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- COMING UP ON BAD INK...
- YOU WANT TO SEE AN ELEMENT OF DANGER?
- YEAH!
- HE'S GOT A MAGIC-RELATED TATTOO
THAT IS A COMPLETE DISASTER.
- I GOT IT DONE AT A HOUSE PARTY.
DIDN'T REALIZE THE TATTOO ARTIST
WAS DRINKING ALREADY IN THE BACK.
- WHOO-EE.
- YOU READY FOR THIS? - LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
- THAT IS ONE EVIL-LOOKING ***.
- IT'S EMBARRASSING. - IT'S THAT BAD?
- OKAY.
- OH, NO.
- I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH PAIN.
MY SCREAMING, THOUGH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
- I'M READY TO SEE THIS.
THAT IS FRICKING AWESOME.
[upbeat jazzy music]
- WELCOME TO THE MISTAKE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
WE HAVE A REPUTATION IN THIS TOWN.
WE'RE SAVING VEGAS
ONE BAD TATTOO AT A TIME.
♪ ♪
- WHATEVER HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.
- UNLESS YOU GET A TATTOO IN VEGAS.
THAT'LL FOLLOW YOU HOME THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
- WHAT'S UP, BROTHER? - WHAT'S UP?
- HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHAT KIND OF STUFF YOU GOT?
- [laughs] - DUDE.
- THAT'S MY BABY PICTURE.
AN ABE LINCOLN WITH A MOHAWK,
'CAUSE I HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY.
OH, DUDE! HOW COULD I FORGET MY BEST ONE?
HOLD ON. - OKAY, UH-OH.
- JOHN BENDER FROM THE BREAKFAST CLUB.
[laughter]
WITH THE EARRING, SO IT'S THE END OF THE MOVIE.
- OH, MY GOD, DUDE.
- MY MOM SAYS TO ME, SHE'S LIKE, "WHY?"
I WAS LIKE, "WHY NOT?" - WHY NOT?
- HE'S THE MISUNDERSTOOD BAD BOY WITH A HEART OF GOLD
THAT GETS THE GIRL AT THE END.
- [laughs]
- "A MISUNDERSTOOD BAD BOY WITH A HEART OF GOLD."
HEY, IT'S JUST LIKE YOU.
SO I MET THIS CHICK AT THE DOUBLE DOWN LAST NIGHT.
TIFFANY. - NICE.
- YEAH. - YOU GUYS GOING OUT?
- WELL, NO.
THE WHOLE TIME I WAS TALKING TO HER,
SHE JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT YOU.
- I LIKE THAT.
- "HEY, BABY, HOW YOU DOING?" "HI, RUCKUS. NICE TO MEET YOU--
SO WHERE'S DIRK? I'VE GOT THIS BAD TATTOO..."
WHAT AM I, CHOPPED LIVER?
- NO, YOU'RE--YOU'RE MORE LIKE CHOPPED ONIONS.
- ONIONS? - YOU MAKE THE GIRLS CRY.
[laughs]
SO SHE DIDN'T SHOW YOU THE TATTOO?
- NO, SHE WOULDN'T SHOW ME IN THE BAR.
I'M LIKE, "COME ON, JUST SHOW ME NOW."
SHE'S LIKE, "NO! I CAN'T."
I THINK SHE JUST WANTS TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
- AH, MUST BE IN A NAUGHTY AREA.
SO YOU'RE SURE SHE'S LOOKING FOR A TATTOO, NOT A LITTLE TROUBLE?
- WELL, BY THE SOUNDS OF THINGS,
SHE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE,
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT TO MEET HER AT A GUN RANGE.
- THE GUN RANGE? - SHE WORKS AT THE GUN RANGE.
SO LET'S NOT MAKE TOO MUCH FUN OF HER.
BLAM, BLAM! - UH-OH.
- HI, TIFFANY. - HEY.
- HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD.
- SO THIS IS THE SPOT, HUH? - THIS IS.
- I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE INTERESTING.
GUN GIRLS ARE KIND OF HOT.
ALL RIGHT. - HI, TIFFANY. I'M DIRK.
- THIS IS DIRK. - TIFFANY.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. HE'S RUDE. THIS IS WHAT HE DOES.
HE SEES A PRETTY GIRL AND HE FOCUSES,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M NOT IN THE ROOM.
HEY, ROMEO, SNAP OUT OF IT.
HAVE YOU SHOT EVERY GUN IN HERE?
- MM-HMM. - WOW.
- PRETTY MUCH.
- IS THAT HOW YOU GOT THOSE BIG HOLES IN YOUR EARS?
- YEAH, I GOT SHOT IN MY EAR. - [laughs]
- I WANT TO SHOOT THAT BIG ONE THOUGH.
THAT'S CLINT EASTWOOD STUFF DOWN THERE, MAN.
- 4-INCH, OR THE 8-INCH? - 4.
[laughter]
DON'T JUDGE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MAN'S GUN.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS TATTOO HERE?
- I GOT IT DONE WHEN I WAS 19...
- YEAH. - AT A HOUSE PARTY,
WHILE I WAS DRINKING-- AS WELL AS THE TATTOO ARTIST.
- LOT OF GOOD DECISIONS IN THIS STORY.
I LOVE IT. - YEAH.
- ANOTHER DRUNK GIRL MADE A BAD DECISION.
YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT THAT IN VEGAS.
SO YOU'RE AT THIS PARTY.
IS HE JUST GIVING THE TATTOOS AWAY TO EVERYBODY?
- I PAID, ACTUALLY, FOR IT. IT WASN'T FOR FREE.
- OH. - I PAID $40 FOR IT.
- 40 BUCKS, MAN. - YEAH.
- WHOO-EE. - THAT IS CHEAP.
- YOU GOT WHAT YOU PAID FOR, HUH?
- YEAH, IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE WHAT I WANTED IT TO BE.
THERE'S WRONG SPELLING IN THERE.
- OH, BOY. - WRONG BIRTH DATES IN THERE.
- OOH. - WAS IT SPELLED RIGHT ON PAPER?
- UM, PROBABLY?
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER. YOU WERE DRUNK.
[laughter]
- OKAY, I WAS.
- HMM, WHAT LESSON DID WE LEARN HERE, TIFFANY?
- DON'T DRINK AND GET A TATTOO AT A HOUSE.
- ALL RIGHT.
- FOR THE KIDS AT HOME: DON'T DRINK AND INK.
IT'S A LIFE SENTENCE...
UNLESS YOU COME TO ME, OF COURSE.
WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
- IT'S EMBARRASSING. - IT'S THAT BAD?
- YEAH, IT'S THAT BAD.
OKAY. DON'T LAUGH. - OH, NO, WE'RE GONNA LAUGH.
[laughter]
- OKAY.
SO, I MEAN, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PULL IT DOWN.
- OOH. - OH, MY GOD.
- OH, NO.
- WE JUST MET TIFFANY DOWN AT THE GUN RANGE WHERE SHE WORKS.
SHE GOT A HORRIBLE TATTOO WHILE DRUNK AT A PARTY.
BUT EVEN WORSE, THE TATTOO ARTIST WAS DRUNK TOO.
- WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
- OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD.
- OH, NO.
- OKAY, TIFFANY. YOU DID IT. - OH, MAN, YEAH.
- YOU GOT A HORRIBLE TATTOO.
- EVERYONE'S FIRST REACTION-- THINK IT'S A BRAIN.
- BRAIN?
- IT WAS MY FIRST TATTOO FOR MY MOM,
AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A ROSE,
'CAUSE THAT'S HER FAVORITE FLOWER.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT LOOKS LIKE A BRAIN, A LIVER, A HEART.
IT LOOKS LIKE ANYTHING BUT A ROSE.
- A ROSE?
THAT LOOKS MORE LIKE MAMA'S MEATLOAF.
- OR PINK POO.
- THAT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PART.
"MAMA" IS SPELLED WRONG.
- SO, MOM-MON?
- IT'S LIKE-- - MA-NA-MA-NA.
- DOESN'T "MAMA" HAVE ONE "M"?
THIS "M" HAS GOT, LIKE, FOUR HUMPS.
- ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE, M-A-M-A,
OR M-O-M-M-A?
- YEAH, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF WORDS MISSPELLED,
BUT NOTHING AS SIMPLE AS "MAMA."
THIS GUY DEFINITELY WINS
THE DRUNKEN TATTOO ARTIST OF THE YEAR AWARD.
"APRIL 14TH, 1455."
- NO, IT'S SUPPOSED TO-- - 1955.
- YEAH, 19-- - YOUR GRANDMAMA?
GREAT, GREAT GRANDMAMA?
- WOW. - NO, MY MOM.
THE BIRTH DATE'S WRONG. - OH, JEEZ.
- HER BIRTHDAY IS APRIL 19TH, 1955.
HE PUT "APRIL 14TH, 1455."
- SO MAMA'S STILL WITH US, RIGHT.
- SHE IS. - GOOD. DID SHE SEE IT?
- YEAH, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HER REACTION.
- OH, MY GOD. THAT'S BAD.
- SO THIS THING'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TRIBUTE FOR HER MOTHER.
MORE LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE.
- MY MOM REALLY HATES THIS TATTOO,
SO DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FIX THIS?
- I'VE--FIX IS-- LET ME GET RID OF IT.
THERE'S NOTHING "FIXABLE" ABOUT IT.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO COVER IT WITH?
- I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ONE FOR MY MOM,
'CAUSE I ALREADY GOT A NEW ONE. - OKAY, GOOD.
WHAT KIND OF STUFF ARE YOU INTO?
- ZOMBIE STUFF. I LOVE PINUP GIRL STUFF.
- DID YOU SAY "ZOMBIE"? - YES.
- YEAH. - [laughs]
- ZOMBIES AND PINUP GIRLS?
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A RECIPE FOR A TATTOO DISASTER.
- YOU JUST WAIT. WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS ONE.
- WHAT TIME DO YOU GET OFF? YOU READY TO GO? LET'S DO THIS.
- YEAH, WHAT TIME ARE YOU DONE? - 5:30.
- WANT TO TATTOO AT 6:00? - SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO GET DRUNK
SO YOU FEEL AT HOME WHEN I TATTOO YOU.
- SWEET. - [laughs]
SEE, THAT'S THE THING I LOVE ABOUT LAS VEGAS, MAN;
EVERYWHERE YOU GO:
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WITH UGLY TATTOOS.
- WHEN I WAS 15, I GOT A *** STAMP.
- AH, A LOCAL FAVORITE:
THE *** STAMP.
- MY DAD WAS OUT OF TOWN... - YEAH.
- SO I HAD TO RUSH.
- THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST
"I'M IN A RUSH TO GET A *** STAMP" TATTOO STORY EVER.
- HAD AN HOUR TO DECIDE,
AND THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF WAS MYSELF AT THE TIME.
SEE? - OH, OH, OH!
- I GOT MY NAME WITH A CROWN.
- THERE'S DIFFERENT KINDS OF *** STAMPS.
YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE TRIBAL THING.
YOU GOT THE FLOWERY ONE.
YOU GOT THE ONE WITH THE LITTLE HEARTS.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE WITH A CHICK'S OWN NAME IN IT THOUGH.
- IT'S HORRIBLE. I HATE IT.
- I WONDER IF THEY'LL ACCEPT THAT
AS VALID I.D. AT THE AIRPORT.
- PROBABLY NOT, BUT I'D LOVE TO SEE HER TRY.
OH, MEGAN.
- DIRK? HELLO.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU. READY TO GET TATTOOED?
- I AM.
- TIFFANY'S ROSE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRIBUTE TO HER MOM,
BUT INSTEAD IT'S AN ABOMINATION.
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS TATTOO IS BAD.
IT'S SLOPPY.
IT'S SPELLED WRONG.
AND IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT ROSE ***.
THE HARDEST THING ABOUT THIS TATTOO
IS THAT BIG RED BLOB.
SO WHATEVER I PUT ON TOP HAS TO BE DARK AND BOLD.
NOW YOU GAVE ME CARTE BLANCHE ON THIS.
- MM-HMM.
- THIS IS WHAT I DID. - OH, THAT'S BAD-***.
- EVER SINCE I WAS A BOY, MAN,
I'VE BEEN FASCINATED BY VOODOO AND ZOMBIES.
SO MY ZOMBIE DESIGN IS SCARY WITH A SURPRISINGLY SEXY TWIST.
[chuckles] THIS THING'S GONNA BE WICKED.
I LOVE MY JOB.
- JUST REMEMBER, IF YOU MESS THIS UP,
I'M GONNA HURT YOU. - YOU'RE GONNA HURT ME?
- LET'S JUST HOPE TIFFANY LIKES HER NEW TATTOO.
I DON'T WANT TO GET SHOT.
ALL RIGHT.
[needle buzzing]
TELL ME ABOUT THIS CRAZY PARTY.
- ALL I KNOW IS I WOKE UP WITH A REALLY BAD HANGOVER
AND A BRAIN ON MY NECK.
- YES, YOU DID.
[needle buzzing]
GUESS WHAT. - WHAT?
- WE'RE DONE. - [gasps]
I'M READY TO SEE THIS.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THAT IS FRICKING AWESOME.
I [bleep] LOVE THIS.
- THE TOP OF THE ROSE ACTUALLY CUTS THROUGH
THE MIDDLE OF HER FACE AND THROUGH THE HAIR,
SO YOU SEE LITTLE EDGES.
AND THE BANNER SET RIGHT UNDER THERE.
WHAT MAKES THIS ZOMBIE UNIQUE IS SHE'S ALSO A PINUP GIRL.
SO FOR A DEAD CHICK, SHE'S SEXY AS HELL.
- LOOK AT THE LITTLE SHRUNKEN HEAD.
- ISN'T HE COOL? - THAT IS BAD-***.
- AND THEN I THREW A VOODOO NECKLACE ON HER,
WHICH HELPED TO HIDE THE TOP OF THAT ROSE.
YOU TOLD ME I COULD DO WHAT I WANTED.
- AND I LOVE IT.
- SO I TOOK THIS HELLACIOUS ROSE ***
AND TURNED IT INTO ONE OF MY FAVORITE TATTOOS
THAT I'VE EVER DONE.
I MIGHT ACTUALLY PUT THIS TATTOO ON ME SOMEWHERE.
THAT'S HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS ONE.
- NOW I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN
WHAT THIS BRAIN WAS ON THE BACK OF MY NECK.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ZOMBIES EAT, RIGHT?
- BRAINS. - BRAINS.
- THAT WAS BAD-***. - I CONNECTED THAT.
I'M VERY SMART.
- ALL RIGHT, WHAT YOU GOT, BABE?
- OH, MY GOD, DUDE, IS THAT ***-DOO?
- YEAH! - THAT'S SO COOL.
- THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SHOW, SO I HAD TO GET IT.
- OH, MY GOD. THAT IS AWESOME.
BEAUTIFUL WORK.
- OH, COME ON, MOM! - OH, NO.
- ALL RIGHT, NOW I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE "MI VIDA LOCA" ONE.
WHEN DID THAT ONE-- YEAH? [laughs]
- WHAT A NICE TATTOOED FAMILY.
- SO WE GOT TO HEAD OVER TO THE FOUR QUEENS HOTEL AND CASINO.
- I LIKE THE FOUR QUEENS. WHAT ARE WE DOING DOWN THERE?
- WELL, WE'RE GOING TO SEE A CLIENT, BUT, YOU KNOW,
THE REST OF IT YOU'LL FIND OUT WHEN WE GET THERE.
- WAIT-- - I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
- OH, MAN, I DON'T LIKE YOUR SURPRISES.
- YOU LOVE MY SURPRISES. - NO.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME ANYTHING?
- I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU A DAMN THING ABOUT IT.
- NOT EVEN A HINT?
ALL RIGHT. - [laughs]
SO THE CLIENT WE'RE GOING TO SEE TODAY IS MIKE HAMMER.
HE'S A MAGICIAN-COMEDIAN EXTRAORDINAIRE,
AND HE'S GOT A HORRENDOUS TATTOO THAT HE'S GOT TO GET RID OF.
AND THE BIG SURPRISE:
WE'RE GOING TO SEE HIS SHOW...
AND DIRK HATES MAGIC.
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.
- SO, MAGIC, REALLY?
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR MIKE HAMMER!
- WHOO!
- TO WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS.
[laughter]
- HEY, YOU GUYS WANT SOMETHING DANGEROUS TODAY?
YOU WANT TO SEE AN ELEMENT OF DANGER?
LET ME HEAR YOU.
[cheers and applause]
YOUNG LADY, CAN YOU COME UP HERE?
COME ON UP!
[applause]
THESE ARE DOUBLE-EDGED, STAINLESS STEEL RAZOR BLADES.
CHECK IT OUT.
I'M GONNA ATTEMPT TO ACTUALLY SWALLOW THIS RAZOR BLADE.
HERE WE GO.
TAKE A GOOD LOOK.
[mumbles]
- WOW.
YOU'RE GONNA FEEL IT. IT'S RIGHT HERE.
ONE FINGER, GENTLY.
AH!
- OH! [laughter]
- YOU GOT A LITTLE JUMPY THERE A COUPLE TIMES, YOU KNOW.
"WHEW!" - I WASN'T THAT GIRLY ABOUT IT.
"WHEW, WHEW!"
- JEEZ.
BUT SERIOUSLY, THAT'S CRAZY. DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
- [clears throat]
- WOW.
[applause]
[cheers and applause]
- THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH.
- YOU KNOW, THE SHOW WAS ACTUALLY GOOD.
HORRIFYING, BUT GOOD.
THAT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY FUN, MAN.
- THAT WAS COOL.
- DOWN FOR ANYBODY THAT SWALLOWS RAZOR BLADES.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS? - WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?
HOW YOU DOING, MAN? - WHAT'S UP?
THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND.
SO THERE'S THIS COOL NEW APP THAT I'VE GOT HERE.
IT'S PRETTY NEAT-- HERE, HOLD OUT YOUR HAND.
GONNA TAKE A SNAPSHOT.
NOW WATCH THIS.
AS IF A-- - OH, JEEZ.
- YEAH, RIGHT? - RIGHT.
- IT LOOKS LIKE A SPIDER. - OH, MY GOD.
- BUT THERE'S A SENSOR HERE... -UH-HUH.
- SO IF YOU WAVE OVER THE SENSOR...
- RIGHT. - THE SPIDER STARTS COMING BACK.
- OKAY. - ISN'T THAT PRETTY WILD, RIGHT?
- WOW. - CREEPY.
- RIGHT? HERE, YOU WAVE IT OVER WITH YOUR HAND.
- OKAY. [bleep]
[laughter]
- OH, MAN.
DID NOT LIKE THAT SPIDER AT ALL.
- [laughs]
- YOU SCARED THE [bleep] OUT OF ME, MAN.
[bleep] MAGICIANS.
SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS TATTOO.
- SINCE I WAS A KID, I'VE BEEN DOING MAGIC.
YOU SAW I SWALLOW RAZOR BLADES. - RIGHT.
I ALWAYS HAD THAT TYPE OF EDGE,
AND SO THIS PARTICULAR TATTOO,
I ACTUALLY PUT A FEW ELEMENTS TOGETHER
THAT SYMBOLIZE WHAT MY SHOW IS AND WHAT I DO.
- RIGHT.
- I GUESS THE JOKE WAS ON THE THOUGH,
'CAUSE IT JUST DIDN'T TRANSLATE TO MY BODY VERY WELL.
- OH, OKAY. HOW LONG AGO DID YOU GET IT?
- OH, BOY, IT'S GOT TO BE-- ABOUT 18 YEARS AGO.
I THOUGHT IT WAS COOL AT THE TIME, YOU KNOW.
- IT PROBABLY WAS. - IT WAS 18 YEARS AGO.
- YEAH, IT WAS COOL.
- THAT'S THE THING ABOUT TATTOOS THAT ARE SO TRICKY,
IS THAT YOU WILL EVOLVE AS A HUMAN.
YOU WILL GROW UP AT SOME POINT. - YEAH--WHEN?
- SO--I DON'T KNOW. I'M TALKING ABOUT OTHERS.
- OH, OTHER HUMANS, YEAH. - NOT ANYONE IN THIS ROOM.
[laughter]
- SO THIS PARTICULAR TATTOO IS ACTUALLY ON MY LEG.
PEOPLE ASK, "OH, WHAT'S THAT?"
THE WORST THING IS WHEN YOU TELL THEM WHAT IT IS
AND THEY STILL DON'T SEE IT. - RIGHT, RIGHT.
- THEY LOOK AT IT AND THEY'RE LIKE, "HUH?
ARE YOU SURE THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE?"
- WOW.
NOT BEING ABLE TO RECOGNIZE A TATTOO IS THE WORST.
IT'S LIKE HAVING TO EXPLAIN A JOKE.
- THIS IS GONNA BE A TRAIN WRECK.
- OKAY, YOU READY FOR THIS? - LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.
- [laughs] - WHAT THE--
- THAT IS ONE EVIL-LOOKING ***.
- WE JUST MET MIKE, A LAS VEGAS MAGICIAN
WHO SAYS HE'S GOT A MAGIC-RELATED TATTOO
THAT IS A COMPLETE DISASTER.
- OKAY. YOU READY FOR THIS?
- LET'S TAKE A LOOK. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.
- [laughs] - WHAT THE--
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
IS IT A CHIPMUNK, OR A DERANGED SQUIRREL?
- I DON'T KNOW,
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT LIVES UNDER BRIDGES AND EATS GOATS.
- IT'S A RABBIT. - [laughs]
- WOW.
HE'S KIND OF A PSYCHOTIC-LOOKING BUNNY.
- CAN YOU TELL A RABBIT FROM A RAT, THOUGH?
- EH. - YEAH...
ALMOST LOOKS LIKE ME AS A RAT.
[laughter]
- IS THAT A HAT?
- YEAH, IT'S A HAT. - OH, I GET IT.
IT'S A RABBIT IN A HAT.
- IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER
I DID MAGIC SHOWS FOR KIDS, AND THE MOMS WOULD CALL
AND THEY'D SAY, "HEY, DO YOU HAVE A RABBIT?"
WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE ANIMALS, BUT I LIED AND I SAID,
"YES, I'VE GOT A RABBIT,"
AND I WOULD GET TO THE SHOW AND I'D SAY,
"UNFORTUNATELY, MY RABBIT GOT IN A SERIOUS CAR ACCIDENT
"AND HE'S ALL INJURED.
BUT I'VE GOT A PICTURE OF HIM."
AND I HAD AIRBRUSHED ON THIS CLOTH,
THIS PICTURE OF WHAT THIS TATTOO IS RIGHT NOW.
- OH, MY GOD.
WHAT KIND OF SICK MIND TAKES A CUTE LITTLE BUNNY RABBIT
AND TURNS IT INTO A MONSTER?
- I LIKE IT.
- CAN YOU SEE THE RAZOR BLADE?
- WHERE'S THE RAZOR BLADE?
- IN HIS MOUTH, I GUESS? - OH, I THOUGHT THAT WAS TEETH.
THE MAIN PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE THERE
IS THAT THERE WAS A LOT OF IDEAS
- THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ON A BIGGER TATTOO.
- OKAY.
- 'CAUSE IT'S ALL CRAMMED INTO-- IN THIS SMALL SPACE.
AND THAT'S WHY, OVER TIME,
THE RAZOR BLADE JUST KIND OF DISAPPEARED.
- YEAH. - LIKE MAGIC.
- WHOA, SEE? I AM MAGIC, SEE? - ABRACADABRA!
- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW GOOD I WAS UNTIL HE JUST MENTIONED IT.
- SO ARE YOU READY TO GET RID OF THIS RABBIT TATTOO?
- I MEAN, IT HAD MEANING TO ME. - RIGHT.
- YOU KNOW, IT ENCOMPASSED WHERE I STARTED
WITH THIS WHOLE FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT.
- DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU'VE OUTGROWN IT?
- YEAH. - GET SOMETHING NEW NOW.
GET SOMETHING THAT KIND OF ENCOMPASSES WHERE YOU'RE AT NOW.
- THE OTHER OPTION THAT I ACTUALLY HAD;
I DO A LOT WITH CARDS.
I'M VERY SKILLED WITH SLIGHT OF HAND, SO--
- NICE.
I THINK WE COULD KIND OF CLASS IT UP,
MAYBE GIVE IT A LITTLE VEGAS EDGE, YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE AT NOW.
- COOL, COOL, COOL. AND FOR THE RECORD--
- YEAH. - YOU DON'T HATE MAGIC ANYMORE.
- I LIKE A MAGICIAN. - OKAY, YES! I'M HIM, RIGHT?
I'M THE GUY? - IT'S DAVID COPPERFIELD, BUT--
- OH, MAN, THAT WAS ROUGH. ROUGH!
HEY, DIRK. MIKE HAMMER.
- OH, [bleep]. IS IT THAT TIME?
- WHAT'S UP, BROTHER? - LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LEG.
HOP ON UP. - ALL RIGHT.
- OH, MY GOD. I HAVE THESE SAME SOCKS.
I BURNED THEM THOUGH, WHEN MY GRANDMA GAVE THEM TO ME.
[laughter]
THERE'S SOME CHALLENGES WITH MIKE'S TATTOO.
THE LINE WORK AND THE SHADING HAVE SPREAD,
SO THE RAZOR BLADE THAT WAS IN HIS MOUTH--
THEY JUST GOT LOST OVER TIME.
THIS IS GONNA BE TOUGH TO COVER UP.
I NEED COLOR TO HIDE ALL THAT BLACK AND GRAY.
SO FOR MY NEXT TRICK,
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS HORRIBLE RABBIT DISAPPEAR--HOW'S THAT?
- CHEESY. - IT WAS CHEESY.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT LINE ALL MORNING.
- I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH PAIN.
MY SCREAMING THOUGH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
[laughter]
- WELL, DO THE BEST YOU CAN.
[needle buzzing]
- I GOT, LIKE, THIS RASH OR SOMETHING.
DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?
HIVES, OR SOMETHIN'?
- GOT ME. NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.
THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD.
IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS HIVES,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS HAPPEN BEFORE.
WHAT THE [bleep]?
- I DON'T KNOW. I'M, LIKE, BURNING UP.
- ALL RIGHT. LET'S TAKE A MINUTE.
- THAT'S NOT NORMAL, I'M SURE, RIGHT?
- NO.
- I'M [bleep] WITH YOU, MAN.
- [bleep] CHRIST, MAN. - I'M JUST SCREWING WITH YOU.
- I'M LIKE, THAT'S NOT EVEN A HUMAN COLOR.
NOW I GOT HIVES.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MIKE PULLED A FAST ONE ON ME.
HE LATER TOLD ME HE PUT THOSE HIVES ON
WITH SOME MAGIC MAKEUP.
YOU ***.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? PAYBACK'S A ***.
ALL RIGHT, DAVID COPPERFIELD, LET ME [bleep] FINISH HERE.
- OH, I CAN TELL YOU DIDN'T LIKE THAT.
NOW I FEEL PAIN. - [laughs]
- NOW YOU'RE REALLY DIGGING IN. - YOU FEELING BETTER NOW?
- OH, THAT HURTS. - OH, I HOPE THAT DOESN'T HURT.
- OW.
[needle buzzing]
- WE'RE DONE. READY?
- YEAH.
OH, MAN. THAT'S KILLER.
- ISN'T THAT CRAZY? - WOW.
THOSE CARDS AND RAZOR BLADES LOOK KICK-***.
- MIKE TOLD ME HE LOVES CARD TRICKS,
SO I COVERED UP HIS TIRED OLD RABBIT IN THE HAT
WITH SOME COOL, COLORFUL CARDS.
ACTUALLY, THE TOP OF THE RABBIT IS THAT TOP OF THIS--
THIS CARD RIGHT HERE. - OKAY.
- AND THEN THE EAR CAME ALL THE WAY DOWN INTO HERE.
IT'S ACTUALLY HIDDEN IN THAT DIAMOND THERE.
AND I ADDED SOME FRESH NEW RAZOR BLADES
THAT SYMBOLIZE HIS SIGNATURE MAGIC TRICK.
ALL RIGHT. HOW DO YOU LIKE MY MAGIC?
- I LIKE YOUR MAGIC, MAN. - ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO GET SOME AIR, MAN. I AM SICK OF LOOKING AT YOUR LEG.
NO OFFENSE. - ALL RIGHT.