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hello and welcome who a new edition to the mediator and blue jeans
I am your host Shawna Leady and in today's
episode we gonna talk about taking a break
from dating Lisa writes
my boyfriend Jake and I have been together for two years
we met in college and we're about to graduate this spring
he says he wants to marry me but I don't know if I'm ready
I don't wanna lose him but I don't wanna rush into anything either
what should I do well least I can tell you
I applaud you for being wise to consider your
options as well as you readiness for marriage
you two are about to enter rather transformative period in your life
but finding your place in the real world
as an individual and as a couple
but before you make any major commitments I would suggest that you
take a dating break here's what I mean
and you talk to your boyfriend and let him know
how much you love him make sure he understands that your feelings haven't
changed
and you just feel secure in the love and friendship that you should you share
with him
you only wanna make sure
that you give each other a chance to be independent
outside your relationship and before you make any serious commitments
tell him you don't want to fall into
marrying him because it sounded good at the time
you two need to walk boldly towards the future together
with that whatever that future maybe and one of the only ways you can do this
is by meeting and dating
other people your intention here is to find your identity
outside to the relationship in college it's so easy to create your own
relationship bubble but taking a break
will help you see the world before anyone in
before anyone makes any major commitments like marriage
each person should know how to survive on their own
by having a own friends in interests this
habit will help you have a healthy marriage
because you will not only because you will not
become codependent on each other instead
each person has a space be themselves
and have healthy support system
both within and outside marriage now when I say
should take a break in dade here's what I mean one
get involved in outside interests and involved in activities in groups
that interests you get outside your comfort zone
next go on at least
one platonic date a week
with with multiple people 3
the sole purpose going on these dates is getting to know
new people this break is not intended
to give you permission to hook up with anyone
everyone it does mean however you don't have any expectations
about these new relationships in terms
up forming love interest instead
it is an exercise in appreciating what each if you brings to the relationship
if you do decide to get married later now when you go out to date it doesn't
necessarily mean you have to have the highest
chemical spoke with someone but if someone asks you to go out
say yes even if the chemistry isn't there
use this opportunity
as a process a building your friendships and skills
with the opposite sex again
platonic relationships not to mention this is the perfect time to go outside
your comfort zone
make a commitment to at least on one date
this once a week when you're on a date
be polite have fun and if necessary set clear boundaries
meaning no sex get to know
a new person for who they are
it is simple experiment in getting to know all types of people
I mean if you really think about it each date is only it for a few hours, so it
doesn't really mean
the you have anything to lose and you just might have something to gain
and it might be as entertaining more entertaining than you think
and then set a specific time with Jake
to reconnect six months should do it
and just be committed to the dating experiment until then
but one word of caution
this process has a way of showing the cracks in a relationship
and it's better to find out now how to either mend the cracks in in the
relationship
before you get married
and if either have you wanna break it off during this six months because
of feelings of insecurity or
with jealousy be thankful that you found out
then because the relationship
would have likely ended if you had gotten married
remember a healthy relationship and healthy marriage
is trusting and loving and allowance for
platonic friends the opposite sex
I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out for you and
congratulations
on your potential graduation
well guys that's all for me tonight if you have a question you'd like me to
have answered
I'll are you would like me to answer please email me
and mediator in jeans dot com and don't forget to subscribe to this
channel there's going to be more fun an exciting episodes to come
and until next time be fair with each other
by for now