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(John A.) IT'S MIND VS. MUSCLE, AMERICA...
AH!
GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO MUSCLE BEACH!
YEAH, BUDDY! HA HA HA!
IN THIS VERY SPECIAL
BRAINS VS. BRAWN EDITION OF "WIPEOUT."
I WORK WITH D.N.A.
WHAT ARE Y'ALL WAITIN' FOR?
GOING TOE TO TOE
AGAINST THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY OBSTACLE COURSE EVER ASSEMBLED.
ONLY THREE OF OUR MIGHTIEST AND BRIGHTEST COMPETITORS
WILL ADVANCE TO FACE THE MOST FEARSOME OBSTACLE OF THEM ALL--
THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
$50,000 AND BRAGGING RIGHTS ARE UP FOR GRABS.
ONLY ONE BRAIN OR BRAWN WILL BECOME CHAMPION,
BUT ALL WILL WIPEOUT.
(man) I NEED ME SOME MORE PROTEIN!
PROTEIN!
HELLO AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON, THIS IS JOHN HENSON,
AND YOU ARE IN FOR A TREAT TODAY, AMERICA.
WE REALLY READY FOR AN ALL-NEW EPIC CONFRONTATION.
JOHNNY, BRAINS VS. BRAWN.
MM-HMM.
AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHICH SIDE I'M ONE.
UHH!
NO. I'M NOT SURE.
OH, CLEARLY, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY INSANE BUFFOSITY.
I'M SURE THAT'S NOT A WORD.
WHATEVER, BRAIN-DERSON.
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR PERFECT S.A.T. SCORES AND DELICATE LOGIC.
THE BRAWNS AND I ARE GONNA KICK YOUR SMARTY-PANTS... PANTS OFF.
WELL, GOOD LUCK, MR. BRAWNSON, AND MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN.
YOU ARE GOING D--OW! MAN, THAT HURT!
I CERTAINLY HOPE OUR CONTESTANTS ARE TOUGHER THAN YOU ARE,
BECAUSE TO MOVE ON, THEY WILL HAVE TO OUTWIT...
OUR QUALIFIER.
AND IT ALL STARTS
WHEN CONTESTANTS TAKE A WHEELBARROW TUMBLE
INTO OUR DEMOLITION SITE...
WHERE PUSH WILL DEFINITELY COME TO SHOVEL.
THEN THEY'LL MOVE ON TO THE BRAWN VS. BRAIN FOREST
THAT WE CALL TROPIC BLUNDER...
WHERE THE PLANTS, LIKE THE BRAWNS' MUSCLES,
ARE WILDLY OVERGROWN.
THE BIG BALLS--THEY'RE NEXT AND ALWAYS IN COMPETITION SHAPE.
(deep voice) YO, SPOT ME, BRO.
KNOCK OFF SHREDDED SMALLSY,
AND YOU CAN PUMP UP YOUR WALLET BY 500 BUCKS.
THAT'S FOLLOWED BY THE TONGUE TWISTER.
OPEN UP AND SAY "OW!"
BUT THEY CAN SAVE FACE AT THE WIPEOUT DOJO.
ZEN'S THE OBSTACLE.
(speaks indistinctly) IS THE PRIZE.
IT'S INTELLECT VS. INSANE PECS.
IT'S TIME TO SETTLE THIS ON THE COURSE,
AND THAT IS THE DOMAIN OF OUR CO-HOST, JILL WAGNER.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
GRAB YOUR LAB COATS AND DRINK YOUR PROTEIN SHAKES.
IT'S BRAINS VS. BRAWN.
JUST CALL ME MRS. TANTASTIC.
CAN'T BE TO BUFF OR TOO TAN FOR "WIPEOUT."
THAT IS A WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN.
YOU... SAID IT.
(whistles)
(amplified voice) YEAH, GIRL!
(feedback whines)
THIS IS TONIA MOORE.
I THOUGHT LESS WAS MORE.
WOW!
YOU'RE VERY TAN. YOU HAVE A NICE COLOR TO YOU.
I'VE--I ACTUALLY ADDED THAT COLOR.
I'M A TANNER, SO I TAN PEOPLE.
AND I, YOU KNOW, I CHEATED A LITTLE.
(John H.) WAIT, SHE'S ARTIFICIALLY ENHANCED?
(John A.) NO! THAT'S NONSENSE.
LET'S JUST SAY IF SOMEONE WERE TO WANT ABS,
COULD YOU SPRAY ABS ON THEM?
I COULD A LITTLE BIT, YES.
YEAH.
(air horn blows)
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, AND SHE'S OFF TO GET A SIX-PACK.
TONIA MAKING A TAN LINE--WHOA! FOR THE WHEELBARROW.
I GOTTA SAY, JOHNNY, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED.
OH, HO!
FOR THE OBSTACLES.
UH-OH! WE MADE HER LEGS ALL WHITE.
TONIA'S GONNA TAN OUR HIDE.
OH, HO HO!
WHOA!
WHOA!
FORGET ABS. SHE MIGHT NEED TO SPRAY ON A NEW FACE.
TANTASTIC TONIA HEADED OVER TO TROPIC BLUNDER.
HERE CONTESTANTS, JOHNNY,
ARE REQUIRED TO CLIMB ACROSS THOSE BLOCKS...
I MEAN, OR YOU CAN JUST WADE IN. YOUR CALL.
YEAH. JOHNNY,
THAT'S WHAT WEIGHTLIFTERS CALL MUSCLE CONFUSION.
TANTASTIC CLEARLY NOT PLAYING FOR THE BRAINS.
WELL, THEN LET'S MEET SOMEBODY WHO IS--
COMPUTER GENIUS JOHN MAHONEY.
GETTING AFTER IT.
GREAT. MAYBE HE CAN HOOK ME UP TO THAT INTERNET THING
I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT.
OHH, HO!
JOHN MEGABYTES IT.
AAH! WHOA!
I'M NOT SURE THE BRAINS CAN HACK IT OUT HERE, JOHNNY.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE CAN DO.
I AM A CLOUD PROGRAMMER.
I WRITE APPLICATIONS FOR THE CLOUD.
WAIT. SO HE MAKES IT RAIN?
(John A.) ONLY BITS OF DATA, JOHNNY.
I MEAN, THIS KID, HE CONTROLS ALL OUR DATA.
HAVE YOU EVER USED YOUR HACKING SKILLS FOR EVIL?
YES. I HAVE INDEED USED MY HACKING SKILLS FOR EVIL.
(John A. laughs)
CAN YOU, LIKE BREAK INTO NORAD AND DO CRAZY THINGS?
WELL, SEE, GOVERNMENT SECURITY IS ONE THING.
WELL, YOU DEFINITELY WOULDN'T TELL ME, RIGHT?
ARE YOU--ARE YOU WITH THE GOVERNMENT?
(John H.) YEP. WHOLE SHOW'S BEEN A STING OPERATION.
YOU CAUGHT US.
(John A.) PICKING JOHN UP AT TROPIC BLUNDER.
HACKING THROUGH THE DENSE BRUSH.
OH, HA HA HA!
OOH, I HOPE HE HAD HIS HARD DRIVE BACKED UP.
(modem beeps and chirps)
(slo-mo voice) WHOA!
HE JUST GOT EVERYTHING BACKED UP.
THE HACKER CRANKING UP HIS PROCESSORS
AS HE APPROACHES THE BIG BALLS.
GOOD CONNECTION SPEED.
OH!
THE HACKER HOTLINKS IT ACROSS
AND DOWNLOADS 500 BUCKS IN SMALLSY CASH.
HE MADE THAT LOOK EASY.
(automated female voice) ENTER SECURITY ACCESS CODE.
WAIT. SMALLSY, YOUR PASSWORD IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ACCESS GRANTED.
AW, COME ON, BRO! THAT'S SO OBVIOUS.
ON TO THE TONGUE TWISTER.
IF THIS IS A SIGN OF THINGS TO COME TODAY,
THE BRAINS...
OHH!
THE HACKER LIGHTING UP THIS COURSE.
YEAH, YEAH. HE'S ALL THAT AND A BAG OF MICROCHIPS.
DON'T START YOUR END ZONE DANCE JUST YET.
HACKER PAUSING TO SCAN HIS CHOICES ON THE TONGUE.
OH, HO HO!
WHERE WE'VE INSTALLED SOME EXTRA RAM.
(beeping)
(buzzer sounds)
YEAH, HE TANGLED WITH THE WRONG INTERFACE
OHH!
THE HACKER BRAINPOWERS ON TOWARD THE WIPEOUT DOJO.
DOJO OR "JO DON'T?"
(whoosh)
YOUR PUN BRING GREAT SHAME TO THIS DOJO.
OH, DOJO YOU DIDN'T!
HEY! EVERYBODY STOP KUNG FU FIGHTING.
THE HACKER...
OH, HO! HO!
GETTING A CRASH COURSE IN THE WAY OF THE FIST.
UH, I THINK THAT KNOCKED OFF A FEW I.Q. POINTS.
YEAH. HE'S DOWN TO ABOUT 200 NOW.
HIYA!
HEY! SWING AND A MISS FROM THE SMACK WALL.
HIYA!
WORK ON YOUR KARATE, KID.
THE HACKER--HE MAY CRACK THE DOJO CODE.
NOT SO FAST. WE GOT OUR OWN BACKDOOR VIRUS.
OH, HO HO!
(Jill) NO! OH, DEAR, NO!
THAT'S RIGHT, HACKER. YOU BUST INTO OUR MAINFRAME...
OW!
OOH! WE WILL DELETE YOU WITHOUT SAVING.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE, JOHNNY.
THE HACKER JOHN MAHONEY PROGRAMS A VERY IMPRESSIVE TIME OF 3:05.
WORD TO YOUR MOTHERBOARD.
(air horn blows)
I THINK SOMEONE JUST SERVED UP SOME BEEFCAKE!
THAT'S RICHARD FURSTENBERG. HE'S A REALTOR.
WELL, MAYBE HE CAN HELP US PUT OUR OBSTACLE ON THE MARKET.
IT'S, UH...
OOH, HOO.
KIND OF A DUMP BUT IT DOES HAVE A SWEET POOL.
NO LUCK ON THAT LISTING.
BUT WHEN RICHARD SHOWS A HOUSE, JOHNNY,
HE REALLY SHOWS A HOUSE.
WELCOME TO THE... LIVING ROOM.
LOOK AT THAT SQUARE FOOTAGE!
THE BACK... HAS A NICE POOL.
THE YARD COULD USE SOME PRUNING.
THE ATTIC IS... UP THERE.
(laughs)
WE DON'T NEED TO SEE THE BASEMENT.
(John A.) NOW THE RIPPED REALTOR APPRAISING OUR WIPEOUT DOJO.
OOH!
OOH! HE GETS HIS PROPERTY TAXED.
HI-YOW!
JOHNNY, THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS WITH SUCKER PUNCHES--
UHH! UHH!
AND... I FORGET THE OTHER ONE.
THE RIPPED REALTOR NOW LOOKING ROUND UPSTAIRS.
BUTT INTEREST RATES HAVE HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
WORKING HIS WAY THROUGH THE CRAWLSPACE.
AAH!
OH, HO HO HO!
YOU KNOW, THE RIPPED REALTOR IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR
OHH!
AND HE CLOSES ON OUR PLATFORM AT 8:39.
HALLELUJAH.
AS RICHARD GETS HIS HOUSE IN ORDER,
LET'S GO GRAY MATTER AGAIN.
THIS IS MOLECULAR BIOLOGIST ANDREW FONTES.
WHOA!
THIS GUY PUTS THE "GENE" IN "GENIUS," JOHN.
YEP. ANDREW'S AN EXPERT IN MUTANT D.N.A.
SO AM I. I USED THE MICROWAVE TO DRY MY HAIR ONCE.
UHH!
AY!
ANDREW GOES HEAD OVER DOUBLE HELIX.
UHH!
THAT READJUSTED HIS CHROMOSOMES...
NO! UHH!
WHICH IS HOW YOU BECOME A SUPERHERO.
OR A SUPER VILLAIN.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THE MONEY?
HMM.
I THINK I WOULD MAKE A SUPER VIRUS,
AND THEN I'D MAKE THE ANTIDOTE
SO THAT I COULD CURE THE WORLD AND BE, LIKE,
THE MOST FAMOUS SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD.
KIND OF LIKE A VILLAIN.
EVIL SCIENTIST EARLY ON
BECOMES THE BEST SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD.
(John H.) YEAH, HE'S A VILLAIN.
(slo-mo voice, laughs)
(John A.) THANKFULLY, WE HAVE A FULL ROSTER
OF MUTANT SUPERHEROES TO STOP THIS EVIL GENIUS.
I SHALL NOT FEAR. MY MUSCLES WILL SAVE THE DAY!
FORGET THE X-MEN.
THESE ARE XXL-MEN.
(whoosh)
AND WHOA... MAN.
JOHN, THEY SURE CAN FLY.
OH, HO HO HO!
RADIATION HAS SWELLED THEIR BODIES.
YOU ARE A VERY LARGE HUMAN BEING.
THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE THAT.
(John H.) AND THEIR BRAINS.
WHO NEEDS MUSCLES WHEN YOU GOT THE SMARTS?
152.
(John A.) AND THEIR RESUMES.
I HAVE AN DEGREE IN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
AND COMPUTER SCIENCE.
AAH!
I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL AND GOT A JD/MBA.
AAH!
I WORKED FOR J.P.L., DESIGNING THE MARS ROVER.
AAH!
WAS FASCINATING.
AND I'VE WORKED DESIGNING B2 BOMBERS.
BUT WHAT HAVE YOU REALLY DONE WITH YOUR LIFE?
AAH!
(John A.) HA!
GET ME A STEAK! I NEED SOME PROTEIN!
YEAH, BUDDY! HA HA HA!
CALL THEM SUPERMANLIES.
AAH!
MM!
THAT'S REAL, BY THE WAY.
AAH!
OH, HO HO!
AY!
OH, HO!
OOH!
AAH!
(imitates monkey chattering)
(imitates dolphin chirp)
(John A.) AND IF THEY CAN MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY...
AAH!
UHH!
THEY JUST MIGHT BE THE FUTURE OF OUR SPECIES.
HEAVENS, THAT FRIGHTENING!
WELL, THE X-MEN HAVE DR. XAVIER.
WE HAVE DR. KENNY BATES.
WHOO! "WIPEOUT," I'M HERE TO PLAY GAMES WITH YOU!
I'VE ALREADY DEFEATED YOU WITH MY MIND.
HE'S A MARKETING PSYCHOLOGIST.
SO THEY'RE JUST GIVING OUT PhDs FOR ANYTHING NOW?
HE CLAIMS HE CAN BEND PEOPLE'S BEHAVIORS WITH HIS MIND TRICKS.
OHH!
OH! HE FREUDIAN SLIPPED OUT OF THAT WHEELBARROW.
THE MIND BENDER BRINGING HIS CORTEX INTO OUR VORTEX.
CAREFUL, DOC. WE DON'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR HYPNOSIS.
PSYCH OUT!
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
THE MIND BENDER MAKING THE SHOVEL GAZE
DEEP INTO HIS EYES.
AH!
OHH!
ALMOST RIGHT INTO THE ACTUAL SKULL.
THE MIND BENDER NOW IN SESSION OVER AT TROPIC BLUNDER.
AAH!
HA HA!
JOHNNY, THAT'S WHAT I CALL REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
(tape rewinds)
SEE? THAT'S A PSYCHOLOGIST.
OH! AND THAT IS A REVERSE PSYCHOLOGIST.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, ANDERSON,
I WANT YOU TO SAY, "IT'S TIME TO TAKE A BREAK."
WELL, I-I WAS GONNA SAY THAT ANYWAY.
I KNOW. I'M USING REVERSE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
I TRICK YOU INTO DOING WHAT YOU DON'T NOT WANT TO DO.
NOT REALLY.
I KNOW WE HAVE MORE BRAINS AND BRAWN TO COME.
BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
(whispers) YES!
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE GYM RATS AND LAB RATS
NO!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK, AMERICA, TO OUR VERY SPECIAL
BRAINS VS. BRAWN EPISODE OF "WIPEOUT."
SHH! JOHN, PLEASE, I'M READING!
WELL, THEN LET ME JUST-- LET ME HELP YOU OUT HERE.
OH. THANK YOU.
MAN, I WAS ALMOST DONE.
SWITCHING ALLEGIANCES TO THE BRAIN TEAM, ARE YOU?
NO, JOHN.
OVER THE BREAK, I REALIZED THE OLD THINKER HERE
IS A HUGE MUSCLE.
I GOTTA PUMP IT UP.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN CROSS-TRAINING.
LEFT BRAIN, RIGHT BRAIN, LEFT BRAIN, RIGHT BRAIN.
I CAN FEEL MY CRANIAL ABS GETTING TOTALLY RIPPED.
YOU WANNA WORK IN?
YEAH, NO, THANKS.
I'M STILL SORE FROM SOME HEAVY THINKING THIS MORNING.
BESIDES, WE NEED TO GET BACK DOWN TO THE COURSE
AND OUR NEXT BRAINIAC-- JASON DIODATI.
(robotic voice) I AM A ROBOT.
I WOULD LIKE TO WIPE YOUR BUTT, PLEASE.
AW, MAN! ROBOTS ARE TAKING ALL THE GOOD JOBS.
NO, THEY'RE NOT, JOHN.
JASON'S AN INVENTOR WHO WANTS TO BUILD A ROBOT
THAT, UM... YOU KNOW, CLEANS YOUR BOTTOM.
OOH, HOO HOO!
OH, SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT'S GONNA 'CAUSE DROID RAGE.
OHH!
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE REPLAY, JOHN.
JASON GETS A CLEAN SWIPE FROM OUR DESTRUCTION WORKER.
OH, HO HO! GOODNESS!
MAKE SURE WE SANITIZE THAT SHOVEL.
POTTY BOT NOW EN ROUTE TO ANOTHER MACHINE
THAT NO SANE PERSON EVER INVENT...
SCIENTISTS RULE!
(roars)
OHH! OUR CAT BLINDSIDED HIM WITH SCIENCE.
(roars)
HOPE THAT DIDN'T FRY THIS CIRCUITS.
THIS ONE'S FOR THE ROBOTS OUT THERE.
I THINK A FEW OF 'EM MAY HAVE BEEN FRIED ALREADY.
WITH A BRAIN LIKE YOURS... (laughs)
ALL OF THE TECHNOLOGY WE HAVE,
YOU WANNA BUILD A ROBOT TO WIPE YOUR OWN BUTT?
YES. I'M HOPING THE MILLIONS COME IN.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT PROJECT.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW IT ENDS... UP.
(bell dings)
(John H. sniffs)
I HOPE THAT'S WHAT I SMELL. MY EYES ARE WATERING.
(John A.) POTTY BOT FOLDING
AND SCRUNCHING HIMSELF INTO OUR DOJO.
(smack)
I WONDER IF HE'S EVER HEARD OF BIDETS.
WHAT? WASH YOURSELF WITH WATER WHEN YOU CAN WIPE WITH A ROBOT?
WHAT ARE YOU, AN ANIMAL?
YIKES!
OHH! THAT'S OUR ROBOT.
POTTY'S OVER.
POTTY BOT STALLED OUT ON THE STEPS.
OOH!
OUR OBSTACLES WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH POTTY BOT.
OHH! OHH, HO HO!
AAH!
I GUESS IT JUST RUBS HIM THE WRONG WAY.
ENOUGH OF THE BRAINS.
GET ME ANOTHER BRAWNY BEAST, JOHNNY.
MONGO SMASH!
(thud, crow caws)
HEE HEE HEE HEE! YES!
GOOD, MONGO. GOOD.
JOHN, MONGO'S HIS NICKNAME.
THIS IS NAHUM VIZAKIS.
MONGO WANT FOOD?
PROTEIN!
(amplified voice) IF YOU WIN "WIPEOUT,"
WHOO!
(air horn blows)
JOHN, NAHUM'S NOT A CANNIBAL OR A MONSTER.
HE'S AN ARMY VET AND A STUDENT.
DON'T LISTEN TO HIS WORDS, MONGO.
JUST FOLLOW HIS DELICIOUS SCENT.
OHH! OUR DESTRUCTION WORKERS-- THEY MAY HAVE MET THEIR MATCH.
NAHUM'S BUILT LIKE A BRICK HOUSE.
MONGO SMA--
OH, HO HO! YOU FOOLS!
SHOVEL CAN'T HURT MONGO.
SHOVEL ONLY MAKE MONGO MAD.
NONSENSE, JOHNNY.
AS JILL LEARNED, NAHUM'S QUITE A LOVELY INDIVIDUAL...
(mouths word)
WHAT DOES A MAN LIKE YOU EAT?
(John H.) ANDERSON IF HE WINS.
HOW MANY ANIMALS A DAY DO YOU EAT?
I DON'T COUNT. UM...
A LOT... ISH.
(John H. laughs) ISH.
YOU'RE MY BOY, MONGO!
WHO DO YOU THINK'S STRONGER, ME OR HENSON?
WHO'S HENSON?
WHOO!
I THINK YOU JUST ANSWERED THE QUESTION!
(John H.) WE ARE NO LONGER BROS, MONGO.
BACK TO YOU, ANDERSON.
(Nahum and Jill laugh)
(John A.) UH, THANKS, JILL.
NAHUM'S ABOUT TO CHOW DOWN ON SOME RED MEAT NOW--
THE BIG BALLS.
OOH, HOO HOO HOO!
AND THAT WAS ALL HE COULD EAT.
AFTER A SPILL LIKE THAT, HE WON'T EVEN REMEMBER HIS OWN...
NAHUM.
NAHUM'S NOT THE ONLY VETERAN OF OUR ARMED FORCES OUT THERE
BRINGING IT FOR THE BRAWN TODAY.
THIS IS SABRINA TAYLOR,
WHO SPENT NINE YEARS IN THE AIR FORCE.
WHOA! CHECK OUT THOSE TOP GUNS.
COMES WITH THE TERRITORY, JOHNNY.
OOH, HOO!
SHE JUST DID A BARREL ROLL RIGHT INTO OUR DEMOLITION SITE.
SHE FEELS THE NEED, JOHN--
THE NEED...
FOR SPEED.
OHH!
NEGATIVE, GHOST RIDER.
OUR TOP GUNS IN A SERIOUS TAILSPIN.
AAH! AAH!
WOW-WHEE!
TOP GUNS GOT KNOCKED ON HER BOTTOM GUNS.
(jackhammer pounding)
ALL DAY LONG.
PLEASE PARDON OUR MESS WHILE WE REMODEL.
OH, HO!
YEAH, IT IS.
OUR BRAINS CAN DO SOME CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING.
OW!
(muffled voice) ARE YOU SERIOUS?
CONCRETELY SERIOUS.
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR HARD HAT ON.
THAT'S USING YOUR NOGGIN, JILL.
IT IS A HARD HAT AREA, AFTER ALL.
OH, HO HO!
AY!
HOLY SHOVELS.
JOHNNY, WE SHOULD REALLY PUT A CHAIN-LINK FENCE
AROUND THIS THING.
SMACK!
IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT OUT THERE?
ONLY OUR FINAL CONTESTANT OF THE DAY--
BIOFUEL SPECIALIST KYLE BOTSCH.
WITH THE POWER OF ALGAE AND MIND COMBINED,
I AM THE ALGAE AVENGER!
MAN, THIS GUY IS REAL POND ***.
I GENETICALLY ENGINEER ALGAE TO MAKE GASOLINE
OR OTHER FOOD PRODUCTS.
AND SO I BROUGHT SOME ALGAE TO TASTE.
WHOA! WAIT.
(John A.) UGH!
WHOA!
I'M GONNA HURL.
OR AS A NIGHT MASK.
WEAR--ANYTHING YOU NEED TO DO.
AND SO I'M JUST GETTING READY FOR THE COURSE.
HMM. WHAT DOES IT TASTE LIKE?
MINTY FRESHNESS.
(coughs)
(John A.) ALL RIGHT, ALGAE AVENGER ENTERING OUR DOJO.
OH, HO!
WELL, OUR NINJAS CUT HIM DOWN TO MICROSCOPIC SIZE.
(imitates John Kreese) THERE IS NO PAIN IN THIS DOJO!
EASY, COBRA KAI.
THIS GUY'S HELPING REDUCE OUR CARBON FOOTPRINT.
OOH! AND HE JUST GOT A CARBON FACEPRINT!
THERE IS NO TIME FOR PAIN IN THIS DOJO!
KICK BACK, WAGNER-SAN.
OH, COME ON.
THAT'S WHAT BATMAN AND GARTH BROOKS SAID.
ALGAE AVENGER BRAVELY FIGHTING THE TIDE.
OH, HOO HOO!
CRAWLING OVER TO THE FINISH.
BOY, IF HE HAS ANY BIOFUEL LEFT IN THE TANK...
OH! HE GETS DROPPED LIKE A SACK OF KELP.
AAH!
WELCOME HOME, MY FRIEND.
DESPITE THAT LAST FALL, ALGAE AVENGER'S TIME
GIVES HIM A GREEN LIGHT INTO THE NEXT ROUND.
AND IT LOOKS, JOHNNY, LIKE THE BRAINS HAVE A SLIGHT EDGE
(speaks indistinctly)
BUT STILL VERY, VERY EARLY IN THE GAME.
(panting) THAT'S FOR YOU, AMERICA.
AMONG OUR TOP 12, WE HAVE TANTASTIC TONIA MOORE...
(Tonia) HOW'S MY TAN LOOK?
THE HACKER JOHN MAHONEY...
AND RIPPED REALTOR RICHARD FURSTENBERG.
ALSO STILL IN IT, WE HAVE MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES,
POTTY BOT JASON DIODATI,
AND TOP GUNS SABRINA TAYLOR.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA,
THE BATTLE OF BRAINS VS. BRAWN CONTINUES
RIGHT AFTER THIS.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
WE ARE IN THE THICK OF ALL AL-NEW "WIPEOUT" MATCHUP.
IT'S BRAINS VS. BRAWN.
IT'S A FEUD THAT'S RAGED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, JOHNNY.
YEAH. EVER SINCE THE FIRST PREHISTORIC PUSHUP CONTEST.
MM-HMM.
THE BRAWNY CAVEMAN DID REPS FOR SIX HOURS.
BUT IN A HUGE UPSET,
THE BRAINY CAVEMAN PULLED OUT THE HIGH SCORE
BY INVENTING THE NUMBER 2.
OKAY, THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.
BUT OUR NEXT ROUND IS FOR REAL.
AT THIS POINT, THE BRAINS HAVE A SLIGHT EDGE IN NUMBERS
OVER THE BRAWN.
WE HAVE THE BRAWNY TANTASTIC TONIA MOORE...
(Tonia) CALL ME MRS. TANTASTIC.
THE RIPPED REALTOR RICHARD FURSTENBERG...
(stretches)
LIVING ROOM.
AND EVIL GENIUS ANDREW FONTES.
ALSO IN IT, WE HAVE TOP GUNS SABRINA TAYLOR...
(Sabrina) I FEEL THE NEED, THE NEED FOR "WIPEOUT."
(slurps)
AND MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES...
(monotone voice) WHO IS
THE GREATEST CONTESTANT OF ALL TIME.
YOU ALL RIGHT THERE, BUD?
(normal voice) YEAH. IT'S, UH...
MM-HMM.
OH, YEAH. OUR CONTESTANTS ARE ABOUT TO BE MIXED
INTO A BRAIN AND BRAWN SMOOTHIE BY OUR NEXT OBSTACLE--
A HUMAN BLENDER CALLED THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE.
HERE TO SHOW US HOW IT WORKS--
SOMEONE WHO HAS ABS OF ACTUAL STEEL--
BALLSY'S COUSIN JUAN BARLOS.
(Spanish accent) THANKS, ANDER-STUPID.
YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
YEAH. MIAMI POUND MACHINE LOOKS FANTASTIC.
VERY FUNNY, MR. SPORTS BALL.
I'M TALKING ABOUT ME.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL US HOW THE WHOLE THING WORKS?
WHY DON'T YOU, STUPID?
OKAY. THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE--
NO, NO, NO. I DO. I DO.
START HERE, HOP ON THERE,
WHOO-HOO!
DON'T FALL IN OR GO UNDER THE BAR,
OR YOU'LL HAVE TO START OVER.
THE FIRST SIX TO MAKE IT THROUGH MOVE ON.
OKAY, I'M IN THE STEAM ROOM.
CARE TO JOIN ME?
NOPE.
JUAN BARLOS--THE MOST INTERESTING BAR IN THE WORLD.
WELL, I, FOR ONE, AM INTERESTED IN SEEING
IF THE BRAWNS CAN RALLY AGAINST THE BRAINS
HERE ON THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE.
THEY ARE ON THE STARTING PLATFORM, JOHNNY,
SO LET'S GET TO IT.
(cheering)
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
THE EPIC BATTLE OF BRAINS VS. BRAWN
CONTINUES AT THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE.
(cheering)
ALGAE AVENGER AND THE POTTY BOT OUT FAST TOGETHER.
POTTY BOT DRAPED OVER THAT METALLIC ARM.
(woman) OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
OH, NO! FISH FOR BRAINS INTO THE TANK.
WAIT. WHO'S FISH FOR BRAINS?
(imitates dolphin chirping) OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, OKAY. EE!
OHH. OKAY, CARRY ON.
POTTY BOT UP TOP, JUMPS TO THE PLATFORM.
CAN'T LET THOSE CIRCUITS GET WET.
AAH!
ALGAE AVENGER STILL CLINGING TO THAT SWEEPER.
OHH, HO HO!
WE AIN'T GONE YET.
YOU AIN'T, TANTASTIC.
LIKE THE REST OF THE BRAWNS, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON YOUR TAN.
SHE GOES OUT THERE ON THE TANNING BED,
AH!
OHH! AND PEELED OFF.
HACKER WORMING HIS WAY IN.
OH, IT'S A BRAINIAC. YES.
HE'S IN THE MIDDLE.
HE'S BUFFERING. HE'S BUFFERING.
UHH!
OHH!
HERE COME POTTY BOT, TAKING A SECOND CRACK AT THIS.
ALGAE AVENGER RIGHT ON HIS METALLIC BEHIND.
YES!
THIS IS THE DROID WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
SCORE ONE FOR THE BRAINS.
ALGAE AVENGER WANTS TO CHLOROPHYLL THE NEXT SPOT.
OOH, WE GOT ANOTHER! WE GOT A PILE-UP!
WE GOT AN ALGAE BLOOM, JOHNNY.
AWESOME. SO TWO BRAINS ARE OVER HERE.
DON'T LOOK NOW, JILL,
BUT EVIL GENIUS HAS DESIGNS ON THAT PLATFORM, TOO.
OHH!
OH!
SUCK IT, FORCES OF GOOD!
THE EVIL GENIUS IS MOVING ON!
SCIENCE RULES!
(thunderclap)
AND APPARENTLY EVIL.
JOHNNY, THIS IS A BRAINIAC BEATDOWN.
WHERE'S MY BRAWN?!
IRONIC THAT THESE WEIGHTLIFTERS CAN'T GET A SPOT.
(Tonia) I KNOW. HOW DO YOU GET OUT?
I-I-I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. I DON'T KNOW HOW--
I WISH I COULD SEE 'EM.
JUST DIAGRAM OUT THE VECTORS. GET THE PHYSICS RIGHT.
YEAH, DIAGRAM OUT THE VECTORS.
OH, IT'S EASY FOR YOU GUYS TO SAY! YOU'RE ALREADY THERE!
(amplified voice) HEY, BRAWNS!
IF YOU NEED MOTIVATION...
♪ THE ROBOTS GET ANOTHER VICTORY ♪
(feedback whines)
TOP GUNS HIT THE PEC DECK,
WITH THAT SWEEPER BAR RIDING HER TAIL
(imitates Hank Kingsley) HEY NOW!
HOW DO YOU GET OFF HERE?
THE HACKER COULD UNLOCK THE SECRET PASSWORD.
NOPE.
CHOSE THE BAD ROUTER.
OH, BOY!
(Sabrina) I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OFF THIS.
COME ON, TOP GUNS. THE BRAWNS NEED A SQUAD LEADER.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
JOHNNY, WHO IS THAT AGAIN?
OKAY, OKAY! OKAY, OKAY! EE!
SORRY. SORRY. MY BAD.
FISH FOR BRAINS ON THE HOOK.
OH, NO! UHH!
OHH! CATCH AND RELEASE!
TOP GUNS CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF. OH, YEAH.
TOP GUNS GETTING REWOUND LIKE A SHIRTLESS VOLLEYBALL SCENE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OFF!
OH, HO HO!
TOP GUNS GETTING DEMOTED TO WATER PISTOL.
FISH FOR BRAINS FLOPS DOWN.
I REMEMBER! DON'T SHOW ME ANYTHING.
OH! AND SHE GETS WHALED ON.
THE HACKER PREFERS A DIFFERENT KIND OF FISHING,
(man) HERE HE GOES!
WOW!
THE BRAINS ARE RUNNING THE TABLE.
HEY, RICHARD, WE GOT SOME PRIME REAL ESTATE OVER HERE FOR YOU.
RAWR!
RIPPED REALTOR STILL CHECKING ALL THE LISTINGS.
SABRINA AND RICHARD, COME ON!
TOP GUNS FIRING LOUDLY.
OH, HO! SHE MISSED THAT TARGET BY A MILE!
BOOM. BOOM.
(laughs) RICHARD'S TRYING TO COUNT BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW.
WOW.
RIPPED REALTOR GETTING BRAIN TEASED.
HE'S GOING TO GET MAD, AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO PAY.
(man) HE'S GOTTA GET OVER HERE TO HURT US.
(man) I'M NOT TOO WORRIED. (laughs)
NOTHING WORSE THAN COCKY BRAINS, JOHNNY.
RIPPED REALTOR READY TO PUT THE PLATFORM INTO ESCROW.
YEAH!
TAKE DOWN THE "FOR SALE" SIGN AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
THE FIFTH SPOT HAS A BUYER, AND IT'S THE RIPPED REALTOR.
NOW HE CAN TAKE THOSE BRAINS ON A PRIVATE TOUR OF THE WOODSHED.
(man) HE'S GONNA COME OVER HERE AND HURT US!
BRAINS AND BRAWN, WE HAVE ONE SPOT LEFT!
COME ON, GUYS!
ONE MORE CHANCE TO MOVE ON.
RIGHT THERE! GO! GO!
TANTASTIC SEES AN ULTRAVIOLET LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
AH, HA!
THERE'S THE MIND BENDER. HE HAS BEEN OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
BUT THAT MIGHT ALL CHANGE HERE.
GOT IT... I THINK. YES!
REALLY PUTS HIS MIND TO IT.
YEP, AND LUCKY FOR HIM, THE REST OF HIS BODY IS ATTACHED.
IT'S BRAINING MEN,
AND THE NEXT ROUND'S GONNA FEATURE FIVE BRAINS, ONE BRAWN.
ZERO LADIES.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS! THE ULTIMATE BATTLE IS STILL UNDECIDED.
WE HAVE A BRAWN AND A BUNCH OF BRAINS.
CONGRATULATIONS, FELLAS! YOU'RE ALL MOVING ON!
WHOO!
SO CONTINUING ON TO THE NEXT ROUND,
WE HAVE POTTY BOT JASON DIODATI,
ALGAE AVENGER KYLE BOTSCH,
EVIL GENIUS ANDREW FONTES,
(John M.) ARE YOU WITH THE GOVERNMENT?
THE RIPPED REALTOR RICHARD FURSTENBERG,
AND THE MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
OUR BRAINS AND BRAWN BATTLE CONTINUES,
AND IT IS GONNA BE SWEET.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK, AMERICA, AND TODAY WE ARE FINDING OUT
WHAT REIGNS SUPREME ON THE "WIPEOUT" COURSE--
BRAINS OR BRAWN.
TWO ROUNDS IN THE BOOK. WHAT'S THE TALLY, JOHNNY?
WELL, IT ISN'T PRETTY.
THERE ARE FIVE BRAINS LEFT AND ONLY ONE BRAWN.
NO WAY! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THOSE HUGE DUDES
WHO WERE TOTALLY GONNA DESTROY THE COURSE?
UH, LET ME REFRESH YOUR MUSCLE MEMORY HERE.
♪♪♪
WELL, OF COURSE THEY GOT TAKEN OUT FIRST.
THEY'RE MUCH BIGGER TARGETS.
WELL, THE BRAINS HAVE BEEN OUTSMARTING
THEIR SWOLLEN COMPETITORS AT EVERY TURN.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE NAMES ON THE LEADERBOARD--
THE POTTY BOT JASON DIODATI...
(Jason) THIS ONE'S FOR THE ROBOTS OUT THERE.
ALGAE AVENGER KYLE BOTSCH...
(Kyle) MINTY FRESHNESS.
THE EVIL GENIUS ANDREW FONTES,
HACKER JOHN MAHONEY...
(John M.) I AM A CLOUD PROGRAMMER.
THE MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES,
AND OUR LAST REMAINING BRAWN,
THE RIPPED REALTOR, RICHARD FURSTENBERG.
(Richard) THE ATTIC IS... UP THERE.
ONE BRAWN AND FIVE BRAINS?
IF YOU ASK ME, WE FINALLY GOT A FAIR FIGHT.
AND THEY WILL BE TAKING THAT FIGHT
TO A YUMMILICIOUS CANDYTOPIA
WE LIKE TO CALL THE SUGAR SMACK.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
(candies) YAY!
THAT'S PLENTY.
GOOD AND PLENTY.
(candies laugh)
CONTESTANTS START BY HOPPING ON THE SPINNING BIRTHDAY CAKE
AND SWINGING AROUND TO THE OTHER SIDE.
AAH!
OH, BOY.
NO, IT DOESN'T. NEXT, CLIMB OUR CAKE LADDER,
SLIDE DOWN OUR LEMONDROP, PAST THE WINDMILL,
WHOO-HOO!
THE FIRST THERE BRAINS OR BRAWN WHO MAKE IT THROUGH
WILL BE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (laughs)
WHAT? THIS IS HEALTH FOOD, JOHN.
YOU HEARD THE SINGING LOLLIPOPS AND ICE CREAM.
(laughing) NO, CANDY IS NOT GREAT FOR YOUR HEART!
JOHN, HEARTS ARE MADE OF CANDY. I JUST ATE A WHOLE BAG OF 'EM.
MMM, CANDY! CHOMPA-CHOMPA-CHOMPA!
SOUNDS LIKE JILL IS GETTING A CONTACT SUGAR HIGH.
WHOA.
RIPPED REALTOR PUMPING UP HIS PROPERTY VALUE.
BOOM. BOOM.
MAN OF FEW WORDS, JOHNNY.
THERE'S THE HORN, AND HERE WE GO.
(Jason) THIS IS GOING A LITTLE FAST.
POTTY BOT MAY ALREADY BE OBSOLETE.
ALGAE AVENGER ISN'T BOGGED DOWN.
HE IS THROUGH THE LIFESAVER.
OH, HO! BUT NOT LICHEN THIS COURSE.
RIPPED REALTOR GOES BRAWNSTORMING.
OOH! LOOKS LIKE HIS BASEMENT'S FLOODED.
I THINK WE GOTTA--GOTTA GO THROUGH THE RINGS.
POTTY BOT'S STARTING TO THINK ON HIS OWN,
AND THAT'S HACKER'S GREATEST FEAR, SO HE TAKES OFF.
HE IS IN OUR DATABASE.
MM, HOO HOO!
EVIL GENIUS CAN DO BAD...
AH, HA HA! ALL BY HIMSELF.
POTTY BOT HOPPING... AND HOPPING AGAIN.
MORE LIKE A BUNNY ROBOT.
AW, THAT'S DOUBLY HORRIBLE, JOHN.
WHOO!
ALGAE AVENGER LIKE A MOTH.
OOH, HOO HOO! GETS SWAMPED.
BUT SOMEBODY'S MAKING PROGRESS, AND THAT'S POTTY BOT,
I'M THE ROBOT.
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO WIPE MY BUTT THIS MORNING.
I HAD A ROBOT DO IT.
RIGHT BEHIND HIM-- THE HACKER,
JUMPING LIKE HE IS HOPPED UP ON JAVA.
BREACHES ANOTHER BARRIER.
POTTY BOT WITH A FIRST SLIDE ATTEMPT.
YES!
RIPPED REALTOR WITH ANOTHER BIRTHDAY CAKE ATTEMPT.
OH, HO HO!
EVIL GENIUS READY, VILLAIN, AND ABLE.
AND ALGAE AVENGER JUST HAS TO CLEAR THE PLANKTON.
OHH! BUT HE GETS SCRUBBED.
HACKER ON THE LEMONDROP,
OH, NO!
SOUNDS TERRIFIED.
THAT'S BEING GENEROUS.
MIND BENDER TRYING NOT TO OVERTHINK THINGS...
AAH!
AND GETS BRAIN FREEZE.
OUR ONE BRAWN HAVING A TERRIBLE TIME
GOING THROUGH OUR LIFESAVER,
MOSTLY BECAUSE HE KEEPS TRYING TO GO AROUND THEM.
HE NEEDS TO JUMP THROUGH.
I GOTTA JUMP THROUGH IT.
NOW HE'S GOT IT! TOLD YOU HE'S GONNA WIN THIS!
ALGAE AVENGER OVER THAT LOG LIKE A FROG IN A BOG.
AND NOW HE CAN PAUSE TO RENEW HIS RESOURCES.
AND A LITTLE BOTTLENECK AT THE LEMONDROP.
HEY, YOU GUYS, THE PARTY'S OVER HERE!
POTTY BOT TAUNTING THE GUYS DOWNWIND.
(Richard) DON'T WORRY.
THE WINDMILL WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU, DOG.
(Jason) YOU ENJOYING YOUR CHILD SLIDE?
DEVASTATING COMEBACKS
FROM A COUPLE OF GUYS STILL AT THE STARTING LINE.
AAH!
YAH, HA!
LIKE EDISON SAID, GENIUS IS 1% INSPIRATION...
99%...
"WHAT IN TARNATION?"
POTTY BOT TRY NUMBER TWO.
OHH!
I COULD DO THAT.
WIPEOUT? YOU SURE COULD, JILL. I BELIEVE IT.
AND THE HACKER...
OW!
A BRAINSTORM FORMING.
MIND BENDER JOINING POTTY BOT AND EVIL GENIUS.
WHICH MEANS THERE'S ONE MAN LEFT AT THE BACK OF THE PACK.
RICHARD, ARE YOU STILL HERE?
YEP, AND ALL MAN.
WHOO!
YOU GO, RIPPED REALTOR! EXCELLENT STRATEGY!
YOU RIDE THAT LIFESAVER STRAIGHT TO THE FINISH.
AAH!
THE HOUSING MARKET CRASHES AGAIN.
POTTY BOT TAKING ANOTHER SHOT.
AAH!
LOOKS MORE LIKE THE P.U. 3000
HERE COMES THE MIND BENDER.
ALL THAT TIME IN THE WATER.
NO WONDER HIS BRAIN IS SO WRINKLED.
ALGAE AVENGER'S TURN.
OH, HO HO! RETURNS TO THE WETLANDS.
I HATE YOU!
THE WINDMILL IS POTTY BOT'S WORST NIGHTMARE, JOHNNY--
A MACHINE THAT WIPES ITSELF WITH YOU.
SO FAR, NOBODY'S GOTTEN PAST THE WINDMILL...
UNTIL NOW!
THE HACKER UPLOADED INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE, JOHNNY.
AND IT'S A BRAIN!
YES! AAH!
HE'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN EATING WAY TOO MUCH CANDY.
THAT'S RIGHT, JILL. ENERGY DRINKS AND CANDY.
ANY HACKER'S MAIN SOURCES OF NUTRITION.
EVIL GENIUS BACK ON THE LEMONDROP.
NO!
LOOKING MORE "EVIL" THAN "GENIUS."
THE RIPPED REALTOR NOW.
HA!
I MEAN, AT THIS POINT, AT LEAST HE'S GOT SQUATTER'S RIGHTS
ON THE FIRST HALF OF THE COURSE.
ALGAE AVENGER GOING FOR THE SECOND SPOT...
AND HE'S MADE IT!
THIS FUNGI WILL BE MOVING ON.
YOU KNOW, HE REALLY GROWS ON YA.
COME ON, GUYS! ONE SPOT LEFT!
THIS IS IT.
THE REMAINING FOUR ARE MIND BENDER, POTTY BOT,
EVIL GENIUS--WAITING BELOW-- AND RIPPED REALTOR,
WHO IS KEEPING IT REAL...
SLOW.
AND WAY, WAY BACK.
TWO ON THE LEMONDROP.
MIND BENDER GOING FOR IT...
UHH!
WOW! JOHNNY, UNBELIEVABLE!
AGREED! THE MIND BENDER TAKES THE FINAL SPOT IN THE ZONE.
AND THAT IS LIGHTS OUT FOR TEAM BRAWNY.
THREE BRAINS GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
AND THEY ARE THE HACKER JOHN MAHONEY,
ALGAE AVENGER KYLE BOTSCH,
AND THE MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
COMING UP IS THE SMARTEST WIPEOUT ZONE EVER.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK, AMERICA.
TODAY, WE PITTED MINDS AGAINST MUSCLE
IN OUR BRAINS VS. BRAWN EPISODE OF "WIPEOUT."
AND NOW IT ALL COMES DOWN TO OUR FINAL THREE COMPETITORS.
AND, JOHNNY, THERE IS NARY A BRAWN IN SIGHT.
YEAH. SORRY ABOUT THAT, BRAWN-DERSON.
THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN TEAM BRAINS THE ENTIRE TIME.
NO. WHAT? YOU SAID YOU WERE THE... TEAM BRAWN.
REMEMBER? AND YOU DID THIS?
YEAH. THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS SMART ENOUGH TO LIE...
IN CASE THE BRAWNS WON.
MM-HMM.
AT WHAT THE BRAINIACS WILL BE UP AGAINST
IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT BEGINS WITH A SPINE-TINGLING, STOMACH-TURNING,
STAND-UP LAUNCH FROM THE SLINGSHOCK.
NEXT UP, CONTESTANTS FACE THE HEAT
AS THEY JOURNEY THROUGH THE BLISTERING THROW-TISSERIE.
THEN THE TIDE SHIFTS TO DARK SIDE OF THE MOON,
A TRICKY TEST OF TIME AND SPACE.
CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE ROTATING ORB,
THEN SLIDE BLINDLY THROUGH THE DARKNESS TO THE PLATFORM.
FINALLY, IT'S TWISTED FALLS,
WHERE THEY MUST CAREFULLY TIME THEIR JUMPS
THROUGH A TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR AND SPINNING BLADES.
ONE OF OUR THREE BRAINY CONTESTANTS
WILL BE WALKING HOME WITH 50 GRAND.
FIRST UP TONIGHT, MIND BENDER DR. KENNY BATES.
THIS SHOULD BE PRETTY MUCH, UH, TERRIFYING.
KENNY BATES' MIND MUST'VE BEEN PLAYING TRICKS ON HIM
ON THIS MORNING'S QUALIFIER,
AS HE CAME IN AS ONE OF THE SLOWER BRAINS.
THINGS DIDN'T GET ANY BETTER AS HE WAS THE LAST TO MAKE THE CUT
ON BOTH THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE AND SUGAR SMACK.
KENNY'S BEEN THE DARK HORSE ALL DAY.
YOU'VE GOTTA WONDER IF THIS MIND BENDER
HAS BEEN CONSERVING HIS ENERGY FOR THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
MIND BENDER'S PREVIOUS PERFORMANCES NO BEARING NOW.
EVERYBODY'S STARTING OUT EQUAL.
THE CLOCK STARTING AT ZERO.
LIGHTS, CIRCLES, ACTION!
SLINGSHOCK RELEASED AND RUMBLING UP THE RAMP.
WHOO!
OH, HO HO HO!
WHOO!
MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BE TACKLING EVERY CHALLENGE HEADFIRST.
60 SECONDS FROM SLINGSHOCK TO THE THROW-TISSERIE FOR KENNY.
FIVE BEAMS TO HELP HIM GET ACROSS,
AND FIVE LONG SPACES TO FOUL THINGS UP.
OH, HO HO!
THOSE WATER CANNONS DON'T HELP.
STRUGGLING TO FIND HIS FOOTING.
OHH!
HE DIDN'T EVEN GET INTO THE BARREL OF THE THROW-TISSERIE
BEFORE HE COMPLETELY LOST HIS FOOTING.
YEAH, NOT SURE HE WAS ON THROW-TISSERIE LONG ENOUGH
TO LEARN ANYTHING.
EITHER NEEDS TO BE MORE CAUTIOUS OR AGGRESSIVE.
LOOKING MORE STEADY THIS TIME.
AT LEAST HE'S ON HIS FEET.
MIND BENDER EASING HIS WAY ACROSS THROW-TISSERIE.
SIDLING OVER. HANDS AND FEET WORKING TOGETHER.
THERE'S THE TRICKY EXIT.
ALL RIGHT.
DARK SIDE OF THE MOON AWAITS NOW.
AND ALL THOSE WIPEOUTS WOULD APPEAR
TO HAVE MIND BENDER'S FUN METER WAY DOWN.
YEAH, EVERY WIPEOUT IN THE ZONE TAKES ITS TOLL.
ALL THE SWIMMING AND CLIMBING A HUGE PART OF THE EXHAUSTION,
ESPECIALLY ON THIS OBSTACLE.
GETTING A MIND'S-EYE VIEW AS KENNY WORKS AROUND THE MOON.
IT IS 40 FEET ABOVE THE WATER TO THE TOP OF THIS OBSTACLE,
AND IT IS A BEAR TO SCALE.
AND THE SLIDE DOWN EQUALLY DICEY ON EVERY ATTEMPT.
FINALLY ON TOP OF THE MOON,
BUT IT IS AN OCEAN OF STORMS BELOW.
NEED TO CALCULATE WHEN THE PLATFORM WILL ALIGN
AND THEN TRUST IT.
OH! A VERY COSTLY WIPEOUT HERE.
MIND BENDER HAD THE TIMING EXACTLY RIGHT.
HE JUST FAILED TO CALCULATE FOR SPEED.
SO IT'S A SECOND MIND BENDING MOON SHOT.
MIND BENDER CLEARLY LOOKING TO BE QUICK ABOUT IT.
MAKING GOOD TIME ON HIS WAY TO THE LADDER,
BUT THIS HAS GOT TO BE AN EXHAUSTING CLIMB FOR HIM
AT THIS POINT.
LEGS HEAVY, THOSE MUSCLES BURNING.
THAT 8-RUNG CLIMB FEELS LIKE 80 RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
AND IT'LL BE 800 IF HE HAS TO DO IT AGAIN.
GETTING IN POSITION FOR THE PAYOFF.
HERE COMES THE SLIDE...
YES! MIND BENDER GOTTA BE THANKFUL
FOR HIS MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABILITIES AT THIS POINT.
HE IS NOW ON TO THE LAST OBSTACLE--TWISTED FALLS.
STAIRS GOING UP, THEN A DROP TO THE ***.
OH, NO!
MIND BENDER MANAGED TO GET THROUGH THE SPINNING BLADES
BUT JUST WASN'T ABLE TO STICK THE LANDING
AND SLIDE RIGHT OFF THE PLATFORM.
MIND BENDER APPROACHING 18 MINUTES IN THE ZONE.
I MEAN, LET'S APPLAUD THE EFFORT.
HE IS GRINDING IT OUT.
GOOD *** THERE.
GOTTA REPEAT THAT NOW TO CROSS OUR FINAL TRAMPOLINE,
AND HE WILL SET OUR OPENING TIME.
SMALL BOUNCES HERE. BIG THINGS TO COME.
OW!
YEAH!
MIND BENDER SETS THE TIME TO BEAT
FINALLY DONE!
LOOKING TO CHALLENGE HIM--
WE HAVE THE HACKER JOHN MAHONEY.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT GOT HIM HERE.
JOHN MAHONEY INFECTED OUR QUALIFIER
LIKE A SUPER VIRUS AND CAME IN SECOND OVERALL.
HE EVENTUALLY GAINED ACCESS
TO THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE'S MAINFRAME,
COMING IN FOURTH,
THEN BOUNCED BACK NICELY IN SUGAR SMACK.
SO IN A DAY OF UPs AND DOWNS,
IF THIS HACKER WANTS TO TRANSFER THE $50,000
TO HIS ONLINE BANK ACCOUNT, HE WILL HAVE TO OUTWIT THE ZONE.
YES!
THIS IS IT. THE HACKER LOADED INTO THE SLINGSHOT.
I CAN DO IT, RIGHT?
IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
NEVER HARD TILL YA TRY IT.
OUR LEADER KEEPING WATCH WITH JILL.
AND WATCH FOR ANYTHING UNDER 18:15
TO GIVE THE HACKER THE LEAD.
TIME TO SLINGSHOCK THE WORLD.
ROARING ALONG THE TRACK, WHERE THE SKY AND ZONE AWAIT!
OOH, HOO HOO! TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
THIS GUY CRACKED THE CODE ON THE SLINGSHOCK
WITH A PERFECT ROTATION,
AND ENTERED THE ZONE FEET FIRST.
THE MOST EXCITING 3 SECONDS IN SPORTS,
FOLLOWED BY A SWIM AND A CLIMB TO THROW-TISSERIE.
THE OPENING COMES AROUND, AND NOW HE IS SPIN IT TO WIN IT.
HEADED ACROSS NOW.
LOOK AT HIM! FLAWLESS AND SUREFOOTED OUT THERE!
AAH! UHH!
OH, HO!
DISAPPOINTMENT FOR OUR HACKER.
HE HAD MADE IT ALL THE WAY ACROSS,
COULDN'T LAND ON THAT MOVING EXIT PLATFORM.
HACKER HAS THE HARD PART FIGURED OUT HERE.
JUST NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THROW-TISSERIE
AS SMOOTHLY AS HE GETS IN.
USING THE SAME STRATEGY HERE, HOPING FOR A BETTER LANDING.
SLIPPING THROUGH THE OPENING...
AND THAT HACKER IS ON TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.
(Kenny and Jill) WOW.
MIND BENDER OVER THERE, LOOKING ON HELPLESSLY.
YEAH, THE HACKER REALLY GAINING ON OUR LEADER'S PACE.
ONLY 4:15 ON THE CLOCK AT THIS POINT, JOHN.
NO TROUBLE HANDLING THOSE SWEEPER BARS.
HE IS GO FOR ORBIT.
BUT THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
IS AN EXTREMELY CHALLENGING OBSTACLE,
AS WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN HERE.
DOWN THE HATCH!
OH, HO! MAN!
TERRIBLE.
YEAH, THINGS LOOK BLEAK FOR MIND BENDER.
THE LEAD AND THE 50 GRAND--
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA BE HIS VERY MUCH LONGER.
YEAH, THE HACKER ON TO TWISTED FALLS
WITH UNDER 5 MINUTES ON THE CLOCK.
HE ACTUALLY HAS TIME TO SLOW DOWN NOW
AND MAKE SURE TO GET THINGS RIGHT.
IT IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO SEE THROUGH THE WATER.
OHH! GOOD!
WAS THAT A... WOW.
THIS COULD BE AN INSANELY FAST FINISH FOR THE HACKER.
THERE IS JUST ONE JUMP AND ONE SET OF SPINNING BLADES
BUT BETWEEN HIM AND THE FINISH.
JOHNNY, THIS IS SECRETARIAT IN THE BELMONT,
HE IS SO FAR AHEAD.
THROUGH AND THROUGH!
INCREDIBLE!
HACKER JOHN MAHONEY SETS
AN ABSOLUTELY BLISTERING TIME TO BEAT OF 5 MINUTES, 10 SECONDS.
BUT THE ALGAE AVENGER IS STILL TO COME.
(speaking indistinctly)
BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE ARE GONNA HAND ONE OF THESE BRAINS $50,000.
♪♪♪
BRAINS VS. BRAWN, JOHNNY.
WE ARE BACK WITH YOU
ON A SMART GUY VS. TOUGH GUY "WIPEOUT"...
MINUS THE TOUGH GUYS.
WE ARE SET FOR THE FINAL RUN OF AN ALL-BRAIN WIPEOUT ZONE.
THE HACKER JOHN MAHONEY SET A VERY FAST TIME TO BEAT.
5 MINUTES, 10 SECONDS.
AND LOOKING TO BETTER THAT TIME, THE ALGAE AVENGER KYLE BOTSCH.
ALGAE AVENGER... (speaks indistinctly)
HERE'S A LOOK BACK AT HIS PERFORMANCE TO THIS POINT.
THE ALGAE AVENGER MADE HIS COMPETITION GREEN WITH ENVY
AS HE CAME IN AT THE FRONT OF THE PACK IN THE QUALIFIER.
HE STOOD UP TO THE MIAMI POUND MACHINE,
PLACING SECOND,
AND HAD AN IMPRESSIVE FINISH ON SUGAR SMACK.
IF OUR HERO IN GREEN WANTS TO GET HIS HANDS ON OUR GREEN,
HE'LL HAVE TO TAKE ON THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
SO IT COMES DOWN TO BRAINO Y BRAINO--
THIS IS PRETTY SCARY AND INTIMIDATING.
AND THE HACKER.
YOU MADE IT LOOK SO EASY.
IT WASN'T EASY. IT-- IT SHOULD NOT HAVE LOOKED EASY.
IF IT LOOKED EASY, YOU WEREN'T LOOKING CLOSE ENOUGH.
AH, BRAINS. SO GOOD AT TALKING TO CHICKS, JOHNNY.
ALGAE AVENGER WITH HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM.
BECAUSE HACKER LAID IT DOWN IN 5 MINUTES AND 10 SECONDS.
SLINGSHOCK ON ITS WAY.
AAH!
WHAT WAS THAT?
ALGAE AVENGER GOING EVERY WHICH WAY.
THE ALGAE AVENGER JUST FLIPPING AND TWISTING
HIS WAY INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
NOW STANDING AT THE ENTRANCE TO THROW-TISSERIE.
AND JUST AS AWKWARD HERE. HURLS HIMSELF INSIDE.
YEP, THIS ONE ALL ABOUT KEEPING YOUR BALANCE
THROUGH THAT ROTATION.
OH, HO! ALGAE AVENGER LOSING HIS BALANCE.
TRYING TO HANG ON,
BUT THROW-TISSERIE NOT A FORGIVING OBSTACLE.
AND THE CLOCK EVEN MORE UNFORGIVING.
ALGAE AVENGER ALREADY BEHIND THE PACE SET BY THE HACKER.
HE HEADS IN FOR A SECOND ATTEMPT NOW.
NOT THE MOST GRACEFUL APPROACH HERE,
BUT APPEARS TO BE WORKING FOR HIM.
HE'S INTO THE END.
BUT GOTTA BE CAREFUL HERE.
YOU WANNA CONTROL THE EXIT AND NOT SPILL OUT.
APPEARS TO BE DOING A LITTLE HAMSTER WHEELING NOW.
TOO MANY DAYS IN THE OL' ALGAE LAB.
MARKING TIME UNTIL THE OPENING APPEARS.
A HALF-TURN AWAY.
DROPS DOWN... YES!
HACKER GOTTA BE CONFIDENT WITH HIS LEAD AT THIS POINT,
BUT ALGAE AVENGER IS
JUST ONE CLEAN RUN THROUGH A TOUGH OBSTACLE AWAY
FROM CHANGING ALL OF THAT.
HE IS ON TO DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
WITH ABOUT A MINUTE AND A HALF TO FINISH THE COURSE.
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO MOVE QUICKER, THOUGH, TO MAKE THAT A REALITY.
YEP. WITH A PERFECT RUN, HE COULD STILL GET IT DONE.
WE HAVE SEEN AMAZING FINISHES IN THE ZONE BEFORE.
THE HACKER'S EXPRESSION VERY TELLING.
50 G's WORTH OF NERVES.
ALGAE AVENGER HAS REACHED THE PEAK
AND IS GETTING HIMSELF INTO POSITION.
COMING AROUND NOW.
OOH, THIS COULD BE RIGHT ON!
YOU GOT IT! ALGAE AVENGER-- WHAT A SLICK MOVE!
THIS SETS UP A GREAT FINISH.
ANOTHER CLEAN RUN ON TWISTED FALLS
AND IT'S POSSIBLE, JOHN.
BUT AGAIN, A MISS IS GONNA END IT.
GOING FOR IT.
OH, HO HO! WOW!
DISAPPOINTING TURN FOR THE ALGAE AVENGER.
TOOK THAT PLATFORM RIGHT TO THE FACE.
GOT SLAMMED BY THE BLADES NOT ONCE, BUT TWICE.
AND THAT IS A SECOND-PLACE SWIM THERE, JOHNNY.
(air horn blows)
YOU JUST WON "WIPEOUT"!
YOU JUST WON $50,000!
DID I REALLY WIN THE SHOW?!
OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? OH, MY GOD!
YOU DID!
YES, YOU DID!
YES, YOU DID!
NO, I DIDN'T!
THERE ARE NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT HERE.
THE BRAINS DOMINATED ON OUR FIRST-EVER
BRAINS VS. BRAWN EDITION OF "WIPEOUT."
JUST LIKE I ALWAYS KNEW THEY WOULD, JOHNNY.
YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD BEING RIGHT ALL THE TIME.
YEAH, I BET IT IS.
TUNE IN AGAIN NEXT TIME WHEN 24 INSANE CONTESTANTS
TAKE ON EVEN CRAZIER OBSTACLES.
UNTIL THEN, AMERICA, I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
AND FOR OUR COHOST JILL WAGNER,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
AAH!
AAH!
UHH!
NO!
♪♪♪
AAH!
OOH! UHH!
UHH!
NO!
(clank)
OH, NO! AAH!
AAH!
I'M JUST GONNA--
I'M JUST GONNA T-TAKE A NAP AGAINST YOU, LIKE YOU'RE A TREE.