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Me, you and JJ.
Best mates for life.
- You love him.
- No.
You love the lips.
When I'm with you,
I feel like I'm a better person.
I feel happier.
Take them at breakfast
and supper, OK?
Makes you tell the
truth, allegedly.
What's wrong with that?
There you go.
Cookie's always got nothing.
That's why I do her pal.
That's why I pop Panda.
Panda's popped.
It's well bad, JJ.
I'm officially off the rails.
Oh, ***!
Jack-a-***-NORY!
Smashing.
Wow.
See you later, yeah?
All I need is a
little more of you
All I need is
A little more of
you to go on
'Hi, you're through to
Freddie's Dyslexia helpline.
'Please leave a massage.
'
I'm right beside you.
Jamie Oliver.
***.
Stephen Fry.
***.
Nelson Mandela.
***.
***.
***.
Oh, big, fat,
ugly Irish ***!
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just looking at pictures of men,
saying which ones are ***.
Nice
Cook's gone.
Mm-hm.
We broke up.
Yeah.
Never mind, sweetheart.
You OK?
Yeah.
It's just gonna make it
really hard raising our baby.
Yeah.
***.
Karen, I told you
Hi, Effy.
Babe, not being funny, but you look
like microwaved ***.
What's up?
Nothing.
Oh, my God, it's really good you're
here, actually.
You can drive, right?
Yeah.
Why?
Cos Me and Freddie are having
a party tonight, in the woods
What's it called again, honey?
Gobblers End.
That's right.
You should come!
I was gonna borrow
my dad's car,
but now he has to
.
.
take Karen to an audition.
We're always doing that!
Maybe.
I have to ask my mum
if I can borrow the car.
Cool.
Can we ask you
something, though?
Me and Freddie want this to be like,
a quiet thing,
not some kind of
what did I call it before?
Pikey hoe-down.
Thanks, babe.
So?
So Cook's not invited.
Cos we don't like him.
Like I said.
I have to ask my mum.
OK.
Well, you just have a little
think about it and let us know, yeah?
I'm going to have a shower.
You coming, juicy?
Yeah.
In a minute, hon.
Yeah.
You should come.
You want me to come?
Why are you here?
Came to tell you something.
Yeah?
Your shed's changed.
Effy
I'll see you later, yeah?
Effy
PORTISHEAD: Machine Gun
I saw a saviour
A saviour come my way
I thought I'd see it
At the cold light of day
But now I realise
That I'm only for me
If only I could see
You turn myself to me
And recognise the poison
In my heart.
All right?
Take me to your kitchen!
Your daughter's in
for a *** treat.
Four courses, real fancy ***.
Pesto.
Salmon.
Salad.
Love, she's gone.
OK.
What time's she back?
Oh, not till tomorrow.
They've gone
to some party at Gobblers End.
Nah Nah.
Nah, cos we're supposed
to hang out tonight.
Was that before you
broke up or after?
I bought a *** gateau.
Black Forest
Oh.
My favourite.
Cheers.
LACROSSE: You Can't
Say No Forever
Can't talk now, Mum.
Later.
Later, OK? Bye.
You sure this is the right way?
That's what the map says!
Oh, my God!
No we haven't
Yes, we have!
Well, whatever!
Where do we go now?
Right.
Yes.
Turn right.
You're not indicating.
No, that's left!
Turn right and go
straight on
I'm sure it's left,
right, Fred?
What are we doing?
This isn't the right way,
I told you!
Stupid piece of crap.
We're just gonna have to
ask someone for directions.
Who?
Hello? Hello? Is anybody here?
For ***'s sake!
Excuse me, gentlemen,
could you tell me
how to get to
Gobblers End, please?
Well, I wouldn't start from here, love.
No, I reckon I could show you.
Great.
All right.
Listen to the nice
man, Freddie.
Come on.
Right.
Gobblers ***
Gobblers End, you call it
See the roundabout?
Well, go back there
Anybody here? Hello, hello
Second on the right.
You got that?
Yeah, thanks.
Hey.
You kids want to see
something before you go?
Are you leaving
something for me, lovely?
Let me out, please.
Cos I've got something for you.
Get out of the way!
Little tradition of ours.
Hang on, mate,
do you really think
Shut up, kid.
Come on, sweetheart,
you know you want it.
Get off!
Get off of me! Freddie!
Freddie, help!
You made me miss.
Sorry, but
I've nevermissedbefore.
All right! That's it,
that's enough, leave her alone!
Go.
Beware the moon.
Whatever.
Freak!
*** hell!
Did you *** see
the size of that gun?
OK, let's get out of here.
Did you see the
size of the knife?
Katie, what happened?
*** hell.
He just started shouting
at me.
I didn't even do anything.
Panda?
Panda?
Thomas, is she OK?
Um, Eff?
It's them.
It's them.
Freds Freds
Oh, my god ***!
Calm down, calm down.
Just stay calm.
It's probably nothing.
Just chill out.
Roll that down.
Roll the *** window down.
What are they doing? Eff
Pull the car over.
Stop the car.
Stop the car now!
Effy, stop the car!
Wankers.
Effy!
Are they gone? Christ
I think we should go home.
They're gone now.
We're safe.
As long as we,
"Beware the moon".
Obviously.
Why are you laughing?
It's not *** funny!
All right, babes.
Chill out.
Sorry.
I was
Come on.
Not far now.
It's so heavy.
OK.
This way, right, Freds?
Yep!
You'll like it here, mate.
It's all right.
So what's the deal with Thomas?
I don't know!
Cook, like,
had carnal relations with Pandora!
Don't call it that.
His girlfriend's a no-good *** and
he's acting like everything's fine!
It's messing with my head!
How you doing, mate?
Wasn't expecting to
see you tonight.
I mean it's great you're here.
Just thought.
After what Cook said at your gig.
I would like that we keep
that between us for now, yes?
Yeah.
Yeah, course.
Whatever you say.
Freddie! Is this the right way?
That's right, sweetheart.
Just up here.
Owww!
Panda.
Are you all right?
Yeah! Fine!
I mean, relationships just
can't stay the same, can they?
Can't always be lovely and lush and not
full of weird silences all the time.
People can't always be perfect
cos that's not real, is it?
It's not real cos things change.
Don't they?
Yeah.
They do.
But you can tell me.
If something's up,
I can help you.
Everything's great.
I love Thomas, he loves me,
everything's just,
tickety-flippin-boo!
OK, if you say so.
Look what I found.
Shroooms.
Are they funny ones?
Uh-huh.
What are you doing?
Found some shrooms.
Want some?
No!
How d'you know
they're not poisonous?
I don't want you ruining my party by,
like, vomming blood!
And this isn't supposed to
be that kind of party, Eff.
It's just drinks and sausages.
No mushrooms.
Whoa, mushrooms!
Who's got mushrooms?
Give me some!
Freddie!
What? Chill out.
Did I hear mushrooms?
Emily! Don't you *** dare!
Don't listen to her, Ems.
All part of the fun, I suppose.
Come on, Panda.
Live a little.
No, thanks! Love is our drug!
Sometimes you need a little more
sugar in your bowl, though.
C'est vrai ca, ma jolie?
Go on, Panda.
Eurggh.
Minging.
Don't cry.
Don't *** cry.
How long till it kicks in, Eff?
Not long.
I am so ***.
Do I look ***?
Eff? Listen, before.
In the shed.
I was just I just wondered
What were you gonna say?
I'll tell you later.
Bye.
Katie's cold.
Cos that's what it's about, isn't it?
Forget all that other ***,
cos it's not about that,
it's about everything else.
Like when you open your eyes in
the night and you see that face
.
.
you see that face
Listen, Effy.
I didn't even want
you here and you've ruined my night.
I invited you here was because you can
drive and you're embarrassing yourself.
It's pretty sad.
Throwing yourself
at your mates' boyfriends, really.
Katie, come sit down.
I'm not being nasty or anything! I don't
even think you realise you're doing it,
it's just it makes you look
like a desperate ***.
Who moved the stuff?
What?
Who moved the stuff?
The bags are gone.
What are you talking about?
For God's sakes.
This is so not funny, guys.
Chill out, somebody
Turn the music off!
Oh, ***!
Eff, I don't like it!
It's OK, Panda.
Turn the lights off now.
Everything off.
Quick.
JJ, get that fire out!
Shh.
Everyone, round the fire!
Get down, get down.
What the *** do you think you're
playing at? You *** idiot.
s
Jesus!
You *** prick!
I should *** kill you!
You scared the *** out of us,
stupid prick.
It wasn't me!
There were psychos in
the woods with a gun!
I saw them nick your stuff so they
started shooting.
They're mental!
Shut up.
Joke's over.
Bloody scared us,
you stupid *** ***.
All right, calm down.
I took your sodding
knapsacks, children.
They're just poachers,
you daft wankers.
Poachers?
After rabbits and ***.
Not you.
I was just trying to freak you out.
Why?
Cos I thought it'd be funny!
And it totally was!
Ooh, turn off the lights!
Ooh, we're going to die!
What the *** are
you doing here?
I smell a shindig, I'm there.
Well, you weren't invited
so you can just *** off!
Aw! But we're having
such a nice time!
Your *** look *** mint from
this angle by the way, Kit Kat.
What is your *** problem?
Come on then, Rambo.
What do you want?
My *** blood?
Cos you've ***
taken everything else!
You've taken *** JJ and now
he's nicking her off me as well!
She hasn't told you, has she?
*** me,
I'm so glad I didn't miss this.
What's going on?
Effy doesn't want me any more.
Do you, princess?
No.
So?
Why should we care?
Freddie's with me now.
Right, Freddie?
Freddie?
Freddie!
Right.
I'm going for a walk.
Katie.
Well, I think she took that pretty well,
don't you?
Just go!
No-one wants you here!
No-one likes you! Just *** go!
Do what he says.
*** Off.
Whatever.
Have nice lives, all of youse.
You coming?
Nah, yeah, stay here.
With your friends.
Look at them.
Look at their little faces.
You're all such whizzo chums,
aren't you?
Ain't that right, Eff?
Ain't that right, Panda?
Panda's been
worried lately, Eff.
Says you don't see each
other as much as you used to.
That right, Panda?
I said to her,
"Cupcake, maybe if you didn't spend as
much time with my *** in your mouth.
"
Shut up! Shut up!
Come on, Thomas, let's go!
Stop! It's fine.
I know.
Know what?
Wait.
It was one time, right?
Your party.
It was only once, right?
I need to sit down now.
Um, sorry, slugger,
I don't think you heard.
Me.
***.
Your.
Girlfriend.
Like, multiple times.
What do you want me to say?
I don't want you to say anything!
Hit me.
Come on!
Come on, hit me!
You are such a sad little boy.
Thomas, please.
I stopped it.
I love you.
Just give me a chance.
I have given you chances!
And you have not taken them!
Time and again you've lied to me!
It's too late now!
I fell in love with this girl,
she was good.
She was honest
and doughnuts and
Now she is gone and this new one,
I don't like her.
She makes my heart hurt.
Please, please,
Thomas, come back.
Effy, are you OK?
I'm really tripping,
there's something on me.
Effy.
Effy, calm down.
Get off me! Get off me!
Calm down! It's me!
Effy, wait! Effy!
Who's that?
Effy?
Is that you?
It's all right.
It's me.
Why are you crying?
II don't know.
Aww.
Look at you.
You're, like,
totally monged, aren't you?
Oh.
What?
***, there's loads of,
like, bugs in your hair!
Where? Get them out!
Get them off me!
Effy! Effy! What you doing?
The bugs! The bugs!
What bugs?
There's nothing there.
Please don't take him from me.
What?
Freddie.
Please don't
take him from me.
Hey.
Hey.
Don't do that.
Get your *** hands off me!
As if you could take him from me!
God, you're so up yourself!
Your life's so ***,
you want to crap all over mine!
Don't invite ***
psychos to my party
and don't push your flat little
*** in my boyfriend's face, OK?
I said, OK? Cos I swear, babes,
I'm serious, if you ever
try and touch anything that belongs
to me ever again, I will *** you up.
I said OK?
I said OK?
Hit me.
What?
Just once.
I want to feel something.
Hit me!
I dare you.
Phew!
Bit cramped in there.
Me, two girls and one tent - nightmare!
You ladies like to wriggle,
don't you?
Anyway.
I need a
wee and a Tic Tac.
Morning.
Good morning.
Anyone seen Pandora and Thomas?
And where's Katie?
Thought she'd be with you, Fred.
She's probably still asleep.
Katie?
Katie?
Thomas has gone home.
He's gone.
I got to go now, please.
Katie!
Katie!
Katie!
Katie!
Katie!
Katie!
Freddie!
Yeah?
Katie!
Nothing.
Just need to find her, OK?
Katie!
Katie!
Katie!
'Are you saying you don't
know where you are?'
No, I mean I can't find her.
'Why not?'
Because I just
*** can't, OK!
Just send an ambulance,
will you?
Keep calm Calm down.
I think I hit her.
No, I mean I can't find her.
With a rock, and now she's
I was tripping,
I didn't mean to.
Please
How long does it take
to have a wee, Eff?
'Tell me where you are.
'
It's Gobblers End.
Coming!
Happiness hit her
Like a train on a track
Coming towards her
Stuck still no
turning back
She hid around corners
and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses
and from it she fled
With every bubble she
sank with her drink
And washed it away
down the kitchen sink
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
'Hi, this is Pandora.
'I can't get to the phone right now.
Please leave a message.
Bye.
'
'You're through to Freddie's
dyslexia helpline.
'
'Hi, this is Emily, sorry I can't
take your call right now, but
'Naomi.
I'm not here.
Wait for the beep.
'
'JJ's phone.
I can't take your
call so just leave me a message.
'
'Please call again later.
'
Hi! Freddie, hi! Are you
'I should've gone
with her, Eff.
'Middle of the night,
I just let her go.
'She's got nine
stitches in her head.
'She was lying in those
woods all night.
Alone.
'*** knows what
happened to her.
'She's not even woken up yet.
'
But she's OK, right? She is OK?
'Yeah, I guess.
'Eff?
'Eff, you there?
'I gotta go.
I'm meeting Em at
the hospital.
Call you later.
'
Freddie, wait.
She woke up, then?
Yeah.
She woke up.
Fred, listen,
shepulled my hair.
So what?! She pulled your hair
so you smashed her head open?
It was an accident!
I was tripping!
She choked me,
I couldn't breathe!
I can't see any bruises.
I can't see nine *** stitches!
But when did it happen?
Em, it was an accident.
I promise.
You hit her with a rock.
You just left her there.
She could have died.
Panda, listen.
When you leave
I ain't coming
What you have
Comes to nothing.
.
Whose car is this?
Dunno.
But they do have a sterling
collection of power ballads.
Where we going?
OK.
Where are we?
I ain't coming
What you have
It's you and me, babe.
It's always gonna
be you and me.
It's always you and me.
When you leave
I ain't coming
What you have
I hope they lock that stupid
girl up when they find her.
We're going shopping.
For Love Ball dresses.
Come to the college ball with me.
Like we'retogether.
You humiliated me.
Effy doesn't even want you.
But you *** owe me, Freddy.
OK!
*** off!
No, JJ.