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Hi, I'm the Star Goddess, and here's how to spot a Leo. You can spot a Leo cause they're
right in the center of the room, standing in the spotlight, brightly regaling tales
of glory. They have great personalities, a mane of flowing hair like Bill Clinton, and
Monica Lewinsky. They're impeccably dressed in bright, bold colors like red and yellow,
much like Hulk Hogan. They usually arrive at a function a few minutes late (Iman the
model), and it's not that they can't tell time, they've got a beautiful gold watch,
they just want to make sure everybody notices when they walk in the room, and they're not
opposed to a drum roll flourish. Both the men and the women have a feline quality to
themselves, and they normally wear their hair swept back like a big lion's mane, much like
Loni Anderson and Mae West. And some will go so far as to dress in animal prints, emulating
their lion totem. They walk into the room like they own the joint, standing straight
and tall like Haile Selassie. They are regal kings (Barack Obama and Napoleon) and queens
(Madonna) of the zodiac. They truly believe that the sun is the center of the solar system,
and since they are ruled by the sun, they think everybody in the world exists to orbit
their star and to be darned grateful for the opportunity to do so. They throw the best
temper tantrums in the zodiac (Danny Bonaduce), while showing their displeasure, and they'll
punish you by removing their glowing presence from your life. So that's how to spot a Leo.
It's better living through astrology. I'm Janet Sciales, the Star Goddess.