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Announcer: Coming up on
"Marriage Today
with Jimmy & Karen"...
Jimmy: And until you let
your past die,
it will not let
your future live.
And there are some people
in your life, surely,
that have hurt you,
that have wounded you,
that have done things to you,
today, yesterday,
last week, or 20 years ago.
And if you hear their name,
or if you think about them,
and that thing rises up in you,
you need to forgive them.
Life hurts, and people
do things to us.
Betrayal, rejection, hurt...
uh, you know,
take things from us that--
that don't belong to them, or,
you know, just do things
to our relatives or people
that we love,
and--and these scars develop.
And unforgiveness
is very common for all of us,
and it--it can accumulate
in our lives.
But here is what Jesus
said in Matthew 18 about
this issue of forgiveness.
"Peter came to him and said,
'Lord, how often shall
my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him?
Up to seven times?'
Jesus said to him,
'I do not say to you,
up to seven times,
but up to 70 times seven.'
therefore the kingdom of Heaven
is like a certain king
who wanted to settle accounts
with his servant.
And when he had begun to settle
accounts, one was brought to him
who owed him 10,000 talents.
But as he was not able to pay,
his master commanded
that he be sold,
with his wife and children
and all that he had,
and the payment be made.
The servant therefore fell down
before him, saying,
'Master, have patience with me,
and I will pay you all.'
Then the master of that servant
was moved with compassion,
released him,
and forgave him the debt.
But that servant went out and
found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a hundred denarii.
And he laid hands on him and
took him by the throat, saying,
'Pay me what you owe!'
So his fellow servant
fell down at his feet
and begged him, saying,
'Have patience with me,
and I will pay you all.'
And he would not, but went
and threw him into prison
till he should pay the debt.
So when his fellow servants
saw what had been done,
they were very grieved,
and came and told their master
all that had been done.
Then his master, after
he had called him, said to him,
'You wicked servant!
I forgave you all that debt
because you begged me.
Should you not also have had
compassion on your fellow
servant, just as I had pity
on you?'
And his master was angry,
and delivered him
to the torturers
until he should pay all
that was due to him.
So my heavenly father also
will do to you if each of you,
from his heart,
does not forgive his brother
his trespasses."
Now, this is a sobering
scripture.
And the good thing is God will
give us as much grace
as we give away.
The--the amount of grace,
the Bible says,
"Judge not and you will not
be judged."
It says that when we give,
it will be given back to us.
"Good measure, pressed down,
shaken together, running over."
In the context there is mercy
and grace in Luke chapter six.
And so Jesus is telling a story,
you know. Listen--listen to
the ridiculousness of the story.
The man owed his master
ten million dollars,
a--an amount of money
that was insurmountable,
that he could have never even
paid the interests on,
and he begged his master
for forgiveness,
and his master forgave him.
And then, after being forgiven,
one of his fellow servants owed
him 10,000 dollars, 100 denarii.
And he begged him
for forgiveness,
but he wouldn't,
and demanded that he pay him
back, and then we see
God's response to that.
I--I want to talk about
h--how to forgive.
What forgiveness means,
and how to forgive.
Because all of us have people
that we need to forgive,
not just once, but daily.
How to forgive.
The--the first meaning
of forgiveness is permanently
forgiving all debt and bringing
the balance to zero.
If you owe me anything,
I haven't forgiven you.
In other words, forgiveness
means I "forgive." It's given.
The Greek word for
"forgive" is the word "aphiemi,"
and it literally means
"to send away or to leave."
It means it's gone.
I'm--I'm letting go of this,
and it's gone away from me.
I--I bring the balance to zero,
just like this master did
with his servant.
You owe me nothing,
I forgive you,
but he wouldn't forgive
his other servant.
Second--the second meaning
of forgiveness is "permanently
for--forfeiting the right
of reproach."
It means I'm not going
to punish you for what
you've done, personally.
I'm not going to punish you.
And when I see you or hear
about you, I will not act
in an unbecoming way,
like he did,
grabbing his fellow servant
and beating him until he paid.
Number three is "permanently
foregoing all expressions
of private and public judgment."
You don't talk bad
about that person.
You don't slander that person
privately.
You don't go around saying
you're doing things against
that person because if you have,
you haven't forgiven.
You trust God
with all those things.
Here are some forms
of unforgiveness.
Revenge. All revenge
is--is unforgiveness.
Hate, obviously.
Um, slander, gossip, sarcasm,
verbal abuse, name-calling,
labels, "idiot," "jerk,"
"moron," you know, uh, "witch,"
all those kind of things.
It's--that's unforgiveness.
Divorce is a form
of unforgiveness.
Jesus said in Matthew 19,
"You divorce your wives because
of the hardness of your hearts."
It's a form of unforgiveness.
Five, rejection and avoidance
for punishment's sake.
Again, I'm going to get you
back. And th--this is especially
true of close relationships.
Withholding good, transfer of
affection, bigotry, prejudice,
racism, sexism, all of that
is a form of hatred
and unforgiveness.
Bitterness, re--rehearsing
the hurt is...I'm bitter.
I just keep rehearsing it
constantly inside.
Internally wishing for bad
things to happen to them,
and praying against them.
Those are all forms
of unforgiveness.
If these are things
that are going on inside of you,
it just means
you haven't forgiven yet.
So, let's talk about
how to forgive.
Jesus said,
"Forgive from the heart."
If you don't forgive
from your heart--
and that means you're not just
saying it with your lips,
this is something
that's actually taking place
in your life. How do you
forgive from the heart?
Number one, we must remember
that our sins cost Jesus' life.
He hung on the cross and said,
"Father, forgive them.
They don't know what they're
doing," and that was the truth.
When I was in my sin,
I did not know what I was doing,
but I put Jesus Christ
on the cross,
and that's the gospel truth.
And I've--I've got to sober
myself up,
rather than telling myself,
"Well, I'm really a good person
but other people are bad."
I am not a good person.
I wasn't a good person.
Goodness is a fruit
of the Holy Spirit.
All of my righteousness
is like filthy rags,
but while I was still in my sin,
Jesus died for me.
I owe him everything
for what he did for me.
But he did it for me
after I put him on the cross.
I have to remember the price
that my master gave me.
This is what the foolish servant
did not do.
He'd been forgiven ten million
dollars, and acted as though
he was a holy Joe
when he saw somebody else
that owed him money.
The second thing is we must
remember that God loves
our offenders as much as
he loves us,
Christian or not.
And so you can look at people
around the world of different
religions, or different
political temperament, or--or,
you know, whatever it might be.
God loves.
God so loved the world that
he gave his only begotten son.
Not just God so loved America.
You know, God so loved
Republicans, or Democrats.
God so loved white people, or
black people, or brown people,
or red people, or yellow people.
God loves everybody the same.
Aren't you glad that our God
is a loving God?
He doesn't hate anybody.
He hates the devil.
But our God is a loving God,
so I--when you label people,
you devalue that person,
and you give yourself permission
to treat them poorly.
That's what we do.
We call them names, we--
we discredit them somehow,
by calling them names,
and we somehow give ourselves
a higher value than them,
and that gives us permission
to hate them. Well, God loves
them as much as he loves us.
And that's just the truth.
Number three, we must make
a permanent release
of their debt to us, and release
their judgment to God.
God says "'Vengeance is mine,
I will repay,' saith the Lord."
Unforgiveness is a form
of unbelief,
because unforgiveness says,
"I do not believe he'll
take care of it
if I give it to him."
Unforgiveness is unbelief.
Faith says, "I'm going--I'm not
going to carry the burden
of this." First of all,
I don't know everything
about this individual,
and what has happened
to them in their life, and--
and all the other, you know,
issues that they're going
through.
So I'm going to release
the--the judgment to God,
and I absolutely believe
that my God will be faithful.
I absolutely believe that my God
will be faithful in doing
whatever needs to be done,
if punishment is required,
if grace is required,
whatever it is.
I'm releasing it,
that's what it means, "aphiemi,"
I'm releasing all of this
to my God, and I believe
that he cares and he'll do
the right thing.
Unforgiveness means
I don't trust him.
I don't--I don't think God's
going to take care of it.
Number four, we must bless them
and pray for them, and this is
where healing comes from.
Luke 6:28,
"Bless those who curse you,
pray for those
who spitefully use you."
That's what Luke 6:28 says.
"Bless those who curse you."
That's not just a trite little
scripture, it is the secret
of God healing your heart.
How do you forgive
from your heart?
You bless that person.
If you can't bless them,
you haven't forgiven them.
And blessing them means, Lord,
bless them, save them,
forgive them,
don't hold this against them.
That's what Jesus said
on the cross, "Father, forgive
them. They don't know
what they're doing."
The other thing is you have
to resist Satan,
because he's the accuser
of the brethren.
He will come, just as surely as
you forgive them.
He's going to come back,
he's going to bring the offense,
the hurt back.
Something is going to trigger.
A song is going to come on,
a smell's going to come.
Something is going to happen,
and it's going to trigger
what that individual did to you.
About two weeks ago,
somebody said something to me
that reminded me of some
of the deepest hurt
I've been through in my life.
They made a statement,
very innocently, this is a good
person that said this,
very innocently they made this
statement, and it trig--
it took me instantly back to one
of the most painful things that
ever happened to me in my life.
And I had to forgive that
individual all over again, but
just because that trigger came,
and there it was.
The Devil is going to come
and try to put his finger
in that wound again.
And it may be tonight, it may be
three years from now, he's going
to try to stir that thing up.
You've got take your thoughts
captive, and every time it comes
back up, you've got to go
through the same process.
I put Jesus on the cross.
He loves them as much as
he loves me.
I trust God.
I--I bring the balance to zero.
I forgive them, and I trust God
to do whatever needs to be done,
and, Lord, I bless them.
And as you go through
that process, it will heal your
heart, and it closes the door
on the Devil.
Unforgiveness is torment.
Jesus said, "If you don't
forgive, you're going to be
turned over to tormentors."
You're on your way to Heaven,
God will never love you less
or more based on what you do.
You're loved by God,
that cannot be changed,
and I'm so thankful for that.
But when we will not forgive,
we live in torment.
It opens us up to
demonic torment.
And it's the truth.
Forgiveness doesn't make them
right, it just makes us free.
And until you let your past die,
it will not let
your future live.
And there are some people
in your life, surely,
that have hurt you,
that have wounded you,
that have done things to you,
today, yesterday, last week,
or 20 years ago.
And if you hear their name,
or if you think about them,
and that thing rises up in you,
you need to forgive them.
And you may have gone through
the process, and some people
say, "Well, I keep saying
I forgive them, but my feelings
don't change." If you bless
that person on a regular basis,
and go through these steps,
you'll feel--God will heal
your heart.
I hope you enjoyed that message.
You know, this series
on the good life, you know,
it's just a good teaching
on how to live the Christian
life, how to understand
God better, you know,
how to have victory in very
important areas of our lives.
And so, what you saw today--on
today's program is just a small
part of the full four-part
series called "The Good Life."
Today, for your gift of any
amount to support us here
at "Marriage Today," we want
to send you the one-CD teaching
called "A Daily Dynamic Prayer
Life." How to pray.
It's one of the basic teachings
of Christianity,
but it's amazing
how a few people have ever
heard it, when I got saved,
I didn't know how to pray
until someone taught me.
And so, what I'm teaching in
that CD is how to have a daily
dynamic prayer life that's
exciting, that's fulfilling,
and brings victory.
Also, right now, for your gift
of 50 dollars or more,
we'll send you the full
four-part "Good Life" CD series,
along with my books "Ten Steps
Toward"--or my book "Ten Steps
Toward Christ."
for 90 dollars or more,
we'll send you the DVD series
"The Good Life," plus the book
"Ten Steps Toward Christ."
And this is--this is
information, both the DVD,
the CD series, and the book,
this is information now
that goes through so many areas
of the Christian life. Really,
the reason that I wrote
the "Ten Steps" book,
and did the "Good Life"
teaching series is to help
people to have the basic skills
and tools to live the Christian
life victoriously. So, we want
to put this important
information into your hands.
Here's how you can get it.
Announcer: Understand
how to have
a real relationship with God,
and the foundations of knowing
him, with Jimmy's new series
"The Good Life."
This practical series
will show you how to experience
God through prayer,
the key to hearing God's voice,
and how to conquer
your thought life.
For your gift of 50 dollars
or more, we'll send you
the "Good Life" series on CD,
plus Jimmy's new book,
"Ten Steps Toward Christ."
For your gift of 90 dollars
or more, we'll send you
the DVD series and book.
Jimmy: And here's my prayer
that I pray on a regular basis,
"God, close doors for me
that no man can open,
and open doors for me
that no man can close
until I'm standing
in your perfect will."
Announcer: For your gift
of any amount,
we'll send you the CD single
message "A Daily Dynamic
Prayer Life."
Jimmy: And when you wake up
in the morning and you say,
"I don't know--I don't know
what to pray about."
What are you worried about?
Write, your prayer list
is your worry list.
Announcer: God has a fulfilling
plan for you. Experience
"The Good Life" today.
Jimmy: You know, this program
is on the issue of forgiveness.
Huge, huge issue that every
single person has to deal with,
and, you know, Karen,
if you don't--if you don't
deal with this one correctly...
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: Uh, it's a life-changer.
Karen: It is.
Jimmy: And--and we have some
questions from some of our
viewers across the country, and
these are--these are very good
questions, because
they deal with, you know,
the reality of--of what happens
when someone, you know,
has hurt us.
Karen: OK. And the first one,
she says, "How do I forgive
my spouse after
I've been deeply hurt?
There are constant reminders
everywhere.
It's not easy to trust him."
From Carol, in Missouri.
Jimmy: Well, OK.
Now, uh, you're talking--
I'm assuming your--her husband,
and there has been a lot
of hurt there. And she's talking
about trust.
Um, Carol, first of all,
I would say that's very common,
because you're--she's saying
there's reminders everywhere.
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: OK? M--maybe it was
an affair,
kind of sounds like it.
Maybe something like that.
There has to be repentance.
Now, you can forgive a person,
you have to forgive
a person regardless--
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: Of whether, um,
they've repented or not.
I mean, because it--
for unforgiveness affects us
more than them.
Karen: Exactly.
Jimmy: And we have to--for our
own health, this is the most
self-loving thing that we do,
OK? But, I don't have
to trust you, okay?
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: So, I--I can forgive you
even though I don't trust you.
So let's just say--let's just
say, for example, that's her
husband who's had an affair.
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: And--or he's done
something wrong and there really
hasn't been deep repentance.
Trust has to be earned.
Karen: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: And if you're going to
repair the damage of, let's just
say, infidelity in a marriage,
which it can be repaired,
is there has to be a genuine,
uh, repentance, without blame,
uh, "Well, you did this,
and you did this."
I have to take full
responsibility.
I have to be honest.
And come--come clean,
and accountable.
Which means that I'm going
to--I'm going to go get
counseling, I'm going to do
whatever it is, I'm going to let
you see my phone, I'm going to
let you have access
to my computer.
Uh, you know, you and I know
of a circumstance that happened
a couple of years ago,
where a husband would come home
and lock his computer
in the trunk of his car.
And his wife couldn't see it.
We were both like--
and he was having an affair.
And so, when you're hiding
things, when you're not
forthright, you need to forgive
him, and, really,
that's a matter
between you and Jesus,
OK?
But it doesn't mean you trust.
I can still, you know,
guard my heart, and I can still
be careful in the relationship,
based on the fact that you're
not--you're not showing
good faith in this.
Rather than just setting myself
up for further devastation.
Karen: Yeah.
Well, I think forgiveness
in a situation like that,
and not only is it for you,
it frees you to love.
Um, you--you--I mean, there's
a difference between loving
and trusting, and then--
Jimmy: That's right.
Karen: You know, you can love
someone, and still, you know,
say, "Well, trust has to be
earned," I mean.
Jimmy: Right.
Karen: And Jesus said this.
Jesus said "I don't trust
a man," but he never withheld
his love.
Jimmy: That's a good point,
Karen.
Karen: You know, he--he always
continued to love. So, I think
the next question's yours.
Jimmy: Well, you can--you can
forgive, just like Karen said,
you can forgive, and you can
love, but you can still guard
your heart in a circumstance
where someone is--is hurting
you. But if that--if it goes too
far, if it crosses that line
of abuse, you can also protect
yourself, and I--I believe
that's what the Lord wants you
to do. This is a question
for Karen.
Uh, "Karen, how do you know
that God has truly forgiven
you? I still feel guilt over
my mistakes," and that's from
Nicky, in New York.
Karen: Well, I don't think it's
a matter of feeling, because
I don't think you can ever f--
our feelings are so fickle,
you know? I mean,
things can trigger
whether you feel, you know,
good one minute, the next,
you know,
something might trigger another
feeling of guilt, other than
that, you know, somebody might
say something like--let's just
say a lot of the women that I--
I talk to, anyway, feel
the guilty about maybe having an
abortion, or having an affair.
So, every time a preacher talks
about having an abortion,
that--that triggers
that guilt again.
Jimmy: Right.
Karen: But if they've asked for
forgiveness, Jesus forgave them.
And it says "From the east
to the west," it's--it's gone.
Jimmy: Psalm 103, "As far as
the east is from the west."
Karen: And he doesn't remember
it. And, uh--and someone said
that, um, years ago to me,
it makes--it's just suffering.
If God can't remember it,
why do we think we should think
he remembers, or why should we
remember it?
And as much as he's forgotten
it, we need to forget it,
you know, and--and let him heal
those hurts, because sometimes,
I think the enemy uses the guilt
to keep us from being healed,
too.
And, like, if you've had
an affair, or if you've had
an abortion, sometimes you just
need healing.
You just need to be healed
from the scars, from the--the
situation that was so damaging,
from that--from you making
those choices, you know?
And, um, and let the Lord heal
you, and then, uh, maybe that'll
take care of some of this guilt.
But, you know, it's not
a feeling, it's a fact.
If God says "I forgive you,"
it means he for--
he forgives you.
Jimmy: I--I dealt with just
kind of chronic guilt, and
condemnation for years after
I got saved, because I was very
amoral, Karen, before we got
married. I mean, I was--I was a
bad guy. And I--I felt I--
Karen: I like to say you are
James Dean.
[Audience chuckles]
Jimmy: James Dean? Yeah.
[Chuckles]
Like I said, but, uh,
I'd done so many bad things that
when I became a Christian, and
I knew the Lord, I felt I just--
I couldn't get over
that sense of failure.
And Satan condemns, you know?
Romans 8:1 says, "There is
therefore now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ
Jesus." But I felt condemned,
and the Devil is constantly
reminding us of our faults,
because he wants to keep us
away from God. Once we get
to God, everything works.
And God is a God of grace
and mercy. If--if God wanted--
Karen: Because it still makes
you feel like you're in debt.
Jimmy: A--absolutely,
it makes you feel like--
Karen: You've been forgiven,
but you feel like you still
have to pay a debt.
Jimmy: Exactly. And you feel
like a second class citizen.
You don't feel loved by God.
And so, in--in my case,
I remember when I got to a point
where I--I--I remember
two things, one is I--I heard
a preacher, someone, say, "Every
time the Devil brings up your
sins, praise God for the blood
of Jesus, and he'll stop."
And literally every time
after that, I'm talking about
sins that I've repented of
100 times.
Every time that I, uh, would,
you know, be reminded of some
bad things that I had done, um,
I just start--I just start
praising God for the blood
of Jesus. And it worked.
The other thing is, you said it
exactly right, Karen, faith
in the blood of Jesus.
The blood of Jesus is
the strongest cleansing agent
in the universe.
And the Bible says
"Where sin does abound,
grace does much more abound."
If God wanted to be hard
to get along with, why would
he allow his son to die
for the sins of the world?
Why would Jesus die,
and then God be difficult?
Jesus died so that our sins
could be totally wiped away,
and we could have a perfect
relationship with God
in spite of our performance.
That's what grace means.
"It's not of works,
lest any man should boast."
So, we have to have faith
that we're reminded of that
sin--you said abortion,
adultery, anything that
we've done, and we're reminded
of that sin,
and rather than going into
the guilt mode, and feeling like
we have to perform or pay it
off, or say we're sorry again,
we go into the faith mode
that says I'm forgiven.
Jesus has forgiven me.
That--that sin has been removed
from me as far as the east
is from the west.
I have a perfect relationship
with God, through the blood
of Jesus, not because of me,
because condemnation
is about me. Guilt is about me.
But grace is about
the blood of Jesus Christ.
So, it's not about feelings,
it's about faith.
And when you begin to exercise
your faith, and act like
God loves you,
and act like you're forgiven,
and every time you're reminded
of that sin, praise God
for the blood of Jesus,
I promise it's going to help you
to really feel free,
and act free, and then
your emotions will change.
Good--great question, though.
We have some more questions
that we're going to answer.
Right now, you know,
Karen and I, we have a special
group of partners
that stand with us
every month financially.
It's the only reason that we're
coming to you right now, and can
come back to you, it's because
of the precious people who stand
with us and that group of
people, we call them Rock Solid
Partners, they get a special
resource that no one else gets.
Karen and I are asking you,
if you've been blessed by this
program, we're asking you
to stand with us financially,
and here's how you can do it.
Announcer: When you stand with
"Marriage Today," your
individual effort
multiplies with other
like-minded partners, and
together, we can rebuild the
dream of marriage for couples
around the world.
Being a Rock Solid Partner
with "Marriage Today" grants you
immediate access to an exclusive
library of the ministry's
resources and intimately
connects you with our mission of
helping couples succeed in
marriage.
Woman: That's really why we
became Rock Solid Partners, just
because there was so much
available to help us to help
other marriages heal the way
that we have.
Man: That's why we're tied into
the ministry. We want to be able
to bless and give so they can
keep doing what they're doing.
Woman: You're guaranteed if you
listen to any of the resources,
you read the resources, you come
to a conference, you will be
changed.
Announcer: Everyone has
something to give,
and there are millions of
unreached couples who
desperately need the marriage
strengthening resources of
"Marriage Today." That's why we
need you to join us. Become a
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Karen: Welcome back, and, Jimmy,
I have another question for you.
Jimmy: OK.
Karen: Uh, "Is it okay to break
off the relationship with family
members if they repeatedly
take advantage of you?
We've forgiven them,
but they continue to hurt us."
From Jack in Kansas.
Jimmy: Yes, it is, Jack, and--
and the thing I would say is,
as you're communicating
your love--not in bitterness.
And again, sometimes,
what--what someone might confuse
is this point.
If you've forgiven me,
that means there can't be
any punitive measure brought.
I can forgive you, but you
might need to go to prison.
I mean, seriously, there are
people that have a crime
committed against them,
and they forgive the crime
and the criminal, but there's
still justice involved.
And so, forgiveness doesn't
mean there's no consequences.
Forgiveness just means
I've made the decision that
I'm not going to try to be God
and take this out on you,
and, from my heart,
I'm forgiving you.
Now, because you will not take
responsibility for your
behavior, and because this is
a repeated action
that is damaging us, yes,
I think it--in love, I think
it's appropriate to--to say
to a--an individual, or
a family member, "I love you."
"We care for you,
we desire the relationship,
but because of the repeated,
uh, actions that you've taken
and your--
and your unwillingness
to take responsibility, and what
that's done in our relationship,
we're going to separate
ourselves, we're going to,
you know, stay apart.
We love you, we're not doing
this because we hate you,
we still love you,
but we are doing this
because you won't take
responsibility." And then,
in the right spirit, you've made
that decision for the right
reasons.
And the door is open.
If they want to come back
through that door,
they understand, "If I take
responsibility, I can have
a relationship with you,"
but, is the old saying
that you--you train people
how to treat you.
And when you keep going back
into the same place, or someone
doing something, you're training
them to disrespect you.
But when you draw the line and
say "I love you, but you keep
crossing that line,
and you're going to need to stay
on that side of the line,"
and they won't, you've got to do
something to protect yourself.
Karen: Well, I was sitting here
thinking about how it's so
important to even think about
these things when you first
marry, because as a c--as a
couple, you know, you should--
you should discuss the
parameters that--the parameters
that you want to have within
your family unit.
You know, so that an in-law
can't abuse, you know, come in
and abuse their time with you,
or--or you know, these are
important things to discuss
before, uh, outside family
situations come up.
Because, you know, if you're
already a family unit,
if you--your husband and wife
are already a team, then when
situations like this come up,
you know how to handle them,
and they don't become volatile.
You can just, you know, calmly
sit down and say so and so,
you know, as a family unit,
you know, we--we can't allow
this in our home.
You know, what you do in your
home is your business, you know,
and--but I'm thinking of
the in-law thing, and
this is something that you and I
learned so early on, is,
you know, I--we've always
loved and respected
each other's parents.
And, um, but we've also kept
boundaries, you know.
We know--
and--and we do this
for our kids, you know.
We told, you know, our son
and his wife, because I--we were
the in-laws, um, and--and
our--our son-in-law
that we didn't want to, um,
over--overstep where we were in
their relationship, you know,
because things can happen,
you know? You--you can get into
family issues that are not good.
And so, you know, to set those
boundaries early, let's say,
you know, we told our kids,
you know, "We won't be coming
knocking at your door,"
you know, "If you want us,
you know, call us," you know.
"We don't want to, you know,
infringe on your, um,
privacies." And so, you know,
I just think it's a good thing,
too, as a couple, to just
discuss before, and--and know
what your, um, family unit
believes in.
Jimmy: And it's--and it's so
good when you have that open
communication, Karen.
And--and you do need to
communicate lovingly
and consistently.
In some cases, when
communication breaks down,
you don't have that ability.
You don't need to be ugly or
hateful, or anything like that,
but, lovingly,
for the right reasons.
That's--that's the spirit
I hear in this question.
And we hope that that is
helpful to you.
Again, this program today
is on forgiveness.
Huge issue.
We hope that this has been
a blessing to you.
We're out of time,
but we'll see you here next time
on "Marriage Today."
God bless you. Good-bye.
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