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Do you buy, like, electronic stuff?
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
Duh. Hello?
Um...
I've got this cell phone, never even opened it.
See, still shrink-wrapped and everything.
It cost me $200 and I need to sell it.
Just take it back to where you bought it.
Well, I paid for it with cash, mislaid the receipt
and then I get home, I get a call that I lost my job
because I forgot to go.
Anyways, I can't afford it, so I'll give it to you for 100 bucks?
Are
et?
Of course.
I'm flattered that you asked, though, made my day.
I'll be sure to tell the kids.
(SCOFFS)
(EXHALES)
Hey, mind if I take look at that?
Sure.
Give you 20 bucks for it.
Is that what you're trying to do?
Guys, that's a very dangerous game, I'm telling you.
You know, they're only taking care of us for the check from the government.
And the free labor.
Chores is not labor.
Grouting?
What did you need the money for?
We just wanted some edible food, okay? We're telling the truth.
You haven't eaten Lois' cooking, Bernie. Trust me, we're all starving.
All?
Yeah, all both of us.
(SIGHING) I mean, it's really bad, Bernie.
Uh-huh.
(SIGHS)
CARL: One, two, one and...
(GUITAR PLAYING)
Good boy, somebod
(SIGHS) I am.
(OFF-KEY) ♪ Love deprived Feeling denied
♪ It's like nobody can see me ♪
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
What do you think, Carl?
Awesome. Baby, you gotta hear this lick of mine, it's sick.
(SIGHING)
(BLOWING)
(EXCLAIMS IN EXAS
(EXCLAIMS)
Excuse me.
(CHUCKLING) Huh? Oh!
Thanks.
So, how can I help you?
Oh!
Did you ever find Friday?
Wow, good memory.
Are you kidding?
Your dog's name is Friday, you moved here a couple of months ago,
and you're going to Thomas Jefferson in the fall.
Your name is Andi, you never said your brother's name,
and I don't mean to be judgmental, but those are the same jeans
and shoes you were wearing the other day.
My teachers say I have a photographic memory.
I actually remember being born. It was amazing.
(CHUCKLES)
That's cool. So, where's the dog food?
Um...
I forgot.
(LAUGHING)
Just down around the corner.
Okay.
Sorry it's not working out.
MAN: the d
Each child gets a monetary...
I understand, but that's what kids do. They grow.
Thank you.
(EXCLAIMS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
You two are very quiet.
Sean, right?
Howdy.
And Jeanine.
Hi, Jeanine, yeah.
We're about an hour early. I hope that's okay.
Of course. I'm glad you came in. I gotta tell you
when I got your application, I was really excited.
mean, we've bout
e.
Just decided, let's take the plunge.
(EXCITEDLY) Yeah.
Well, just to be sure, it says here that you don't mind siblings,
you're fine with older kids.
When I think about families getting split apart,
(CRYING) it just breaks my heart.
I think about those kids...
Well, your application looks great.
I mean, you've got great jobs, you live in a fantastic neighborhood.
I don't want to get too ahead of myself,
but I think I may have found the perfect kids for you.
(GASPING)
Yeah, okay, just ease up on the...
Tell us about 'em.
Well, she is a great girl, huge heart,
just always
r,
and he's some kind of a mechanical genius or something.
And it says on your application that you're an engineer. Isn't that correct?
That is correct, yes, sanitation engineer...
Will they call me mommy?
Mommy?
Uh-huh.
Uh...
(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
I mean, that's kind of a personal thing. I mean, some do.
How soon though, on average?
d really an a lot to me
if they would call me mommy by say, Thanksgiving.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, that's a very organic process, it's hard to say.
Yeah, we'll take care of the organics when we get 'em home.
(SIGHS) What are their names?
There are so many kids. I'm not sure...
Yeah, but those two, our kids, what are their names?
It's Andi and Bruce.
Andi and Bruce. Bruce and Andi.
Hmm.
Do you think they're too old to change their names?
Maybe a little.
See, he's gotta say that, babe, 'cause he works for the government.
He makes a promise he can't keep...
Oh!
...he gets a dribble. Isn't that right?
Oh!
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, so where do we go from here?
THROAT)
Well, you know, it's rather a lengthy process to be honest with you.
And sometimes it takes as long as years,
but I'm gonna file your application right here.
On the top.
On the top.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
My parents are all like,
"What do you mean you don't want to go on vacation this summer?"
And I'm like, "Sun, sand,
"hot guys playing volleyball in teeny-tiny bathing suits."
Yeah, I had to tell my parents,
"Europe's been there 2,000 years. It'll be there next year."
(SNICKERS) That's funny.
And besides, me a flying to meet my
and my parents flying from where they are to where we're going,
it's just too complicated and this is better, right?
Where else have you been?
Yeah, I've traveled a little bit. You know, Hawaii...
(DOG WHIMPERING)
(SIGHS)
Wish I could help you out, but
sorry.
(WHINES)
♪ You were gonna speak for me
♪ When I'm stuck in the sands of time
♪ Like a stranded beached whale ♪
(WHOOPING)
I don't know.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What don't you know?
It's another song about you.
It's like this fable of Carl, you know, we need a hook.
We gotta punch an issue.
You're harshing my mellow.
Let me finish.
Out.
Listen, we need to have like the theme song of an issue
to where every time it happens, they play us,
you know, like a fire or riots or an election.
The plague.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it.
Are you ready to rock and roll?
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff It's tough on me
♪ I need a little treat
♪ Treat
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff Looking for a meal
♪ Who's gonna give me something to eat
♪ Eat
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ I need a little treat
♪ Treat
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Who's gonna give me something to eat
♪ Who's gonna give me something to eat ♪
(WHOOPS)
I need a cookie.