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GENE: AND A PREHISTORIC
FLYING TURTLE IS BACK
TO SAVE TOKYO IN "GAMERA:
THE GUARDIAN OF THE
UNIVERSE."
YOU.
ROGER: OUR NEXT FILM IS
AN EXAMPLE OF A GENRE
I HAVEN'T SEEN IN A WHILE --
THE JAPANESE MONSTER MOVIE.
NOT AS WELL KNOWN
AS "GODZILLA," BUT
NEVERTHELESS THE STAR
OF EIGHT OTHER FILMS,
THE HERO OF "GAMERA:
THE GUARDIAN OF THE
UNIVERSE" IS A GIANT,
PREHISTORIC FLYING TURTLE
■■
DEEP TO DEFEND JAPAN AGAINST
THE THREAT OF THE GAOS,
WHICH ARE SORT OF GIANT,
PREHISTORIC BATS OR BIRDS
THAT COME EQUIPPED
WITH LASER-LIKE BEAMS.
THEY LIKE TO SWOOP DOWN
AND MAKE A QUICK MEAL
OF DOGS OR PEOPLE WHO STRAY
OUTSIDE, AND WHEN
THEY ATTACK, A STATE
OF EMERGENCY IS DECLARED.
ROGER: THEN IT'S GAMERA
TO THE RESCUE.
ALTHOUGH GODZILLA USUALLY
DESTROYS TOKYO, GAMERA ONLY
CLUMSILY KNOCKS OVER A FEW
BUILDINGS IN HIS ATTEMPT
TO BATTLE THE EVIL BIRDS.
NEVERTHELESS, OF COURSE,
THE AUTHORITIES THINK GAMERA
IS HOSTILE.
I GUESS THEY HAVEN'T LEARNED
ANYTHING FROM ALL
OF HIS PREVIOUS MOVIES OVER
THE LAST 30 YEARS.
[SCREAMING]
ROGER: ONLY A YOUNG WOMAN,
THE DAUGHTER OF A SCIENTIST,
UNDERSTANDS GAMERA.
THEY COMMUNICATE BY A MAGIC
STONE.
SHE HOLDS IT, IT GLOWS,
AND SHE CAN READ GAMERA'S
■■
SHE'S PLAYED HERE BY AYAKO
FUJITANI, THE DAUGHTER
OF MOVIE STAR STEVEN SEAGAL,
AND JUST LIKE HER DAD,
SHE ONLY APPEARS IN THE MOST
INTELLIGENT SCREENPLAYS.
ROGER: NOW, I'M NOT GOING
TO CLAIM THAT "GAMERA:
THE GUARDIAN OF THE
UNIVERSE" IS A GOOD MOVIE.
THE PLOT IS CLUNKY,
THE DIALOGUE IS MECHANICAL,
THE CHARACTERS ARE INANE,
AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY A GIANT TURTLE
APPT
ENGINES EMBEDDED
IN ITS BEHIND.
BUT -- AND THIS IS A BIG
"BUT" -- I ENJOYED THIS
MOVIE PRECISELY BECAUSE
OF THOSE QUALITIES.
IT STIRRED UP ENORMOUS
NOSTALGIA WITHIN ME
FOR THE KIND OF
GOOD-HEARTED, GOOFY,
PREPOSTEROUS TRADITION THESE
JAPANESE MONSTER MOVIES COME
OUT OF.
I'M GLAD I SAW IT, I ENJOYED
IT, AND SO I HAVE TO GIVE IT
THUMBS-UP.
GENE: WELL, I THINK THAT ALL
OF THE CRITICISMS
YOU LEVELED AGAINST IT ARE
ABSOLUTELY ACCURATE.
ROGER: THANK YOU.
GENE: AND SO WHAT I WOULD DO
IS GET ONE OF THE GOOD
ONES -- GET ONE OF
THE "GODZILLA" PICTURES
AND RENT THAT AND PUT THAT
ON, AND THEN YOU COULD
RECOMMEND THAT BECAUSE THAT
WILL BE MORE ENTERTAINING
THAN THIS.
ROGER: WELL, GENE, WHY DON'T
I JUST RENT "CITIZEN KANE"
AND NOT LOOK AT ANY
OF THE MOVIES WE REVIEWED
THIS YEAR?
GENE: WELL, YOU CAN DO THAT,
AND I THINK YOU AND I BOTH
LOOK AT "CITIZEN KANE"
REGULARLY -- BUT I'M JUST
SAYING IS THAT I THINK
YOU WANT TO LIKE THIS
PICTURE MORE THAN YOU KNOW
IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS THAT
IT REALLY CONTAINS
ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
ROGER: THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.
GENE: OK, AND THE OTHER
THING THAT I WOULD SAY IS
I LOVE THE IDEA OF A GIANT
TURTLE, OK?
I WANT TO GO SEE A GIANT,
ATOMIC-POWERED TURTLE,
AND I WANT TO SEE HIM
IN A GOOD PICTURE.
I LOVED "Q," A PICTURE ABOUT
THAT GIANT --
ROGER: YEAH, THAT WAS A GOOD
PICTURE.
GENE: BUT THAT'S THE KIND
OF FUN PICTURE YOU OUGHT
TO BE REMMENDING.
THIS DOESN'T QUITE ■AKE
THE CATEGORY.
A SPLIT DECISION ON "GAMERA:
THE GUARDIAN OF THE
UNIVERSE."
GENE THINKS THE STORY IS
DUMB, THE CHARACTERS ARE
THIN, AND THE
SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE
UNCONVINCING.
SO DO I, BUT I WAS NOSTALGIC
ABOUT THIS THROWBACK