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[knocking]
Hey, boss. I noticed that everyone hates the printer.
So I was thinking maybe instead of printing stuff, we could just not do any work.
[rock music]
[pages turning]
[playful espionage music begins]
[suckling sounds]
[pages turning in background]
[suckling sounds]
[music fades out]
[kiss]
>> HR MANAGER: Let me get this straight.
You admit to using company resources and property to corrupt your fellow employees.
Even accepting hefty fees to do so?
Okay, no. That’s ridiculous.
My fees were not hefty.
They were market rate!
Okay?
>> HR MANAGER: Trent.
That’s what this country was built on. God bless America!
>> TRENT: Come on, George.
You can invent freedom, but you can’t buy me coffee. Come on.
[blows]
>> TRENT: Ah, there we go. That’s kinda crinkly.
[rustling]
>> BOSS: You need some help there, junior? We don’t have all day.
>> TRENT: Actually, I would ask the machine if it needs help.
Because I’ve got my dollar here and it’s just not taking it. So.
Not sure what you want me to do.
[crinkling]
>> HR MANAGER: All of this annoyance and disruption was premeditated, wasn’t it?
You highlighted the supposed benefits of getting laid off for others
while you yourself worked hard for the very same outcome.
I get it.
[mug hits desk]
You. Wanna blame me. For your *** vending machines.
Wait a minute.
Oh my God.
You’re a Communist, too!
It all makes sense now!
You people don’t believe in vending machines. No!
You are machines --
that believe in vending people!
[chair slams]
So the basic idea was this.
>> MELVIN: Don’t go too far as to get fired.
But just do enough to make them want to pay to get rid of you.
Trent called it ‘Sevvy G Spot.’
Said we had to stimulate it to get paid.
Like gigolos.
[crunches]
[rapid typing]
[playful espionage music begins]
[typing continues]
[knock on glass]
[slams on glass]
Security!
>> HR MANAGER: Um, just for the record.
*** harassment isn’t in the so-called ‘severance sweet spot’ Melvin.
It’s a fireable offense!
Oh, most def. That’s why I always ensure
that there’s at least a half inch of glass between me and the ladies.
[bag crunches]
[rock music begins]
[knocking]
Hey, real quick. I was thinking about it.
I like what we do with Casual Fridays. The business casual.
But let’s change it to Casual Business, where we don’t really try too hard.
Seems to make more sense. Just think about it. Okay?
[rock music fades out]