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Previously On Ugly Betty,
You Are The Gym Teacher?
Yes.
Is There Any Chance That You Know
Who My Father Is?
I Didn't See Anything
But The ??? Bird Tattoo On His ***.
??? Is My Father.
Daddy?
Daughter?
I'm Having Your Father's Child.
My Only Concern Is Giving It
Everything It Deserves.
And What Would That Be?
One-Third
Of The Mead Empire.
Henry.
You Are Not In Tucson?
I'm Going Back.
What?
My Brother's Totally ??? On Your Girlfriend.
I'm Not A Big Believer
In This Whole Fantasy Thing
But I Believe That You Want To Have
A Bit Of Yours.
I'm Lucky.
Except For The Part When Henry's
Leaving Me After His Baby's Born.
Oh, God.
Did You Hear Her
Crying Last Night?
Ay, It's Only Been
Two Weeks, Papi.
She Loved Henry.
She Needs To Go Through This.
I Just Wish There Were
Something We Could Do.
- There Is.
You Can Buy More Tissues.
- Hi.
Hilda, You're Out
Of Your Puffy Eye Cream Stuff.
- Sorry.
- Oh, Don't Worry, Aunt Betty.
I'm On It.
Well,
I Hope You're Hungry,
'Cause You're Just In Time
For Eggs A La Hilda.
- What's Eggs A La Hilda?
- It's Scrambled Eggs.
Papi,
I Don't Want To Hear It.
You're Sick.
I'm Making Breakfast.
- Hilda, I'm Not Very Hungry.
- Amor, You've Barely Eaten Since
Henry Went Back To Tucson.
It's True, Aunt Betty.
You've Been Looking
Really Skinny.
- That's Supposed To Sound Bad.
- Guys, You're All Being So Sweet,
But I Do Not Want You
Worrying About Me, Okay?
Henry And I Agreed
A Clean Break Would Be Best.
You Know, When I Break Up
With A Guy
I Like To Get A Little Bit Scary
So He Doesn't Forget Me.
All Right, Justin, Come On.
We Gotta Go.
- I Gotta Get Ready For
The P.
T.
A.
Thing This Morning.
- Since When Are You On The P.
T.
A.
?
- Since She Has A Crush On My Gym Teacher.
- What? Who? Tony? He's Okay.
- Why? Did He Say Something?
Do You Think He Likes Me?
- What's Not To Like?
Oh, My God.
He's Such A Good
Mwah.
Mwah.
Mwah.
- Such A Good Boy.
Here.
Have Some
Juice A La Hilda.
- What Is This?
It's Juice.
Mija, You Seem Tired.
Can't You Take
A Little Time Off Work?
No.
Are You Kidding?
Work Is The Only Thing
That Kind Of Keeps My Mind
Off Of Henry.
I'm Secretly Hoping
The "Mode" Drama Doesn't End.
Will The Drama
At "Mode" Ever End?
Fashion Diva
And Headline Stealer
Wilhelmina Slater
Is Back On The Scene
With Child Ish.
She'll Be Using
An Unnamed Surrogate
To Birth The Baby.
Wilhelmina A Mother Again?
She's Certainly Been Called One.
The Babe Was Confirmed To Be
The Spawn Of Bradford Meade,
Who Gifted Wilhelmina
With His Frozen Swimmers
Just Before His Death.
And They Say Romance Is Dead.
Will La Slater
Return To "Mode"?
Will The Baby Own A Share
Of The Meade Fortune?
Insiders Tell Me
The Meades Are Fighting Her
Tooth And French Tip Nail
With A Legal Decision
Expected This Morning.
No, Daniel Is Not Available.
- We Will Be Releasing A Statement
This Afternoon.
- Any News Yet?
No, They're On The Phone
With The Lawyer Right Now.
I Don't Know.
Maybe The News Will Be Good.
- Maybe Wilhelmina Will Have Lost.
- Wilhelmina Never Loses.
Oh, Why Did I Agree
To Have This Baby?
Christina,
You Didn't Have A Choice.
- You Needed The Money For Stuart's Operation.
- Ohh, Oh.
Claire Meade Looked At Me.
- She Hates Me.
I Don't Blame Her.
- She Doesn't Hate You.
And She'll
Totally Understand.
Look, Look, Look.
They're Coming Out Now.
Just Take A Deep Breath
Look Her In The Eye
And Just Explain It
So Is It Bad?
It's Terrible.
Our Father's Will Divided
The Company Evenly
Among His Children.
- Unfortunately, That Includes
Future Children?
- None Of This Makes Any Sense.
Bradford Never Wanted
To Have Another Child,
- And Now To Have One With Her?
- It's Happening, And Until That Kid Turns 18,
Wilhelmina Controls
A Third Of This Company.
So That Means?
Wilhelmina Is Back.
Let's Do This ***.
If She Tries Anything,
Call Security.
I Can Take Her.
What? I Can.
Whatever Happens,
I'm Right Here.
Family Meade,
I Just Want To Say,
How Thrilled And Honored
I Am To Be Back Here.
Today Is A New Day,
And I Hope We Can All
Put The Past Behind Us.
Wonderful Seeing You All.
Oh, Now That Was Fun.
Am I Smiling? I Can't Tell.
I Think You Are.
Oh, Willie
It's So Good
To Be Back
And To Have
Health Insurance Again,
Because I Have
This Weird Mole Thing.
But Daniel Still Runs "Mode,"
And Alexis Still Runs Meade.
What's Our Next Move?
To Divide The House Of Meade.
We'll Start
With The Weakest Link.
Did You See The Look
On Daniel's Face?
Terror.
If There's One Thing I Know
How To Do, It's Manipulate Fear.
You Are A Horror Movie
I Wish Would Never End.
I Can't Believe
This Is Happening.
I Mean, I've Had Nightmares
About Her Coming Back.
They Usually End With Her
Stabbing Me With A Stiletto
And Turning Into A-Poof!
Bat.
- Daniel, Keep It Together.
- How Can I? She's Been After My Job
Since I Started Here.
Well, She's Not Gonna Get It,
So Stop Panting.
Wilhelmina Has No Creative Input
Here Whatsoever.
She's Nothing More Than
A Chanel Suit With An Office.
Yes, But She's One-Third
Of This Company,
And She's Got
The Devil On Her Side.
Yeah, But The Devil
Doesn't Get A Vote.
There's Two Of Us,
And There's One Of Her.
Do You Know What?
You're Right.
- It's Two Against One.
- Exactly, So Relax.
We Won't Make A Move
Without One Another.
Whew.
Mrs.
Meade,
I'm Taking Lunch Orders.
- Could I Get You Something?
- Actually, I Was Just About To Call You.
There Is Something
You Can Do For Me.
- You Can Write An Article
For "Hot Flash.
"
- An Article?
Yes.
I'm Short
Four Pages Of Content.
Now I Know "Hot Flash" Is
A Magazine For Older Women,
But You Could Give It
Its Youth Perspective.
By Tomorrow Morning.
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, I Can Do This.
So, Like, When You Say,
"Youth Perspective,"
What Does That Mean Exactly?
Betty, Betty,
You're The Writer.
Figure It Out.
I'm The Writer.
Okay.
Uh, Okay.
Oh, And, Mrs.
Meade?
Thank You.
You're Welcome.
Mad Props
On The Dramatic Entrance.
I Wanted To Use A Strobe Light
As We Hit The Tube,
But Wil Said
It Was Over-The-Top.
- O- M-G, We Have So Much
To Catch Up On.
- I Know.
- Me First.
- Oh.
You Know How I've Been
Working With My Father,
Gene Simmons From Kiss,
On A New Reality Show?
Well, Prepare Yo'self.
* This Is The Story
* The Story Is True
* How I Found My Daughter
* He Never Even Knew-Ew
* She Tracked Me Down
* With Only One Clue
* It Was On My Butt
* That Fateful
* Tattoo
* Tattoo
* On My Butt
* What? What?
"Daddy's Little Girl.
"
Mandy
You're Gonna Be
A Reality Tv Star.
It's What Every Pretty Girl With
No Specific Talent Dreams Of.
I Know, Right?
And Every Episode,
We Do A New Fun,
Father-Daughter Activity.
You Know, Like Camping
Or Riding Bikes
- Or Trashing A Hotel Room.
- Oh, You Know What?
Every Successful Tv Show Has
- A Shticky, Gay Best Friend Sidekick.
- No.
No, No, Marc.
You Can't Be On The Show.
Come On.
Why Not?
Marc And Amanda.
We're So Funny Together.
Everyone Says So.
Okay.
There's No Other Way
To Tell You This-
You Know How, In Real Life,
You're Always So Jumpy
And Bopping Your Head
And Moving Around
Like
Well,
That Makes You Blurry,
And On Tv, People Can
Actually See Your Face.
Wow.
You're Cute,
But You're Not Tv Cute.
- I Am So Glad I Got That Off My Chest.
I Feel So Much Better.
- Oh.
- You Wanna Watch It Again?
- Sure.
Okay, Eight Turkey,
Six Veggie,
Four Chicken Curry Salad
- And Two Salami.
- Mm-Hmm.
Man, You Sure Are
Hungry Today.
Hey, That's The First Time
I've Ever Gotten A Smile
- Off That Joke.
- Well, Today Has Turned Out To
Be Not So Terrible.
Claire Meade Asked Me To Write
An Article For "Hot Flash.
"
Hey, That's A Big Deal.
- Yeah.
I Guess It Is A Big Deal.
- Here, Have A Black-And-White Cookie.
- I Haven't Even Told Anybody Yet.
- Oh, I'm The First Person You Told, Huh?
- Mm-Hmm.
- Figures.
- What Does That Mean?
- You Tell Me Everything.
- No, I Don't.
- Yes, You Do.
- No, I Don't.
- Oh, Yes, You Do.
You're Always Down Here,
Telling Me About Your Day,
- Flirting, Ordering Sandwiches
- Uh, It's A Sandwich Shop, And I Wasn't Flirting.
Oh, Come On.
Every Time
I Turn Around, You're There.
You Know, You're Kind
Of Stalking Me A Little Bit.
Uh What?
You Like Me.
There's Nothing Wrong With That.
- Just Admit It.
- You Are Insane.
Come On.
You'll Feel Better
If You Say It Out Loud.
- You Want Me To Be Your Rebound Guy.
- I Came Down Here For Sandwiches,
And All Of The Sudden,
You're My Rebound Guy?
Gio, I Just Got
Out Of A Relation-
Mm.
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"The Youth Perspective.
"
"Youth.
"
I Wasn't Flirting.
Mode21 To Everyone:
Guess Who Ordered The Tongue
At Gio's Deli?
Betty Whorez Is Out Of Control!
As Far As The November Cover
Is Concerned, I Was-
I'm Sorry I'm Late.
I Must Not Have Gotten The Memo.
No, Wilhelmina.
You Weren't Invited.
I Realize That,
And I Was Speaking
To My Lawyer,
And Apparently, I Have
Every Legal Right To Observe.
Okay, Fine, But You Have
No Official Capacity At "Mode,"
- And That Means Zero Input.
- I Understand.
I'm Merely Someone
Who Controls
One-Third
Of The Parent Corporation,
Which Owns Everything
And Everyone In Here.
But You Won't Even Notice Me.
Quiet As A Mouse.
Oh, My God.
It Looks Like She's Eating Him.
I'm Gonna Pee.
She Does Realize That
That's The Sandwich Guy
And Not An Actual Sandwich,
Right?
Oh, Mandy,
How I've Missed This.
I Know You Two Sent
That Picture Around,
And I Just Want To Say-
Betty, We Are So Glad
You Finally Found A Rebound Guy.
- I Mean, You And Henry?
- Mismatch
One Time I Saw Him Changing
His Shirt In The Bathroom,
And I Wasn't Staring,
And I Definitely
Did Not Take A Picture,
But For A Nerd Accountant,
He Has Body Karate.
Ooh.
But Gio Smells Like Salami.
- And He's Perfect For You!
- Gio Is Not My Rebound Guy,
And I Have An Article
To Write Today,
So I Don't
Have Time For Your Games.
If You Could Just Write
A Retraction E-Mail,
- Send It Out-
- Betty, Gio Loves You.
And That's A Direct Quote From
The Stall In The Men's Room.
Oh.
Now For The November Cover,
I Was Thinking
We'd Be A Little Bit More Bold.
Ladies, Gentlemen,
I Give You
The W-
The War Iss-The War Issue.
Sexy Soldiers
Surrounded By Danger.
Definitely Gonna Keep
The Focus On Fashion,
But, Uh, With A Bit More
Political Edge, As Well.
I Don't Know.
It Seems A Little Too Risky.
- I Think It's Fantastic.
- You Don't Get To Talk.
- Uh, Wait, Uh, You Think It's Good?
- I Think It's Genius.
In Fact, It's So Genius
That "Elle" Is Doing
The Exact Same Thing,
Uh, A Month Earlier,
But I'm Sure You've Got
Some Terrific Backup Ideas.
Yeah.
Yes, I Do.
Of Course.
Um, We Could
The
Backup Ideas For The Cover
We're Thinkin', Uh,
We Might
Um Yeah.
Uh, C-W-Why Don't We,
Uh, Just Take Five Minutes?
Uh, I'll Be Right Back.
Get It Together, Daniel.
Come On.
Aren't You Supposed
To Be In A Meeting?
Wilhelmina Is In There,
And She Is Freaking Me Out.
What Are You Doing
In The Men's Room?
Ugh.
There Was
A Graffiti Situation.
Marc Wrote A Very Raunchy Poem
About Me And Gio.
It Was More Of A Haiku, Really.
Anyway, I Took Care Of It.
Shouldn't You Be Writing
Your Article?
How Do You Know About That?
Daniel?
Did You Tell Your Mother
To Give Me That Article?
I Know I'm Self-Involved,
But Even I Could Tell
You Needed Some Cheering Up
- And Besides, You're Gonna Do Great.
- Great? I Haven't Written Anything Yet.
I've Had A Few Distractions.
Well, Stop That.
Get Back
In There And Start Writing.
Fine.
You Get Back In There
And Run That Meeting,
- And Don't Let Wilhelmina Get To You.
- Yeah.
We Can Do This.
Yes, We Can.
Uh, That Was Unexpected.
Yeah.
Let's Pretend That
That Didn't Happen.
- Here You Go.
Oh, Hey, Hilda.
- Hi.
What Brings You By?
Oh, Yeah, I Was Just Doing
A P.
T.
A.
Thing This Morning.
I'm Really Big On Volunteering.
Anything For The Kids.
Anyway, I Got
Turned Around In Here.
This Place Is Like A Maze.
Didn't You Go Here?
You're So Funny.
So What's Up, Tony?
What's Shakin'? What's New?
Just P.
E.
Fun.
Fun.
I Love Sports, You Know?
Too Bad There's Not
A Big Game On Tonight,
'Cause I Got Nothing To Do.
Nothing.
Nothing At All.
We're Short A Chaperone
For The School Dance.
I
Yeah, I Could Do That, Totally.
Anything For The Kids, You Know?
- Why Didn't You Tell Me There Was A Dance?
- I'm Not Going.
It's Tacky, And Everyone Dresses
Like They're Going To A Hayride.
Of Course
He's Going To The Dance.
He's Always Dancing.
We Got Kicked Out
Of Church Once
- 'Cause He Was Doing The Funky Chicken.
- Never In My Life Have I Done
The Funky Chicken.
- Zip It.
- So I'll See You Both Tonight Then?
Yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.
See
You Tonight.
No.
No.
Mnh-Mnh.
God Bless You.
Oh, No.
God Bless You, Coach.
God Bless You.
I'll Get Right On It,
Ms.
Slater.
All Right.
Let's Talk Cover
What's Going On?
Wilhelmina Just Pitched
A Great Concept.
- What?
- Well, It's Just A Takeoff On Your Idea.
Instead Of Doing The War Issue,
We're Doing The Peace Issue.
That's Not A Takeoff On My Idea.
That's The Exact Opposite.
Daniel, Give Peace A Chance.
What About Not Making Decisions
Without Each Other?
What About Two Against One?
- You Left The Meeting.
- I-
I've Got 20 Other Magazines
To Supervise, Including Mom's,
Which Is Going To Tank Unless
She Gets Some Advertisers.
Look, It's Starting Again.
Wilhelmina Is Taking Over.
It Was Just One Idea.
Stop Being Paranoid.
Oh, Great Bracelet.
J'adore.
Oh, Thank You.
The Big Story Of The Day
Was Wilhelmina Slater's
Triumphant Return
To "Mode" Magazine,
Where She Greeted
Her Former Rival Daniel Meade
With A Hug.
Hmm.
Uncomfortable.
Threatened Much, Daniel?
She Leaked That Photo!
Looks Like Someone Is Afraid
The Diva Will Return "Mode"
- To Its Former Glory.
- What? "Former Glory"?
Can You Believe This?
Now If "Mode" Does Well,
They're Gonna Think
- It's 'Cause Of Wilhelmina?
- Oh, My God.
What Do You Mean,
"Oh, My God"?
This Is The Part
Where You Usually Tell Me,
- "Daniel, You're Being Crazy.
"
- I Know, I Know, But-But That
Kind Of Makes Sense.
I Mean, I-I Can Totally See
Why You're Worried.
- Is There Something I Should Do?
- You Know What?
Go Home.
I Want You
To Work On That Article.
I'm Gonna Handle This.
If She Wants To Spin The Press,
Then We Are Gonna
Spin The Press.
The Official Announcement,
But I'll Be Happy
To Answer Any Questions.
Just Give Me
One Minute, All Right?
Marc,
What Are You Doing Here?
Just Wanted To See You
In Your Element.
- Ooh, Pastries.
- Crafty Is For Talent Only.
That's Short
For "Craft Services,"
Which Is Long For "Food.
"
I'm Sorry.
It's Industry Lingo.
- Now, Uh, Just Get Out Of Here.
- Why? Why Can't I Be On The Show?
It's Not Me.
I Want You On The Show.
Oh, Yeah.
It's, Um-It's Gene.
He Hates The Gays.
- No.
- Yes.
Okay.
Now, Um, Please.
It Would Be So Much Easier
For Me If You Just Left.
Hey, You And I Come
As A Package
So He Is Just Gonna Have
To Get Used To It.
- Gene Simmons?
- Yeah.
I'm Marc St.
James,
Amanda's Best Friend
In The Whole Wide World.
I'm Here, I'm ***
And I'm Eating Your Pastries.
You're Funny.
You Know, We Could Use
A Funny Gay Guy
- In Our Next Segment.
Uh,
Wanna Be On The Show?
- Yes.
- This Is Fabulous.
- Thank You.
What I Was Thinking-
What? Tell Me.
Please, I'd Love To Hear It.
How You Doing Over There?
I Can't Concentrate.
Why? Is It Henry Again?
I Keep Trying
To Focus On My Work,
And Then Gio Went
And Kissed Me.
What?
Gio Kissed You?
Girl, Spill It!
Can He Kiss?
Don't Get Excited.
It Was Awful
- Ooh.
- And I Feel Guilty.
Guilty? Why?
Because You Liked It.
No, I Just Miss Henry.
That's All.
And-And I'm Not Even Close
To Being Ready
To Think About Another Guy.
It's Not Time Yet.
Is It?
Oh, God, I'm Terrible.
Ay, Please.
You Think
You Can't Have Feelings
For More Than One Guy
At A Time?
I Know You Lost Henry,
But You Cannot Plan
When You're Gonna Start
Feeling Things Again.
Big Man On Campus
Coming Through.
It's An Homage To "Grease.
"
Danny Zuko Meets Couture.
If I'm Going
To This Tacky Thing,
- I'll At Least Make A Splash.
- Papi, Will You Get Out Of Here
Before You Get
The Rest Of Us Sick?
- You're Already Sick.
- I Am Not.
You Are Crazy.
I'm Fine.
But Is It, Like,
Ow.
Hilda, You're Burning Up.
- There Is No Way You're Going To That Dance.
- No, Tonight Is The Night
That I Find Out
If The Coach Likes Me.
So Help Me God,
I Am Going To That Dance.
- You Want All Those Kids To Get Your Cold?
- To Hell With The Kids.
- Hilda!
- What?
Besides, If I Don't Go,
Then They're Gonna Be Short
A Chaperone.
Please.
Mm.
I'll Go.
What?
I'll Go.
I'll Be Surrounded
By Kids All Night.
I Can Interview Them.
I'll Get
Their Youth Perspective.
I'll Build My Article Around
Their Quotes.
It's Perfect.
I Can't Concentrate
Around Here Anyway.
- Do I Still Have To Go?
- Yes.
Because You Gotta Spy On The Coach.
- Hilda.
- I'm Gonna Go Get Ready.
I Think I Still Have
My Homecoming Dress.
No Velour Or Lace
Or Paisley.
Better Go Up There.
Here.
Oh, Thanks, Papi.
You Know,
From The First Moment
I Looked Into Your Eyes,
It Was Like Some Kind
Of Cosmic Connection.
I- I Don't Know What It Is,
But, You Know,
I Knew You Were My Daughter.
Happiest Day Of My Life.
Gene, Do You Mean That?
I Really Do.
Stand By.
We Have Sound Problems.
Oh.
Reset, Everybody.
Back In Ten.
No, It's-It's Okay.
Um, Hey, Tell Me
About My Mom.
Can I Have A Water? Asap.
Hello? Yes, Mr.
Simmons.
Hey, Uh, Did, Uh, Did She Ever Contact
You? I'm So Sorry.
I've Got To Get This.
Hello.
Brian.
That Was Weird.
Oh, No.
That's Classic Gene.
He's Always On His Phone.
It's Kind Of A Celebrity Thing.
You Wouldn't Really Understand It.
H
- He Was So Sweet When The Cameras Were On,
And Then He Did, Like,
A Complete 180.
What Do You Mean? 180? It
Means, Like, Complete Opposite.
No, I Know What 180 Means.
Are You Trying To Say
That What My Father
And I Have Isn't Real?
This Is Exactly Why
I Didn't Want You To Come Here.
You-You Are So Jealous
That I'm Rock Royalty.
Well, What Are You?
Oh, My God.
Look At This Place,
All The Decorations.
Yeah, It's Still The Gym.
It's Like Putting Lipstick
On A Pig.
Okay, So I Guess
I Should Start Getting Quotes.
Are You Ready To Have Fun?
Yeah, But We're Here.
I'm Gonna Go Find The Coach.
Okay.
Hi, Uh, Could-
Excuse Me, Do You Have
A Second? I Just-
* I Could Make You Excited *
Excuse Me.
Hi.
I'm Writing An Article
For A Magazine
On The Youth Perspective.
As A Young Woman,
What Do You Think
About The Older Generations?
You Know, Like, What Would You Say
To Somebody Who Was 60?
Like You?
Um, Okay.
Let's Try This
A Different Way.
I Know You From Somewhere.
Nope.
I Don't Think So.
Yeah, Braces.
You Know My Brother.
Who's Your Brother?
I Knew You Were Stalking Me.
You Are Stalking Me.
What Are
You Doing Here? I'm A Chaperone.
Well, Me, Too,
But I'm Also Working,
So If You Don't Mind
Oh, I See.
You Get Your Kiss,
And Now You're Blowing Me Off.
You Kissed Me.
Yeah,
Well, You Kissed Me Back.
I Even Felt Your Tongue.
I Was Blocking Your Tongue.
You Frenched Me, Suarez.
You Frenched Me Good.
I Did Not French You.
Gio, I Have An Article
That I Need To Write,
And My Deadline Is Tomorrow,
So Please Stop Distracting Me.
What? I'm Chaperoning Here.
And Who Calls It "Frenching"?
Hello?
Is He There? The Coach?
Yeah.
He's Talking To Miss Kazlauskas,
The Social Studies Teacher.
"Miss"?
Is She Young? Is She Pretty?
Is She Prettier Than Me?
Uh, No Competish.
She Has A Lazy Eye.
Ooh.
Tough Break For Her,
But Yay For Us.
So Are You Saying That
The Return Of Wilhelmina Slater
Is Not Going To Affect
Things At "Mode" At All?
Well, No, It's Irrelevant.
As Far As The Magazine
Is Concerned,
Wilhelmina Is Back In Name Only.
Let's
Take Some Calls.
Uh, Burlington, Vermont,
You're On The Air
With Daniel Meade.
Hi.
Uh, I Wanna Know,
Why Don't You Give
Wilhelmina Slater Some Credit?
Isn't That A Little Sexist?
Oh, No.
Not At All.
I'm-I'm Just Here Trying
To Set The Record Straight.
Well, What About The Photo Where
You Were Shoving Her? Wait A Minute.
Do We-Do We Have
That Photo In The System?
Uh, It's Actually Not Me, Uh
- Wait A Minute.
Wait A Minute, Daniel.
There It I-Whoa.
You Are
Really Shoving Her There.
Uh, Do You Have Problems
With Successfu Women,
Or Just Women Who Don't Want
To Sleep With You?
Oh, I Know What This Is.
It's Wilhelmina's Assistant
Putting On A Female Voice.
I'm Sorry.
It Sounds Like A Girl.
Thank You, Larry.
You're Welcome.
Uh, Isn't It Also True,
Wilhelmina Put In
While You Got Your Job Through
Nepotism? Fair Question.
No.
It Wasn't Nepotism.
My Father Gave Me The Job.
That's Not What I Meant To Say.
I, Um, I Deserved It.
And This Call Is A Fake.
It's Marc From My Office.
And Wilhelmina Is
A Backstabbing, Conniving,
Vicious Little-
Now, Daniel, Wait A Minute.
My Producer Says That This Call
Is Coming From Vermont.
Beautiful Foliage,
Uh, Up There.
Question-
What Kind Of Colorful Phrases
Are Kids Using These Days?
Is It Still "Bling-Bling"
Or Is It Just One "Bling" Or
Whoa.
He'll Be Back.
I Need Your Help.
Oh, I
Thought I Was Distracting You.
I Don't Have A Single Quote
For My Article,
Not One Without Profanity,
Anyway.
I Literally Have
Kids Running From Me,
And You Are Surrounded By Them.
How Do You Do It?
I Just Talk To Them
Like A Normal Person.
They're Pretty Much The Same
As Everybody You Know.
I Mean, Look.
There's A Daniel.
And, Uh, There's An Amanda.
Oh, That Kid
Is Definitely Me.
Ugh! I Hate That Little Kid!
I Busted Him Twice Tonight
For Defacing Posters.
Yeah.
And Now We Know Who You Were
In Junior High School-
The Girl Who Never
Had Any Fun.
Um, I Had Plenty Of Fun.
Yeah.
I Did Yearbook And, Uh,
Young Environmentalists
And-And Multicultural Club,
And, You Know,
I Don't Like To Brag,
But In Eighth Grade, I Did Win
The Good Citizen Award.
Of Course You Have A Good Citizen
Award.
Well, I Don't Technically Have It.
I Gave It Back So That Everyone
At The School Could Enjoy It,
Which Kind Of Sucks,
Because I Worked Really Hard
For That Award,
And Now I Can Barely See It
Through The Trophy Case,
But That's Okay,
Because Giving Back
Is What A Good Citizen Does.
Oh, Found Her-
Little Betty.
She Must Be Covering This Thing
For The School Paper.
No.
She's Waiting For Someone
To Ask Her To Dance.
Okay, I'll Try Again
Your Way.
I'll Talk To Her
Like A Normal Person.
I Have Heard
That Your Advertising Problems
Haven't Gotten Any Better.
May I Suggest
- I'm Really Not Interested In Your Opinion.
You Would Sabotage Me
In A Heartbeat.
Ancient History, Claire.
Why Don't You Just Say
What You're Going To Say And Go?
Have You Ever Considered Giving
Away Your Advertising For Free?
Why Would I Possibly Do That?
Because Advertisers
Are Like Sheep-
You Give Free Space
To One "It" Brand
In Exchange For A Promise
That They Don't Tell
Anyone Else It's Free,
And All Of The Sudden,
You've Landed A Big Account,
You're Legit
And All The Other Buyers
Are Willing To Pay Top Dollar To Be In
Your Magazine.
Why Are You Helping Me?
Because I Have A Real Stake
In This Company Now.
Ah.
Your Failure Is
One-Third My Failure.
Ah.
Good Luck, Claire.
Hey, Gene.
Yeah.
I'm Really Upset.
I Just Had
This Huge Fight With Marc,
And I Feel Terrible.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
Are You About To-
Are You About To Start Crying?
That's Great.
Just Hold That Thought.
Hey, Pal, Do Me A Favor.
Would You Come Over
- No, No, No.
Please, Please No Cameras.
Come On.
I- I Really Just
Need A Father-Daughter Moment,
One-On-One.
Okay.
Okay.
Calm Down.
Yeah.
Excuse Me? Can You Get
That Camera Over Here Right Now?
Hurry Up.
Be Right There, Mr.
Simmons.
Gene, What Happened
To Your Tattoo?
It Looks Fake.
Gene,
Are You My Father Or Not?
Um
What Are You
Looking Forward To Most?
Graduation.
This One Goes Out
To Betty From Gio.
All Right, Kids,
Grab That Special Someone
And Hit The Dance Floor.
So What Do You Say, B.
?
Do You Wanna
Do Something Crazy
And Actually Dance
At A School Dance?
Aw, Don't Worry About Her.
I've Got That Covered.
Do You Wanna Dance?
I Don't Know.
Go.
Have Fun.
Well, That Was Very Nice.
Come On.
Take A Break From Your Article.
* Always In Time *
* But Never In Line For Dreams *
* Head Over Heels *
* When Toe-To-Toe *
* This Is The Sound Of My Soul *
* This Is The Sound *
* Always Slipping From My Hands *
* Sets A Time Of Its Own *
* Oh, I Want The Truth To Be Said *
I Can't.
* Huh, Huh, Huh, Hu-Uh, Huh
* I Know This Much Is True *
Hey.
Oh, I'm Fine.
How Are You?
I'm Good.
You Realize I Didn't
Actually Ask, "How Are You?"
Oh, I'm Fine.
Thanks.
You're Really Good
At Hiding It.
Yeah.
It's Just,
I'm Not The Type Of Person
Who Can Have A Boyfriend
And Forget About Them
Especially Someone I Love.
Loved.
What Am I Doing
Dancing With You, Gio?
What Does That Say
About Me?
God, Betty,
It Must Be So Exhausting
Always Worrying
About The Right Thing To Do.
What Do You Mean?
Didn't You Give Back
Your Good Citizen Award
Because That's
What A Good Citizen Does?
And Maybe
You Should Stop Worrying
About How
You're Supposed To Be,
And Just Be.
I'm Really Sad.
Well, Sad I Think
We Can Work With.
Talk To Me.
I Don't Know What Happened.
Coach Was Standing
By The Bleachers,
And Then He Disappeared.
I May Have Left My Post Briefly To
Dance.
You Know What, Sweetie? I Am Sorry.
I've Been Bugging You All Night.
Go Have Fun.
Mom, You Aren't Bugging Me.
I'm Really Glad You Found
Someone You Like Again.
Oh, Thank You, Sweetie,
But Obviously,
This Wasn't Meant To Be,
So I'll Just See You
When You Get Home, Okay?
Bye.
Okay.
Bye.
* I'm High-Class *
* I Ain't No Trailer Trash *
* I'm High-Class,
I Ain't No Trailer Trash *
Oh, Hey, Justin.
Hey, Um, My Mom Would
Kill Me For Doing This,
But She Wants To Know
If You Like Her.
If I Like Her?
Yeah.
What Is This, Junior High?
Actually, Yes,
And She Totally Likes You.
Actually, Yes,
And She Totally Likes You.
Over My Dead Body.
Mom, I'm Sorry.
It's Done.
Uh, What's Going On Here?
Go Ahead.
Tell Your Brother.
I Reinstated Wilhelmina
As Creative Director Of "Mode.
"
What? Do You Know How Much Easier
It Was Having Her Around Today?
I Mean,
She Saved Your Cover.
She Helped Save "Hot Flash"
In Under A Minute.
She's The Best In The Business.
And She's
A Ruthless, Immoral, Ambitious Snake.
That's What Makes Her So Good.
What Happened
To Not Making Any Moves Without Each Other?
Like You Going
On National Television
Making An *** Out Of Yourself
And This Magazine?
This Is Damage Control.
You're Making A Huge Mistake.
No, I'm Making
A Tough Decision,
Which Is My Job
As President Of This Company.
This Discussion's Over.
I Can't Steal
My Good Citizen Trophy.
Oh, Come On.
You Know You Want To.
It'll Make You Feel Better,
I Promise.
Okay.
Yep.
There It Is.
I Can See It Kind Of.
All Right.
Maybe I Could
Just Hold It For A Second,
And Then Put It Back.
Or You Could Take A Picture
Of Me With Your Cell Phone.
No, No.
That Could Be Evidence.
"Betty, Come Get Me.
You Worked So Hard.
I Belong To You.
"
Shh.
My Trophy Speaks
With A Mexican Accent?
All Trophies Do.
Okay.
Oh, My God.
Oh, My God.
Oh, My God.
Oh, My God.
I Got It.
I Got It.
It's A Lot Lighter
Than I Imagined.
Stop Right There.
Principal Hayward.
Betty Suarez?
Stealing?
You're A Bad Citizen,
Betty Suarez.
Wilhelmina.
Alexis May Be Onboard With You
And Your Little Act,
But I Am Not.
I Haven't
Forgotten Who You Are.
Really, Daniel? Who Am I?
This Morning,
I Was Nothing At All,
This Evening,
I'm Creative Director,
And Tomorrow, Who Knows?
Maybe
I'll Be Editor-In-Chief.
Oh, Wait, That's Your Job,
Isn't It?
Sweet Dreams.
Well, If It Isn't
Miss Fancy-Pants Celebrity
Back Among The Muggles.
Stop.
Hey, If You're
Really Such A Celebrity,
Then Where's Your Posse, Huh?
Where's Your Hybrid?
Where's Your
Inappropriately Named Baby?
I'm Sorry.
I Was Mean.
Look, If You Think
That You And Gene
Have Such
A Great Relationship, Fine.
It's None Of My Business.
Marc, You Were Right.
I Didn't Want You Around,
'Cause I Didn't Want
You To See
That He Only Loved Me
On Camera.
It Wasn't Real.
He's Not Even My Father.
What Do You Mean?
It Was All A Publicity Stunt.
He Needed A Gimmick
For His Reality Show,
And I Was Just
A Gorgeous Ingenue
Looking For A Dad.
Well, I Didn't Want
To Say This Before,
But I Am So Relieved.
I Mean, Thank God
You're Not Related.
In Ten Years,
That Massive Forehead
Could Be You.
You're Right.
But I'm Sorry
You Still Don't Know
Who Your Family Is.
Yes, I Do.
Who Is It?
It's, Um, Tony Diaz.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Just A Second, Okay?
I'll Be Right There.
Okay.
Oh, My God.
Oh, God.
Tony.
Hi.
How Are You?
I'm Good.
Oh.
Missed You At The Dance.
Heard You Had A Nasty Cold.
Yeah, You Know, I Just Have
A Little Bit Of An
Ah.
Tickle In My Throat.
That Doesn't Sound Too Good.
No.
Here.
I Brought You Some Soup.
What?
That Is So Nice.
I Am So Embarrassed.
I Look Horrible.
Oh, No, No, No,
What Are You-No.
You-You Look Great.
Do You Wanna, Um, Come In?
Uh, I-I Think
I Should Get Going,
But, You, Um,
You Feel Better Soon, Okay?
Thanks For The Soup.
Um, Whenever
You're Up To It,
I Don't Know, Maybe We Could
Hang Out Sometime?
Yeah, I Would Like That.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
All Right.
Enjoy The Soup.
Okay.
Thank You.
All Right.
Enjoy The Soup.
Okay.
Thank You.
* He Likes Me *
* He Really Li*
It's Only A Matter Of Time
Before I Break
This Family Apart For Good.
Wow.
I Love This.
You're Back
And Wilhelmeaner Than Ever.
Well, I Couldn't Have Done It
Without Your Help.
I Especially Liked The Caller
On Larry King From Vermont
Putting Daniel
Through The Ringer.
Well, He Is A Sexist Pig.
Brilliant Move Getting
A Vermont Cell Phone.
You Told Me To.
Like I Said, Brilliant Move.
So The Principal
Turns To Her And Says
"Betty Suarez, You're Expelled.
"
No Way.
Badass.
No, It Is Not Badass
To Get Expelled From School,
So Don't Go Gettin'
Any Ideas.
Too Late.
You're Officially
A Bad Influence.
Okay, It's Time For Us
To Go Inside.
Your Mom's
Probably Waiting.
All Right.
Bye.
Bye.
Wait Right Here.
I'm Gonna Go Say
A Proper Good Night
To Betty, Okay?
I'm Sorry
I Got You Into Trouble.
Don't Worry
About It.
I Had Fun.
And Besides, I Figured Out
What My Article's
Gonna Be About-
"You Can Be Young
At Any Age.
"
I Mean, I Just Had
My First Junior High Dance,
And I'm 24.
I'm Glad I Could Help.
Well, I Better Get Inside And Start
Writing.
Right, Right.
The Deadline.
Yeah.
Good Luck.
Thanks.
Hey, Uh, Crazy Idea.
Um, Do You Wanna,
Uh, Maybe,
Uh, Do Something
Some-Sometime?
What, Like-Like A Date?
I Don't Know.
Yeah.
Betty, Um,
I Don't Think So.
What?
I Just-I Don't Think
It's A Good Idea.
Um Okay.
I'm A Little Confused.
Um Okay.
I'm A Little Confused.
See, You Kissed Me,
And Then
You Danced With Me,
And You Talked About
Being My Rebound Guy,
So I Mean,
What Was That All About?
Well, That's Just It.
I Don't Want To Be
The Rebound Guy.
I Wanna Be The Guy.
* And That Friend Is You *
* Be Surprised By My Remarks *
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