Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
(cheering)
HERE'S A SNEAK PEEK AT TONIGHT'S "AFV."
WE DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH.
(man laughing)
(woman) TWO, THREE.
OH!
(laughter)
WHOA! HA HA HA!
WELCOME TO...
AND NOW HERE HE IS-- THE HOST OF "AFV"...
TOM BERGERON!
♪♪♪
(cheering)
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU! VERY NICE.
THANK YOU, RACHEL, FOR THAT INTRODUCTION,
AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE ARE THE FIRST SHOW
IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION
TO RUN ON SOLAR POWER.
HOW ABOUT THAT?
(cheering)
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW... (clears throat) OF COURSE, BY "SOLAR POWER,"
I MEAN VIDEOS OF PEOPLE TAKING A SHOT
RIGHT TO THE SOLAR PLEXUS.
COME ON, MAY, JUMP!
WHAT'S THE FUNNIEST PART OF THIS CLIP--
HER FALLING DOWN, OR THE CAMERAMAN CACKLING?
(man cackling hysterically)
OH, I'M VOTING FOR THE CACKLE.
(cackling continues)
HERE'S WHAT YOU GET
FOR HOGGING THE AIR MATTRESS.
(woman) OOH!
DUCK. DUCK.
DUCK. DUCK.
(woman speaks indistinctly)
THIS GAME OF DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE IS IN-TENTS!
(thud)
(laughter)
HERE'S WHY REX LOVES AUTUMN.
(man laughing)
(woman laughs)
(babbles)
YOU MAKE A WISH WHEN YOU BLOW ON A DANDELION.
HE'S GOING TO WISH HE NEVER PICKED THIS DANDELION.
(laughing)
(groaning)
ONE...
TWO...
(laughter)
(laughter continues)
WHOO!
HEY, TAP ON THE GLASS. MAKE IT A FLYING SQUIRREL.
(taps glass, laughter)
(cheering)
SOME PEOPLE THINK THEIR DOGS ARE SO SMART.
I'M NOT BUYING IT.
LAST YEAR, MY DOG DID MY TAXES.
TOTALLY SCREWED IT UP. DIDN'T EVEN ITEMIZE DEDUCTIONS.
CLAIMED IT WAS BECAUSE...
(mocking voice) HE DOESN'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
ONLY A SMART DOG CAN GET A DRINK OF WATER
AND GIVE HIMSELF A BATH.
(rattling)
I GUESS WHEN THERE'S NO ONE TO PLAY FETCH WITH,
YOU HAVE TO TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.
(rattling)
(woman) WHERE'S MY PUPPY?
(whistles) CODY, YOU WANT A COOKIE?
COCO! (gasps) YOU WANT A COOKIE, BUBBA? COME ON IN!
(gasps) CLOSE THE DOOR.
CLOSE THE DOOR, AND I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE.
(gasps) GOOD BOY. ANYTHING FOR COOKIES. STAY.
SIT RIGHT THERE. NOW PUT A COOKIE ON YOUR NOSE.
STAY.
OH, WHAT A GOOD BOY!
(woman) YOU WANT THE BALL, PETE? GET IN THE CORNER.
GET IN THE CORNER.
IN THE CORNER, PETE.
THAT'S NOT THE CORNER.
GET IN THE CORNER.
A LITTLE BIT MORE.
JEEZ, HE'S A BOXER.
YOU'D THINK HE'D WANT TO GO TO HIS OWN CORNER.
(man) IN THE CORNER.
IN THE CORNER.
IN THE CORNER.
(barks)
(man and woman) GOOD BOY!
(man) GOOD BOY, MISTER.
AND A SMART DOG LETS YOU KNOW
WHEN THE GAME OF FRISBEE IS OVER.
(thud)
THE GOLF SWING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO BEHOLD,
MAYBE BECAUSE IT'S SO SIMPLE.
JUST ADDRESS THE BALL, HEAD DOWN,
FEET SHOULDER-WIDTH APART,
KNEES SLIGHTLY BENT, LEFT ARM STRAIGHT,
RIGHT ARM AT A SLIGHT ANGLE, GRIP FIRM BUT RELAXED,
FOCUS, BREATHE,
TURN AT THE HIPS, AND SWING.
NOTHING TO IT.
THIS GOLFER HAS A BEAUTIFUL SWING.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S ON THE FRONT PORCH OF HIS HOUSE.
UHH!
(men laughing and cheering)
(man) DID YOU GET THAT ON FILM?
HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A PENALTY STROKE
AND THE BACKSTROKE.
(woman laughing)
(ducks quacking)
WHERE-- (laughing)
YEP.
YOU CAN OUTRUN A GOLF CART,
BUT YOU CAN'T OUTRUN A SHRUB.
(man laughing)
THIS GUY'S GONNA MAKE GOOD CONTACT...
WITH THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
(man) OH!
WE HAVE AN ANIMAL IN OUR SHED.
I WAS GETTING MY GOLF CLUBS OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME
FOR THE YEAR, AND I THINK I KNOW
WHERE THE ANIMAL IS KEEPING ITS NUTS.
(laughs)
(man) OH, MY GOD.
(coughs)
WOW.
IT'S NOT THE GOLF BALL HE SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT.
IT'S THE SOCCER BALL.
OOH. MISSED.
I DON'T THINK WE CAN REPLICATE THAT.
I DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT HE WAS ENVISIONING
WHEN HIS FRIEND INVITED HIM TO PLAY A ROUND OF GOLF.
YES!
IT IS GOOD!
AND NOW...
CHECK IT OUT, KRISTY.
♪♪♪
AAH! (crying)
(man laughing) WHO IS THAT?
(screaming and crying)
WHO IS THAT, GAVIN?
(screaming continues)
WHAT'S THE MATTER? IT'S OKAY.
HE'S ALL GONE. HE'S ALL GONE. IT'S OKAY.
THIS HAS BEEN...
UPLOAD YOUR FUNNY VIDEO TO AFV.com.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK.
WHEN YOU'RE LITTLE,
YOU THINK YOUR MOM CAN DO NO WRONG.
AND THEN YOU GROW UP, AND YOU REALIZE SHE'S HUMAN,
AND CAPABLE OF SCREWING UP AS MUCH AS ANYBODY.
GUESS WHICH VIDEOS WE'RE GONNA SHOW, HUH?
(motor whirring)
I'M GLAD MOM KEPT HER EYES ON THE ROAD,
BUT WHO'S WATCHING THE BABY?
(thud)
OH! OH, NO!
(woman) LET'S GET IT ON TAPE!
I MISSED THE FIRST ROLLING OVER.
(children shouting playfully)
HEY, GET OFF THE BED.
SHE MISSED THE FIRST ROLLING OVER?
WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
(shouting continues)
AT LEAST SHE WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
(gasps) HE DID IT! I MISSED IT AGAIN!
OH, NO!
YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET DAD HELP HIM WITH HIS SWING.
(laughter)
(man) OH!
POOR LAD!
(camera shutter clicks)
(laughs)
OH, THAT'S SO CUTE.
SHE PUTS A SMILE ON THE BABY'S FACE.
AND KNOCKS THE SMILE OFF DAD'S.
OOH!
OH! (laughs)
(woman) WHAT'S THE CAR WASH DOING?
UH-OH. WHERE'S THE BUBBLES?
UH-OH.
(babbles)
IT'S FUN TO TAKE YOUR KID THROUGH THE CAR WASH.
JUST MAKE SURE YOU CLOSE THE WINDOW.
(water whooshing)
IT'S OKAY. I'M SORRY! OOH, I'M SORRY!
(crying)
OH, MY GOSH, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD THE WINDOW OPEN.
(crying continues)
IT'S ALL DONE. MOMMY-- MOMMY DIDN'T KNOW--
HEY, UH, WANNA TAKE A LITTLE TRIP?
SET YOUR G.P.S. FOR THE INTERSECTION
OF POOR JUDGMENT AND BAD TIMING.
SNEAKING THE WORD "POOP" ONTO NETWORK TELEVISION,
IT'S...
(exhaling)
DID YOU KNOW "NUNCHAKU"
IS A CHINESE WORD MEANING, "OOH! MY ELBOW"?
WAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH!
♪♪♪
(child laughing)
HE'D BE MUCH BETTER OFF WITH A DISCO BALL
THAN A CEILING FAN.
ARE YOU OKAY?
DENNIS, DID YOU GET THAT ON VIDEO?
(engines rumbling)
(man speaking indistinctly)
OKAY, I'VE HEARD OF PARALLEL PARKING,
BUT NOT PERPENDICULAR PARKING.
(engine revs)
(man speaks indistinctly)
THAT'S FINE.
MAKE SURE THE... HIPS COME ROUND.
SO TRY AND RELAX, LIKE THIS...
I JUST HOPE HE'S BETTER AT KICKBOXING
THAN HE IS AT SETTING UP HIS GEAR.
(woman laughing)
(laughing continues)
I GUESS THE MAIN REASON COWBOYS USE SADDLES
IS SO THEY KNOW WHICH WAY TO FACE.
OH, MY GOD! (laughs)
(laughing continues)
(dog barks)
(laughing continues)
(man) NO, NO, NO! (speaks indistinctly)
(laughing continues)
OH, MY GOD! OHH!
WELL, AT LEAST IF YOU SEND THEM TO THEIR ROOM,
THEY CAN GET THERE FASTER.
(cheering)
YOU KNOW, SOME ANIMALS WOULD MAKE GREAT PRO ATHLETES.
IF YOU HAD A BASEBALL TEAM, FOR EXAMPLE,
A CHEETAH-- GREAT BASE RUNNER.
OR IN BASKETBALL, A HIPPO
WOULD REALLY CLEAR OUT SPACE UNDER THE HOOP.
AND IN FOOTBALL,
A PORCUPINE WOULD BE THE PERFECT RUNNING BACK,
BECAUSE WHO WANTS TO TACKLE A PORCUPINE?
CHECK OUT SOME OTHER ANIMALS WITH PROMISING ATHLETIC CAREERS.
(growling)
READY? I'M READY. COME ON.
(growling continues)
WHO WANTS TO TAKE THEIR DOG FOR A WALK
WHEN THEY CAN TAKE HIM FOR A JUMP?
THAT--
(woman laughs)
YOU SEE, GUYS?
YOU KNOW, IF SOCCER WERE MORE LIKE THIS,
I'D WATCH IT.
IS IT OUT OF BOUNDS WHEN IT'S IN THE HOUND?
(laughing)
(cheering)
I'LL SAY IT AGAIN--
IF SOCCER WERE MORE LIKE THIS, I'D WATCH IT.
(gasping and cheering)
(gasping and cheering)
(laughter)
AND IF BASKETBALL WERE MORE LIKE THIS...
I'D WATCH SOCCER.
(man) THE RED LIGHT IS FLASHING?
GIVE ME ANOTHER TURN.
THIS CAT COULD EAT LARRY BIRD FOR LUNCH.
WELL, MAYBE NOT LARRY BIRD, BUT MOST BIRDS.
(man laughs)
OHH! AN AIRBORNE CATCH! DID YOU GET THAT ONE?
HEY!
YEAH, SURE, HE CAUGHT THE FRISBEE,
BUT HE DROPPED A DEUCE.
(laughing)
ON THE FRISBEE! (speaks indistinctly)
(laughs) JOE!
(cheering)
A WELL-TRAINED DOG CAN DO MORE THAN...
THAT DOG DID TO THE FRISBEE.
A DOG CAN SIT, ROLL OVER, COME WHEN YOU CALL HIM.
NOW, A REALLY WELL-TRAINED DOG CAN PARALLEL PARK.
♪♪♪
(Frank Barber's "Tijuana Sunshine" playing)
(woman laughing and imitating engine roaring)
♪♪♪
(man laughing)
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
(motor whirring)
♪♪♪
IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE YOUR VIDEO
ON "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS,"
UPLOAD IT TO AFV.com,
OR YOU CAN MAIL IT TO US AT "AFV"...
FOR FULL CONTEST RULES, LOG ON TO AFV.com
OR WRITE THE ADDRESS ABOVE.
REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T WIN IF YOU DON'T SEND IT IN.
♪♪♪
YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS, YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE,
BUT CAN YOU "PICK THE REAL VIDEO"?
JULIE AND NICK ARE HERE.
UH, I WAS TALKING TO THEM BEFORE, AND, JULIE, YOU SAID,
"WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR F-F-F-FIVE YEARS,"
(laughter)
A-AND THAT MEETING, UH, NICK, WAS YOUR OWN PERSONAL WATERLOO.
YES. YEAH, IT WAS.
YEAH. YEAH.
BUT WATERLOO UNIVERSITY?
YEAH.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GONNA DESCRIBE THREE VIDEOS.
ONE OF THEM IS REAL, TWO OF THEM ARE FAKE.
I WANT YOU TO "PICK THE REAL VIDEO."
IS THE FIRST REAL VIDEO NUMBER 1...
(Julie laughs)
OR...
I'M GONNA SAY 1,
JUST BECAUSE I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE THAT.
(Julie laughing)
(laughter)
I'M GONNA STAND OVER HERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, NICK?
UH, I'LL SAY 3, 'CAUSE I REALLY WANNA SEE THAT.
I GUESS.
YOU TWO WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, WEREN'T YOU?
LET'S SEE IF EITHER ONE OF YOU IS RIGHT.
OH, IT'S THE GUY IN THE KILT. NUMBER 3.
CONGRATULATIONS, NICK.
OH! OH!
WOW!
YEAH. YEAH.
(laughing)
HERE'S YOUR NEXT CHANCE.
IS THE REAL VIDEO NUMBER 1...
OR...
JULIE?
UH... I WANT THE PENGUIN. I'M GOING FOR THE PENGUIN.
(laughing) I WANT THE PENGUIN.
(both laugh)
NICK, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I'LL NUN VERSUS PRIEST.
NUN--REALLY? NUN VERSUS PRIEST? OKAY.
LET'S SEE IF EITHER OF YOU ARE CORRECT.
OH!
NUMBER 1. IT'S THE SUMO WRESTLER, MORE OR LESS,
(laughing)
(wah-wah horn plays)
SO YOU'RE IN THE LEAD. YOU GOT ONE RIGHT. SO FAR...
YOU GOT BUPKES. OKAY.
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO TIE IT, THOUGH,
ALL RIGHT, IT'S ON. IT'S ON.
AND ALL THE BRAGGING RIGHTS THAT GO WITH WINNING
"PICK THE REAL VIDEO."
IS THE REAL VIDEO NUMBER 1...
OR...
LET'S SAY A FRAT BOY GETTING HIS CELL PHONE STUCK IN HIS MOUTH.
NOW YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN ONE RIGHT YET.
SO...
ONE COULD ARGUE THAT GOING WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT,
IS USUALLY THE WRONG ANSWER?
YEAH.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
DOES THE SECOND CHANCE...
ENTAIL MAYBE RATS...
OR A GERMAN SHEPHERD?
ONE OF THOSE TWO, YEAH.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THE GERMAN SHEPHERD?
ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT YOU, NICK?
I'LL GO WITH THE RAT,
BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY NOT THE ONE SHE PICKED.
(laughs)
I BASICALLY TOLD HER WHAT THE ANSWER WAS,
YEP.
OKAY! LET'S SEE WHAT IT IS.
IT'S THE GERMAN SHEPHERD ROCKING ON A TIGHTROPE!
THERE YOU GO.
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.
(laughing)
OH, MAN. WOULDN'T THAT BE FUNNY
IF I GOT HIT WITH MY OWN BOBBLEHEAD RIGHT--
(continues laughing)
YOU GET AN "AFV" TOM BERGERON BOBBLEHEAD...
TO CALL YOUR VERY OWN.
GIVE IT UP FOR JULIE AND NICK.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY.
AND LET'S GET BACK TO VIDEOS THAT ARE ALL REAL,
AND REAL FUNNY, TOO.
(dance music playing)
♪♪♪
OH, SHE WAS DOING FINE UNTIL SOMEONE CUT IN.
OH!
(man) GO AHEAD.
IF ONLY THERE WERE A SAYING ABOUT WHAT MUST HAPPEN
TO THINGS THAT GO UP.
WHOA!
SO, I'M FIRST GONNA GO TO THE HONEY,
'CAUSE YOU FIRST GOTTA GO TO THE HONEY.
THIS IS PROOF-- SWEETS ARE BAD FOR YOUR TEETH.
(crack)
UH!
AAH!
(switch clicks)
WHEN THEY SAID IT WAS "DOG EAT DOG,"
I THOUGHT THERE WAS MORE THAN ONE DOG.
(slurping and chewing)
(man speaking indistinctly)
DOES THIS GUY SCARE EASILY?
(bleep)
HAIL YES!
(man screaming)
(laughter)
OH, MY GOSH!
I-I WAS RECORDING WHEN THAT WAS ON!
OH! OH, IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!
HEY, KID, DON'T LET YOUR BIKE WRITE A CHECK
THAT YOUR FACE CAN'T CASH.
(loud clang)
(indistinct conversations and shouting)
REAL LIFE "ANGRY BIRDS,"
REAL LIFE ANGRY DAD.
WHOA! HA HA HA HA!
(babbles)
WELL, THIS IS ONE WAY TO KEEP YOUR KID
AWAY FROM SODA.
(laughing)
OUR GRILL MASTER HAS SOMETHING SPECIAL GOING ON
IN HIS BARBECUE.
YOU TELL ME...
THESE BABY BIRDS,
THIS PRETTY POSSUM,
OR THIS WAY-TOO-WELL-DONE ROAST BEEF?
FIND OUT WHEN "AFV" RETURNS.
WELCOME BACK TO...
IF YOU SAID IT WAS A POSSUM...
IT'S IN MY BARBECUE PIT!
YOU'RE A WINNER.
HEY, AND DON'T WORRY. HE'S FAR FROM DEAD.
HE'S JUST DOING WHAT THEY DO BEST--
PLAYING... POSSUM.
(cheering)
THIS, UM... THIS MIGHT NOT BE POLITICALLY CORRECT,
BUT THAT IS ONE BUTT-UGLY ANIMAL, ISN'T IT?
A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT TOTAL STRANGERS
WILL LIE TO EACH OTHER ON AVERAGE THREE TIMES
WITHIN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF MEETING.
THAT'S A REAL SHAME.
AS A 23-YEAR-OLD, 6'2" FASHION MODEL,
I ENCOURAGE COMPLETE HONESTY AT ALL TIMES.
I CAN TELL YOU SOME GREAT VIDEOS ARE COMING YOUR WAY.
WHY WOULD I LIE?
(man) WE'RE NOT--
REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT COVERED ON WORKMAN'S COMP. GO AHEAD.
(speaking indistinctly)
HEY, THE PLACE IS EMPTY.
YOU DON'T NEED TO BE IN SUCH A RUSH
TO FIND YOUR SEAT.
(boy) YEAH! RRR!
(woman) RROWR!
(laughs) RROWR!
IT'S THE BATTLE OF T-REX VERSUS... REX.
LOOK. LOOK. (laughs)
I GOT THE WHOLE THING... (laughs)
GOOD.
SENDING A VIDEO LETTER TO DAD
MIGHT BE A "ONE KID AT A TIME" ACTIVITY.
(speaking indistinctly)
HI, DAD. I LOVE YOU.
UM, ARE YOU GONNA COME TON-- TONIGHT OR TOMORROW NIGHT?
OKAY.
(speaking indistinctly)
(continues indistinctly)
WHEN IS SHE GONNA STOP?!
IN THIS HOUSE, I THINK CURIOS KILLED THE CAT.
(man) WHOA-HO-HO!
OH!
SURELY THERE'S AN EASIER WAY TO OPEN A BOTTLE OF SODA.
(boy) OKAY. NOW!
(laughing)
(woman) I-I GOT IT! I GOT IT!
WHAT GOOD IS MAKING A GREAT SHOT
IF YOU DON'T GET TO SEE IT?
OH! OH, MY GOSH! YOU MADE IT IN!
YOU MADE IT! YOU MADE IT!
OH, MY GOSH! YES! WHOO-HOO!
(man) AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING
ON "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS"?
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING! THEY'RE FALLING DOWN!
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NO SECRET WE LOVE OUR CLIPS.
IN FACT, THEY'RE LIKE OUR CHILDREN,
AND EVENTUALLY YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP...
AND HAVE CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN.
IT'S TIME FOR...
WHAT IF THIS STAIR-SLIDING SENORITA...
(gasping)
MARRIED THIS KAYAK-FLIPPIN' FELLA?
(laughter)
THEIR KIDS WOULD LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
(scraping)
AND IF THIS PRETTY PING-PONG PLAYER...
OH, MY GOSH!
MARRIED THIS BILLIARD-BONKED BONEHEAD...
HIT IT!
OH! (laughs)
THEIR KID MIGHT LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
OH!
AND IF THIS TOILET-CRAZED CANINE...
(man) LOOK AT HER!
MARRIED SOMEONE WHO WAS WELL-BRED AND WELL-READ,
THEIR KID WOULD LOOK SOMETHING...
LIKE THIS...
(woman) WHO'S IN HERE?
OH. SORRY.
JOIN US NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT
WHAT GAVE BIRTH TO THIS, ON...
(cheering)
WE HAVE GOTTEN A LOT OF REQUESTS ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE
FOR VIDEOS, AND I CAN NEVER SAY NO TO A FRIEND--
EVEN IF WE DO HAVE ONE AND A HALF MILLION OF THEM.
♪♪♪
(mouse clicks)
(man) GOOD. JUST THROW IT IN WHEN YOU GET IT.
(man) GOOD.
THIS IS WHY PITCHERS WIND UP AND BATTERS DON'T.
(men laughing)
THE ADVANTAGE IS, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO FAR
AAH!
(laughing)
(man) WE GOT A POND RIGHT NEXT DOOR HERE,
AND WE GOT A BIG ALLIGATOR IN IT,
AND THIS BOY'S SCARED TO DEATH OF THAT ALLIGATOR.
HE THINKS IT'S...
THAT GATOR MAY NOT LOOK REAL TO YOU...
WHEN HE COMES OVER HERE, IT IS GONNA GET HIM.
BUT IT LOOKS REAL TO HIM.
(shouting indistinctly)
(laughing)
THIS AUTUMN, LEAVES AREN'T THE ONLY THINGS
FALLING FROM THE TREES.
(laughter)
(woman) JULIETTE, SHOULD WE MAKE VEGETARIAN FOOD?
NOPE.
SHOULD WE HAVE BEEF?
MNH.
HMM. HOW ABOUT...
HOW ABOUT... CUPCAKES?
CUPCAKES? (laughs)
YAY! (laughs)
YOU THINK WE SHOULD HAVE CUPCAKES?
HOW ABOUT... CUPCAKES?
ALL RIGHT!
WE'LL HAVE TO MAKE SOME CUPCAKES TOMORROW.
IT'S KIND OF LATE TONIGHT, HUH?
HOW ABOUT... CUPCAKES?
(groans)
(groans)
(laughter)
(man) OH, MY GOSH! (gasps)
YOU KNOW A GREAT WAY TO TRICK YOUR DOG
INTO GOING TO THE VET?
MAKE HIM THINK YOU'RE GOING TO THE AQUARIUM. WATCH.
(woman) ROCKET! WANNA GO SEE THE FISH?
COME ON, LET'S GO! COME ON!
(barks)
SEE THE FISH? YEAH! WEE!
I'M COMING, I'M COMING.
ROCKET, YOU READY TO SEE THE FISH?
LET'S GO. COME ON.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
HUH? YOU WANT TO GO IN?
OKAY, OKAY, HERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, ROCKET? YOU WANT A BISCUIT?
ROCKET, YOU WANT A BISCUIT?
NO, HUH?
ALL RIGHT.
(cheering)
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP, BEEP!
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, RIGHT?
I'M THROWING IT INTO REVERSE
WITH OUR BACKWARDS CLASSICS.
("Faust Ballet Music, Movement 7" playing)
♪♪♪
WHOA!
♪♪♪
(laughing in reverse)
(slurping sound)
(slurps)
♪♪♪
(screams in reverse)
(screaming in reverse)
(screaming in reverse)
(distorted laughter)
(motor roars in reverse)
(cheering)
WANT TO SEE YOUR FUNNY VIDEO ON TV?
UPLOAD IT TO AFV.com.
♪♪♪
I, UH... I'M A DAD OF TWO DAUGHTERS--
I'VE MENTIONED THAT BEFORE-- AND I CAN TELL YOU
THERE'S NOTHING MORE THRILLING THAN HAVING A BABY...
EXCEPT, WELL, MAYBE MAKING A BABY.
BUT...
HERE'S A PART OF THE EQUATION
THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS GO SO SMOOTHLY--
TELLING THE OTHER KIDS
THERE'S A NEW BUNDLE OF JOY ON THE WAY.
(woman) WHEN YOU FINISH FOURTH GRADE,
AND YOU FINISH FIRST GRADE, YOU'RE GONNA ALSO GET--
WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH FIRST SCHOOL!
I KNOW, BUT RIGHT AROUND WHEN IT FINISHES,
YOU'RE GOING TO ALSO GET
A BABY BROTHER OR SISTER.
WHAT?!
YES! YES! UH-HUH! UH-HUH!
LET'S PARTY! UH-HUH!
LET'S PARTY! UH-HUH!
LET'S PARTY! HEY!
HEY, ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE,
WE HAVE A BABY SISTER COMING! OOH!
(speaks indistinctly)
I GET TO HOLD A BABY SISTER! UH-HUH!
(shouting indistinctly)
(woman) WHY DON'T YOU WANT A BROTHER?
(crying)
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT TILL OCTOBER TO GET IT DONE.
(laughter and cheering)
(woman) YOU'RE GONNA GET A BROTHER OR SISTER!
OH! (laughs)
(laughter)
(man speaking indistinctly)
OH, YEAH, I GOT THAT ON VIDEO.
(laughing continues)
(woman and man) OPEN IT, JAKE.
AWW!
(woman) LOOK AT THE FRONT.
OH, MY GOD!
(man laughing)
OH, MY GOD, NO!
(cheering)
AS THE HOST OF "AFV," I FIRMLY BELIEVE
THAT MORONS DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT.
AND THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO ORGANIZE
A "MILLION MORON MARCH" IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL.
THEN I DECIDED AGAINST IT.
YOU EVER TRY ORGANIZING A MILLION MORONS?
IT'S LIKE HERDING CATS.
IN HINDSIGHT, I WOULD HAVE WORN THE HELMET LOWER.
(crowd) OH!
(groans)
(speaking indistinctly)
WE WILL SHOW NO SWINE BEFORE ITS TIME.
WHOA!
(laughing)
(speaking indistinctly)
HE IS GOING TO OPEN THAT BAG OF CHIPS
OR WAY OR ANOTHER.
(bag pops)
(laughter)
YOU SEE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU CUT FUNDING FOR THE SPACE PROGRAM.
WHOO!
(boy) YEAH!
(man groans and laughs)
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN A BEAVER CHASES YOU?
DAM!
(man) HELLO, BEAVER.
AAH! AAH!
SURE, MILES MIGHT LOOK SILLY IN THOSE BOOTS,
BUT AT LEAST HE STAYS ON HIS FEET.
(laughter)
(man) NOPE. ONE JUMPED BACK THERE.
HE'S TRYING TO CATCH A JUMPING FISH
WITH THAT NET.
OHH!
JUST MISSED IT.
MAYBE HE SHOULD KEEP THAT NET HANDY FOR HIS FRIEND.
GET AWAY!
(laughing continues)
(child and girl speaking indistinctly)
(woman) ALL RIGHT!
AND IF YOU WANT TO END THE SHOW ON A LOW NOTE...
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
(woman) OH, NO! (laughs)
(laughs and speaks indistinctly)
ALL RIGHT, TONIGHT'S "ASSIGNMENT AMERICA"
IS ONE OF OUR ALL-TIME FAVORITES.
GO OUTSIDE. PUT ON A COAT FIRST.
THEN BUILD A SNOWMAN, AND THEN... DESTROY IT!
TAKE A LOOK.
AAH!
(woman and children) OH! YAY!
(cheering)
(screaming)
SEE HOW MUCH FUN THAT IS?
BE SMART, BE SAFE, BE FUNNY, AND MAYBE YOU'LL BE ON TV.
JESS, TELL THEM MORE.
TEARING DOWN A SNOWMAN
COULD HAVE YOUR BANK ACCOUNT BLOWING UP.
NO MATTER HOW YOU MELT HIM, MASH HIM, OR MANGLE HIM,
JUST SEND US YOUR BEST VIDEO OF SNOWMAN-SMASHING SHENANIGANS
AND YOU COULD BE ON YOUR WAY
TO WINNING $10,000 OR EVEN $100,000.
UPLOAD THE VIDEO TO AFV.com,
OR SEND IT TO "AFV"...
FOR FULL CONTEST RULES, LOG ON TO AFV.com
OR WRITE THE ADDRESS ABOVE.
SO GET OUT THERE, GET DESTRUCTIVE,
AND UPLOAD TO US TODAY.
♪♪♪
OKAY!
IT IS ALMOST TIME TO GIVE AWAY SOME MONEY.
$10,000 FOR FIRST PLACE, $3,000 FOR SECOND PLACE,
$2,000 FOR THIRD.
BUT NOW LET'S MEET TONIGHT'S NOMINEES.
FIRST UP, A MOTHER TRYING TO CAPTURE
HER BABY'S FIRST TIME ROLLING OVER.
IT'S "CAMERA MOM MISSED IT,"
SENT IN BY SHANA AHMAD AND FAMILY
FROM PLYMOUTH, MINNESOTA.
SHE MISSED THE FIRST ROLLING OVER?
WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
(shouting playfully)
AT LEAST SHE WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
(gasps) HE DID IT! I MISSED IT AGAIN!
OH, NO!
(chuckles) THE NEXT NOMINATED VIDEO
STARS A DOG NIBBLING HIS OWN PAW.
IT'S "DOGGY NEEDS A CHEW TOY,"
SENT IN BY PAT FOWLER FROM PORTLAND, OREGON.
(switch clicks)
WHEN THEY SAID IT WAS "DOG EAT DOG,"
I THOUGHT THERE WAS MORE THAN ONE DOG.
(slurping)
AND THE FINAL NOMINEE
IS THE STORY OF TWO LITTLE GIRLS
WHO ARE BOTH READY FOR THEIR CLOSE-UP.
IT'S "LITTLE SCENE STEALER,"
SENT IN BY THE KOZAK FAMILY
FROM SOUTH CHESTERFIELD, VIRGINIA.
TONIGHT OR TOMORROW NIGHT?
SENDING A VIDEO LETTER TO DAD
MIGHT BE A "ONE KID AT A TIME" ACTIVITY.
(speaking indistinctly)
WHEN IS SHE GONNA STOP?!
(cheering)
OKAY, OUR AUDIENCE HAS SEEN THE THREE NOMINEES.
IT IS TIME TO VOTE... NOW.
WHILE THEY ARE VOTING, YOU KEEP WATCHING
OUR VIDEO REMIX.
WHOO! WHOO!
WHOO! WHOO!
♪♪♪
(laughter)
♪♪♪
(taps glass, laughter)
(taps glass, laughter)
WAH! AAH! AAH!
WAH! AAH! WAH! AAH! WAH! AAH! WAH! AAH! WAH! AAH!
ALL RIGHT, NOW THE RESULTS OF OUR VOTING.
OUR THIRD-PLACE, $2,000 WINNER IS...
"CAMERA MOM MISSED IT,"
SENT IN BY THE AHMAD FAMILY FROM PLYMOUTH, MINNESOTA.
(Tom laughing)
(drumroll)
AND THE WINNER OF THE $10,000
AND TONIGHT'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO IS...
"LITTLE SCENE STEALER,"
SENT IN BY THE KOZAK FAMILY
FROM SOUTH CHESTERFIELD, VIRGINIA.
(cheering)
WE HAVE GRACIE AND EMILY, THE STARS OF OUR VIDEO,
MOM AMANDA AND DAD TOMMY.
THANK YOU.
S--WOW. FIRST OF ALL, DO YOU WANT TO MAKE
THAT FACE AGAIN THAT YOU WERE MAKING BEFORE?
I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAUGHT THAT. THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD FACE.
YEAH!
THERE YOU GO! NICELY DONE.
SO, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
YES, SIR.
IS THAT RIGHT? AND, UH, IS DAD AWAY A LOT?
IS THAT WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT?
WELL, HE WORKS 24 AND THEN OFF 48,
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU WANTED TO MAKE A MESSAGE TO YOUR DAD, RIGHT?
AND WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
WAS SHE--DOES SHE ALWAYS KIND OF GET IN--
YES.
YOU KNOW, IT'S WITH-- IT'S WITH FACES LIKE THAT--
YOU WANNA GIVE US THAT FACE ONE MORE--YEAH!
THERE YOU--
(laughing)
CONGRATULATIONS, AND YOU'LL BE BACK WITH US
ON A $100,000 SHOW, TOO.
SO WE'LL SEE YOU VERY SOON.
(laughing)
ALL RIGHT. (laughs)
(cheering)
THAT IS IT FOR TONIGHT,
BUT WE'RE ALREADY GETTING READY FOR OUR NEXT SHOW.
AND REMEMBER, THIS SEASON, IF YOU SEND US A VIDEO
AND IT AIRS ON THE SHOW, WE'LL SEND YOU AN "AFV" T-SHIRT.
SO UPLOAD TO US. GET RICH, GET FAMOUS.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
♪♪♪