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ADAM: Now, on Top Gear.
We put three small cars to the ultimate test
by taking them deep into Louisiana's Atchafalaya Swamp.
Get away. Get... (SCREAMS)
ADAM: To find out which one is America's best.
What the hell is that?
Oh! (BLEEP)
ADAM: Whoever loses will face the ultimate embarrassment
of having to drive the world's smallest two-seater
through the streets of his hometown.
ADAM: New Orleans, Louisiana.
Home of Mardi Gras, jazz, and miles of narrow cobblestone streets.
It's the perfect place for small cars.
Although small car sales represent less
than 1% of the million cars sold every month in America,
that figure is growing fast.
So we each chose our favorite and put them to a real American test
in the city and the countryside.
I, of course, picked the best one on the market.
The 2012 Fiat 500.
This car has had tremendous sales success all over the world.
Except here in the United States.
But, it does have style.
Because, after all, it's Italian.
Now, I like big cars and the Fiat is the biggest one here.
Out of all these three, this is like the jumbo shrimp.
ADAM: Tanner was less enthusiastic about his choice.
I give you the 2012 Smart Fortwo, one word,
Passion, its own word, cabriolet.
What a name.
The tires are skinnier than your mountain bike tires,
it has half the horsepower of the motorcycle
parked next to it in your garage, and...
I'm not sure it's that smart.
RUTLEDGE: Tanner gets grumpy in anything with less than 300 horsepower,
but I was perfectly happy with my choice.
This is the 2012 Scion iQ.
What I like about this car is it is fun to drive.
It only has 94 horsepower, which is less than a Prius,
but it's lighter, so it definitely has some zip.
And it's made by Toyota, so it was built to last.
The seating in this car is called a three plus one.
Which, in theory, means you could get three
"normal-sized" adults in here and then one
toy poodle or
a child that is bigger than a baby but smaller than a regular sized child.
(TIRES SQUEALING)
RUTLEDGE: Boy, that was just thrilling.
Thrilling ride.
Yeah, I was the last one to pick so this one was forced on me.
But you guys actually chose these. You, like, leapt at these cars.
Absolutely. And I chose the best one.
This has style,
101 horsepower, five speed manual, fun to drive.
RUTLEDGE: When he says style, he's talking about
someone took the looks of the New Beetle by Volkswagen
and then just like... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
ADAM: And someone from Toyota went...
(FARTING NOISE)
RUTLEDGE: Well, let's see. That's a little squatty, but it's a Toyota
so you know it's going to run forever.
ADAM: And it's still ugly. But let me ask you this.
What is the slowest production car made in the United States today?
Oh, uh, that's the...
-Smart car. -Here's the thing...
-Yeah, it's slow. -Yeah.
ADAM: And what does that thing cost?
TANNER: $18,000. It's a... ADAM: Eighteen grand?
TANNER: Yeah. It's 10 bucks for every pound the car weighs.
For another $1,000 you get style,
-you get history, and you get fun to drive! -What's that...
That should come with a bag to keep the grass clippings in it.
All right, Italian stallion.
What are we doing here?
Look, none of us are in really good shape,
Germany, Japan, and Italy.
Have you heard of World War II?
-Is that a band? -Yeah.
-Yeah. -They had a big tour across Europe.
Ah, cool.
"These cars are designed for life in congested cities.
"To find out which of your cars perform the best in its natural habitat,
"before heading into the swamps,
"you will now 'race' across New Orleans to historic Algiers Point."
-Does it actually say race? -In these cars?
Yeah, but it's in quotes.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, that's better. Where is Algiers Point?
I think it's over there.
Right across the mighty Mississip here.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, come on! Everytime!
Really? I'll even let you guys run and beat you.
Go ahead!
-(HORN HONKING) -TANNER: Sucker!
TANNER: Algiers Point was just over a mile away on the other side of
the mighty Mississippi River.
But, to get there, you either needed to cross the Crescent City connection bridge,
or take the ferry.
That was a wrong turn... Ooh!
Holy float!
Even though I have the slowest car in Louisiana...
Dead end.
I took the lead.
(LAUGHING)
Look at this.
Whoa!
And... We're out.
This is fun.
Oh, yeah. Under the Interstate!
Oh, you want to play? Okay, we can play.
TANNER: They were both faster than me.
So I had to employ some strategy
and cut into the crowded French Quarter
where they wouldn't be able to pass me.
Where are the beads? Who's got the beads?
(HORN HONKING)
Just let me get by.
(LAUGHING)
You know what? That's it. I'm out of here, I'm winning this race.
Good luck, suckers.
(PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC)
TANNER: With the faster Scion out from behind me,
it was time to step on what little gas my Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet had.
And now it was down to Smart car versus Fiat 500,
in what may well have been the most humiliating race ever recorded.
(HORN BLOWING)
RUTLEDGE: When I was growing up in Alabama,
my parents brought me to New Orleans lots of times.
And the traffic on that bridge to Algiers is always a nightmare.
So, I'd be kicking back on the ferry
while Tanner and Adam were pulling their hair out.
ADAM: Is that all you've got?
(LAUGHING) Ciao!
Arrivederci.
I may have made a bad call here. Uh...
Literally every time I crossed that bridge with my parents on a road trip,
we crawled across that and...
It appears as though people are just
zipping across.
TANNER: Okay, we're over the water. It's got to be right around here.
I think I got it won.
ADAM: I had Race Boy in my sights,
until he decided to pull a NASCAR
and turn left.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Where the hell are you going?
I had made it to Algiers Point.
And there was no sign of either Tiny or the Beard.
I got 'em. All I gotta do is just head down there,
turn around and victory is mine.
Thank...
ADAM: Oh, you're kidding!
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about right there! Come on, little Smart car.
Whoo!
Yeah!
-That's what I'm talking about. -That doesn't count!
What do you mean that doesn't count?
You went off the track, it's like cutting through the infield!
The track? There's no track!
(HORN HONKING)
Oh, look at this!
Yeah, I definitely lost.
ADAM: Here he comes. Take your time!
(ADAM LAUGHING)
He's not happy.
ADAM: What happened?
So...
(ADAM LAUGHING)
What have you guys been doing?
We've just been hanging out. Mosquitoes are starting to come out
-so we were about to head in. -Yeah.
He cheated and he thinks he won.
-I didn't cheat. -He drove over a levy.
-Hell, yes, I drove over a levy. -You drove over that thing?
-In this? -Yes, absolutely.
Yes.
RUTLEDGE: The most embarrassing eulogy of all time.
"Uh, we're so sorry, um...
"Tanner died in a Smart car."
TANNER: With my Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet victorious in the first challenge,
it was time to leave the city and find out how our cars faired in the countryside.
We were headed for an address deep in the swamps
to introduce our cars to the locals.
Holy...
TANNER: Coming up, our small cars fight for their lives deep in the bayou.
Oh, this isn't going to be good.
MAN: Y'all must be lost, man.
RUTLEDGE: Top Gear had come to Louisiana to discover America's best small car.
Our first challenge was a race through
the streets of New Orleans and over the Mississippi River.
Somehow Tanner's Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet had won.
Yeah!
But now it was time to leave the comfort of The Big Easy behind
and put our choices to a real test.
We'd be taking our little cars out of the friendly confines of their natural habitat,
152 miles into the wilds of the bayou.
But to get there, we'd have to conquer the interstate.
Just broke 60. Whee!
(LOUD THUDDING)
So, at highway speed,
the car is a bit loud.
(THUDDING CONTINUES)
ADAM: While Rut was taking a pounding in the Scion,
I was feeling good in the 500.
This little Fiat is doing okay on the highway.
We're doing about 65 miles an hour,
very little road noise, it's comfortable.
And it's fun to drive. It's a fun little car.
And it's a car. Not like those two that are car-like.
Tanner's driving a Home Depot shopping cart.
And Rut is driving an aggressive suppository,
which is never good.
Okay, we're approaching our first semi-truck.
Know that this car can squish me and bump right over this little Smart car
without even knowing it.
But it doesn't feel so bad inside here. I think it's because I'm sitting upright.
Like, a normal seating position.
It's like a little terrier that doesn't know how small it is.
(GROWLING)
-I will say... -(HORN BLARING)
Holy hell! Come on, buddy!
Okay, I definitely don't like that any time an 18-wheeler passes you
the vortex of wind feels like it's going to shove you off the Interstate.
I do not care for that.
RUTLEDGE: As we headed further away from our car's natural habitat
and deeper into the wild,
the swamp air was clearly getting to Tanner.
TANNER: Let me paint just a small picture for you.
What is happening right now
is that quintessential moment in the horror film
when the beautiful girl sleeping alone in her large house
hears a noise downstairs and walks downstairs.
We've heard a noise in the bayou and we are aimlessly meandering out into the swamp
to be murdered.
RUTLEDGE: The swamp air had also gotten to Adam.
ADAM: Gentlemen, clearly the Fiat 500 is going to be America's choice.
It's fun to drive and it has the most style.
Do you see the looks I'm getting in this Smart car? It's like,
every single car goes by, I might as well be in
a Lamborghini Murcielago or something.
It's like a freaking superstar car on the freeway.
RUTLEDGE: None of us could agree on whose car was better.
So we decided to let the people of the great state of Louisiana decide.
We'd see who could get the most votes through honks of the horn.
This car's perfect for him. It's small and annoying.
Okay.
Look at that! That's honk twice for Scion iQ.
What are you doing?
Are you having lunch already?
No, this is just what people do down here.
They don't do it... They do it this much.
-They're not... They're not... -Just the last bit.
You're not even chewing right. You usually chew like this.
Let's go.
Be right there.
All right, fellas, let's go.
TANNER: Back on the road, the honking began immediately.
(HONKING)
One honk? Honk, honk for me?
(HONKING)
Thank you, baby. I just got three from the Ford Focus. Yes!
(HONKING)
I just got another three. Thank you, baby!
Why do so many people like the Fiat?
Because it's got style, baby.
ADAM: These guys are amateurs.
If you want to win a campaign, you need to know how to work a crowd.
This is the Bible Belt!
Nothing? Nothing?
(HONKING)
There's three. I got three!
(HONKING)
TANNER: How are they liking the Fiat so much?
I think it's cause you're the first one they're coming up to.
Why don't you pass ahead of us,
let us sit at the back for a second.
No, we're fine.
(HONKING)
RUTLEDGE: I guess we'll never understand Louisiana's mysterious love for the Fiat.
And anyway, we had finally found the turn off to the Atchafalaya Swamp.
We'd survived the Interstate intact.
But had no idea what was next.
ADAM: Uh, fellas. Do you see those trucks?
Holy...
It felt like we were driving into that scene from Deliverance,
in three very pretty little cars.
ADAM: Those wheels are bigger then our cars.
Oh, this isn't going to be good.
-I don't think he's gonna get out. -(ALL LAUGHING)
MAN 1: My four wheeler's bigger than that.
(ALL CHEERING)
You've got to be kidding.
(CROWD LAUGHING)
MAN 2: They must be lost, man.
They're not from these parts.
ADAM: First contact with the swamp people
and we were hoping they'd be friendly.
So, uh... So what exactly ya'll...
What, what you all trying to do with these cars out here?
Well, these are city cars, obviously.
We want to see how they function outside of the city.
Right.
ADAM: And this is as far outside of the city we could get.
Yeah, buddy.
What is it that you need your vehicles to do?
-Go hunting. -ADAM: Go hunting?
The nutria rat.
That nutria. It's like a... It's like a...
Swamp rat.
How big are these rats?
Thirty pounds. About the size of your buddy's head.
(ALL LAUGHING)
ADAM: The swamp people were mocking us.
The only way to save face was
to prove that our micromachines could be effective hunting gear.
If we went hunting with you tomorrow
and these things made it through, would that impress you?
Oh, yeah.
Good luck in those... "Cars".
(ALL LAUGHING)
ADAM: The locals were not going to be easily convinced by our small cars.
So, overnight we each came up with a plan.
MAN: I hope ya'll don't get lost.
(LAUGHING)
(MAN HOLLERING)
TANNER: The next morning, it was time to go hunting.
Surprised you guys can see me, actually.
(ADAM SCOFFING)
-This is what you've done? -TANNER: Yeah, I went full camo.
We're going hunting!
I've got to admit that's the coolest looking Smart car I've ever seen right now.
Thank you very much. Right up here.
It's not as cool as this.
I mean, I've got horns... And guess what's out back?
A gun rack, yes!
Wait... It's outside the car?
It's just right back here.
That doesn't make any sense.
You've got to stop the car, get out... After the animals are done laughing at you,
they're going to run away.
You didn't do anything to the Fiat at all.
I mean, we were supposed to do stuff to make it...
Toughened it up.
It's a man's car now.
You put on a set of truck nuts.
It was already tough enough. Out of the three of us...
Now, we're just making a point.
Just to make sure we're clear,
the only car that Jennifer Lopez has done a commercial, this one,
the girliest color here now has a set of matching gold belt rings.
Belt rings? Is that what they call them at your house?
(IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT) Boy, you've got some belt rings
-to talk to her like that. -RUTLEDGE: Listen, I was trying to...
(ENGINE APPROACHING)
-Is that them? -I hear them.
RUTLEDGE: Holy crap!
ADAM: Oh, my God! How deep is that?
TANNER: Wow!
ADAM: The swamp people were back.
And suddenly, our modifications didn't seem so clever.
TANNER: That looks really bad for the environment.
ALL: Whoa!
TANNER: Let's see. Armed locals, southern accents.
Hmm. I couldn't help feeling like I'd seen this movie before.
TANNER: Do you think this camouflage is going to help us out?
Um, I think so, but I don't think
that, um, stupid little orange vest is gonna work too good.
It's not a hunting vest, is it?
No, it's more of a construction vest.
If we're hunting cars, it might work.
Man, that ain't gonna fit in there.
That's not gonna fit in there.
I'll ride in the front with it.
-All right, well, just... -Come on, come on.
Point it out the window.
I know what I'm doing, man.
-Get in the car. Let's go. -Okay. All right.
Uh, how tall are you?
Oh, about 6'4". How 'bout you?
Uh, you know, I'm around there.
-All right. -I got it.
I need to squeeze in pretty tight.
No problem, right? See that, Rut? Fits right in there.
Yeah, he looks really comfortable in there.
You know, I put my gun on there?
Yeah. Try that.
Uh, have it on the rack. Yeah, yeah. Like, uh...
I would rather have it in the car with me.
RUTLEDGE: See? That looks fine-ish.
I'll just put this rubber band on here.
-Let's see if this thing can... -Okay.
...substantiate the nuttage in the back.
All right.
ADAM: With the hunters loaded,
we set off to kill things.
What the hell is that?
Our goal was to bring back enough meat for a cookout later that day.
-Now we just... -(GUN COCKING)
-Oh, that's, that's, that's... -(BLEEP)
That's not good. I don't need a sunroof, Troy.
Succeed at this,
and we might just get the swamp people
sold on our small cars.
These guys in front of us,
I mean, if they're in front, they gonna get first shot. We ain't...
ADAM: All right. Well, let's get...
TROY: We might not eat tonight, man.
ADAM: I tell you what. Let's get out.
-We'll go another way. -TROY: All right.
-I'll show you another little spot. -That'll be good.
-There we go. -Yeah. Yeah.
-That's fine. -Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.
Yeah, I think this could be
the new hunter's choice.
BRANDON: I doubt it.
RUTLEDGE: My 94-horsepower Scion iQ
had raced to the best hunting ground
before I'd had a chance to sell Brandon on its gas-sipping
36 miles per gallon in the city,
and Bluetooth is standard.
Real quiet, like hunters do.
Holy (BLEEP) That's a... That's a gator.
That's a gator right there.
Why's he looking at us?
Might be hungry, and you bigger than me, so...
This is not a time for fat jokes
with a (BLEEP) alligator here, man.
ADAM: Over in my Fiat, we were closing in on some swamp prey.
Whoa. Is that something?
-Yeah, see right there? -Yeah.
TROY: That little bit of water right there moving.
Roll it down. Don't be scared.
-What is that? -Boo!
Would you stop that?
TANNER: Okay.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, looked like that mud was gonna stop us, but nothing, right?
We made it through.
TANNER: My hunter Chad may have doubted
my Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet's backcountry prowess...
But I was about to unleash its secret weapon.
Wait. Was that something up there?
CHAD: Look. There's one right there.
TANNER: Something that truck owners only dream of.
-(WHIRRING) -We don't even need to open it up.
Look at that. You shoot from a quad, right?
-Oh, yeah. -TANNER: Oh. Nice.
-Where did you see him? -Right there.
All right, let's get him. Let's get him.
TANNER: It was all looking good for our tiny hunting vehicles.
The only question was who would draw first blood.
Coming up, we head deep into the swamp
and then deal with the consequences.
That's your ***.
Oh! (BLEEP)
ADAM: We were in the deep South,
trying to find out which was America's best small car.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Tanner's Smart car had won the race across New Orleans,
and my Fiat 500 had been the favorite on the highway.
So far, Rut's Scion had been shut out.
For our next challenge, we had to head deep into the swamp
and hunt down some food for a good old bayou barbecue.
Rut was the first to get a swamp creature in his sights.
RUTLEDGE: Okay.
Just don't put your hand in front of the barrel.
Okay, good idea.
RUTLEDGE: My Scion was gonna clean up.
All I had to do was send Mr. Gator to reptile heaven.
Holy crap. Did you see that?
I think it jumped.
BRANDON: I think you might have scared it off.
RUTLEDGE: Well, crap.
TANNER: Surprisingly, Rut blew it.
Now it was time for the Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet to shine.
Look, I can get a little closer.
Oh. Oh, oh. Sorry.
Hold on. There's a bump right here.
Hang on!
I don't think we're gonna go any further.
CHAD: Uh, four-wheel drive?
TANNER: With my Smart Fortwo Passion cabriolet out of the equation,
I was hoping Rambo and the bearded lady weren't having better luck.
It's comfortable. We got plenty of visibility to spot the rats.
TROY: Yeah, and, man, we got AC.
-We don't normally hunt like this. -See that?
-This is pretty good, man. -Nothing but the best for you, my friend.
ADAM: I had my hunter, Troy, sold on the comfort and style of the Fiat.
Now I just had to prove that it was tough enough for hunting.
-ADAM: Here we go! -TROY: Oh. Oh.
-Yeah. See? -Get all the way through to... (SHOUTS)
-Ah. Whoa. -ADAM: We're all right.
(ENGINE REVVING)
ADAM: It's not as bad as you think.
TROY: Jeepers, man.
Oh, God blessed (BLEEP).
Dude, look what you got us into, man.
Ah, okay. Well, does this... Is it bad?
-I'm gonna take you hunting, man? -ADAM: This is bad, right?
ADAM: Two hours later, we had suffered the ultimate shame
of having to be towed out of the swamp
by a golf cart.
ADAM: Disgusted that all three of us
had failed to bag any swamp meat,
the locals made us head out and buy food for the cookout.
RUTLEDGE: Tanner, why is the Smart car covered in mud on the tires?
I got a little aggressive. I got the Smart car stuck.
It was depressing.
ADAM: You got it stuck, too?
This big Scion iQ was perfect for hunting.
Then why are we all driving to pick up meat?
RUTLEDGE: I think, I've proven this car is great
in the city or in the country.
I've also proven I'm not a very good shot with an assault rifle.
ADAM: All the swamp people had given us was an address.
After a short drive, we were there.
TANNER: Gator Cove.
ADAM: Rut, are you sure this is the right place?
RUTLEDGE: (ON RADIO) Yeah, this is it.
They sell alligators? For eating?
RUTLEDGE: Oh, yeah. It's a big industry.
Oh, hell. I gotta get out of here.
RUTLEDGE: This is where we're supposed to get the meat.
I mean, you take, like, gator filet or something?
Yeah, I'm sure they're all...
Just like a package of meat, like chicken.
-RUTLEDGE: Open that door. -How about I'll take a look?
ADAM: I'm getting back here.
I'll go. I'll go.
-Holy... -TANNER: Oh...
RUTLEDGE: Oh, my gosh.
Whoa! Look at all this.
There have got to be 30 gators in there.
Rut, get in there. How many do we need?
(TANNER SNICKERING) Get in there, Rut. Come on.
ADAM: Yeah. They'll choke on your head.
Don't... Do not push me.
Look at that one's hissing with its mouth open.
MAN: Hey, hey, hey.
What are you guys doing?
We... They sent us to pick up alligator.
Uh, no. No, you'll follow me. That's gonna be upstairs.
Okay, so not the... Not the live ones?
-MAN: No. -Good thinking, guys.
ADAM: The swamp people had called in the order,
and it was waiting for us to pick up.
In that cooler right there. Help yourselves.
Thank you, sir.
-Holy gosh. -ADAM: (SHOUTING) Hey!
TANNER: No.
I call the crawfish. I call the crawfish.
-No, I'll take the crawfish. -Nah, I got the crawfish.
-ADAM: I'll take the crawfish. -RUTLEDGE: I called it.
-ADAM: Why do you get the crawfish? -RUTLEDGE: I called 'em.
Phew. That reeks.
Oh, (BLEEP). He's heavy.
Come give me a hand. Load him up.
ADAM: I don't want to go.
-Just grab his arm. -He doesn't have an arm.
-He's dead. -He doesn't have an arm.
TANNER: Come on, big fella.
-There you go. -Oh, God. Don't put him...
Get the plastic on that.
RUTLEDGE: Ohh! I almost got hit by a gator.
-It's not on the plastic. -He's on there.
-ADAM: You got him? -All right. I'm out of here. See you, guys.
TANNER: (BLEEP) Pretty heavy.
(RUTLEDGE LAUGHING)
There are those days in your life that you just want to delete.
Oh, sh... I'm losing the plastic.
This is one of those days.
Gator is just...
I'm sorry, buddy.
This is happening.
(GRUNTING) Okay.
It's not you. It's all the fish juice that you have been in.
Come on.
That's your ***.
Oh! (BLEEP)
I'm sorry about that.
I got them mudbugs.
-Are those alive? -Ooh, yeah. They're all alive.
Just put this down. Look at that.
Look at how much room I just opened up there.
Look at all that.
Thanks for all your help.
Really? Gloves and a grocery cart?
I don't want to look him in the eye.
Can you help me get it up? I appreciate it.
-Ooh. -Ah, you (BLEEP).
Ooh.
(LAUGHING)
-Is it funny for him? I don't think so. -He likes it.
-Let's go. Wait. -All right.
For the love of all that is sacred.
Okay. All right.
ADAM: Oh. Okay.
Perfect.
-TANNER: You got those? -Last two.
They're riding shotgun.
TANNER: Since Rut so graciously insisted on hauling the crawfish,
I took the liberty of freeing his new passengers
to experience the roomy interior of the Scion iQ.
I'm just... I'm gonna check on these bags back here.
Okay. Are they tight? Are they in okay?
TANNER: Yeah. It's...it's good.
Are we ready, fellas?
TANNER: It looks like there's a problem with this bag, though,
but, um, it's not bad.
-What's the problem with it? -TANNER: You're fine.
Hey, man. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey! (BLEEP). What are you doing?
TANNER: Mean little ***.
-What are you doing? -TANNER: Let'*** the road.
RUTLEDGE: Why would you open those up?
(LAUGHING)
(RUTLEDGE MOANING)
"I'll take the crawfish." Who says, "I'll take the crawfish"?
RUTLEDGE: Oh, let's go. Let's go right now.
TANNER: Be careful.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, son of a ***. What is wrong with you?
Oh, this sucks so bad. This sucks.
RUTLEDGE: With our swamp food loaded,
we quickly realized another shortcoming of our small cars.
If I was in a truck right now, they'd be in the bed.
I'd be fine. I wouldn't care.
I got crawfish crawling everywhere.
Oh, I touched it.
I touched it.
I'm carrying an alligator in the passenger seat of my car.
And I don't see anybody who's surprised to see that on this road.
Hey, Rut, how are those crawfish doing?
Can you see this?
Can you see that?
This is not... Oh, no!
(YELLING) This is not cool!
They are everywhere.
They're gonna pinch me, and I'm gonna pull over,
and then I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna kick the (BLEEP) out of you.
(LAUGHS)
RUTLEDGE: They're at my feet.
"Oh, what happened to Rut?"
"He died in a fiery car crash in a tiny car with eleven airbags
"filled with thousands of crawfish."
Holy! That's a... That's not a...
That's a (BLEEP) lobster.
Holy (BLEEP). There are crawfish under my gas pedal.
Get away. Get... (SCREAMS)
Oh!
Oh, my God. Oh!
My God.
(TANNER LAUGHING)
-What happened? -What?
They were everywhere.
(TANNER AND ADAM LAUGHING)
Do you know how hard it is to drive like that?
That was one of the worst experiences of my life.
How do you think it was for them?
Yeah. Look at the looks on their faces.
(TANNER AND ADAM LAUGHING)
Well, look. We're here.
Let's have our damn barbecue already.
RUTLEDGE: Our host had started
a good, old-fashioned low country boil,
but before we got to eat, there was one more challenge
to determine who would suffer the indignity
of having to drive the world's smallest two seater
around their hometown.
Get ready.
RUTLEDGE: A tug of war with a massive airboat.
I felt like the swamp people were just trying to humiliate us.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Air conditioning off. I need all the power.
All the power right here, Smart car.
MAN: Three.
Two.
One. Go!
Holy crap.
RUTLEDGE: Coming up, the swamp finally drives Adam insane.
Don't go anywhere near this frigging swamp
in any kind of vehicle whatsoever.
RUTLEDGE: Or maybe it was the thought of having to drive this
around the streets of New York City.
ADAM: We were sent to Louisiana
to find out which was America's best small car.
So far, Tanner's Smart car and my Fiat had each won a challenge.
And Rut's Scion had won nothing.
Now we were taking part in a long-standing local tradition,
a humiliating tug of war with an airboat.
We made Tanner go first.
MAN: Three.
Two.
One. Go!
Holy crap.
Got full throttle.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Oh, (BLEEP).
Oh, he's spinning 'em. He's spinning 'em.
Oh, it stalled. It stalled.
Re-fire. Re-fire.
Re-fire.
Oh, (BLEEP).
It doesn't appear to be working.
(ALL CHEERING)
RUTLEDGE: He's getting... ALL: Oh!
(SIGHING)
TROY: Hey, put your swim trunks on, pal.
Wear your life vest.
RUTLEDGE: On paper, I don't have a chance here.
But you know what?
Lot of people said that about some famous sporting events, too.
None that come to mind,
but you know what I'm talking about.
Are you ready, Rut?
I should probably tell someone I'm not a strong swimmer
in case this goes horribly wrong.
(ENGINE REVVING)
Oh, I got him. Oh! Whoa!
Oh, this is bad! This is bad! Ouch!
MAN: Oh, he's in the water!
ALL: Yeah!
Come on. He can't even get out.
He can't even get out.
Holy (BLEEP)! That was scary.
-This isn't good at all. -Good luck, son.
BRANDON: You'll be a yellow submarine.
Good luck, Adam. You go get 'em.
(ENGINE REVVING)
ADAM: Go. Come on, baby. Fight.
Don't stall.
ADAM: Oh! Oh, I'm getting sucked into the...
(SCREAMING) I'm getting sucked into the swamp.
BRANDON: He's about to start floating.
All right, fine.
You know what? The Fiat 500 could not pull an airboat.
I'm sorry. It didn't work.
Guess what. Neither could the Smart car.
Neither could the Scion. You know why?
These cars belong in a city.
And you know what? I belong in the city.
This is crazy.
TANNER: With the crawfish boil finished, we headed out of the swamp,
and there was no doubting the winner of our small car challenge.
Well, since I did more with less,
having one liter and 1,800 pounds and 71 horsepower,
I think the Smart car takes it.
I hauled the biggest alligator,
so if you really want to look at everything, I won.
RUTLEDGE: (ON RADIO) No, the Scion did not get stuck hunting,
so technically I won.
ADAM: (ON RADIO) Rut, you didn't win anything. You lost.
The world's smallest car is going to be driven
by the man with the world's biggest head.
RUTLEDGE: Crap.
RUTLEDGE: Now I was gonna have to suffer the ridicule
of driving the world's smallest two seater
as I did my daily errands around my hometown.
And this is home,
quiet, little Senoia, Georgia,
40 miles from Atlanta.
Now, I thought the Scion iQ was small,
but the car in question is quite small.
Make that very, very small.
This is a 1965 Peel Trident,
one of the smallest cars ever made.
It's got three wheels, two seats, one windshield wiper,
and no doors.
This thing gives new meaning to the word small.
At just six feet long and three and a half feet wide,
it makes our small cars look like SUVs.
Now, to get in, you basically have to tilt this George Jetson hatch forward
and then carefully wedge yourself in.
See, I'm gonna roughly double the weight,
which is why I need to sit in between the two seats
rather than on one side or the other,
because it might just tip over.
So, here we go.
Oh, wow.
That is shaky.
Whoo.
I really think I won that hunting challenge,
so I shouldn't even be driving this thing.
But I'm gonna make the most of it,
and I'm determined to have a good time.
How you doing?
I gotta run some errands today.
I gotta pick up some groceries for my mom
and drop those off
before I go to work at Atlanta Motor Speedway.
But I can't start my day without a coffee.
Oh! I'm in third gear.
I'm in third gear!
Son of a ***, this thing doesn't handle well.
I would say, I am genuinely afraid of this car.
Luckily I'd made it alive to my first stop.
-Hi, David. -Rutledge, how are you?
You got that frappe?
Let me bring it over to you. Hold on.
RUTLEDGE: The great thing about the Peel
is that everywhere you go is a drive-through.
Thank you so much.
Would you mind just giving me just a little push backwards?
One drawback is that the Peel doesn't have a reverse gear.
Fortunately, folks down here are always willing to lend a hand.
Good to see you. Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Hi. How you doing? Those are pretty flowers.
ADAM: Coming up... Rut finds out that even an everyday occurrence is a problem
when you're driving a Trident.
Oh! Sweet jeebers.
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
RUTLEDGE: After my Scion iQ lost the Top Gear small car challenge
to Adam's Fiat 500 and Tanner's Smart car,
I was forced to drive around my hometown of Senoia, Georgia,
in the world's smallest two seater, the Peel Trident.
So far, it hadn't been too bad.
I'd gotten a coffee and was feeling pretty good
about how this thing was handling,
but I may have spoken too soon.
Holy cow.
It is like being on the surface of the sun in here.
You can't feel any breeze in this thing whatsoever.
There's this one tiny hole where I can get my arm out,
and that's supposed to be the vent.
(SCREAMING) Whoa! Jeez, man!
Watch it!
But despite the constant near-death experiences
on the open road...
Oh, jeez. Oh, don't tip over.
Please don't tip over. Please don't.
And we're fine.
There were parts of daily life that the Peel was perfect for.
Look at how easy this is.
Oh, if every day could be like this.
Sorry.
Ooh, look at that.
Oh, that looks nice.
Can of green beans.
The Peel made shopping a breeze.
Adam and Tanner didn't know what they were missing.
This is so convenient.
How could you not love this?
But I soon found out that, again,
my enthusiasm was a bit premature.
Oh. Oh, it's gotta be on the high shelf.
Let me just...
That's not gonna fit.
Not only were reach and access a problem...
Oh!
Oh.
But I found that having no reverse gear was much more cumbersome
when there was no one around to push you.
I got it. I got it.
-Thank you so much. -You're so very welcome.
Ah, you're a dear. I love small-town life. Thank you.
-You come back. -I will. We'll see you soon.
-Take me for a ride in that thing. -Done.
It's a two seater.
My shopping done, all I had to do
was deliver the groceries to my mom
before heading off to work.
Here we go, more train tracks.
Oh, sweet jeebers.
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)
Boy, that would be a terrible way to die,
stuck on the railroad tracks in this thing.
Well, here we are.
MOM: Do you want some tea?
Oh, I would love some tea.
-Okay. Great. -I know that's sweet.
Yeah. You gotta have your sweet tea. I know.
Nothing like a cold glass of tea on a hot day.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, my gosh. It's been a little warm out there in places.
It has been a little warm. That's how it is in Georgia.
-I'm gonna give you just a little bit. -Ah, thank you.
-That's perfect. -Okay. Here you go.
Is that gonna fit in there, sweetie?
-Yeah, that's great. Thank you. Perfect. -Okay.
Yeah.
-Good. Well, enjoy. -Thanks. Yeah. Mmm.
-Hey, here's looking at you, kid. -Okay.
It's always great to see Mom, but I couldn't stay.
-Thanks for the tea. -All right, honey. Glad you came by.
See you soon.
It was time to head to work.
Well, I gotta head to the Speedway.
It's about 20 miles.
That should take me probably half an hour, I would think,
which isn't too bad.
Especially when you can just get out and cruise,
you don't have to worry about anything...
A car like this is really made for that,
just get out there and...
(HORN BLARING)
Son of a ***!
Where did that guy come from?
Ah, that's... That's it.
I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
I... There's no way.
There's no way I could drive to the Speedway.
I gotta do something else.
Yeah. This is the way to travel.
People say micro cars aren't fun to ride in.
Thanks for the lift, Mom.
It was Thursday Night Thunder at Atlanta Motor Speedway,
the scene of my final chore of the day.
I'd managed to survive so far,
but there was one last humiliation I had to endure.
Yeah, sure. I'll run the pace laps.
That sounds like a great idea.
Just another day at the office being chased by Legends Cars.
(SCREAMING) Oh, my God! I'm gonna flip it!
I don't know how I get myself put into these situations.
"Why don't you run out here, lead the pace."
Oh, my God. They're right next to me.
Oh, my gosh. Last lap. They're gonna start the race.
This is amazing!
Indy 500, the Brickyard 400,
Daytona 500, no way.
Pacing Thursday Night Thunder, this is it.
Good luck, everybody.
Oh! I'm a pace-car driver.
This is amazing.
(CARS ZOOMING)
That's what I'm talking about.
Whee!
That was amazing.
I suddenly realized
why we hadn't convinced the swamp people
to trade in their monster trucks for our small cars.
We hadn't gone small enough.
Which way to Louisiana?