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Thanks for tuning in to the 100 days, making sure I do my daily video log check in.
It's been a challenging couple of days, been dealing with some unusual high level stress
at work, to a very uncomfortable point. Physically disturbing. I've had some incredible creepiness
going on, stuff I'm told I'm not allowed to talk about. This has gotten to the point that
its making work uncomfortable and unproductive.
I'm needing to take a couple of days off next week just to get my head back in the game.
I got a nasty coworker, yeah. I'm going to speak as generically as I can to therapeutically
express myself, and not any particulars, but I had a nasty coworker try to shine some negative
light from themselves my direction. Thrown under the proverbial corporate bus, and I'm
told not to worry about this as I understand following this creepy investigation, things
will be fine. It's a temporary pain in the ***. It's very uncomfortable to be unnecessarily
scrutinized and put under a microscope.
Yesterday I had some meetings trampled on by this situation that I'm trying to dance
around here and it's just bizarre. I've been in business for 25 years and I've never dealt
with this level of creepiness before. It's extremely uncomfortable. I love my job, and
the company I work for, but this particular interlude, this chapter of the book so to
speak, is absolutely disgusting me. So yeah it's disgusting me. Not, it's just, you know
what? I'm tired of this. I'm not going to sit here and be afraid of being myself. Because
if that happens, it's not worth it. So that's pretty much the awareness I have inside me.
I'm intimidated by an intense amount of threatening BS over the past couple of days that generated
out of nowhere. And beyond absolute silliness, it's absolute BS.
You know, you do enough good things and you're going to *** off somebody I guess. And today
I've not even eaten. And I want to get over this. And I want to not give any of this power
to a nasty person. Nasty people are awful. And I found my productivity today to be down
severely. It's been difficult to concentrate, it's just dealing with unusual BS instead
of actually performing my job function, is a little much.
These past couple of days have been extremely overwhelming.
I don't like living this way. I shouldn't be living in fear or be persecuted or have
to be scrutinized, and it's just a lot of BS. Some of the pressure I've been receiving
is, you know what? I'm trying to be real careful here because I enjoy my employment, but I'm
not enjoying it right now. I'm really not. I love what I do and I love the company I
work for and I take great pride in it, but I'm not going to let a single nasty person
ruin that for me. However, this short term *** sucks. It really does.
I'm going to be taking a half a day tomorrow. I have some meetings I need to knock out because
I have some key clientele I'm meeting with, then that's it. Next week is overloaded. I
honestly would like to take a couple of days next week just to refocus and get my head
together after this BS I've been going through this week.
I've not taken a day off work since my best friend's funeral.
I put my heart and soul into what I do, and out of nowhere I get slapped down on something
that doesn't even exist.
I know I need to stay cool, I know I need to just keep a clear head and that's what
part of me just wants to kind of step away from the, the blunder for a little bit, until
things are a little bit normal. Anyway I need to get some food in my body, I need to get
some more work done, it's been very difficult to do work, almost, I feel incredibly intimidated
by third party personnel at the corporation who approached me about silliness.
Absolute silliness.
I'm going to, since I wasn't specifically called on on it, I'm going to attempt to share
what I'm being attacked about. You know what? I got to disconnect. I don't like how I feel
right now, you know I've been coming to the 100 days, my whole goal has been focusing
on professional career growth and personal development. And one of the things that I
found commonly with each is need for organization, focus, as well as documentation and measuring.
I've definitely expected there to be hurdles along the way that I would learn from but
not threats. I'm unclear how to succeed in an organization which persecutes individuals
for their expressions outside work. I'm afraid to even blog this right now but if I don't
at least talk to myself here then I might explode. My stomach, mind and overall spirit
feel trampled.
Continuously over-delivering on what's expected of me, giving up nights and weekends to teach
myself the products and culture, while fostering relationships in an abandoned territory which
is primarily weighted on dramatically reduced state funded budgets. It's been challenging
and I'm always up for overcoming any challenge to reach goals.
I didn't sign up for toxic people manipulating systems to obstruct sales nor intimidation.
This really scares me!!
On a personal note I've learned to overcome certain things and learned to focus greater
professionally, I didn't expect these kind of hurdles. There's just some creepiness that's
happened. The past couple of weeks has been particularly creepy, but yesterday came to
a head and today was just overwhelming. Tomorrow's Friday, work week over. Looking for, okay
I'm going to be real clear with you. One of the reasons I'm very offended at work is my
damn near nonexistent personal time is being heavily scrutinized. Feeling exhausted from
internal nonsense disrupting my sales.
I do have a business and have for years. This is something that was explaining to my employer
on hire. Additionally, I've not worked my business. And that's a shame, because for
several months I've not worked my side business. It's cost me more money than it's earned me.
Actually I should crank up my side business this weekend. While being unnecessarily drilled,
I'd made it abundantly clear I'd not even touched my business since starting (besides
being told it's not a conflict to do so).
After explaining I had not run my side business for several months, they went ahead to drill
me harder, adding insult to injury by "making sure" I wasn't using my company asset to run
my side business. At that point it became very, very offensive. If I made it real clear
that I hadn't run my business for several months, saying have you run your business
in the past several months from our work computer? Basically says I think you may have been lying
to me during the last question. I hope they tear apart my computer to investigate the
fact that I've never, ever, done side business on it.
I won't be using my work computer for anything besides email, Intranet, or any resource I
can't get otherwise, following broadly unfounded and unwarranted accusations brought on by
a coworker who simply doesn't want to work. I should be able to Google customers or look
I brought my home computer into work which I'll be using going forward for research.
This is BS. I shouldn't be hiding from things. It's frustrating. I'm eager for this to be
over. I just want to take some vacation time for a week until this is resolved, because
being told I'm not supposed to talk to coworkers about stuff and not being able to even open
up here, doesn't help me. Blogging and Tweeting is my therapy.
Keeping all this stuff inside makes me sick. Being falsely accused of things, that's really
inappropriate. Either way, been made to feel extremely uncomfortable. It's frustrating
and I am really eager for this chapter to be closed so I can get back to doing business
and selling again. It's just extremely overwhelming.
and family. It's tough when people ask what I'm doing and all I'm doing is working and
can't talk about it. Feeling absolutely horrible inside and unclear how this type of persecution
even takes place within the walls of Corporate America. I'm being treated like a criminal.
My "crime", BTW was introducing collaborative communications concepts, used by other departments.
These initiatives were encouraged by management. WTF. I'm a new media business professional
who was hired for his innovative sales skills. Following being asked to demonstrate tools
for growing our business, a vindictive coworker spotlights this negatively to offset themselves.
My professional ethics have been violated. Adding to several specific threats of termination
for non-cooperation, I've been specifically advised that my employment will be terminated
shall I choose to not share the names of other employees using Google DOCS at work. I'm unwilling
to do this for several reasons (besides this just being wrong), including fear of alienating
recently formed coworker relationships and most impacting is inability to let others
My background working IT security in several different countries with major corporations
has given me visibility into some of the most incredible and bizarre circumstances people
work within. It's taught me repeatedly what I've always known, a respected happy worker
does well. What I've experienced goes beyond anything I can even fathom. I so much love
selling and the product I sell. Processes that actually disable my sales efforts shouldn't
even exist within any company. I'm shocked.
I've felt chest pains for the first time. My heartbeat continues soaring each time this
random representative of the corporation threatens me while continuously asking me things about
myself that are so blatantly available publicly. At one point I just said "Why don't you just
Google me". I've not been told that I've done anything specifically wrong, but that my use
of Google services is being investigated for "Morality and Ethics". Sounds like termination
is inevitable. At least I've got in 297 days!
There's a cricket that's been loose in my house for a couple of weeks, living behind
the refrigerator. Yeah you hear that? Can hear that all throughout my home? Anyway.
Tomorrow's another day, been focusing on fitness is keeping me a little bit sane, and I look
forward to catching up again tomorrow. Deep inside, I'm a happy man, I just had some layers
of *** poured on me today. Love you guys, thanks for tuning in.