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CECIL: Hello viewers! My name is Cecil Baldwin.
Some of you may have heard me on Night Vale town's radio. On the radio,
I share news about both wonderful and strange things that are happening around the town
Now, I consider myself very dedicated to my job as a radio broadcaster.
I realized that... Are my radio podcasts accessible to the deaf people? No.
I decided to go ahead and make videos for people who are deaf,
who like to sign, and/or who just don't like to hear stuff.
So, enjoy!
CECIL: A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and
mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.
Welcome to Night Vale.
Hello, listeners. To start things off, I've been asked to read this brief notice: "The
City Council announces the opening of a new dog park at the corner of Earl and Sommerset,
near the Ralph's. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the
dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. It is possible that you will see hooded
figures in the dog park. DO NOT APPROACH THEM. DO NOT APPROACH THE DOG PARK. The fence is
electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the dog park, and, especially,
do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The dog park will not harm you."
And now, the news.
Old Woman Josie, out near the car lot, says the angels revealed themselves to her. She
said they were ten feet tall, and radiant. Two angels are white and one is black. She said they helped
her with various household chores. One of them changed a lightbulb for her. The porch
light. She's offering to sell the lightbulb, which has been touched by an angel.
If you're interested, contact Old Woman Josie. She's out near the car lot.
A new man came into town today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect
and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat? He says he is a scientist.
Well. We have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here?
And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical
instruments in that lab he's renting? The one next to Big Rico's Pizza. No one does
a slice like Big Rico...no one.
Just a reminder to all the parents out there: let's talk about safety when taking your children
out to play in the scrublands and the sand wastes. You need to give them plenty of water,
make sure there's a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors.
Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably world government. Not
a good area for play that day. Are they blue? That's the sheriff's secret police. They'll
keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one. Are they painted with complex murals
depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want.
Do not play in the area. Return to your home and lock the doors until a sheriff's secret
policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover
your ears to blot out the screams. Oh, you deaf people don't have to worry!
Also, remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids
plain old water, and maybe some orange slices, when they play.
A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear
in the Night Vale Elementary gymnasium during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite
badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second, and before
it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again...this time, apparently,
for good. There is no word yet on if, or how, this will affect the Night Vale Mountain Lions'
game schedule, and also, if this could be the work of their bitter rivals, the Desert
Bluffs Cacti. Desert Bluffs is always trying to show us up through fancier uniforms, better
pre-game snacks, and, possibly, by transporting a commercial jet into our gymnasium, delaying
practice for several minutes-- at least! For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame.
That new scientist, we now know, is named Carlos. He called a town meeting. He has a
square jaw and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate and despair
and love that perfect hair in equal measure. Old Woman Josie brought corn muffins, which
were decent, but lacked salt. She said the angels had taken her salt for a godly mission,
and she hadn't yet gotten around to buying more. Carlos told us that we are, by far,
the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S. And he had come to study just
what was going on around here! He grinned, and everything about him was perfect.
And I fell in love instantly.