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>> John Sonnega: Welcome everybody
I'm John Sonnega. Sitting in my
office. I'm actually sittin in
Erica's office.
>> Erica Owen: Hello. [LAUGHS]
>> John: I'm the MHealthy
prize manager. Erica is program
manager for nutrition.
>> Erica: Um hm..
>> John: This is our last of
the Holiday series, 'Tis the Season.
I'm gonna wait a minute, let some
more folks get in the room and then
we'll start.
[LONG PAUSE]
[LONG PAUSE CONTINUES]
[AND SOME MORE PAUSING]
Alright. This is our final in the
series, which began way back in
early November. This ones entitled:
Being Content This Season.
As re review back....to the
beginning. This is the slide we
started with before Thanksgiving.
And to talk about,...well what
season are we talking about?
I like to remind folks that we go
November ale way through
January. So, sometimes we think of
the Holidays as an event, a day,
but it really is an entire season.
So it's a time for you to focus all
the way through January. After we
get through New Year, other traditions.
To keep it going forward. We've
talked about a number of things.
Haven't we Erica?
>> Erica: Yea.
>> John: We've talked about
Food, Tradition,...
>> Erica: Activity.
>> John: Activity. There's
been a webinar on tobacco use.
Some...watching indulgences.
Particularly with alcohol. So
we've talked about....last week
we talked about being generous and
budgeting. So, today we're gonna
try and bring it all together.
A little bit. To link this series
together. It's been very wonderful
that you're all here. And thank you
for listening. So we're talking
about being content today.
...the slide we started with today.
Take a moment to reflect for
yourself. What are these holidays
a time for? Take a minute. What's
the first thing that comes to your
mind?
[PAUSE]
We have this discussion around
out office, and it's always a
lot of fun. Where we say what's
the first thing? And there's usually
a lot of diversity. People say, well,
comfort and joy. I'm really looking
forward to family and friends.
You know, we're getting together.
I've plans to see people I haven't
seen before. Being hectic and
busy. We here a lot about that.
Even today somebody asked me.
"Am I done?".
>> Erica: [LAUGHS]
>> John: [CHUCKLES]
I don't think I've reached that
point yet. And, we do hear about
stress and worry. During the
holidays, for a variety of reasons.
So what came to your mind? We'd
like to acknowledge both of those
dimensions. The pressures and
the pleasures. And hopefully
we can move it a little bit more
towards the pleasures. So, we
talk about expectations and
intentions. We talked about this
earlier. We talked about, what
are your hopes for this holiday
season? What would you like to
have happen? Can we be intentional?
You just wanta survive? I've had
people tell me that.
>> Erica: Sometimes. [LAUGHS]
>> John: Let's get through this.
It's a way to think about it. To
flourish. You'd really like it to
go well. To be alive. To boost
your ability to do things. To
renew. We get some time off
occasionally. These are the
holidays. Through out the season.
It's also the winter. We haven't
had much snow yet. But it's a time
that we do take to renew. And
then did you say? "I wanta be
healthy." ....some times that's
a challenge. Which is why this
series has been there. Everybody
seem to make positive, healthy and
intentional choices. To put some
intention,...some effort into this.
This takes practice. So we
say be intentional. Now, be
intentional about what? I always
like...this one is can you plan to
be happy? What do ya think Erica?
>> Erica: There's a yes and a no.
You can plan that you would like to
get through a situation. In a
happy way, and by ...either things
go along, or you hit some bumps
along the way. Having that thought
in your head. Hmm...let's put on
my happy face. Think calmly, think...
...use my head. Wrap around and
really think before I react. And,
I just want to be happy and deal
with things the best way possible.
>> John: That's a wonderful
answer. That we can plan. Both
to be happy when things are going
well but also when we have those
bumps in the road. So, but we can
make plans for those. We can plan
to be happy. We can prepare to
be healthy. We spend a lot of
time structuring things. I learned
a lot of things by participating in
this myself. Erica's helped me a
lot with my portion size and other
ways for me to be active. But now
I have to prepare to do those things
and keep going. And also integrating
some of the new things that you've
learned. When we do these
webinars, I get new tips to make
new traditions. I learned some
wonderful things last week from
Kathryn Greiner on budgeting.
... helpful for me. And we want
to look forward to the season.
Rather than look past it.
>> Erica: And we were talking about
the indulgences..we were talking
about looking forward to the season.
Planning things so that you can be
prepared. "This is how I would
like things go so that I get to
the end of the season at the goal
that I set for myself".
>> John: At the goal. And planning
your indulgence. Planning.
>> Erica: Um hm.
>> John: The big message, and that's
why we like to say the intentional.
But, we'll talk today about
contentment, which is my area of
specialty. How important it is
to plan to be happy. I's important
for all of our health behaviors.
So, I'm wishing you peace and
happiness. I just got a card
yesterday from one of my office
mates. A Happy Holiday Card. Says
Peace, Love and Joy. I've gotten
several of them. Very common during
the holidays. What does that mean?
Peace and Happiness. So, we do
like to focus on simple gifts.
There's that wonderful old Quaker
tune. "Simple gifts...To Forgive...
Tis good to be simple, Tis good to
be true". That's a good thing to
keep in your mind during the
holidays. More contentment.
Simple gifts.
Some of what we'll talk about today
are, giving thanks, expressing
gratitude, seeing family and friends,
making connections. Being mindful
of the good things. Mindfulness
is very important for a lot these
healthy behaviors we're talking
about. And there's a real
opportunity here during the
holidays to pause, slow down,
take time. There's a wonderful
phrase I learned from a friend
from Mexico. Which they get off
the clock. He says "Give time to
time". He says he wants to give
gift of time. And, get off the
clock. Just slow down. We're so
tied to the clock sometimes during
the holidays. That is possible.
We do talk about helping others
during the holidays. Being
compassionate. That is .....
Then seek meaning in our traditions.
So this is an outline of things
you can do to be content.
Gratitude, make connections, be
mindful. Take time, be
compassionate, seek meaning.
Now what we want you to be, is
your best self during the season.
So let me ask you. What do you
like best about yourself during
the holidays?
Take a moment to think about that.
What do you like best about yourself?
[PAUSE]
That's what we wanta bring out.
Erica,..what...
>> Erica: Oh no...put me on the
spot there again...[LAUGHS]
>> John: [LAUGHS]
>> Erica: Just a giving feeling.
Of thinking that I want to spread
joy and I want to spread happiness
to others. Helps me feel good when
I accomplish that goal as well.
>> John: Yea, and that's a
wonderful answer. So, we like that.
That's the best part of yourself.
You try to tap into that. Rather
than...we do have those bumps as
you've mentioned. I don't want
to have myself be the bump.
>> Erica: Right, yea, yea.
>> John: I want to bring out my
best during the season. To keep
things going. Another way to
think about that, is what was your
best holiday. Rather than think
about yourself, you can think
about; what did we do to have such
a good holiday? And, why?
These things sometimes take a
little bit of reflection, so you
might think after this. You
know it helps with your planning
to think of our exemplars. ...What
was my best? We tend to have a
focus on; when things go wrong,
we can talk about it.
>> Erica: Yea [LAUGHS]. But when
the good things happen?
>> John: When the good things...
>> Erica: How'd that happen?
>> John: Let's talk..this is a
question I like to ask my friends.
We reminisces, savour a good time.
Bring the best to the fore. How
do we bring our best out?
And to really bring it there.
Rather than to perpetually put out
fires or problems. Let's look
for opportunities. Good things.
So, one of the ways to do that is
to cultivate gratitude. Want
what you have. Give thanks.
I tell this to my children
frequently. They have a lot.
To learn to want what you have.
This can have pertain to activity,
and to food, of ...you know.
Giving thanks. I was so happy
yesterday. I had been around
so many sweets,...somebody put
out a plate of vegetables. And
I said, "Oh thank you!"
>> Erica: [LAUGHS]
>> John: ...grateful it was put
in front of me and I said...what
we have here... and I was giving
a lot of thanks for that.
Another thing we talked about this
last week. This is a good gift to
give. Tell people what you
cherish about them. Focus on the
positive analysis. To give thanks
for them. Share the wonderful times
with them. This is one of my
favorites; practice smiling.
Sometimes it's the simple things.
Working on it. Here at the
University sometimes. Practice
smiling. A smile is a wonderful
gift. It lets people know that
you're thankful. Gratitude.
Bring out your smile. Share them.
Another way about gratitude is to
look for inspiration in comparison
with others. Sometimes we get
envious, or we're trying to keep up
with the Jones'. But anther way
is to be grateful for what other
people have. Boy isn't it nice
they have those things? Isn't
it nice that folks do such
wonderful things during the
holidays? To look for inspiration
in there. It's great stress
relief. Mindfulness. We want
to grow our Mindfulness. This
is a wonderful slide with candles
on it. Think of all the flames
we light during the holidays for
all these holiday traditions.
Many different faiths light
candles. Also during the winter
we have history of fires and
candles. It's a wonderful thing
to bring our focus to. Sometimes
people intentionally. There's that
word intentional, light a flame to
focus on. Take time to really
notice things. Be aware of the
sights, the sounds, the scents, the
taste, the feelings. Be aware of
those. Let them come to you.
To savour. Pass through. All
these things we're talking about
doing for one another,...the
version that always comes to mind,
is how quickly children open their
gifts sometimes. We give them a
gift. Whether it's for their
birthday or something else. They
rip it open and move on to the
next one! One at a time, slow
down And you might... [FADES OUT]
>> Erica: That is a very good
thought. And, actually appreciate
...and we went back to what you
were talking about what foods and
everything else, but really,
taking the time to appreciate
what's in front of you.
>> John: What's right in front of
you. And to be aware. Take a
moment to enjoy things. To look
at that even...I have a family
tradition with my brothers. We
go for several runs during the
holidays. We always go out for
a run together, and I always like
afterwards we take a moment just to
sit. Cause usually we're pretty
out of shape. And reflect.
And to enjoy that physical movement.
That's a good thing. Focus on the
flame as I said. Be mindful of
your feelings and emotions. Both
positive and negative. Take time
to notice how you feel. You can
be in touch. We do have negative
emotions. Let them come through
your mind. Take a moment,...and
the positive. Be in touch with
your feelings. And along those
lines ...we do like to cultivate
positive emotions. Wonderful
things. They have a lot of
beneficial effects on our healthy
behaviors. They help us to adhere
to our healthy behaviors. We
tend to sleep better, we get along
well with others when we're in a
good mood. And we can spiral up
rather than spiral down. So we
try to grow our positive emotions.
It takes practice. We talk about
joy, curiosity, amusement, gratitude,
hope, inspiration, serenity, pride
and awe. Sometimes we are struck
by awe. Beauty. That's available
during this season. We have lots
of things to be thankful for. And
love, which I like to mention,
encompass all of the above. It's
often mentioned during the holidays.
So think for yourself for a moment.
When was the last time you felt these
holiday related emotions?
This is what you want to bring out.
To be joyful. What.....serenity,
..hope,...amusement. What
creates these for you? What
uplifts your spirit? We all have
different things...that...I know
in my household, with my wife,
a clean kitchen really puts her
in a good mood. And I know that.
>> Erica: Agreed!
>> John: [LAUGHS]
>> Erica: [LAUGHS]
>> John: It can be small things.
And to be aware of that. Lot of
stuff brings a smile to our face.
It's not what uplifts my spirit.
But I know that [CHUCKLES] it
uplifts hers.
>> Erica: Um hmm..
>> John: ...things...we also talk
about that when you're with others,
when your by yourself, think about
when do you think about positive
emotions. So you can start
fostering them. That do you like
to be in crowds?
Or perhaps when you're guided
by a purpose or a passion. Think
or,..you want to really think
deeply and create your own
positivity holiday of memories,
words, objects and situations.
Part of the reason that we give
so many cards during the holidays,
is to cue those positive emotions.
That we look at this card here and
..wonderful thing ...and I have
my own little way...you'll see
people put out displays of cards.
And those too are positive emotions.
And those are very good for us.
>> Erica: It almost makes you think
about, like, keeping them out all
year long. Or having something like
that through out the year as well.
>> John: I do recommend, I said
this is not a single day. If I
think of it as a 2 month season.
>> Erica: Um hmm..
>> John: That goes on,...put this in
there, and do that...We also want
to create a positive social
environment. Volunteering is a
wonderful thing. Seeking out
support and community. You know..
it's a good way to lift your
spirits. And we know when we do
these things, it's good for us.
It's a great gift. Finally I'd
like to talk about making meaning.
What does the holiday season mean?
Reflect on that question for a
moment.
[PAUSE]
What are we actually celebrating?
What values do you think of at
the holidays?
Do we practice them?
Sometimes there's a gap between
what practice we employ. And
we don't want to have a gap between
our values and what we're doing.
So I like to think about what
rituals do I enjoy and which ones
don't you enjoy? And I like to tell
people, give yourself permission.
If you don't enjoy that or that
practice is not in line with your
values. May that's a tradition
that we need to change. Give
yourself permission to do that
and to bring those to the fore.
So we do want to create a
meaningful holiday. That
incorporates your individual values.
That reflects your priorities.
Which might be health. As we
said at the beginning. We have to
create a healthy holiday. Include
activities that bring you pleasure
in life. Live through your
strengths. Your values are your
strengths. So we like to put them
into action. And we talk about
various values that people have.
Wisdom and Knowledge. Can you
share with...do you like to talk
about them. Courage. Sometimes
it takes a lot of courage. People
are very courageous. Particularly
in dealing with indulgences. People
who are sometimes in recovery.
Play to your courage. That's
your strength. Humanity and love.
People are very generous...am I
practicing what's in line with my
values. Justice. Being fair and
good. Temperance is a big one.
Moderation. Are you good at
moderation. It's not one of my
strengths. I try to build it.
But some people are very good at
that and can share, and feel good
about how they are able to moderate
during the holidays. And then
transcendence. There are people...
this is my strength...There is a
lot of spirituality. Can you
tap into your spirituality during
the holiday? I have this quick
quote that I like, from John
Steinbeck, the author. He wrote
a note to his son. And talking
about is son was in love, puppy
love, and rather than diminish it.
He said "glory in it" for one
thing. And be "glad" and "grateful"
for it. "The object of love is the
best and most beautiful. Try to
live up to it". We have these
holiday seasons. Let's try and
live up to them. In a lot of ways
it's a beautiful statement. To
bring your values back. So we
want to cultivate positivity in
your Self. We'll be finishing
up here shortly. The gift of
yourself to others. We want to
experience pleasure. Seek
gratification from accomplishing
something. And find meaning.
The way I like to summarize this is
that you like to have what we
consider a pleasurable life.
That you have fun. Then we talk
about the good life. Did you get
something accomplished? Get
something done. So, pleasure.
Did I have fun? Did I get something
done? And then did you find
meaning, the meaningful. The
meaningful holiday. So we can
have a fun holiday, a good holiday
and a meaningful holiday. So if
we can put those all together. It's
a good positive experience for your
best self. So, find yourself
some pleasures. Find something to
accomplish and tie it in with your
values. And this can be done in
a number of ways.
So I'll finish up here by trying
to summarize our entire series.
Stress less. Some of the things
we talked about. Acknowledge your
feelings. Be mindful. Good and
bad. We have to be aware. Reach
out to others. Let's all work
together. Be realistic. We
recognize as Erica said that it's
not all joy and happiness. There
are bumps. Practice forgiveness.
Give yourself permission. Budget.
Important not to forget some of the
things. And budget doesn't just
apply to finances. You have to
budget your energy. Budget your
>> Erica: Time.
>> John: ..time. We do have to
plan. Lot of planning. Plan
ahead. Think ahead. A lot of this
series has been very deliberate
about planning our healthy
behaviors.
>> Erica: I think also sometimes,
planning can get you into trouble
just because there's so much
going on. That you can think about,
"Oh this event starts at 3 and this
event starts at 5 and how am I
gonna get there? And what if I'm
late?" Planning can help in you
breaking it down,..breaking the
timeline. But also sometimes it
makes you feel that you've got a
lot to do! And then you worry about
being late to things or letting
people down. How would you work
around something like that?
>> John: Well then my first thought
is there, is that you include
yourself in the planning.
>> Erica: Ooh!,...uh huh
>> John: Some people forget, we're
talking here. What's your gift to
yourself. Some of the thoughts you
said. "I'm worried". I would be
worried if I had not included
myself in the planning. It is
important, and then give yourself
permission to be late. That uh..
prioritize as we always talk about.
But people do get overwhelmed. This
is why some of these things, you
have to take a moment to step back.
>> Erica: Be kind to yourself as
well as to others.
>> John: As well as to others.
How can I bring in my best self?
We didn't ask the question...my
worst self. And sometimes when
we get overwhelmed. You know, I
have...myself, and I will admit,
sometimes I'm walking into a
party, and it's my 3rd one in a
row and I'm walking in the door
perhaps not at my best.
>> Erica: It happens. [LAUGHS]
>> John: It happens. It takes
some planning. Say well how am
I going to be at my best? I don't
want to feel overwhelmed. I ...
[TALK OVER EACH OTHER]
>> Erica: Say no!
>> John: I was waiting to click
that one.
Cause that is what we do. We say
no. And don't abandon your healthy
habits. If your doing good things,
keep doing them. Your best self
focused in on that. That it's..
both a time to start but also a
time to continue being, you know,
the self that you are.
Let's talk about the 3 A's of
contentment. We wanta acknowledge
good. Being grateful. We wanta
appreciate the good. Be mindful.
Be grateful, be mindful. And let's
amplify. Let's see if we can
grow that. To that be content.
And whether that's good sometimes
I do like it even the healthy
activities. I acknowledge this is
a good thing to do. I really
appreciate that somebody brought
out that plate full of vegetables
yesterday. And how can I amplify
that? Often through my good mood.
And to sharing with others, and to
see that good mood. So, we wanta
bring that sense of contentment by
gratefulness, mindfulness and
sharing. Compassion. So, in
practicing these good intentions
we realize that it's hard to do.
We'll take a few questions in a
second. Let it pass if there's a
bump. And forgive. So, we'll
take a few questions. I want to
thank you all. It's been a
wonderful series. And very well
attended and for all of my cohorts
like Erica. And special thank you
to Denise Williams. For putting
this all together.
[PAUSE]
Ok, we'll take a few questions here.
[PAUSE]
And have come up my handful of
questions.
[PAUSE]
I really like everything that you're
saying, but for the first time this
year, I'm having trouble being
happy. It seems like just another
thing to work on. I'm worried
something might be wrong. How can
I get myself on track?
A very good question. We do want
to acknowledge. Sometimes the
holidays are very stressful.
And in that situation I would say
reach out for help. Sometimes we
cannot do this by ourselves.
When your having ...emotions.
There are many places you can
reach out for help. Here at the
University, we have our Faculty and
Staff assistance. The Employee
assistance programs. But you
can reach out to your faith based
networks, or your friends and
family. So I would always
recommend...if your worried and
it is sometimes...seeming ..I've
got too much on my plate.
>> Erica: Um hmm.
>> John: Reach out. Very simple
message. Reach out to somebody,
and say look, I need some help
getting back on track.
[PAUSE]
Now I'll finish with one more
question: "It sounds good to not
do rituals that I don't like, but
what if everyone around me
expects me to do them? Should
I put my happiness first, or
theirs?" Well I think you can
take 2 approaches to that. One
way is to put your happiness first
and say no. There is another way,
you know, give yourself permission
to disengage. Sometimes we get
caught in that. In letting people
know. And the other is to focus
on your emotions. And saying, "What
is it that I don't like about this
ritual?" And see if I can modify
how I feel with that ritual. Or,
go somewhere in between. Excellent
question which brings up the
complexity of some of the
holidays, where we really do want
to focus on happiness for all of
us. Sometimes find there. So.
Thank you very much. And, I hope
to see you in the new year. And
we'll have more MHealthy webinars.
And that's the end of our "'Tis
The Season!" webinar series.
Have a happy holiday.