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[DOORBELL]
Germans have a reputation for always being punctual,
and in most cases this is well deserved.
They also expect other people to be punctual most of the time,
and they can’t always cope very well when this doesn’t happen.
I’ve noticed myself that I’ve actually changed the way I wait for buses and trains.
When I was in Britain, if a bus was ten minutes late, I did this:
Now that I live in Germany, if a bus is so much as two minutes late,
I find myself doing this:
Sometimes even birthday parties start punctually.
You know how in normal countries a party never really starts going
until about an hour and a half after the time on the invitation?
Well, in Germany, I have actually been phoned up by the birthday boy
to be told the party’s been underway for ten minutes and where the hell was I?
But as they say, the exception proves the rule:
and in Germany, this is the dreaded workman.
The carptenter, the electrictian, the plumber...
They might, if you’re lucky, give you a definite day,
but you can torture them for hours
and they’ll never reveal the exact time they’re hoping to come round to your house.
If you do get them to confess, it’ll be something like:
“Between 6.30 am and 2 pm,”
and then you can be sure that either
they will arrive at 6 o’clock just as you are about to get into the shower,
or more likely they will keep you waiting all morning...
...and through lunch...
...and they will ring the doorbell at the very moment you reach for the telephone
to demand an explanation.
You see, what you need to know is this: punctuality is great,
but you can have too much of a good thing.
German workmen are paid to ensure that you never have too much.
Somebody’s got to do it.