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Hi, I'm Rhys but you can call me Rhys Davies, and welcome to The Every So Often Happenings
of an Unlikely Teenage Boy named Rhys Davies, starring me Rhys Davies.
Like many Welsh comedians I am not funny. I am an actor, director, cameraman and writer.
I've been writing for a few years now and my hand is really starting to hurt.
On the day of his birth a booming voice yelled down from the heavens.
"Receive thy gift to humanity" It said in a reassuring yet strident voice.
"He is the re-birth of the messiah himself, he shalt provide salvation and reconciliation
to humankind, take great care with this infant, for one day, he shalt be humanities last hope."
I was that infant.
I have achieved many great things in my life such as....
One thing I'm quite proud of is being elected president of the "Cool Kids and Rhys" assossiation.
Anyway, school is pretty annoying; I mean
the day we started on this week was a sick, twisted, piece of *** day indeed.
Monday morning I was maliciously woken up
by the deathly ringing that makes you want to kill some orphans... You know what? I shouldn't
have said that, I apologize to the orphans and to their parents. I finally manage to
open my eyes and this shaft of red light stabs me in them as if to say "I hate you! I am
going to make your life a living hell from now on, you're adopted"
I punch it on the head to let me sleep for ten more minutes. It doesn't work, I try it
again. Third time lucky, I finally do it.
BEEP BEEP BEEP! "Shut the *** up!" I yell, as if to say "Please be quiet, I am trying to sleep".
It doesn't work. I rip it from its wires and launch it across the room into the wall.
SMASH!... that's the sound it made, just another annoyance of my morning.
I lie there, in bed, deciding whether or not to get up, "ahhh *** it" I say as I roll
over and go back to sleep. A voice yells up, piercing my ear drums with a pointy stick.
"Get up!" it says, "No way!" I reply. The main reason I refuse to get up
is because I know that as soon as I remove the covers that I will be bombarded with an
army of arctic wind. So I can have a choice, I can either get up
and face the cold like a man, or I can stay in bed, and enjoy the next five minutes of
my life. But then I will risk falling victim to some sort of parental waking-up technique. Such as having water thrown over me.
And I know this is stupid because in about five minutes, I will get into trouble for such a despicable act.
So as a wise man once said "ahhh *** it!" and I go back to sleep.
So once that is out of the way and I am ready to drag my fine *** to school, that's when
things really start to get annoying. Every teacher seems to hate me, every morning I am strapped
to a chair and kicked in the legs for twenty five minutes. Some of you may see this as
normal behaviour, but personally I see it as Rhysism.
What is Rhysism? Rhysism is being prejudiced towards somebody
called Rhys; this also includes incorrect spellings, of the word Rhys. If you are against
Rhysism, this is known as Anti-Rhysism. What's so important about Anti-Rhysism?
Who actually wants Rhysism around? Nobody I know!
Is Rhysism still around in this day and age? Yes. And in some cases it can be quite severe.
A Rhys can be called a name, poked or even annoyed!
Why should I care? Because if you're not part of the solution
You're part of the problem.
Oh, well thanks. Hey do you wanna go to the cafe before they stop serving breakfast?
What, and leave me to pay the bill again, you ***?
Hi I'm Charley McDaniel and welcome to The Every So Often News... at nine.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
You heard it here first. The Every So Often News. I'm Charley McDaniel.
Back to you Rhys! Thank you Charley. Now it's the end
Your welcome!
Now it's the end so comment, subscribe. Give me a little thumbs up at the bottom there.
And be sure to tune in next time.
That's right, in the next episode of
The Every So Often Happenings of an Unlikely Teenage Boy Named Rhys Davies starring me, Rhys Davies.
If you go away with one thing tonight, go away with this,
Everybody has a piece of Rhys inside them... Not to be confused with Reece's Pieces. Goodnight.