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[WOO HOO]
[IMPERIAL MUSIC]
NARRATOR: The Empire in on high alert.
Our finest troops are conducting a thorough search
for any would-be saboteurs and
infiltrators within the Empire.
SCOUT TROOPER 1: This door's locked.
Let's move on to the next one.
NARRATOR: In the latest efforts to combat the menacing
threat to order and power, we find bounty hunters playing a
crucial role.
It's time to pierce the rebel veil with truth by way of
blasters and jet packs.
Criticize the Empire's policies in another galaxy,
you Rebel traitors.
Bounty hunters, we need their [INAUDIBLE].
MIKE: Oh they're expert rebel catchers.
They're all trained killers.
Bounty hunters can detect rebellious thoughts, they can
smell rebel blood.
DARBY: Heh.
Smell rebel blood.
MIKE: Oh, yes they can.
I write about all the time in my fan fiction.
That's all based on real-life bounty hunters.
DARBY: Okay, suppose there was a rebel on board.
MIKE: This station?
His head would be served to the Dark Lord
on a platter instantly.
DARBY: Instantly?
MIKE: Darb, I know about this stuff.
I was the Targalian bounty hunter fan club president.
DARBY: So then, like, what would a rebel do to hide from
a bounty hunter on a station like this one?
MIKE: Oh I see what you're doing.
I could write a story about a weak, cowardly rebel, who
tries to hide out on a station like this, and then when he's
finally caught, the bounty hunter is so mad that he
disintegrates his limbs, and freezes him in carbonite for
1,000 years.
DARBY: And then the rebel gets away!
MIKE: Impossible.
DARBY: Okay, nope, let me finish.
The rebel, he escapes, because he has a roommate that knows
everything about bounty hunters.
MIKE: Darby, are you trying to tell me something?
Because if you want in on these stories, just ask.
DARBY: [LAUGHS]
Yes!
OK, so this rebel--
um--
MIKE: Oh, he's already dead.
DARBY: Okay, but maybe instead--
MIKE: He's dead.
Because he's super-dead.
From bounty hunters.
[THEME MUSIC]
MIKE: And I hand it to him, and I
finally got his autograph.
And then I turn around and Bloosk is standing there.
He looks me right in the eye and gives me his signature
catchphrase, SSSSSSSSSSS [GURGLING SOUNDS]
and then he gave me this free shirt!
What a nice guy!
EMILY: Also a ruthless killer.
MIKE: Yeah, totally a ruthless killer.
EDITH: I don't like it with all these
bounty hunters around.
They're too erratic, they have no principles.
EMILY: Well, if it gets the job done, I'm all for it.
DARBY: Yeah, I'm with Edith on this one.
I think that the sooner that we get rid of these bounty
hunters, the better for everyone.
EMILY: You'd rather we have rebels among us?
EDITH: There are other ways.
I happen to be working on a rebel detector of my own.
DARBY: What?
EDITH: Yeah.
Just some new code for the neural scanners, no big deal.
DARBY: Edith, I think we're in a little over our heads here.
Maybe we should just let the bounty hunters do their job.
MIKE: Yeah, any machine isn't going to be better than a
bounty hunter.
They're already 98% effective.
DARBY: Well, you can't stand in the way of technology!
Also.
EMILY: Edith, I think it sounds amazing.
If this thing works, think of all the lives you could save
by killing rebels.
Let me know if you need help.
EDITH: I think I'm good, thank you.
Though I suppose it would be helpful to test it on a
control subject.
Unless of course, you're a rebel.
BOUNTY HUNTER: [SNARLS, BRANDISHING BLASTER]
DARBY: Not a good idea to say the r-word around these guys.
[SPACESHIP SOUNDS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
DARBY: I am not a fish!
[YAWNS]
Long day!
Getting pretty late.
I think I might get some sleep.
MIKE: No, no, no.
It's early, man.
Plus I need the room, I have a date.
DARBY: A date?
With who?
MIKE: Her name's Samantha, she's a bounty hunter.
DARBY: Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Under no circumstances is she to come here.
It's completely out of the question!
MIKE: Look, I'll just call her and tell her to bring one of
her bounty hunter friends.
DARBY: No, Mike!
MIKE: What is your problem?
Lady bounty hunters are all total babes.
All they do is work out and kill people.
DARBY: Just no bounty hunters!
MIKE: Aw, come on, Darb!
It's the one time in forever that I need the room, and you
won't let me have it for a couple hours?
So you're scared of a couple bounty hunters?
Who cares!
Think about someone else for once in your life!
DARBY: You don't understand.
I don't want them to find me!
MIKE: What are you talking about?
DARBY: The second she comes in here, I'm dead!
MIKE: Why?
DARBY: When she comes in here--
MIKE: What do you mean?
DARBY: She's gonna kill me!
MIKE: What?
DARBY: She's gonna kill me, because--
MIKE: Just tell me, what?
DARBY: Because I'm a rebel!
Uh, I mean my dad's a rebel.
MIKE: OK, I thought you just said that your dad's a rebel.
DARBY: My dad's a rebel fish.
MIKE: OK, I thought you just said that your
dad's a rebel fish.
DARBY: I think.
MIKE: But you just look like--
DARBY: Race transplant.
MIKE: Well, she's--
DARBY: Is gonna kill me if she comes in here!
That's why you gotta get rid of her, Mike!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
MIKE: I'm not here!
Why did I yell I'm not here?
Hi.
SAMANTHA: [ALIEN LANGUAGE]
MIKE: Oh, thank you, so much.
SAMANTHA: [ALIEN LANGUAGE]
MIKE: Nice to see you.
SAMANTHA: [ALIEN LANGUAGE]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
MIKE: No one's here!
EDITH: Here it is, Mike.
I told you I could build a rebel scanner.
SCANNER: Rebel.
EDITH: It's detecting a rebel right now.
SAMANTHA: [ALIEN LANGUAGE]
DARBY: Yes!
Maybe it's the bounty hunter.
SCANNER: Rebel.
EDITH: What?
SAMANTHA: What?
MIKE: Yes!
Yes!
It must be the total--
SCANNER: Rebel.
MIKE: Babe bounty hunter.
EDITH: Guards?
SAMANTHA: [ALIEN LANGUAGE]
EDITH: Okay,
SCANNER: Rebel.
EDITH: Okay.
DARBY: Guards.
MIKE: Guards!
DARBY: Guards.
EDITH:Anyone at all, It'd be cool.
DARBY: Guards, guards.
EDITH: Please help us.
SCANNER: Rebel.
DARBY: So, turns out she wasn't a rebel after all.
EDITH: Yeah, I'm sorry that I ruined everything.
I really thought it would work.
MIKE: Oh, you didn't ruin anything.
DARBY: Look!
Everything is back the way it was.
We should just forget about yesterday.
EMILY: Feels great, doesn't it?
Knowing the bounty hunters have cleansed the station of
rebel filth.
The air just seems fresher, no?
MIKE: But what about Darby?
DARBY: What?
MIKE: Didn't you just change the air filters?
DARBY: [NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
Yes, that's what I was doing.
Yeah, fresh air!
MIKE: It's like we're swimming in it.
EDITH: Kind of a weird thing to say?
MIKE: Oh, I was just referencing that new dance
you're working on.
Why don't you show us some of the swim, Darb.
DARBY: Of course.
Do the swim.
MIKE: Yeah, that can't be all of it.
DARBY: Do the swim.
Do the swim.
Do the swim.
MIKE: Would you go underwater with me?
DARBY: Do the swim.
Do the swim.
[THEME MUSIC]
UNKNOWN OFFICIAL: Hey, and thanks for
watching the episode.
We've been nominated for five Canadian comedy awards, and
one of them is open for public voting.
So if you live in Canada, and you like the show, and you
want to vote, go to spacejanitors.com/awards, and
vote for us.
It's free, it takes a second.
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