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Good sleep starts with a predictable, soothing bedtime routine made up of activities that
help a child wind-down and that signal the body that it’s time to relax.
No matter how old your child, the goal is to create positive associations with bedtime,
and to send the message: I know you can soothe yourself to sleep, but I’ll help you get
started. In other words, think empowerment, not punishment and make bed a place to drift
off to dreamland, not solitary confinement or jail because you’ve done something wrong.
So, what’s the best routine? Well, that really depends on your child. Some kids will
relax in a warm bath; others find it stimulating. Some kids enjoy a bedtime story, others do
better reading by themselves or looking at a book by themselves. But most children want
a little cuddle time before lights out.
Now, what won’t work are activities that keep a child’s motor running. Playing an
exciting game, rough-housing, TV may seem to tire your child out, but the quality of
the sleep he’ll get will not be restorative. Yes, he may “crash,” but he’ll wake
up a lot less rested (and probably a lot more cranky) than if you help him calm down before
bed. So limit TV and computer time in the 2 hours leading up to bedtime. Keep sugar,
and chocolate and caffeine off the dinner menu. And if your child’s taking medications,
ask your pediatrician if they might be interfering with his sleep.
Now, once your child can walk and move around, he may climb out of his bed and into yours.
Some parents enjoy and advocate the family bed and in many parts of the world, it’s
the norm for kids to sleep in the same room or even in the same bed as Mom and Dad. But
if you want some private time, you’ll have to get tough, without getting angry – and
that’s not always easy in the middle of the night. So, before you got to bed, decide
who’s going to be “on duty,” and then walk your child back to his room and tell
him firmly that everyone sleeps in their own bed at your house.
If he’s gotten used to sleeping with you and refuses to stay put, you can try the following
technique:
Put a mattress on the floor in your child’s room, close to his bed and start sleeping
there. Now, the following night, you’re going to move the mattress a little farther
away from her bed, until you are basically out of the room and back into your own bed.
It may take a week – it may take longer – but gradual weaning often works a lot
better with preschoolers than anything else. One last tip: Reward positive behavior. Tell
your child that if she’s quiet for 15 minutes, you’ll come in and check on her. But be
sure you keep your promise. By the third or fourth “check-in”, chances are she’ll
be fast asleep.