we have a deal.
- Yeah!
- It nearly killed me, but we have a deal.
- Put 'er there.
- Put 'er there.
- Congratulations.
- I can't believe it.
- Isn't that--
I can't believe it, Mary.
That's so great.
It's good.
Now I have
to sell it to my caucus
- before I turn into a pumpkin.
- You'll do it.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Jesus, 21-year-olds
move fast.
Yeah, tell me about it.
You look good, ma'am.
- Oh, thanks, Jonah.
- You look really good.
- Thank you.
- Yes, ma'am.
Have you guys seen this?
"When the cake was cut and the
guests sang 'Happy Birthday, '
the VP was nowhere
to be seen.
"
They're saying I had
some sort of huge fight
with Andrew and that
our relationship is a sham.
Monsters.
It's like first
Princess Diana, now this.
They think that at the
beginning of the night
you and Andrew were playing
it up to the cameras.
And they're using this Meyer
the Liar *** again.
Hey, Mike, who dug that up?
I don't know.
Probably just
some idiot remembered it
and then all of a sudden
it got traction.
And this is
from "HuffPo.
"
Randall Howard's
forthcoming book
claims your relationship with Andrew
during the presidential campaign
was a lie invented by you
to mislead voters.
That's a lie, right?
- Yeah.
- I mean, it's true
and it's what happened,
but it's Kent's lie.
- It's not my lie.
- Right.
Meyer the Liar
has huge mo right now.
You know, as people say,
if it rhymes, it chimes.
Who says that?
No one says that.
I'm pretty sure
I heard someone say that.
Well, it's becoming
a narrative right now.
And the narrative is
that you faked it before,
so you must be faking it now.
Oh, great.
Here's Eeyore.
Deal, boom.
Party, boom.
You are the boom boom veep.
Well, Catherine didn't appreciate the
fiscal party crashers last night.
Andy and I have to take her
out to dinner tonight
to make up for the party
last night, so
Okay, it'll be in public.
So whatever you do, don't
look like you're faking it
because this Meyer the Liar thing is
just an avalanche of *** right now.
Yeah, tell me about it.
And I'm swimming in it
and I'm breathing it in
through my snorkel.
You need to issue
a statement, okay?
- My private life is private.
- Yes.
Besides, Andrew and I,
we get along just fine.
Ironically, Ben,
we actually are getting
along just fine.
That's great.
That's a great fake.
No, it's not a fake.
That's a real thing.
Oh.
Well, great.
Say that.
I'm so sorry.
That party last night
turned into an economic summit.
But you know what?
Here we are now for you.
- Happy birthday.
- And to you,
a man who swims with sharks.
- Also starting free diving.
- Really? What is that?
Is that when you try and hold your
breath for as long as possible?
Kind of like sitting next to my
mother after Thanksgiving dinner.
Mom, you're doing
your fake laugh again.
- What?
- Come on, this is nice.
I can't tell if it's fake.
You could never tell
if it was fake.
Yes, I could.
Mm-hmm.
What are you,
some sort of expert?
In certain areas.
- What is going on right now?
- This is flirting.
Your mother
is an excellent flirt.
You should take flirting notes.
This is not flirting.
This is like as subtle as putting
a nude photo on Facebook.
Do you think Selina would
notice the invisible man
from the Boston PAC office
if I showed up at the office
in a Pac-Man costume?
I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry,
why are you sorry?
I don't know.
I heard whining and I assumed
I needed to apologize.
How long have you
not been listening to me?
I just really need to
watch this because Andrew
is like a dormant volcano
and he can just blow
at any second.
I think I'm gonna
have the scallops.
- I think I'm gonna have--
- I know what you're gonna have.
- You are going to have--
- Don't do that.
- Hmm?
- Put your hand down.
I can't stand that
alpha male arrogant thing.
I really can't
stand it, Andrew.
Okay, it's not arrogant.
And *** you for thinking so.
Forgive me, I was just
anticipating your order.
- Which was?
- Lamb cutlets.
No.
Yeah.
I'm sorry
I know you, Selina.
Forgive me.
You're not
a big mystery to me.
And I'm very much enjoying
the plastered-on smile,
pretending everything's okay
because people are watching.
Don't be a ***, Andrew.
You've got to do the same face.
You put it on, too.
There we go.
Okay, well, now this flirting
is a little bit more subtle.
So, Ed.
Eddie.
Who do you know?
Do you know Ray McCaskill?
Yeah, he's a great guy.
We both are really into
'80s buddy comedies,
which is ironically
how we became buddies.
*** buddies.
Jonah, why are you here?
You really don't have
anything to do, do you?
- Look, ignore him.
- Ignore who?
Hey, I think that lady right there
just took a photo of Selina.
This one?
I understand that you guys
have a love-hate relationship,
but most people
alternate emotions.
They don't experience them
at the same time.
We've always had
a volatile relationship.
By that you mean
bat *** crazy.
- Passion was always an integral part.
- Yeah.
Yes, there was fights.
Long, hard fights.
Followed by long, hard
making up, right?
Okay, I feel like you're
actually going to have sex
on this table and that would
truly ruin my birthday.
Catherine, please.
Nobody's
having sex on the table.
- I mean, we are *** beings, of course.
- Oh, my God.
We had sex.
We, you know--
- I mean, great sex.
- Great sex.
Well, I'm going to have
to text my therapist.
What's the whole
not drinking thing?
- I'm a Quaker.
- What?
***.
No one's a *** Quaker.
You probably think that staying sober
keeps you on top of your game.
Well, guess what.
I work
hard and I play hard, ***.
That's my credo.
I got that *** tattooed on
my *** with room to spare.
Jonah, you're not even a man.
You're like an early
draft of a man
where they just sketched out
a giant mangled skeleton,
but they didn't have time
to add details
like pigment
or self-respect.
You're Frankenstein's monster
if his monster was made
entirely of dead dicks.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Just try not to embarrass
yourselves while I'm gone.
We'll give it a shot.
Nice to see you.
Um, I'm sorry.
- Can I interrupt a second?
- Uh, no.
It just looks like there's a
lot of people who are tweeting
and taking pictures, so you
might want to be gesture-aware.
It's fine.
Thank you.
You can go.
- Okay?
- Yeah, okay.
I want to tell you something.
What?
Um, the head of PR
told me that our company
funded super PACs
on both sides
during the last election.
I just was fluffed
and then I got ***.
I cannot believe
what you are telling me.
Do you know-- smile.
Smile, you stupid ***.
Make it bigger.
There you go.
Do you have any idea how the
press is all over me right now?
And how they are gonna run
with the story
about me funding my opponent?
You're a stupid *** prick.
Right?
You say it.
I'm not gonna say that.
Okay, what happened now?
You guys look like you're going to
stab each other with steak knives.
We're having a fight
and we are smiling
and putting a face on and you
can do that, too.
There you go.
Selina, this is just business.
We want to end up
with the winner at the end.
There's nothing personal
about it, I promise.
I didn't even know about it.
Oh, that's utter ***.
But you know what?
I'm keeping it together.
I really am.
It's all good.
- We can keep smiling.
- Keep smiling.
Yeah.
I think that if you guys
continue to smile,
you're actually gonna get
permanent lockjaw.
She's so funny.
- Isn't she?
- Sarcastic.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I just had a call from Kent.
Oh, to congratulate me 'cause
I made the deal last night.
- America thanks you.
- You're welcome.
POTUS is going to stall
on that deal.
No, no, no.
Why would he want to do that?
That can't be right.
Well, it sounds to me like he
wants a government shutdown
so he can blame it on Congress and
take the heat out of the spy story.
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
*** POTUS.
Right?
And *** Kent.
They're just
a bunch of ***.
- Uh-oh.
- No, no, no.
Did they just get that?
Me being angry?
- Oh, yeah.
- But I wasn't being angry with you.
I mean, I was angry
with you before,
but I'm not angry with you now.
- I understand that, honey.
- Don't call me honey for starters.
You have to calm down.
You look crazed.
- Can we confiscate that phone, please?
- I wish we could.
- I think it's too late.
- Excuse me.
There's a picture on Twitter and it
looks like you guys are fighting.
- What? From that?
- Yes.
Look at this.
Look.
This is not what it is.
I'm pointing to you
because I'm mad about POTUS.
I wasn't saying that I was
angry to you about you.
Okay, Lee, you're just
making it worse.
I'm not making it worse.
They're making it worse.
- Dad, don't do that thing.
- Would you just cut that out?
Everybody sing.
Nope, nope, nope.
We have to go.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Blow out your candles, honey.
- What's the point?
- Okay, I'll do it.
- Make a wish.
- There, it's out.
You can make your wish
in the car.
- All right.
All right.
- Get all my stuff.
Oh, no, that's fine.
I'll get your stuff.
Okay, happy birthday.
This is good here.
I'll get out.
What?
You're getting out here?
- Yep.
- What are you talking about?
- I've got to go.
- Wait a minute.
Wait.
Andrew, wait.
Wait.
We need to talk.
Bye, honey.
Happy birthday.
- Wait, what?
- God damn it.
What are you doing
running away?
- I cannot believe you.
- Come here.
- Oh, my God, what are you doing?
- Come here right now.
What are you doing? Oh!
Oh, my God.
Hey, Catherine.
Pretty nice cake you got there.
You gonna eat all of it?
Do you want a piece?
- I do.
- You want a piece of the cake?
Jesus *** Christ.
Here.
Take that.
Carrot cake's good.
- You want to try it?
- Nope.
It's all yours.
I can use my phone to cut it.