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All of America's National Parks and monuments have been closed this week due to the government
shutdown. National park employees are being told to return home to their log cabins and
trailer parks as the indefinite closure takes effect. Tourists from all around the world
are being turned away. Their dreams of gazing into the Grand Canyon, marveling at the geysers
of Yellowstone, or hiking through Yosemite: squashed, like a summer squash. Our leader,
Barack Obama had this to say: "Tourists will find every one of America's national parks
and monuments, from Yosemite to the Smithsonian to the Statue of Liberty, immediately closed.
The communities and small business that rely on these national treasures for their livelihoods
will be out of customers and out of luck." Let me narrow that down for you. Communities
that rely on these national treasures to support their livelihoods will be OUT OF LUCK. Do
you hear me squirrel? Nature is closed! Hi. How are you doing? Good. Thank you so much
for having me here, Zef. This is something I realize I"m very passionate about. Because
right now all across America, the government's shut down. People are at home, on furlough,
doors are locked. And it's as if these birds and squirrels in the park didn't get the memo.
This I find very offensive, I find it rude. Technically, they're government employees
so they should go home as well. Rules are rules. So thank you so much for bringing me
here to give them the ol' what-for. Sure. And of course we understand that the animals
can't understand us, but if we are to believe the wilderness is only functional through
government and that money and politics alone are what enables us to see and be amongst
beauty, then surely all members of these natural communities must conform to these rules and
cease work at once. And so we're going to make sure of that here today. Attention Bears!
Proceed with hibernation immediately. The forest is closed. Hey Chipmunk! Maybe go to
your stepmom's house or something. You can't scurry around here. The park is closed. Remain
in caves until further notice. Hey! Hey! Can you ants just go to sleep or something? Park's
closed. I don't make the rules, that's just how it is. Go to bed! Joining me here today
is off-duty parks employee Dale????. Dale???? thanks for being on the... Thanks for being
here and sitting. Thank you, you're welcome. So our big question here on Friday Night Weekly
is: haven't the animals gotten the message? Why are they all still in the parks? They're
supposed to be closed. How would we communicate that to the animals? Hear me mosquitoes and
gnats: there is to be no sight-seeing. Uhh huuh. No you don't! Out of here, out! Out
of the bushes, out of the bushes. Get out of there! Can't the birds go around? You know,
they're going straight through the parks. It's closed for one. Iiiiiii don't think they
know any other way. I'm not trying to argue with you but I can't understand chirps, alright?
Speak my language, speak American. Keep it moving south, ladies, this is a no-fly zone!
Well, the parks are closed to us but I don't think the animals know they're closed. Yeah,
they don't seem to get it. Apparently you fish didn't get the message; the river is
closed. It's off limits! Hey, hey! Would you bugs go bug somebody outside of the park?
I know it's your job but you're on furlough. Buzz off! Out of the water, out of the water!
Excuse me?! I'm not the one who should be going home. You're the one who should be going
home. You're on furlough! Furlough, alright? You aren't supposed to be here. I don't care
where you go. You pack your bags and go back to your parent's house or a brothel or something.
I don't care. You should not be here. Oh no, you get out of here! Stop working, stop working,
stop it! Woah, woah! What?! Reuben, what are ya....you're throwing rocks at birds and chipmunks.
What are you doing? Yeah, okay. I'm trying to take him out cause he's not listening I
can't reason with him. No, we're not killing any animals. Then what are we here for? This
is a satirical piece. We're making a point that, you know, animals can't follow our rules.
I guess I didn't understand that. That one hit the wall, nicked me. That nicked me. You
gone and nicked your eye now. It ricocheted and nicked me in the eye.Call a park ranger
and get them to call 911. There's no park ranger. Tell one of them to...No, there's
no park rangers. That was the point. That's not safe. It's not safe without a park ranger
and we can't be here. It's dangerous. What are you trying to do to me? Well, you shouldn't
be throwing rocks. Yeah, I'm just messing with you. I think it's a bunch of ***,
you know?