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Take a gaunt Christ for every two persons.
Remove the spikes and take the body from the cross, which will be left aside.
The stigmas can be stuffed with bacon
Remove the scabs with warm water,
and dry carefully.
Spread abundant butter over the Christ and place Him on an ovenproof dish, over a bed of onions.
Sprinkle on some salt and pepper.
Other spices and fine herbs can be added to suit your taste.
Place the mixture into a moderate oven for three days, ...
... after which He will get out on his own.